So, Here's My Story... - TopPodcast.com

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Ep129: The Butterfly Effect and Business Dec 10, 2019

Show notes

Sometimes, our actions today ripple out and have long term effects. We know this. But it’s wild to think that what happens in 2019 might cause a Christmas tree shortage in 2030.

Why is that important for business?

The 2008 recession is far enough in the past that we think of it mostly in abstract terms. But for the Christmas Tree industry, the effects are very real and very current. https://whyy.org/articles/you-can-thank-the-great-recession-for-2019s-christmas-tree-shortage/. And that gets us thinking – how often in your business is there a financial cliff that you can see coming a decade away? How is the Butterfly Effect going to show up in your business? What are you doing today that is going to affect your business in the following years or quarters?

Can you look forward into the future and see what’s coming? And when you know there is a cliff of some kind coming, what can you do now to mitigate the damage? Diversification, obviously, is an option. Anticipating your customers needs if things go sideways can help. Planning for the future, like Eliot is doing with his studio (https://soheresmystory.com/ep125-office-space-and-your-future/), can also help. But the value of this conversation might not be in its predictive abilities, but in helping us prepare to not be surprised. You might not be able to predict the details of upcoming crises (and you probably shouldn’t spend a lot of time trying to), but you can have a plan, knowing that another recession or obstacle will eventually show up.

And this is the love-hate relationship we can have with planning. It is important to scan out into the future and think about what you want more or less of; to think about what matters to you. But when we plan around the idea that we can predict the future, especially as we increase the distance from the present, we may not be doing ourselves a service. The further out you go into the future, the more you have to leave room for unexpected things.

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Ep128: How to Make Everything Easier Dec 03, 2019

Show notes

Does social support help just as much as physical support when facing an obstacle?

Jodi has been reading NIH studies before she has even had her morning coffee, and it turns out that having someone you care about beside you make even real hills look less steep.

Why is that important for business?

The way you perceive the slant or steepness of a hill is changed by a lot of factors, including your energy levels and even the weight of the backpack you are carrying. But perhaps surprisingly, it is equally as affected by support. Having anyone beside you as you contemplate a hill makes you perceive the hill as less steep than it appears when you are alone. Having someone that you are closer to or have known for longer makes it seem even less daunting. When you have some kind of social support, your perception of slant (and difficulty) goes down. “Social support reduces psychological load.”

This can relate to many areas of your life. Your mind’s perception of a thing impacts how much of a challenge you perceive it to be. But most importantly, we have scientific evidence of why support is important when you are leading. There is always a hill of sorts in front of you when you are running a business, and it’s going to seem bigger and harder if you are standing there by yourself.

Much like our episode on Business Depression (https://soheresmystory.com/ep80-ever-been-business-depressed-replay/), sometimes the best way to get out of a rut is to surround yourself by people who support and inspire you. You have to build in layers of psychosocial resources, because they “moderate your vision in a similar manner to physical resources”. We know instinctually that it feels good to have someone to talk to and rant to, but we are often also embarrassed by this need. But truly – it helps the hill not seem so big. It has value, even if there is no “solution” offered.

If we recognize the validity of this experiment in our own lives, it helps to eradicate some of the guilt and to seek out support. It also helps us realize that it isn’t about having a solution when people come to us for support – like grief, it is simply the presence of someone who cares that matters.

So how do you find more people to stand shoulder to shoulder with? Who do you think about standing next to you when you envision contemplating the next hill?

Resources mentioned

NIH Paper - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3291107/?fbclid=IwAR0aaZJbg2WVYIZmUPTdjMIk3HGIzoJnu_xL3B3j15voffgm88Op1eb8o6M

Original thread on FB https://www.facebook.com/516700194/posts/10161372193515195?d=n&sfns=mo

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

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Ep127: "Just Give Me a Minute." Nov 26, 2019

Show notes

We aren’t always game for business talk. But it is hard to set a boundary between private and business time if you are unclear on the boundary you are setting. For those fuzzy areas, where you don’t want to set a rule, but you feel like a boundary has been breached, we have some ideas.

Why is that important for business?

