So, Here's My Story... - TopPodcast.com

Latest Episodes:

Ep119: The Fear of Reaction Oct 01, 2019

Show notes

How do you know when you are overreacting, and when you should call in help? Whether it’s double pneumonia or a product recall, making a decision to be proactive in the face of a potential emergency can be complicated, and fraught with a lot of “I don’t want to be dramatic” baggage. So how do you do it? Let’s talk about it – in story form!

Why is that important for business?

When you are facing something like a sick kid or a decision to call in help in business, often our driving force is the desire not to be perceived as an idiot or someone who is overreacting. When do you call it and make the decision to make a thing, a thing – and possibly looking silly - versus waiting and possibly regretting not acting sooner?

Especially when you are forced to make a decision in isolation – without the help of experts – you have to figure out with your limited knowledge if an issue is serious enough to communicate to someone else. We want to figure “it” out first, before we call in the expert. But between doing nothing and calling a neurosurgeon every time you have a headache, there are so many steps where you have to decide.

Which is why so many people start conversations with “I’m sorry to bother you with this”. Yet the problems are often easier to solve when you get them early.

Which leads to the question: how do you ease the path to get people to call sooner? How do you lower the barrier for honest communication without fear of feeling shame? Answering that question behooves every single kind of business out there.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

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Ep118: Lofty Goals & Lawn Gnomes Sep 24, 2019

Show notes

When you set lofty goals that not only don’t serve your larger objective, but actually work against you, you might want to reflect on this episode about Homeowners Associations, lawn gnomes, and setting pointless rules.

Why is that important for business?

When you are establishing rules and culture, make sure that you are not setting yourself up for an impossible task of compliance. When you target with incredible specificity and end up micromanaging, you might actually obscure your message completely, or worse – ensure everyone not only misses the point, but actively fights the bigger picture goal.

You are also often setting yourself up for failure by establishing an expectation of enforcement that is impossible to adhere to. It’s important to establish just enough of a boundary to stabilize and make clear what you need and no further. Overreach makes people react against the bigger goal. If you don’t enforce these arbitrary rules that you have set, you show yourself as powerless to live up to your own standards. Companies set themselves up with aspirational policies.

Look for opportunities to get buy-in through collectively deciding what people care about. Don’t let the fear that you have to have a consensus or have to listen to every opinion stop you from engaging the people affected by the policies you are setting up. Getting granular without buy-in is a nightmare.

What story do you want to tell?

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Ep117: Communication Triage Sep 17, 2019

Show notes

“You look so beautiful that I almost didn’t recognize you.”

Ever have someone deliver a compliment with that kind of precision and deftness? Sure, there might need to be training to help them better communicate; but listening for intent is just as important. Do you have a culture that assumes best intent, and trains from there?

Why is that important for business?

Sometimes, you need to be trained to hear the intent behind the words or clumsy phrasing. Just like a good daughter, the training and the culture of your company needs to be such that people are encouraged to acknowledge the intent behind the message before trying to correct it. Especially for people who fail to put the period where it should be in a sentence.

It is important to first acknowledge the best intent, and then give feedback on the delivery.

It’s also important to create a culture where people can give such feedback to someone to gain perspective on possible intent, even if it’s not the person directly. Sometimes, having another outlet – a safe person – can save hurt feelings.

It’s easy to say we want to assume best intent, but in practice, it can be challenging. If someone hands you an orange, but to you it’s clearly an apple, you have to be willing to ask: “is this really an apple?”, even if it doesn’t feel like it deserves questioning. Assuming best intent is to wedge a crowbar into something that feels like the truth. It’s hard work to assume best intent.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

OR...

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Connect with @SHMSpodcast on Twitter: https://twitter.com/shmspodcast

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Ep116: Happy Birthday... Give Me Your Money Sep 10, 2019

Show notes

Have you ever received one of those messages from a friend from high school, who clearly just wants to sell you something? Or had someone try to jump 6 or 7 rungs on the intimacy ladder, just to do business? Let’s talk about when the attempt to create an add actually becomes a detract.

Why is that important for business?

“Happy birthday, Eliot, now give me your money!”

Although it’s not an exact quote, these kinds of emails happen. And they actually end up devaluing the sender. Like a celery is purported to have negative calories, this is a negative calorie birthday greeting, where they actually take away from your estimation of them.

