The Purposeful Career Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Ep 045: How to Stop the Self-Sabotage Oct 31, 2021

Show notes

Well hello Friends! I hope you guys had an amazing week.

Today I want to talk about something that I think we’ve all struggled with at one point or another in some part of our lives, and that is Self-Sabotage. It’s something I see my clients do on occasion. I’ve seen it play out with people at work and I’ve done it myself on occasion.

As I said, we all have at some point. So, this episode is going to be super helpful for all of us, I think.

In this episode, we’re going to learn the definition of self-sabotage, how it shows up, WHY we engage in it and how we can stop.

So, let’s start with the definition.

For this I decided to go straight to the source. I googled Websters.

Interestingly, Webster’s didn’t have self-sabotage in their online dictionary, which I thought was odd. But they DID supply the definition of Sabotage, which they listed as “an act or process intended to hamper or hurt.”

So, that’s a very good definition. And we can make it work for Self-Sabotage by just adding “ourselves” at the end. Which would make the definition: “an act or process intended to hamper or hurt ourselves.”

There’s just one thing about that which is the word “intended.” Because when it comes to SELF sabotage, it’s important to know that it’s not always a conscious choice.

In fact, according to psychologists there are two types of self-sabotage: Conscious and Unconscious.

Conscious self-sabotage happens when you’re aware (in the moment) that what you’re doing is actively undermining yourself and your goals - that you’re working counter to what you really want – but you do it anyway. An example of this could be when you KNOW you need to finish that presentation for work but instead of doing that, you binge watch Netflix or meet friends for drinks.

Does that one sound familiar? Probably shows up as procrastination, right? I know I can relate to this one.

And then there’s UNconscious self-sabotage. And that’s when you do something that undermines yourself and your goals, but you don’t realize it until later. Sometimes MUCH later, like when you’re dealing with the consequences of it. An example of this might be habitually showing up late for work or turning in sub-par work. You know you shouldn’t be doing that but you’re not consciously connecting to what’s REALLY driving that behavior which is probably some sort of underlying fear of failure or maybe self-doubt or feeling not good enough. At first, you might chalk it up to being disorganized or maybe to poor planning. But when it keeps happening over and over and over again, at some point you realize, “Oh, it’s a thing. I’m doing it on purpose.”

For some Self-Sabotage is an occasional or point-in-time thing. So, it’s not as harmful. But for others, it’s a deeply embedded chronic pattern of behavior that eventually leads to major issues in their career or some other aspect of their life like their relationships, their financial health or their personal health or wellbeing.
For more, give the episode a listen.

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Ep 044: The Importance of Self Appreciation & How to Do It Oct 24, 2021

Show notes

This morning, I changed my mind about what I wanted to talk about today. Hey, I’m a Libra. That’s what we do. It’s about the whole scale thing. lol

But seriously, it’s kind of a big deal for me to do that and it’s not something I usually do because I spend a lot of time preparing for each episode. I do research, I prepare a script and then record and edit.

I invest a lot into each episode. It’s something I enjoy but when I choose to scrap a topic at the last minute that means I can’t just record and edit. I need to take the time to get immersed into a NEW topic, then prepare a NEW script and THEN record.

So, it’s kind of a thing.

But I think it’s important to be flexible. To listen to what my intuition is telling me about what would be best to share with all of you. So, when that inner voice pipes up, I listen.

Many times, a last-minute shift will be inspired by work I’m doing with my clients. And this week is no different.

This week something unusual happened. And that is, the same issue cropped up for three of my private coaching clients. The same issue. In the same week.

Now granted, the specific situation or the way each client experienced the issue was different but, in each instance, the root issue they were dealing with was the same. And their self-coaching and homework in between coaching sessions was the same.

But as I sent the last client their follow-up recap and homework, it made me think about how many people I’ve managed who’ve struggled with the same thing.

How many friends or colleagues?

And honestly, how often I struggled with it.

As I considered that, I realized how pervasive the issue actually is and how fundamental it is to helping enable the goals we have, the success we want and honestly, who we want to be in the world. So, I knew it was the thing I needed to talk about today. Because I intuitively believe it’s something most of us need to hear and consider how to put it into practice in our own lives.

So, in this episode, we’re going to talk about Self Appreciation. What it is. Why it’s important. And how to put it into practice.

So, let’s dive in.