There is a very blurred line between business and personal for most people. Each world can easily bleed into the other, and many people want just that. But sometimes, you wish you could create a rule, or boundary, just for today, like a temporary profile picture on Facebook, and not have it stick for every situation thereafter.

Sometimes boundaries are grey and ill-defined, and when we can’t even codify our own rules about when to talk business and when not to, we can’t expect others to follow these non-codified (or expressed) rules. It is hard to set a boundary if you aren’t clear on the boundary you’re setting.

Often, this need for a temporary boundary is an indication that we are feeling depleted and in need of sleep or rest. In these times, when you’ve got nothing more to give and need a little space, we have to be careful not to set a precedent that we don’t actually want. The best way to do that is to address the specific case: “I would love to talk to you about this, but you are not going to get my best neurons today. Can we talk about this Monday when I can give you my full attention?”

Instead of judging what others’ rules for business talk in a personal space should be, it is a far more useful skillset to know and communicate your own. Expecting others to know your nuanced rules for their behaviour is unfair, especially when you don’t know them. Plus, it means you have to learn their subtle rules. As we get to know people, of course we can construct our own Care and Feeding manual (https://soheresmystory.com/ep60-care-and-feeding/) for their particular wants and needs, but we can’t expect everyone to know our wants in every moment. The more any of us can learn to read other people’s social cues, the better. And, no matter what, there will always be people who don’t read social cues.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

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Ep126: The Danger of Expectations Nov 19, 2019

Show notes

Expecting a Christmas bonus? Readying to give one? Listen to this first! Because, though you might not think it, “bonus” can mean more than one thing. Getting it wrong is the difference between a disappointed staff, or a story that spreads the good word of your company far and wide.

Why is that important for business?

How do you surprise and delight your employees, and how is this different from the bonuses they’ve come to expect?

There is a huge difference between an expected bonus, based on performance and seen as part of compensation, and an “I wish I worked there” story of delight.

A surprise, random bonus has a completely different function than one with a formula or pattern. They serve to provide a story. If your ideal recruit asked one of your employees, “why should I work there?”, the answer isn’t going to be a bullet point list - it’s going to be a story. What do you want that story to be?

Similar to our episode on how your business is an extension of your values https://soheresmystory.com/ep123-sugar-spice-radiating-values/, these kinds of bonuses speak to who you are as a person and help people get a feel for the place.

And though you won’t be able to please everyone, every time, as long as you help create the feeling you want to create (i.e. you aren’t enforcing participation), you can establish a strong sense of loyalty and satisfaction. And even better if you design the bonus so the impact of what is done is seen by their loved ones as well. If you work at a place and your spouse thinks it’s a nice company, then your positive feelings about it naturally increase.

However, it is important to realize that there is a difference between this type of bonus and one that has shown a pattern or reliability. Falling short of what is expected in a bonus is, after all, what caused Clark Griswold to lose it on his family https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SXB1hvxnzw.

Sometimes expectations are being set, and you don’t even realize it. As the business owner, you might not be aware that there is a pattern developing and that an expectation has been formed. Sometimes, even employees don’t know they have that patterned expectation until it isn’t met. You have to develop the awareness that anything that creates a pattern is at risk for becoming an expectation.

It’s important to create two distinct swim lanes – the random and memorable surprise, and the very separate bonus with clear expectations and an understandable formula. That way, you don’t run the risk of, in effort to do something nice, failing to meet an expectation you didn’t even realize was there.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

OR...

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Connect with @SHMSpodcast on Twitter: https://twitter.com/shmspodcast

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Ep125: Office Space and Your Future Nov 12, 2019

Show notes

Let’s talk about strength of commitment, and designing your space to support your future, not just your present or past.

And to make it even more interesting, let’s throw in an ill-researched analogy about hermit crabs, for good measure!

Why is that important for business?

When our life, our work, and even our work spaces are designed around what we are currently doing, the things we want for our future are often – by necessity – shoved into unused corners. Almost as though our future doesn’t really fit in the existing figurative or literal space of our life. And a lot of this is about commitment – how committed are you to what you want next? Committing space, then, is about committing to the future.