Social media especially makes it easy to simulate a relationship without actually forming one. Instead of forcing closeness, it might be more effective to create the start of closeness by being honest about the lack of closeness. But creating the veneer of a friendship where none exists borders on a violation, like someone crawling through a window you left ajar and joining you in your living room.

The only place you can begin to grow a community is from exactly the place where you are right now. As is described in Tribal Leadership https://www.triballeadership.net/: people can only hear you one layer above or below where you are. You have to meet people where they are at and grow from there. Presuming you are on a level that you are not is when the add becomes a detract.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

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Ep115: Grin-Worthy Goal Setting Sep 03, 2019

Show notes

Can you feel the difference between setting a goal and setting a Big Grin Goal? We sure can, and we want to spend some time talking about it.

Why is that important for business?

We’ve all set goals that – theoretically, at least – we want to achieve. And then…we don’t. But Eliot wants to introduce you to Scott and his concept of the Big Grin Goals (as measured with a Grindictator!)

Now, you could really like something, want something, but it might not make you grin. That things that “gives you the grins”? That goal that animates you naturally? When something is so compelling that it has a magnetic quality, it pulls you towards it. It might still be hard work, but it feels more worth it. It’s like the quote: “discipline is remembering what you want”. When you are energetically tied to a thing that you want – so much that it makes you grin just to think of it - the hard work just takes on a totally different flavour. And it can transform from what you have to do to what get to do.

It’s hard to deny that if you put that energy of the grin behind a goal, it becomes easier to achieve. But it might not be a direct line to the Grin Goal. In fact, if it was as a direct line, it wouldn’t scratch the itch.

And here’s where you need to look for the Power of the Metaphor. The Grin Goal might simply point to something you want more of – it might not be the ultimate destination at all. Like the great meditation teach Joseph Goldstein (https://www.dharma.org/teacher/joseph-goldstein/) says, “the thought of your mother is not your mother.” Be aware of when you are creating words around the image and where you need to get closer to the image means, what the goal feels like.

So…where do your goals fall on the Grindicator?

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

OR...

Shoot us an email: talktous@soheresmystory.com

Connect with @SHMSpodcast on Twitter: https://twitter.com/shmspodcast

Text the word STORY to 345345 to get access to bonus content and weekly episode delivery.

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Ep114: Ask Anyway (Joe Natoli Part 2) Aug 27, 2019

Show notes

It’s part 2 of our lovely dalliance with guest host, Joe Natoli, and he has a lot to share, including how to say no to non ideal clients, how to (politely) ignore your clients requests, and how to stand for the truth of your work.

Why is that important for business?

When clients come to Joe with a defined problem (and a proposed solution), his first step is to politely ignore their request and ask, “what occurred to make you think you needed this solution? Tell me the story that led you to this moment.” That story is at the core of what needs to be solved.

It is a natural human inclination to have decided on a solution by the time you reach out for help – otherwise, why would you call? But the danger is when you have someone who listens and does what you think you need. It’s important to pause and ask diagnostic questions to discover what the real problem actually is.

People often don’t know what their actual value is, because no one is asking the right questions and no one is willing to look dumb. Ask the question that is on the tip of your tongue, even if it feels humiliating. Often, the best question is, “have you tried asking?” For instance, if you are writing a proposal and it is hard, you haven’t asked enough questions.

Learn to say no to things and clients. Stand your ground for the truth. Hold less tightly to the solutions and more tightly to the core truth.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

OR...

Shoot us an email: talktous@soheresmystory.com

Connect with @SHMSpodcast on Twitter: https://twitter.com/shmspodcast

Text the word STORY to 345345 to get access to bonus content and weekly episode delivery.

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Ep113: Why All Business is UX (Joe Natoli Part 1) Aug 20, 2019

Show notes

We have a guest host today, and he has a great (2-part) story about finding the right work, making the invisible visible, and helping humans find new results from their systems.

Why is that important for business?

Our guest host Joe helped us explore a lot of topics in this 2-part conversation, including:

Finding what you are skilled at doing, even if no one supports you
Sometimes we need “not that” people in our life, so we can discover what we want by having to fight for it.
That you don’t have to march in straight line with 1000 other people; you can actually stop people from doing what everyone else is doing, but for a living!
When you want to fix a problem, it’s helpful to be clear on what you are doing now before you change it.
Look for the fear or the unmet need. When someone is tightly controlling something, there is a reason.
You can’t ignore a problem just because the proffered solution doesn’t work.
Forget about the recipes you know and the things we are good at that you want to automatically apply. If you’ve been doing something the same way and getting the same unwanted result, you have to stop doing what you are doing.
Ask what you need out of a meeting, instead of having one because you think you need a meeting.
Obstacles that get in the way of good end result are very rarely peoples’ abilities, skills and experience. It is the stuff in the periphery that creates the obstacles.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

OR...

