Healthy Mind Fit Body

Latest Episodes:

118 – Facets of shame Sep 08, 2017

Show notes

(duration 42:58) After covering Kev’s summer travels in Europe, in our second episode about shame we discuss the various aspects of shame and guilt. Since shame is the opposite of self-esteem, “healthy shame” isn’t really possible. Both shame and guilt are tragic ways to assess oneself and one’s actions (as well as others), which stem from experiencing shaming, blaming, and punitive parenting strategies. Harboring enemy images and choosing to play the costly game of “Who’s right?” tend to degrade or diminish our present-moment experiences and our well-being and happiness. It’s vital to strive to break the cycles of the past that are rooted in trauma, as well as learn compassionate communication that’s connected to needs. This process entails moving from rewards and punishments to love and reason (as Alfie Kohn notes in his book Unconditional Parenting).

Shame & Addiction By Steve Greenman
https://pro.psychcentral.com/shame-addiction/007710.html

How to change your universe with empathy
http://www.freedomlovin.com/empathy/

=)
Abba – Take A Chance On Me
https://youtu.be/-crgQGdpZR0

bumper music
Kosheen – All in my head (Planet Funk Remix)
http://www.kosheen.com

117 – Origins of shame Aug 01, 2017

Show notes

(duration 45:59) This is the first episode in our series on the nature of shame. After outlining the basic aspects of shame (i.e., the belief and sense that one is unworthy or flawed in some irredeemable way), we note that its antithesis is self-esteem; so, practicing the six pillars is vital. Shame mainly originates in childhood within the context of family systems, as the book _Facing Shame_ explores. Within traumatizing systems many feelings are not acknowledged and empathized with, since needs are sacrificed, such as respect and self-esteem. Audios are played by therapists Terry Kellogg and John Bradshaw, who explain the ways that shame arises from abuse and neglect in early life, usually coupled with coping strategies of silence and secrecy, as well as addictions. Raising awareness of these costly patterns and learning healthy strategies are parts of the healing and growing process.

an enriching NVC conference
http://chooseconnection.com

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shame

an antidote is the six pillars of self-esteem…
http://healthymindfitbody.com/2010/03/28/episode-27-the-practice-of-living-consciously/
http://healthymindfitbody.com/2010/04/05/28-the-practice-of-self-acceptance/
http://healthymindfitbody.com/2010/04/13/29-the-practice-of-self-responsibility/
http://healthymindfitbody.com/2010/04/27/30-the-practice-of-self-assertiveness/
http://healthymindfitbody.com/2010/05/06/31-the-practice-of-living-purposefully/
http://healthymindfitbody.com/2010/05/13/32-the-practice-of-personal-integrity/

Facing Shame: Families in Recovery by Merle A. Fossum, Marilyn J. Mason
https://books.google.com/books?id=AvtdCgAAQBAJ

Terry Kellogg Dysfunctional Family Shame And Compulsion
https://youtu.be/RPsoZBvdTvs

John Bradshaw – Healing The Shame That Binds You (Part 1)
https://youtu.be/5q2tZa1gp8Q

http://www.inspirationalstories.com/poems/to-a-child-christopher-morley-poems/

John Bradshaw – Healing The Shame That Binds You (Part 4)
https://youtu.be/TzeGAUGvdX4

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bumper music
Kosheen – All in my head (Planet Funk Remix)
http://www.kosheen.com

116 – Self-leadership Apr 12, 2017

Show notes

(duration 30:09) In this episode we offer a summary of the nature of internal critical parts via the Internal Family Systems perspective. They can be viewed from the standpoint of managing exiled wounded aspects of us that got overwhelmed or harmed a long time ago. In turn, when others are critical of us and our behaviors, it’s yet another reflection of unprocessed wounded aspects in their selves. Cultivating a perspective of kindness and compassion towards even critical parts can help transform costly patterns; and this entails a process of unblending from one’s triggered defenses, so one can observe one’s internal processes in a conscious and empathetic way. This tends to naturally cultivate the “eight Cs” of self-leadership: calmness; curiosity; clarity; compassion; confidence; creativity; courage; and, connectedness. As we attune to our inner processes, we can manifest more of who we really are, the true and loving essence of ourselves.

