So, Here's My Story... - TopPodcast.com

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Ep109: Harmonizing for Fun & for Profit Jul 23, 2019

Show notes

In business, sometimes you need to lead, and sometimes you need to follow. Like singing harmony, it’s a balancing act of merging talents. And if someone doesn’t know or respect their role, nothing sounds right.

Why is that important for business?

Just like when you are singing, running a business involves asking yourself this question: “Is this a moment when I am the driver, or is this a case where I am a passenger?” Because everything gets harder when two or more people are trying to drive at the same time.

This can be especially apparent when one company buys another. Both parties need to understand that they must integrate the two cultures and philosophies into one to create a whole. This doesn’t mean that everyone has to march in lock step – singing harmony is distinct, not a copy. But you must match and merge and flow with each other in a way that isn’t distracting, and that doesn’t take away from the whole. Like in the Ted Talk about how to start a movement (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V74AxCqOTvg), you need both leaders and followers, or nothing significant happens.

You don’t want 100 synchronizing voices; you need a combination of different pitches and tones, and at times, harmonizing requires some dissonance. But that dissonance has to resolve, and it cannot be a surprise. Dissonance has to be built into the process.

The problem isn’t necessarily with the lead or with the harmony; the problem is when any of the people involved aren’t focusing on the larger product. The problem to answer is: does this harmony create what you want to create? If roles are blurry, it may be leaving gaps in the end product, so the key is having the conversation, identifying who is playing which role, and then working together to create an even better result together.

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Ep108: The Problem with The Ask Jul 16, 2019

Show notes

When you’re starting a new venture, you’re all passion and enthusiasm. But can you expect your team to be the same? How much is too much to ask of the people around you?

Why is that important for business?

When you are getting something new off the ground, you are often asking people to make your priority their priority.

You may have some basic rules – you won’t ask anyone else to do something you aren’t willing to do yourself, for instance. But there aren’t any hard rules about what is too much, because everyone is different. Ultimately, this is a conversation you have to have with your staff individually – you can’t guess where other people’s boundaries are.

Everyone has a different limit. Finding out what is too much has to be an individual conversation, but if you establish the right culture, that conversation gets easier to have. That culture has to be one where things aren’t left to fester; where no one is above anything; and where the enthusiasm and dedication that you have for what you do becomes contagious. If you can create such a culture, where you notice and nurture the people who are almost as passionate as you are, you can build around them.

Resources Mentioned

Chris Vos, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if your Life Depended on it,

https://info.blackswanltd.com/never-split-the-difference

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Ep107: Rabbit Development Jul 09, 2019

Show notes

You probably don’t expect the story of a rabbit statue at a Shinto temple in Japan to be the inspiration for an episode about the importance of deepening your business relationships, but here we are.

Relationships in business are often looked at as transactional. But what happens when we see relationships as valuable in their own right?

Why is that important for business?

So many of the lessons we are taught about marketing, about networking and about business development in general have a basis in the idea that what goes around comes around. There is an essential expectation of reciprocity, or that the relationship is a means to an end. The relationship is not seen as valuable in and of itself. When someone joins a close-knit business group, where the focus is on relationship-building, and begins to immediately cold call all of the members, it’s a turn off. They are missing the relationship aspect of business relationships and jumping right into asking for help.

Focusing on the relationship instead of the business is not about asking, “what can you do for me?”. Instead, it is more in alignment with the idea that “a rising tide lifts all boats” (or, as Jodi refers to it, the “boats, ships, water thing”.) This is about building something real, not saying, “hey, I was thinking about something that you could do for me”. The business may very well come from these relationships, but it comes obliquely, like happiness comes through the pursuit of meaning.

What would it look like to deepen your relationships instead of just sowing seeds for more relationships? How would it change your networking events to answer the ubiquitous, “who can I introduce you to?” with “whoever you think of that is cool; who has something to say; who contributes to the world in a passionate way; who has an interesting take on things”. Most people don’t want to think of themselves as a carbon copy of somebody else, broken down to their transactional value. Instead, look for people that you zing with, who expose you to new ideas with which to cross-pollinate.