Of course, commitment often comes in stages. But at some point, we may find ourselves struggling because we are shoving our dreams into the corner, in terms of space, energy, and time. Our future is getting the last dregs of our resources. If you were to make a list of things you really care about, on a scale of 1-10, how much time/energy/resources are you spending on those things?

When you commit to having the space (and time) around you that is built for your next stage, you grow into it far more quickly than you can imagine. You are creating something not for right now, and not for your present needs, but for that which you will grow into. Making that space represents your commitment to not only do this thing but to make it work and have it evolve.

Ask yourself, “what do I really want the future to look like?”, and then ask, “how is that going to be reflected in everything, including my physical environment? What changes do I need to make now to accommodate what I want to be spending my time, money and effort on in the next year or two?”

When we hear ourselves saying, “I want to do this thing but…”, the mistake is putting a period at the end of that sentence and stopping there. Instead, focus your attention on what comes after the “dot dot dot”. When you do, one of two things will happen – it will be clear what the next problem is that you have to solve if you want to move forward, and then you can focus on the work of removing that obstacle. Or, you will confront the fact that you really don’t want it enough to do that action. Either way, you’ve made room for the future.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

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Ep124: The Benefits of Thinking Small Nov 05, 2019

Show notes

There is no shame in losing out to Butter, as Eliot finds out, but sometimes, there is shame when it comes to time and productivity. And we want to fix that.

Why is that important for business?

It is incredibly easy to grossly overestimate what is possible in the time you have available. People want to talk about time in terms of to do lists and apps, but so much of it is simply knowing how long things take. Getting a clear understanding of what you can accomplish in a month or year or a meeting is crucial to productivity and feeling good about what you’ve accomplished. But we’re generally really, really bad at it.

We also often feel like failures if our lists only have 3 things on them, even when we know we perform best when we have the time and focus.

Productivity and time management is not where you should start. For instance, if you were to list three things that you desperately want more time for, what would they be? And more importantly – are they or have they ever been on a calendar or to do list?

We have a broken perception about how long things take, and then we beat ourselves up about what we can get done. We also set our sights on the aspirational parts of things and don’t break down what goes into it. Then we are mad at ourselves and feel like failures. But we’re actually adding a problem, because in addition to everything you have to do, you are feeling bad about how much you are getting done.

And sometimes, getting over the emotional drag of the shame is about thinking small, in order to think big.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

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Ep123: Sugar, Spice & Radiating Values Oct 29, 2019

Show notes

Does your business radiate your values like a spice company? Find out in this episode!

Why is that important for business?

Have you heard about the spice company that spent more money on impeachment ads than anyone but Trump?

When asked why, he answered “I’m running ads to run a business. And so much of that is using your business to radiate your values.”

When you have a business, you have this same opportunity to radiate your values. But that has consequences that you have to be willing to accept. And though you might applaud the spice company and condemn the baker that won’t make the cake for a gay wedding, if you are okay with one being able to radiate their values, you have to be okay with the other side radiating theirs.

Of course, where businesses get into trouble is when they speak for everyone in the organization. It might seem like it is better to pick neutrality. But who decides what neutral is?

Does your business radiate your values? If so, to what degree? How much does it need to be in lock step with your values? You have to decide how you are going to show up in the world. And the louder you get, the more love and the more hate you will receive - you have to be willing to take both of those.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

OR...

Shoot us an email: talktous@soheresmystory.com

Connect with @SHMSpodcast on Twitter: https://twitter.com/shmspodcast

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Ep122: Hacked & Happy About It Oct 22, 2019

Show notes

Getting hacked is bad. Of course it is.

But what if…it’s not all bad? What if being hacked is the key to some really big marketing questions?

Why is that important for business?

Despite 17 years of putting on marketing events, sending out emails, making connections, sometimes it takes a hacked email to show you how many people are ready to engage with you. Or at least that’s Eliot’s recent experience. And while we don’t recommend you use a hack as a marketing technique, there are definitely things to be learned from how effective this hack was in generating interest and actual business.