Interesting insights about cancer…
Cancer as a metabolic disease
https://nutritionandmetabolism.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1743-7075-7-7
https://thequantifiedbody.net/water-fasts-as-a-potential-tactic-to-beat-cancer/

Interesting book with Paleo leanings…
What Doesn’t Kill Us: How Freezing Water, Extreme Altitude and Environmental Conditioning Will Renew Our Lost Evolutionary Strength
https://www.amazon.com/What-Doesnt-Kill-Environmental-Conditioning/dp/1623366909/

http://personal-growth-programs.com/inner-critic-section/inner-critic-types/

https://www.selfleadership.org/about-internal-family-systems.html

We invite you to join our group:
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We appreciate your rating and review on iTunes!
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bumper music
Kosheen – All in my head (Planet Funk Remix)
http://www.kosheen.com

115 – The inner controller Mar 20, 2017

Show notes

(duration 23:43) The seventh and last inner critic we discuss is the inner controller, which tries to control various impulses and choices that might lead to ill effects, although it lacks trust in one’s biological drives and desires. The inner controller tends to use harsh strictures and even shaming tactics, which are indicative of developmental trauma that hasn’t been effectively processed. Raising awareness of this critic’s childhood origins assists in challenging the assumption that one is flawed and can’t do kind and caring things for oneself. Various domination systems that undermine self-reliance, choice, trust, and self-responsibility can be challenged as well. We need to orient towards compassionate understanding in order to heal parts such as this, which entails reflecting on unmet needs from tragic strategies.

love the cold…
https://www.wimhofmethod.com

http://personal-growth-programs.com/inner-critic-section/inner-critic-types/

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We appreciate your rating and review on iTunes!
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bumper music
Kosheen – All in my head (Planet Funk Remix)
http://www.kosheen.com

114 – The taskmaster Mar 01, 2017

Show notes

(duration 18:39) This time we discuss the kind of inner critic known as the taskmaster, which tries to keep one from being considered mediocre or lazy. It fears failure and thus pushes more and more, and it becomes a lot to live up to, sacrificing needs for ease, comfort, relaxation, inner peace, as well as humor. Finding healthy balance in achieving things is key. We need to understanding the genesis of the taskmaster in childhood, when parents might’ve distrusted one’s own decision-making process, bossed one around, and sent messages about being “less-than,” or unworthy. We need to be aware of these developmental aspects of how our need for self-esteem can go unmet, as well as how to heal by gaining a new perspective about our capability and worthiness for happiness. Developing a contemplative and self-empathetic mind set can give rise to the saying, “Don’t just do something. Sit there.” :)

http://personal-growth-programs.com/inner-critic-section/inner-critic-types/

http://shrinkrapradio.com/498-duct-tape-parenting-with-vicki-hoefle/

We invite you to join our new group:
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bumper music
Kosheen – All in my head (Planet Funk Remix)
http://www.kosheen.com

113 – The molder Feb 19, 2017

Show notes

(duration 19:45) In this episode we delve into the nature of the inner critic called the molder, which is formed early on in our minds, attempting to keep us from being abandoned, punished, shamed and shunned. The rules of authoritarian systems (be they in families, religions, schools, or governments) coupled with the punishment model tend to perpetuate the molder within us. Being a rebel or a free spirit can be a reaction to the molder’s injunctions about conforming to societal standards. Contradictions about the self are common in our culture. So, coming to terms with our true nature, which entails embracing our enlightened self-interest and needs-fulfillment, is vital to the processes of individuation and independent self-expression. This thereby fosters more integrated ways of being with ourselves and others, based on standards that don’t conflict with our true nature.

http://personal-growth-programs.com/inner-critic-section/inner-critic-types/

https://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Memory-Practical-Understanding-Traumatic/dp/1583949941/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kintsugi

We invite you to join our new group:
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We appreciate your rating and review on iTunes!
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=332309038

bumper music
Kosheen – All in my head (Planet Funk Remix)
http://www.kosheen.com

112 – The destroyer Jan 29, 2017

Show notes

(duration 18:42) In this episode we cover the nature of the inner critic identified as the destroyer. We can tragically internalize severe judgments against our self-worth early in life, in family and cultural systems. And this can lead to self-destructive behaviors and nihilism, as well as actions destructive of others and property. Internally, we can be engaged in a battle with the destroyer in an attempt to quell it, which can contribute to cycles of conflict with self and others. In contrast, when we shift to a perspective to empathy, understanding, and love, we can compassionately connect with the wounds of the past and work to resolve the self-esteem deficit of this inner critic. The following sentence stems might be helpful (try to provide 6-8 endings)…

If I were motivated by a belief that it’s safe to exist…
If I believe that it’s safer to exist than not to exist…
If I can honor my self-worth, even when a part of me doesn’t want to…
As I learn to understand the part of me that doesn’t honor myself…

http://personal-growth-programs.com/inner-critic-section/inner-critic-types/

We invite you to join our new group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/healthymindfitbody