We imagine the whole point of networking is meeting as many people as we can. But the real value is to reignite or deepen existing relationships. We’ve all sown more seeds than we could ever reap – we need to invest in tending to these relationships instead of sowing still more. We need a greater awareness of where we skim the surface, and where what we really need is to go deeper into the relationship that is already there.

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Ep106: Business IS Personal Jul 02, 2019

Show notes

Ever fallen in business love and just assumed you will be working together forever? Typically, life just doesn’t work that way – employees and teammates come and go in our career, even when we wish they didn’t. And even though we might intellectually know this, it doesn’t mean we don’t sometimes react badly.

Like so many of Eliot’s stories, this is one he isn’t proud of.

Why is that important for business?

When you find that perfect person for a role in your business, it can be hard not to get carried away with what that means. We create a story of who and what they will be for us, and we think, somehow, it will be forever.

And then one day it isn’t. And in that moment, when we feel hurt and abandoned, we don’t always behave in a way we are proud of. Whoever said, “it’s not personal, it’s just business” either never ran their own business or is just a moron. It’s all personal.

This is such a common experience, yet it always comes with dollop of shame, and with the strong impulse to suppress the feelings. It can hurt to put your heart into someone and have them leave, but there is also a downside to not investing in people. As the saying goes: “what if you invest in people and they leave? What if you don’t and they stay?”

Or, as they say in horse jumping, “throw your heart over and the horse will follow”. (This is what Jodi refers to as “the horse phrase”.)

The moment someone starts to think you doesn’t care personally, that it’s just business, is the point when they start considering leaving for any small reason. You have to invest personally if you want that personal investment back. But, as with all things, it is a risk. An incredibly worthy risk.

Ask yourself: “are you investing in your people in some perverse ways of imagining they are yours forever? Or are you investing in them for as long as the relationship is mutually beneficial, then seeing them go off in the world and being proud of your part in what they accomplish next? The latter is clearly the healthier approach, and yet - it’s okay to feel hurt, too.

Think of the paper feeder in a printer. When you adjust the feeder, perhaps to print on an envelope, both sides move in tandem – you can’t move one side independently. Emotions work like that as well. You can’t avoid the yucky feelings without also avoiding the positive ones. You can’t selectively numb your emotions. So feel all of them.

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Ep105: It's Bigger than the Job Description Jun 25, 2019

Show notes

There’s the part of the job that is in the job description and the part that is harder to define, but typically just as (if not more) valuable. This amorphous magic that someone brings to the work they do is hard to hire for and often, completely irreplaceable. Yet it can be considered superfluous. Why is that? Let’s discuss in this episode.

Why is that important for business?

There are people in our businesses who simply make things better. They may or may not excel at the specific tasks they were hired for, but they bring something intangible to their work that is often even more valuable. They create a role in the business that is completely “them-shaped”. And though a business might not hire specifically for that skill set, once it is discovered, it is difficult to lose.

Like a great team player on the basketball court (for example, Shane Battier https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shane_Battier), these people position themselves to make everyone around them better. Or, like BASF said in their marketing campaigns: "We don't make a lot of the products you buy. We make a lot of the products you buy better". (https://www.nytimes.com/2004/10/26/business/media/a-campaign-for-basf.html) It isn’t boxes they are checking; they are creating value no one even knew was needed.

So why don’t we value these indescribable but irreplaceable skills? Why is there such hesitation to value – on its own merits - the indistinct egg white, not just the more obvious egg yolk, of the work we do?

Our organizations desperately need these skills, but we don’t even know they exist or that we need them. It becomes, instead of a hiring challenge, a matter of encouraging staff and employees to grow the things they are uniquely good at. The less room there is to stray from the job description, the more difficult it is to give this hard-to-define gift to the organization. The more unforgiving a system or process is, the less room there is for this egg white.

We want (and to a large degree need) things to be systematized and to have clear roles and responsibilities. But it is equally important to reveal and support people’s individual magic sauce if we want to thrive. We must cultivate a culture of communication, so it comes to our attention when someone has these unique but amorphous skills.