First let’s look at a simple definition.

Self-Appreciation is about consciously acknowledging the things about yourself that you like or appreciate.

These can be traits, accomplishments, contributions, whatever.

Doesn’t really matter WHAT it is. The important thing is that YOU see it and appreciate it. AND, that you view it solely through the lens of YOU, meaning you don’t compare YOU with the things we appreciate and observe about others.

Self-Appreciation is about you and you alone.

There are lots of reasons this is important.

First and foremost because most of us aren’t taught to do this. We’re taught to notice what’s special are amazing about others and the importance of acknowledging that.

But very few of us take the time to view ourselves through the lens of appreciation.

Most of us aren’t taught to do that.

Most of us wait for people around us – our partner, our friends, our boss – to see and acknowledge the thing and when they don’t, we tell ourselves that it’s because it didn’t matter or that it wasn’t good enough or whatever.
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Ep 043: Ask the Coach: "My co-worker won't stay in their own lane" Oct 17, 2021

Show notes

Well hello Friends! Welcome to this bonus episode of “Ask the Coach.”

This is something I started a couple of month ago and I promised I’d do it every month or two. And it’s been a few months since the first one, so I thought we’d do another one.

If you recall, for these episodes, I do some specific coaching based on questions you submit.

So, for future episodes, if you’re struggling with something at work or if you have a question about anything else related to your career or life, send me a DM on Instagram or email me at carla@thepurposefulcareer.com. It’s always anonymous. I just use the initials of the person who submitted the question.

So, today’s question comes from TJ. And she says:

Dear Carla,

I’ve got this colleague who just won’t stay in his lane.

We have to work together on big projects and initiatives and that shouldn’t be a problem. We each have our own role (supposedly). But the truth is, when we work together, he just won’t stay in his own lane. He often doesn’t deliver on his own area’s responsibilities on time and instead, he’s all up in MY business. He’s always wanting to work on my things together or giving me his ideas or talking over me in meetings. I’ve even heard him overtly take credit for the work I’ve done. It’s not just me. Others tell me they see what’s going on and honestly, I’m at my wit’s end. I can’t deal with him anymore. I’m so angry with him that I’m afraid of what I might say. And I’m also afraid that while I’ve got my head down trying to get my work done, he’s out there taking credit for it all. And I’m afraid of the implications that’s going to have on my future at this company. Plus, it’s just not fair.

So, my question to you is this. How can I get my colleague to stay in his own lane?

Thanks a lot.

Well TJ, before we get into the coaching, I just want to say…I FEEL you.

YEARS ago, like 13 years ago, I had almost the exact same issue. So, I know the very real and very negative impact this type of thing can have on you.

And I’ll say that at the time, I didn’t handle it as well as I would’ve liked. At the time I felt like I’d tried everything, talking to him, talking to our mutual boss, ignoring it. And it drove me so insane, I ended up quitting a job I really loved and taking one I didn’t love so much.

So, when you’re in a situation like this, it’s important to be clear about what’s going on and what you can and can’t control in this situation. That’s when you can be sure you’re operating from the best place…the place that’s going to serve you.

So, let’s get into it.

First, based on what you shared; the situation is that there are role clarity issues between the two of you. Whether they’re happening because those roles aren’t well-defined or whether it’s because your colleague is acting this way on purpose for motivations of his own, I don’t know based on the information you shared.

But the first thing I want you to see is that there’s a difference between the situation or circumstance and your thoughts.

So here, the situation is that your colleague is doing your work. So, whether it’s about role clarity or role overlap or whatever, that’s the fact of what’s happening. You’re both trying to do the SAME job.

The second thing I want you to know is that EVERYTHING ELSE you shared in that paragraph are YO

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Ep 042: Fitting In vs. Belonging Oct 10, 2021

Show notes

Today I want to talk about belonging. And specifically, we’re going to explore the difference between Fitting In vs. Belonging. And how to create a Sense of Belonging during times when you might feel a bit like you’re in a situation or a workplace or whatever where you’re on the outside looking in.

This is a super interesting topic and a relevant one, because it affects every person on the planet, regardless of age, gender, education level, culture, country, income or whatever. This is an issue that affects all of us because the need to belong is deep-seated and universal.

Because humans are tribal by nature.

For our caveman ancestors, belonging to the tribe allowed us to travel with a pack which gave us access to shelter, food, and protection. It helped us survive the dangers of weather or animals or other outside threats.

