Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

Latest Episodes:

How can I find healing from the challenges of being a quadruplet? Jan 10, 2023

Show notes

In this podcast episode, I talk with Natalie and address the question “How can I find healing from the challenges of being a quadruplet?” One of Natalie’s biggest challenges is comparison, both in comparing herself to her quadruplet siblings and to those around her.

Natalie seems to have somehow decided that she doesn’t measure up. I ask her to turn inward and reflect on her definition of what is good enough. What makes someone a good mother? A good partner? A good sibling?

When Natalie shares what she sees as good enough, she’s a lot closer to success than when she compares herself to other people. We talk about how she is changing from having external motivation (what do others think of me?) to internal motivation (what do I think of myself?). This process is difficult, but it will lead to her living a more genuine life.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, browse DJH merch, and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

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Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

Bonus Episode: FAQ Series Jan 03, 2023

Show notes

In this bonus podcast episode, I sit down and answer eight of your most frequently asked questions. Listen to see how I answer questions like:

I want another child, but my husband does not. How do we navigate this?
How do I keep a good relationship with my parents while pursuing my authentic life’s path, even if that path may hurt them?
How do my partner and I work together if I leave the Church and he stays?
What are some strategies I can use to work through aspirational shame?

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How do I handle the fear of temporal and eternal consequences if I leave the Church? Dec 27, 2022

Show notes

In this episode I talk with Caitlin and answer the question “How do I handle the fear of temporal and eternal consequences if I leave the Church?” Caitlin’s faith journey has led her to some questions about the LDS Church. But whenever she contemplates leaving, she feels fear. What if she forfeits something by leaving the Church?

As Caitlin and I talk, it becomes clear that a lot of her decisions stem from a place of fear. If the only reason you’re doing something is because you are afraid, your life cannot be very fulfilling. Caitlin and I talk about what she wants from life and what is going to bring her the most joy. I remind Caitlin that no decision is forever. She can choose to step back from the Church and change her mind later if she wants.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

What can I do when my ex doesn’t want to co-parent? Dec 20, 2022

Show notes

In this episode, I talk with Benjamin and answer the question “What can I do when my ex doesn’t want to co-parent?” Benjamin shares that there are still a lot of hurt feelings between himself and his ex wife due to infidelity. While he is interested in coparenting for the benefit of his children, she is uninterested in having that closeness.

Benjamin asks how he can build trust back with his ex. From what he shares with me, however, it sounds like she may be uninterested in rebuilding trust at this time. I advise Benjamin to instead enjoy the time he gets to spend with his children, to be the best parent he can be, and to leave the door open should she change her mind.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How can I better connect and communicate with my orthodox family now that I’ve left the LDS Church? Dec 13, 2022

Show notes

In this episode, I talk with Rebecca and answer the question “How can I better connect and communicate with my orthodox family now that I’ve left the LDS Church?” Rebecca left the LDS Church and came out as gay. Her family has been accepting and supportive, but she has noticed they tend to be awkward and avoidant when her girlfriend is around. To Rebecca, it feels like she is being rejected.

I ask Rebecca if there is room for people to be awkward around her and her partner without rejecting them. I invite her to recognize moments when she feels that awkwardness and allow room for other interpretations. I also encourage her to tell her family exactly what they could do when she is around to help her feel loved and celebrated.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

Am I helping or enabling my adult child who suffers from mental illness? Dec 06, 2022

Show notes

In this episode, I talk with Jodie and answer the question “Am I helping or enabling my adult child who suffers from mental illness?” Jodie’s daughter moved home from college after experiencing a traumatic event, and Jodie is struggling to know when to help her versus when to step back.

Jodie worries that if she doesn’t do enough to help her daughter, her daughter will go on a downward spiral that could have been prevented. I remind Jodie that she is not in control of her daughter’s life. Her actions will not prevent her daughter from struggling with her mental health. She is in control of her own actions and taking care of her own mental health.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How can I cope with the idea that my dad will always choose the Church over me? Nov 29, 2022

Show notes

In this episode, I talk with Shelby and answer the question “How can I cope with the idea that my dad will always choose the Church over me?” Shelby has left the LDS Church. At times when Shelby has asked her father to be on her side, he has told her that he will always put the Church first.

I invite Shelby to reframe her thoughts about her father having to choose her or the Church and open up the possibility that her father can choose both. She cannot change her father or make his choices for him, but she can change the story she tells herself about what his choices mean.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

To learn more about this topic, visit the following resources:

Managing Difficult Family Relationships During a Faith Transition

How do I navigate a relationship with my difficult parents who do not support my gay son? Nov 22, 2022

Show notes

In this episode, I talk with a mother and answer the question “How do I navigate a relationship with my difficult parents who do not support my gay son?” This mother grew up in a home where individuality was discouraged, and she often felt attacked for sharing opinions that differed from her parents’. Their traditional Christian views are unsupportive of her son, and she worries for what they will say that may make him feel unloved and invalidated. At the same time, however, she feels immense guilt for opposing her parents in any way.

During our time together, I ask this mother what she longs to hear from her parents. She tells me she wishes to have her parents accept her, hear her, see her, and support her in making her own choices. She shares experiences from her life that detail how she has worked tirelessly to get this validation from them but has not received it.

I encourage this mother to ask her parents to listen to her and validate her experience. It’s possible her parents don’t know how to respond in a healthy way, so I ask if she could give her parents the words that she wants to hear from them. I also urge her to find adults who can nurture her in this stage of life.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How do I come to terms with decisions my parents made for my life that should have been made by me? Nov 15, 2022

Show notes

In this episode, I talk with Rachel and address the question “How do I come to terms with decisions my parents made for my life that should have been made by me?” Rachel shares a few examples with me that have left her wondering “What if?”

Now that Rachel is about to become a mother, she is struggling with the choice of whether to be a stay-at-home mom (which her parents have always encouraged her to do) or have a career. We talk about how she can set boundaries with her parents around the input that they give. Though she can’t control what her parents say, she can control what she is willing to talk to them about.

I also remind her that whatever decision she makes doesn’t have to be permanent. She can do both, choose one, and change her mind down the road!

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

To learn more about this topic, visit the following resource:

Reparenting Yourself: Grieving and Healing Unmet Childhood Needs course

Bonus Episode: Conversations with Orthodox Parents with Sal Osborne Nov 08, 2022

Show notes

In this bonus episode of the podcast, I talk with Sal Osborne of @comingoutcoach about communicating with active LDS parents during a faith transition. Sal talks about the evolution of her relationship with her mother, who was an active member of the LDS Church when Sal came out.

Sal shares ways that we can help those going through a faith transition feel accepted and loved for who they are. It is possible to connect with the people in your life in meaningful ways whether you are or aren’t part of the same religion. The secret? Communication and putting your relationship first.

Be sure to follow Sal @comingoutcoach on Instagram!

We are talking about communicating with believing family members in my membership group this November. To dive deeper into this topic, sign up today! For $39 a month you’ll get:

Group coaching with me
Private Facebook group
Access to all of my courses
Themed downloads, journal prompts, and affirmations
And more!

Visit drjuliehanks.com to sign up today.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

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