Because we can’t just eat egg yolks.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

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Ep104: Unhealthy Competition Jun 18, 2019

Show notes

Ever found yourself in the middle of a “who slept less or worked more” competition? It happens to the best of us, and it is always weird. So why do we do it? Let’s see what our intrepid hosts have to say about this entrepreneurial misery one-upmanship.

Why is that important for business?

Even if we would never admit it – or worse, outright deny it – busy working people often take a strange pride in being overworked. But if there is honour in being too busy or not sleeping – which is nonsense- then there is, conversely, dishonour in taking time off or taking care of ourselves. And that is also nonsense. We establish these rules for ourselves about how hard we work or how hard things are, but we can’t ever construct a rule for ourselves that only affects one side of the continuum. If we make it honourable to suffer, then we accidentally make it dishonourable to not suffer, or to take care of ourselves.

There is often a distinct difference between the things we think we believe, and the things that show up in our behaviours. Although we might say we value sleep, time off, and spending time with loved ones, our behaviours can belie these assertions.

It is prevalent even among entrepreneurs and leaders, a typically ambitious and focused group who still succumb to this weird socially acceptable form of victimhood. When we don’t take responsibility for our choices, it is important to catch – there is something insipid about victim energy that keeps us from getting what we want.

We need to take ownership of our choices by first recognizing that they are choices. This means taking the time to step back and realize when we have, even inadvertently, prioritized something over something else. Only then do we have a shot at the clarity to say either “that’s the right choice for me right now”, or “something needs to change”.

If we don’t see the door is unlocked, we will always remain in that cage. Noticing when we are entering into an unhealthy competition with someone is an opportunity to pause and notice the choice we are making.

Do I really want to value being busy or tired to the point that I will compete for it?

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

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Ep103: The Tragic Flaw of Leadership Jun 11, 2019

Show notes

Ego is a requirement of entrepreneurship, but it can also be an obstacle. Let’s go back to the recession of 2007/2008, where Eliot recounts some of his personal failings for us, so we can learn from his mistakes.

Why is that important for business?

Hope and optimism are necessary attributes of an entrepreneur; so is a healthy dose of ego. But they can also be dangerous. When you need to make tough decisions, all of these traits – assets though they might be – can become obstacles. Especially if you feel like the tough decisions are a result of your own personal failings, like layoffs when business is down. It can feel like you have fallen down, but the whole team gets a skinned knee.

Entrepreneurs often wait to really look at how bad something is. But if we look early, if we ask for help and get clarity sooner, we can often avoid the worst of the pain. We can sometimes soften the landing for some of the people affected; we can give longer runways to find another job. But it can be hard not to fall into the trap of The Object Permanence Rule of Business: if don’t look at it, it doesn’t exist.

By trying to avoid looking like a personal failure, we often make mistakes that make the situation worse.

Ego has to be there for you to be a driven entrepreneur, yet it gets in the way of getting help sometimes. Leading inherently requires making decisions about things that are uncertain. There is no true rule book to follow. There is a whole list of attributes you need to be able to navigate this world of leadership and entrepreneurship, and every single one of them has a nasty underbelly. You need to learn to manage that underbelly and understand the stereo equalizer about how much of these traits is required, and when (and who) you need to mitigate and compensate for them.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

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Ep102: Unintended Consequences Jun 04, 2019

Show notes

Are there any places in your business where you are falling short of expectations? You might be surprised. There are elements of service and care that, when present, make little impact. Yet when they are absent, they can make all the difference in how clients feel about you and your business. Miss them, and you might be telling clients not to return.

Why is that important for business?

It’s important to do periodic audits of the customer or client experience – are there any ways you are communicating the message that you care only until they’ve signed on the dotted line or paid the invoice? Are there ways you are telling your most precious asset – your existing client base – that you are going to squeeze every single dollar from them that you possibly can?

This can be especially apparent when we try to make expense cuts. By adding a new line item to your invoice – one of the few documents you can be sure every client will scrutinize – you might be conveying a message that doesn’t make the client feel like remaining a client. There are much better ways to cut expenses than to take away from any “big moment” – driving the car off the lot, for instance – in your business relationship.