And honestly, things haven’t changed much.

In today’s world, this need to belong is just as necessary. And today we have many tribes. Our family, friend group, cultural community, religious group, neighborhood, school, club, and of course, because this is a podcast about your career or business, it’s just as relevant when it comes to work groups.

Today it’s about more than survival. It’s about feeling connected. And it’s through that connection that we get the deeper feelings of purpose, inclusion, and meaning we all want and need.

Belonging is about natural affiliation or familiarity. It’s about gravitating to or connecting into groups or people who share the same qualities, or goals or whatever that we share. And this natural affiliation is an important part of belonging because while it’s about feeling connected to others, it’s about doing that in a way that’s authentic. That’s about letting yourself be seen and known as who you really are.

But ‘FITTING IN’ is an entirely different thing.

According to Brene Brown, who’s done some amazing work on this topic, “fitting in” is about assessing situations and groups and then twisting ourselves into a human pretzel so THEY will like us or accept us or whatever.

So, no natural affiliation there. Fitting in is about modifying or changing who we present ourselves to be so that we can feel accepted by or connected to those around us.

And while on the surface that may seem fine, the truth is that presenting ourselves as something we are not takes energy. It takes real effort to consistently hide who you really are. And honestly, it’s soul sucking and exhausting.

Think back over your career or life when you joined a company or club or team or whatever and you instantly felt like you belonged. You just knew that these were your people. Think about how that felt. How effortless. How energizing. Amazing, right?

And then I want you to think about a time when you felt like you didn’t ‘fit.’ When you didn’t feel welcome or included. Was it something overt? Like not being invited to lunch or happy hour. Or was it something more subtle like not being in on the shared joke or part of the office grapevine or whatever? And think how that made you feel. Not so amazing, right?

And think about how you responded to that. Did you change the way you acted or talked or dressed to mirror those around you?

To some extent this is normal. After all, we all want to fit in. And because we find ourselves in so many different situations – not only in our career but in our life – it’s natural that in some situations we’ll fit better than in others. So, we

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Ep 041: How to Be a Great Leader to Yourself Oct 03, 2021

Show notes

So, LAST week, we talked about How to Stay Strong During Challenging Times. And in that, I introduced a concept called Inner Leadership which is central to what I teach in my business. So THIS week, I want to take the concept a little deeper and discuss How to Be a Great Leader to YOURSELF.

There’s no denying that leadership is a popular topic today. We hear about it in business, politics, sports, religion. In fact, according to Forbes Magazine, it’s a $400 Billion a year industry. And growing.

That’s great because the whole concept of leadership is important. But the thing is, most of what we read about or discuss when it comes to leadership, is one dimensional, usually focused on things like:

How to influence others

How to motivate others

How to manage others

How to inspire others

How to get others to trust you or follow you or whatever.

And notice what these have in common.

First, they’re about the affect you want to have on OTHERS.

Influencing others, motivating others, inspiring others, etc.

And SECOND, they’re about how-to strategies.

Which means, the focus is almost exclusively EXTERNAL. The impact you have on others or what actions you should take to respond to something going on.

But what’s missing is the most IMPORTANT part of leadership. It’s what comes BEFORE all of that, which is how effective we are at leading OURSELVES.

Because whether you’re trying to manage something going on around you or whether you’re trying to manage where your career is going, if you want to get the best results, it all starts inside, right?

BEFORE we can develop the best response to something or lead others through it, we must have a clear perspective on what’s going on.

That we’re not just responding automatically based on whatever unconscious thought loop might be going on in your head. But that we’re doing it from a place that’s free from unconscious judgments, self-limiting beliefs, biases. Whatever. And for the most part, we’re not taught this right?

That’s why we developed the concept of Inner Leadership. So we can develop what I like to call “SELF-COMMAND.” That’s when we learn how to stop responding to the things and happen and instead, learn how to be the master of our inner world – specifically, our thoughts and emotions. Because it’s from those things that our actions and ultimately our results, come from.

So long before we come up with the answer to what we SHOULD DO about the things that happen to us, we must FIRST work on LEADING OUR MIND as it relates to that thing that happened. This means first becoming aware of how we feel about the thing that happened and then exploring the thoughts that caused you to feel that emotion.