We appreciate your rating and review on iTunes!
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=332309038

bumper music
Kosheen – All in my head (Planet Funk Remix)
http://www.kosheen.com

111 – The underminer Jan 11, 2017

Show notes

(duration 20:35) In this episode we explore the nature of the underminer, a major aspect of inner critic that directly diminishes self-confidence and self-respect, detracting from a sense of efficacy and worth. Self-trust gets undermined in the process too, and this is fostered by various domination systems, which question our worthiness, don’t honor our choices, and detract from our inner well-being. Children in families and schools tend to internalize these detrimental processes. Being able to tolerate judgment or failure becomes much more difficult, since the underminer views oneself as “less than,” or not good enough. All this tends to be rooted in shame, which undermines one’s capabilities for growth and joyful, purposeful action.

Taking action-oriented steps to achieve objectives can counter the underminer’s influence. The falsehood in its messages about self can be recognized and understood as not helpful. Early experiences that undermined self-esteem need not be perpetuated in adulthood. They can be reflected on with compassion, leading to much healthier integrations about oneself.

http://personal-growth-programs.com/inner-critic-section/inner-critic-types/

A resource for our discussion about bone broth in the intro:
http://paleoleap.com/troubleshooting-bone-broth-wont-gel/

We invite you to join our new group:
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We appreciate your rating and review on iTunes!
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bumper music
Kosheen – All in my head (Planet Funk Remix)
http://www.kosheen.com

110 – The guilt-tripper Dec 23, 2016

Show notes

(duration 23:07) In this episode we delve into the nature of the guilt-tripper, the kind of inner critic that tends to say such things as “You should have done that, instead of this!” or “You shouldn’t have done that—what were you thinking!” This internalized aspect of conditional parenting seeks to keep us informed about how our choices and actions don’t live up to certain expectations or demands. Guilt, which involves moralistic judgment, relates to shame as well: The guilt-oriented notion that one did something “wrong” or “bad” lends itself to thinking of oneself as “wrong” or “bad,” for why would a “good” person do such a “bad” thing?

Nonviolent, or compassionate, communication educates us that blaming and shaming take us away from genuine feelings of remorse or regret, which can be constructively processed via helpful strategies that make amends and restore sacrificed needs. Being aware of new choices in the present assists in taking more life-enriching actions. Unfortunately, domination systems in our culture (such as the legal system) train us to think in terms of guilt or innocence, with punishments and rewards doled out accordingly. In this process we can lose an important sense of freedom. So, developing a compassionate, empathetic understanding of the distrustful roots of the guilt-tripper can help us heal this part. Here are a few sentence stems to provide 6-10 endings for:

If I were to feel free around food, I might…
If it turns out that I don’t have to guilt-trip myself in order to nourish my mind and body…
If I can grow out of this guilt-tripping dynamic, I might…
If blaming and shaming are tragic expressions of unmet needs…

http://personal-growth-programs.com/inner-critic-section/inner-critic-types/

We invite you to join our new group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/healthymindfitbody

We appreciate your rating and review on iTunes!
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=332309038

bumper music
Kosheen – All in my head (Planet Funk Remix)
http://www.kosheen.com

p.s., cover art above was gotten from:
The Best of Frank Costanza – https://youtu.be/7gVi-kIVY4I?t=204

109 – The perfectionist Dec 08, 2016

Show notes

(duration 15:24) As we explore various “inner critics,” we’re basically identifying parts that represent aspects of unhealed developmental trauma. In this episode we cover the voice of the perfectionist, which sets oftentimes unreasonable standards and expectations that don’t allow us to live freely with creative ease and peace of mind. Even though doing something “perfectly” is seen in our culture as doing the absolute best, this can overlook unhealthy emotional aspects, such as undue stress, anxiety, self-judgment, and of course the aftermath of diminished self-worth when expectations aren’t met.

Our self-worth need not depend on the “perfection” of our various life processes. Commonly, empathy and attunement to self-worth get overlooked by parents and other “authority” figures and, then, by ourselves when we internalize their critical judgments. The notion of perfect functioning as human beings means to honor our fallible nature. To honor our processes of making mistakes and correcting them means that they become less of a big deal, which reflects self-acceptance and self-trust. Here are a few sentence stems to provide 6-10 endings for:

If I can strive to do my best without being perfect, I might…
If I didn’t have to be perfect, I might…
Perfection to me means…

http://personal-growth-programs.com/inner-critic-section/inner-critic-types/

We invite you to join our new group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/healthymindfitbody

bumper music
Kosheen – All in my head (Planet Funk Remix)
http://www.kosheen.com

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