Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

Latest Episodes:

How can I work through my fear of rejection? Nov 01, 2022

Show notes

In this episode of the podcast I work with Sariah and address the question, “How can I work through my fear of rejection?” Sariah grew up in an abusive environment, and she sees the impact of that in her daily life and relationships. She tells me that she feels her fear of rejection crop up especially around her family.

Sariah shares that she is working really hard to be accepted in a family that is not very functional, and that she essentially has to betray herself to gain their acceptance. We talk about how young Sariah literally relied on her family to survive, and how it is scary to feel like you won’t receive the love and approval you need and deserve both as a child and as an adult.

I invite Sariah to tell herself that she is not a burden, that she belongs, and that she is enough. Younger Sariah needs a lot of validation, and her family isn’t likely to provide it. Now that she is an adult and not wholly reliant on her family, she can give herself that validation she needs. I also applaud the work that she has done. It takes a lot of work to create a functional adult life after going through a difficult childhood.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, browse DJH merch, and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah vi

Have you ever thought, “I want to ask Dr. Julie Hanks a question”? Well, now’s your chance! I want to have you on my podcast! Click here to fill out this form and tell me your question. I might just pick you to be on the podcast and receive a free coaching session.
Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

What do I do when I see my mom favoring my sister-in-law who has a personality disorder? Oct 25, 2022

Show notes

In this episode, I coach Kellie and address the question, “What do I do when I see my mom favoring my sister-in-law who has a personality disorder?” Although Kellie has repeatedly set boundaries with her mother that relate to her sister-in-law, Kellie’s mother has not respected those boundaries. This has left Kellie feeling like she cannot trust her mother.

Kellie shares that her mother has been self-absorbed throughout Kellie’s life; that her needs often came second to her mother’s. She sees this pattern continuing by her mother choosing not to honor the boundaries Kellie has set.

When a parent engages in unhealthy behavior, their child has a special closeness with them. But there is also a cost for this behavior. Kellie shares with me that she misses the closeness she used to have with her mother, but also that she is relieved to not have to pay the price any longer.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

Bonus: Recovering from the Effects of Purity Culture with Dr. Camden Oct 18, 2022

Show notes

In this bonus episode of the podcast, I talk with Dr. Camden Morgante about recovering from the effects of purity culture. Dr. Camden is a psychologist, Christian, coach, and writer who is currently working on a book about the myths of purity culture.

During our time together we define purity culture and talk about how it is more than just teaching abstinence before marriage. In purity culture, abstinence often becomes an action we engage in to receive a reward rather than something we do to honor God or ourselves. We discuss its impact on people's faith, relationships, and sexuality, and we talk about how to identify the impact of purity culture in your own life.

Visit Dr. Camden’s website drcamden.com to take a purity culture quiz and learn which myths have impacted you.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How do I change the type of man I am attracted to? Oct 11, 2022

Show notes

In this episode, I coach Heather and address the question, “How do I change the type of man I am attracted to?” Heather has noticed a pattern in her dating life where she is attracted to men who she has to work to please, and oftentimes those men can be cruel.

We often tend to repeat emotional experiences that we had in our childhood. Heather and I talk about if she felt like she had to work to hear her parents’ love, approval, and attention. I encourage her to explore doing inner child work to heal this part of her that still needs attention. I also remind Heather to be kind to herself as she works through this process of generously giving love to herself.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How do I have a relationship with my needy mother-in-law while needing to take care of my own family? Oct 04, 2022

Show notes

In this episode, I talk with Brittany and address the question, “How do I have a relationship with my needy mother-in-law while needing to take care of my own family?” Brittany and her husband provided a lot of financial and emotional support to her mother-in-law before Brittany’s husband passed away. Their current relationship leaves Brittany feeling guilty and resentful toward her mother-in-law. She has encouraged her mother-in-law to seek help many times, but she refuses to take action to better her situation.