Once you do that, you know you’ve landed on your truth. And then you can decide whether that thought will inspire the kinds of emotions and actions that will lead to the results you want. And if the answer is NO, then you can shift into a new thought that WILL. Many times we aren’t even aware of the thoughts swirling in our head when big things are going on. And if you’re like me, you definitely don’t know that our thoughts are a choice. We don’t have to just live with whatever random thought our brain serves up based on programmed patterns of thought that got ingrained somewhere along the way. Those thoughts aren’t just TRUE. We can choose a new thought that WILL lead to the direction you want to go.

Like I said earlie

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Ep 040: Staying Strong During Challenging Times Sep 26, 2021

Show notes

Today we’re going to talk about something we all deal with from time to time, which is how to stay strong during challenging times.

Like most people, I know a thing or two about this. And I wanted to talk about this today because it gets right to the heart of what my business is all about. And my own struggles in this area – coping with personal catastrophes – is really the biggest reason I started this business.

So, let’s start there on my WHY. Then we’ll get into the meat of this episode.

For me this business started as a natural outgrowth of the leadership and mentoring I’ve done over the years. I’ve been lucky enough to lead many teams and people and I’ve loved every second of it.

Over the years, people I’ve led in the past – sometimes from a few decades ago – would regularly reach out to me for advice or to bounce ideas around.

And I’ve always really loved that.

So, it was a natural next step for me to figure out a way to do that on a more broad-based scale. But I didn’t want to do the regular career coach thing where we just talk about resumes and job search and getting promoted and stuff. I mean, that’s important and I help my clients with those things too. But the REAL purpose of this business is to help people understand that true and lasting success comes from the inside out.

Here’s what I mean by that.

In 2018, I discovered an approach to coaching that’s based on cognitive behavioral therapy.

If you don’t know, CBT is a type of mental health treatment that helps people find and change underlying thought patterns that have a negative influence on behavior and emotions. It focuses on changing the automatic negative thoughts that can contribute to or worsen emotional challenges and have a negative influence on mood. Through this approach, thoughts are found, challenged, and replaced with more objective, realistic – or dare I say…POSITIVE – thoughts.

So, you might be thinking…what does a mental health coaching approach have to do with my career?

And the answer is EVERYTHING.

After nearly 3o years in corporate America where I climbed the ladder from entry level to multi-six figure a year income earner, I’ve seen and experienced a lot. I’ve struggled with and achieved a lot.

And what I know for sure is that the things people struggle with in their career is about something much deeper than “how” to do something.

Sure, sometimes we need to skill up and learn something new but that’s kind of easy, right?

The truth is the thing we struggle with the most in our career is how to effectively handle the challenges careers throw our way.

For more, give the episode a listen.

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Ep 039: How to Avoid Doing Something You'll Regret Sep 19, 2021

Show notes

Today I want to talk about something that I believe we can all relate to whether it’s in our career or life. And that’s Doing Something We Later Regret. And specifically, today we’re going to talk about how to AVOID that going forward.

So first, can you relate to this?

I know I CERTAINLY can.

Most everyone can.

I mean, there are so many ways this can come up for us in our career and in our personal lives too.

First, we live in an intaworld right now.

So, there’s this expectation that if we send out an email or IM with a question or a request that we’re going to get an INSTANT response.

And many times, there’s an expectation that this is a 24 x 7 thing. Either we have that expectation for ourselves or maybe we have a boss or colleagues that expect it. So, evenings, middle of the night, weekends. Maybe we’re always on.

So, in this case, all it takes is an email that hits us wrong when we’re tired or even worse, maybe out with friends…maybe we’ve had a cocktail or two and suddenly BOOM! we’re throwing caution to the wind and dashing off an email that might reflect what we feel in that specific moment but may not be the BEST thing we could do for our career or relationship.

Or maybe you’re someone that HIDES what you’re really thinking or feeling. You keep things to yourself and so you simmer and stew and ruminate about it instead of finding a way to raise the issue at the right time and place or in the best, most constructive way.

You can only do this for so long until eventually, all those bottled-up thoughts and emotions are going to come exploding out – usually at a less than ideal time or in a way that doesn’t serve you.

Or maybe you’re someone who’s very in-the-moment.

So, you express every thought and feeling you have in the moment you have it – because it makes you feel better. Instead of considering the best way to express yourself or raise the issue.