So what is it about responding to a hacked email that so galvanizes people? How can we explore what makes a call to action actually call people to act? Especially since, in this instance, people took an action that wasn’t even requested, it’s important to ask – what were the stimuli that created the action?

First, there was value to the action, and not just to them. They wanted to help. There was a clear purpose to the response.

Second, the subject line was very clear – “action required”. But that on its own does not create action. It has to be paired with a trusting relationship with someone who has established credibility. This may also mean it has to come from a person, not a company – the hack capitalized on the building of a personal relationship.

It’s also interesting to note that relationships take time, and that just because people aren’t responding, doesn’t mean there isn’t a relationship. It might take a hack to get them to officially engage, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t listening. We are always looking for data on what has value, and we have to rely on engagement because it’s the only data we have to go on. And yet we shouldn’t underestimate the value of lurkers – people reading and considering, but who don’t say anything.

In business or in your personal life, the lesson from this email hack just might be that if you are not getting the action you want, it might be an issue with the relationship and the credibility you have built. This story also points to the importance of reciprocal value – people want to help you, too.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

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Ep121: Negotiation Log Oct 15, 2019

Show notes

When is process valuable, and when is it a distraction from the productivity it is supposed to create? As always, we come at this question from the angle of stories about things like too-small-roasting-pans and piles of dirt. Because the title of this podcast isn’t “So Here’s My Brief and Boring Synopsis of a Business Lesson”.

Why is that important for business?

While sometimes differing processes can simply be two ways to get to the same place, there are also processes that are productive and some that are “that’s how we’ve always done it” or status quo-maintaining processes.

Instead of creating structure for everything – from negotiations to meeting agendas – we should instead ask ourselves: “What’s the tiniest hint of structure that I need to prevent chaos, so that we have the freedom to work creatively without going off the rails?” This is very different than the kind of structure that exists simply for the sake of structure (structure that often gets in the way of communicating, and that can create work that isn’t on the path to real value). Structure like this serves an entirely different master than results.

What you want are systems that allow people to be smart, thoughtful and to use their best brains, not structure that is a reaction to fear. There must be enough insight to talk about the process you are using, what you’re trying to protect, and what you’re losing when you’re trying to protect that. What are the conversations you aren’t allowed to have?

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Ep120: Gratitude Denied Oct 08, 2019

Show notes

Uh oh – someone tried to show gratitude to Eliot again! Let’s revisit an early episode of So Here’s My Story, where we talk about compliments, thanking someone, and all of the ways to drive Eliot crazy. (Bonus: we get to hear Jodi use Eliot’s full name in a chastising way!)

Why is that important for business?

As we have learned, Eliot enjoys sucking all of the joy out of compliments and acts of gratitude. And maybe you do too.

But here’s the thing:

Giving and receiving of any kind is a finely balance ecosystem. If I want to give something to you – a compliment or a favour or anything – you have to be willing to catch that ball, or it doesn’t work. It can’t be a one-sided exchange. There has to be someone on the other end of the seesaw.

When someone tells you that you are wrong about a compliment – “no, no, I’m not actually that good” – they are taking something that is yours. They don’t actually get to weigh in on what you think (and admire and appreciate) about them. There is a responsibility to recognize that you are wrecking something for someone else when you refuse to take a compliment.

You also can’t grow as a person or a company unless you are building on a solid foundation of what is working well.

And even if you can’t accept what you are good at, through someone else’s eyes, the least you can do is simply say “thank you”, so you don’t disrupt that ecosystem. This allows you to create space for the possibility that this might be true, and it allows you to create a foundation to build on.

It is an important practice to be able to be with both ends of real and authentic; to be able to take both genuine criticism and genuine compliments.

We are all hungry for that spotlight, but once we’re there, we deflect out of it as soon as possible. But if we can stop and take a breath in that space, and just say “thank you”, it can be an opportunity.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

OR...

Shoot us an email: talktous@soheresmystory.com

Connect with @SHMSpodcast on Twitter: https://twitter.com/shmspodcast

Text the word STORY to 345345 to get access to bonus content and weekly episode delivery.

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Please tell your friends, post about us, or take a moment to review us & subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to the podcast!