I ask Brittany what kind of daughter-in-law she wants to be. Whenever her mother-in-law comes to her with her problems, I encourage Brittany to return to that ideal. We talk about how the guilt she feels about their relationship comes from the false idea that it is Brittany’s responsibility to fix her mother-in-law’s problems. As she lets go of this idea, Brittany will be freer to love her mother-in-law because she won’t feel like she is failing her.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

Bonus: Developing Confidence in your Sexuality with Bat Sheva, Sex Therapist Sep 27, 2022

Show notes

In this bonus podcast episode I talk with Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus, who is an Orthodox Jewish therapist, writer, author, and speaker who specializes in sexuality. She is also the author of Sex Points.Though we come from different religious backgrounds, our faith traditions have many similarities, especially when it comes to talking about sex.

Dr. Bat Sheva tells me about how sexuality was taught when she was growing up, how the teaching she learned about sexuality as a child affected her as an adult, how women can work through the messages that purity culture teaches, and more. We also discuss how important communication is, how to reduce sexual shame, and how to develop desire.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

Should my ex be putting his new spouse and marriage before our children? Sep 20, 2022

Show notes

In this episode, I coach Amber and address the question, “Should my ex be putting his new spouse and marriage before our children?” Amber’s ex-husband is getting married and moving away at the end of the year. Her children are struggling with the fact that he will be spending less time with them, and Amber is feeling the stress of even more being put on her plate as her husband’s custody of their children will decrease.

What initially started as a conversation about if her ex is doing the right thing becomes a discussion about how Amber can build support into her life. I invite her to look for ways to befriend her neighbors, to set up carpools, and to reach out to her friends. Her husband’s actions are out of her control, she has power over how she supports her children.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How do I release my need to please people without feeling guilty? Sep 13, 2022

Show notes

In this episode, I coach Madeline and address the question, “How do I release my need to please people without feeling guilty?” Madeline shares that she struggles to make her voice a priority. Throughout her life she has placed great importance on other people’s approval, and because of this she feels guilt when she does set boundaries.

I surmise that somewhere along the lines, Madeline got the message that the happiness of others means more than her own happiness. Now that she is wanting to do more to stand up for herself, she is faced with a great fear: do others love her for who she is, or for who she tries to be to keep others happy? I invite Madeline to talk to her younger self who learned this harmful message and keep setting boundaries, even when it feels scary.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

To learn more about this topic, please visit the following resources:

Reparenting Yourself course

How do I do hard things when they seem too hard to do? Sep 06, 2022

Show notes

In this episode I coach Alison Faulkner, host of the Awesome with Alison podcast and author of You’re Already Awesome. Alison was getting ready to release her book when we talked, so I addressed her question, “How do I do hard things when they seem too hard to do?”

Alison shares that when something feels hard, she often wonders if she’s doing it wrong. I reaffirm that she is doing things her way, and that’s the right thing to do. Some things in life are just really, really hard. It doesn’t mean that we’re wrong; it just means we’re human! We also talk about preventing burnout, the necessity of rest, and how important it is to keep moving forward. Whether you’re also releasing a book or just have something hard going on in your own life, this episode will have something you can relate to and learn from.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

My husband is leaving the Church, and now I’m struggling with my own testimony. Do I stay or do I go? Aug 30, 2022

Show notes

In this episode, I coach Farrah and address her concern: “My husband is leaving the Church, and now I’m struggling with my own testimony. Do I stay or do I go?” Farrah feels she has comfortably lived in a gray area of the Church her whole life, acknowledging what she feels to be true and leaving behind the things she doesn’t agree with. Now, however, she feels like she needs to make a decision about if she will continue to stay in the Church.

There is a lot of loss, devastation, and grief that comes when you feel your lifelong belief system is crumbling. I emphasize to Farrah that where she is right now in her journey is exactly where she needs to be. It’s okay to struggle and not know exactly what is going to happen. She will know when she are ready to make a decision. In the meantime, it’s okay to sit in discomfort because there is no shortcut to this difficult process.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

To learn more about this topic, please visit the following resources:

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