That sets you up for feeling regret later because once things are said they can’t be unsaid. They might be forgiven or not…but they can’t be taken back.

And there are so many other ways this might come up for us. In our career. In our life. In our relationships. Whatever.

But what I want to do now is focus on what all these things have in common.

Because whether you shoot off an in-the-moment response, bottle things up until you explode or express every thought you have in the moment you have it, they all have ONE thing in common.

And that is it’s about how our human brain works.

Because when we do things we regret, it’s about brain science. Not personal flaws.

And that’s why I wanted to talk about this today.

Because so many times, we really DO think we have a fatal flaw. That there’s just something wrong with us. That we can’t HELP ourselves. That have a fiery temper. Or we’re just an impatient person. Or we’re just direct. Or confrontational. Or whatever.

But what I want to tell you is that while those may very well be patterns that you HAVE. They are not WHO YOU ARE.

They are patterns of behavior that you have because of programmed patterns of thought that have developed over time. If you want to know more about this, check out episode 25 on Thought Pathways. That’s where we go deep on how our brain works in terms of recurring patterns of thought.
For more, give the episode a listen.

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Ep 38: How to be Purposeful in What You’re Telling Yourself About Life, Situations and Career Sep 12, 2021

Show notes

Today I want to talk about “What You’re Telling Yourself.”

This topic was inspired by one of my coaching clients and something she’s been wrestling with for the past few weeks.

And as we explored the issue, it brought up so many similar situations that I’ve personally experienced myself or saw others deal with during my career that I just knew I needed to share it with you. I’ve asked her permission and while I won’t divulge the company or her name, she’s excited for what it can do to help others. As we go through this, I think you’ll be able to recognize similar situations that you’ve seen or experienced and hopefully this will give you some fresh perspective on how you might choose to handle it differently the next time.

So, for the last few weeks, one of my clients was dealing with a challenge. For context, she’s a newly promoted senior executive at a mid-sized technology company. And she’s been driving an important new initiative which was her first big priority.

As part of her strategy development, she ran all the traps, talked to all the right leaders, got their input and factored it in where she could. In doing so, she thought she’d warmed things up and that her discussions would help pave the way for easy buy-in and a seamless rollout. But that’s not what happened. Instead, she found herself publicly challenged in a meeting with their mutual boss. And she was left feeling undermined and diminished by two different senior leaders.

She’d talked to both as she was working on her strategy.

She’d factored in their input to the extent she could and was confident she’d developed an approach. But it wasn’t until she unveiled the plan at the executive leadership meeting that these same two executives raised issues with the initiative. Publicly. In front of their mutual boss. Issues they hadn’t raised when meeting privately with her.

So instead of celebrating her first big win in her new position, she found herself defending her approach both in that meeting – as the two continued to volley questions and protests at her – and then privately later with her boss, who she felt compelled to reassure that she had spoken to them and factored in their opinions.

The issue swirled for a few weeks until she finally changed the strategy enough to get agreement from everyone. But because of the way the process went, instead of celebrating her first big win, she came away feeling defeated. Undermined. And honestly, kind of manipulated by her two new peers – both of whom she’d interacted with before her promoted and with whom she thought she had a decent relationship.

As we talked through what happened, and the swirl of thoughts and feelings she was trying to process, it was clear she was focused on telling herself two different things. First, she was blaming her two new peers for undermining her. She’d judged their behavior and had come to the conclusion that they’d undermined her on purpose. So because she thought that, she was FEELING tricked, manipulated and had labeled her colleagues are untrustworthy and deceitful.

And second, she was blaming HERSELF, both for not seeing through their trickery. Because her previous boss who had just left the company, which is what led to her recent promotion, had warned her about them, but she’d always chalked it up to his own shortcomings. In her mind he hadn’t been much of a collaborator, and she considered that one of her own strong suits. So, she’d gone into it with an open mind and w

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Ep 037: How to Know When It's Time to Leave Sep 05, 2021

Show notes

Today we’re going to talk about When It’s Time to Leave.

This episode was inspired by a phrase I keep seeing in the media. The Great Resignation.

This is the name that’s been given to the wave of mass resignations supposedly taking place inside companies across America.

And the typical explanation for this great resignation is the pandemic. We all know it’s upended our lives and careers and everyday norms. And the narrative out there says that because of this, people have started to rethink what’s important to them.