This takes a certain degree of anticipating what your customers or clients will care about. As entrepreneurs, though, we often miss opportunities to simply ask. If you’re struggling with something -if you aren’t on the same page with them about exactly what they want or need or how to structure something for them - then you haven’t asked enough questions. Much like our episode Just Say… That (https://soheresmystory.com/ep07-just-say-that/), there are times when you are overthinking and need to Just Ask…THAT.

And in those times when asking doesn’t work, you need to put yourself in the customer experience path and examine where the pain points are in the process of engaging you. (You can check out this Harvard Review article for more ideas on how to smooth the path your clients take to work with you: https://bit.ly/2Wcvfc5). There are probably a few easy wins that you could foil with a small misstep, if you aren’t careful. This requires a lot of noticing, being aware of, and tending to the client experience.

There are many opportunities to make people feel thought of. Missing them can mean missing out on the next $70k sale.

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Ep101: When Things Go Sideways May 28, 2019

Show notes

Sometimes things go sideways. Especially when we have big plans, but absolutely no…”plan”. Like, for instance, our “plan” to make last episode a two-parter. But as always – our stories are yours to learn from.

Why is that important for business?

When you are a busy entrepreneur with more ideas than time, things are bound to go sideways. Between the idea and the actual awareness of what it takes to execute the idea are often a massive disconnect. We want something to happen, we make no actual plan to make it happen, and *poof* frustration.

Sometimes, it’s a matter of asking, “what would have to happen to make this idea a reality?” Before we even get to the action phase, we are skipping the part where we even evaluate how or what would need to happen. A missed opportunity like this usually involves a lot of skipped conversations.

Everyone talks about how life has sped up, but there’s a deeper problem beyond the obvious lack of time to execute. We have almost developed an inability and intolerance to sink down into a thought and think it through. We have to find, make and insist upon the time and energy required to go deep on our ideas before we move to the next thing, or we’ll never be able to bring a great idea into the world.

This is why we need to check in when we are feeling frustrated, and ask ourselves, “am I giving this idea or this desire the time, energy and focus it needs?”

The inherent underlying problem is prioritization - we have a stack of ideas but not the time to dedicate to them. And this means hard questions are necessary – “which ones do I care about?”; “which ones am I willing to not work on right now?”; and “what am I willing to stop doing in order to give this new thing the time and energy it requires?” It’s like running around putting a penny in 10,000 buckets, and then becoming frustrated that none of those buckets are amassing wealth. We have to remove the frustration from the space in order to do that.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

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Ep100: Stop Missing Milestones (Our 100th Episode!!) May 21, 2019

Show notes

It’s a very special 100th episode, which leads us to this important question: how do we celebrate milestones?

It turns out, this is harder than it sounds.

Why is that important for business?

The act of intentionally creating a ritual in order to pause and feel the weight of an accomplishment, a milestone or an event – in business or in life – can actually help solidify the experience in your mind. It adds punctuation. Yet we are quite bad at celebrating these milestones in any way. Often, we will work incredibly hard to achieve some goal and then we go on immediately to the next thing without ever taking the time to enjoy or celebrate it.

It might not even be a question of celebrating, but simply acknowledging what the milestones even are. It is important to step back and ask, “where are the milestones of progress?”

They don’t have to even be large milestones – anointed from on high to be worthy of celebration –but the small marks of progress or of doing the necessary work of our business. Because really, it’s all arbitrary. Nothing changes with 100 episodes. It is not memorable to simply record a 100th episode; what makes it memorable is the act of celebrating it. Mile markers woosh by whether you acknowledge them or not. It is the act of pausing – of adding punctuation – that creates the significance.

So what do you do to celebrate wins, large or small? Part two of this episode is your story, and we want to hear.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

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Connect with @SHMSpodcast on Twitter: https://twitter.com/shmspodcast

Text the word STORY to 345345 to get access to bonus content and weekly episode delivery.

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