And supposedly, this trend is spanning all age ranges. Meaning it’s not JUST the younger generations like Millennials or Gen Z, who you might think would more naturally gravitate to big moves in a desire to continue to climb the ladder. It’s supposedly something the older worker – Gen X and the Baby Boomer – is doing as well.

Most of the articles I’ve read point to remote working policies as the culprit. And while I’m sure that’s it for at least some – maybe even most – of the people, it made me wonder…you know?

Is this “mass resignation” really just about remote working? Or is there more here?

Because while I’m sure there’s a lot of truth to remote working policies and maybe even vaccination policies as being a catalyst.

But I believe these two things are just skimming the surface of what’s really going on.

I believe this Great Resignation is a symptom of something much deeper, much more important, and much more PERMANENT than the pandemic. AND I think it’s about something that’s been shifting in our culture for a very long time.

So, what IS going on?

I believe the power dynamic between employee and employer is shifting. At a very rapid pace.

Further, I believe it’s been building for a decade or two.

And for me, this belief is rooted in a meeting I attended more than 20 years ago. Let me explain.

As I’ve said before on this podcast, my corporate career was spent as a brand marketer. And in brand marketing, we rely on data and insights to develop our promotional and creative strategies. So we’d watch general market and cultural trends and we’d field special studies, all to gain insight into how people think and what they care about.

So, when I saw the headline on the Great Resignation and I read a few dozen articles, I immediately thought of a meeting I attended about twenty years ago.

At the time, it was the year 2000. I was early in my career in brand strategy and I was working inside a wireless company just a few years after they launched their nationwide service. The meeting I was attending was a read out from a market trends study from Yankelovich, a market research firm.

It’s been too long for me to remember ALL the details of that study, but at a top level, it was talking about the “Age of Personalization.” And it said it would be coming about in the next twenty to thirty years, driven not only by a shift in the diversity of the population but also by the realization of the potential of the internet.

In 2001, we were still in the early days of the internet – way before the invention of social media – and everything from websites to online advertising was very 1.0. It seemed so cutting edge at the time, but it was very archaic when you compare it to today.

But what I remember so vividly from that meeting was the way they described what success for marketers and companies would look like in 2020 and 2030. That it would no longer be a ‘one s

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Ep 036: How to Stop Comparing Aug 29, 2021

Show notes

Today I want to talk about How to Stop Comparing.

I thought about this topic because I saw a quote from Teddy Roosevelt this week that said, “comparison is the thief of joy.”

And that made me want to talk about it in this episode because our careers (and our lives for that matter) are full of opportunities to compare ourselves with others.

So, let’s look at where this need to compare comes from. According to psychologists, it gets programmed into us from a very young age.

It might start when we’re young with a parent saying something like, “why can’t you be more like your sister.”

It continues through our school years, with teachers comparing student performance or behavior, like keeping a chart with names and gold stars. Or my personal favorite…my algebra teacher in freshman year who seated us according to how we did on the last test. Low scores in front and high performers in the back row. Math was never my thing so needless to say; I wasn’t sitting in the back row.

It continues throughout our school years as we look to others as a way to measure how WE’RE doing.

And of course, it continues throughout our lives. Relationships. Families. Possessions.

Our careers are also a place where we look to others to measure how WE’RE doing.

Basically, we’ve learned to measure our own performance or value by comparing ourselves to those around us. While some of us rely on comparison more than others, it’s something we all do on occasion.

In psychology, it’s called “social comparison theory.” The theory says that as humans, we’re driven to define ourselves and our value. And one of the ways we do this is by comparing our abilities and achievements to those of other people.

The theory goes on to say that we’re prone to “upward social comparison” when it comes to looking at our own abilities. Which basically means that we compare ourselves to others who are ahead of us, and we use that as a way to measure how we stack up to them.

There’s also something called “downward social comparison” which is when we look to others who are behind us or perhaps in more challenging circumstances. In this case, we look to them because it helps us feel better about ourselves because we think “well, at least I’m better off than that person.”

So, is the habit of comparing ourselves to others a good thing or a bad thing?

Well…the answer is, it depends on our motives for the comparison. And of course, like everything else we talk about on this podcast, I believe the answer is that it can be a VERY good and helpful thing if we use it with purpose and good intention. But it can also be a tool we use to make ourselves wrong or bad or not good enough.
For more, give the episode a listen.

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