Shoot us an email: talktous@soheresmystory.com

Connect with @SHMSpodcast on Twitter: https://twitter.com/shmspodcast

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Ep112: When Ranting Actually Matters Aug 13, 2019

Show notes

How do you tell when something is just a quick rant, and when something actually matters? Well, we’ve got a story about that. Or a series of rants, as the case may be.

Why is that important for business?

Rants are specific to the people you tell them. What bothers you doesn’t necessarily bother other people. But these are the things that are the poppy seeds between the teeth in an organization that end up causing tension. If everyone agrees that about the poor etiquette, then you can course correct from there. But what if there is disagreement on whether it’s okay to even be upset about it?

Often, people see a dismissal of what bothers them through a lens not of this concern doesn’t matter, but I don’t matter.

The answer, as usual lies in conversations, and about not shying away from having conversations about things, even if they feel silly. “While no single conversation is guaranteed to transform a company, a relationship, or a life, any single conversation can.” (Susan Scott, Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life One Conversation at a Time. https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/289515/fierce-conversations-revised-and-updated-by-susan-scott/9780425193372/)

A great way to start these conversations is as Brene Brown suggests: “the story I’m making up is…” https://www.businessinsider.com/brene-browns-biggest-life-hack-is-a-simple-phrase-2015-8

Tell people what your assumptions are right up front. At least start there. Otherwise you might end up the subject of someone else’s rant.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

OR...

Shoot us an email: talktous@soheresmystory.com

Connect with @SHMSpodcast on Twitter: https://twitter.com/shmspodcast

Text the word STORY to 345345 to get access to bonus content and weekly episode delivery.

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Ep111: We Are Baltimore Aug 06, 2019

Show notes

Leadership isn’t about taking responsibility for just the parts you like; leaders don’t get to separate themselves from their organization. And as much as this episode is about the things Trump said about Baltimore, it’s more about good (and bad) leadership, and choosing between a chair and a hand.

Why is that important for business?

When you lead anything, whether it be a country, a state, or an organization, you can’t disconnect yourself from the things that are in your charge. When you are a leader, you wholesale relinquish your right to consider yourself separate from anything within your organization. If some part is bad or wrong or struggling, then you are also bad or wrong or struggling. And although it may not be your job to fix it per se, you don’t get to isolate yourself from it.

This isn’t to say that you aren’t allowed to have judgements as a leader – your job is to identify what is not working and where there are issues to solve. But if you see a part of your business not getting the outcomes you want, then it is ultimately your responsibility. You don’t have the luxury of kicking it in the shins or cannibalizing part of the thing that is your job to raise up. Your job is to always facilitate a solution to make that thing better. Otherwise you are setting yourself up where people are defending themselves against the leader. And as Lincoln said, “a house divided against itself cannot stand”.

There is no amount of team building you can do if, at the end, you don’t imagine you all have the same goal.

This is where the Zen of the Hand and the Chair comes into play in leadership. If you attempt to cut off the hand’s little finger, the rest of the hand would curl up in a fist to defend it. A chair, in contrast, is fixed in structure – if you chop off a leg, the rest of the chair would notice it was tipping, but wouldn’t move to fix it. The chair would hit the floor. Each organization has to choose if it will be the hand or the chair.

Organizations are almost always a reflection of leadership’s best and worst traits, and in that way, teach (or even stand for) what they tolerate. Whatever you stand there and be is the message you send to your organization about what’s okay.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

OR...

Shoot us an email: talktous@soheresmystory.com

Connect with @SHMSpodcast on Twitter: https://twitter.com/shmspodcast

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Ep110: The Value of Imperfect Steps Jul 30, 2019

Show notes

It’s important to remember that clarity comes through action. For instance, clarity that two semi-introverts might not like to be the stars of their own party. And that there might be a better way to build a community without needing to hide in the corner or fake a bathroom break.

Why is that important for business?

Figuring things out in business is an imperfect path. But it is only by doing something that isn’t quite a hit out of the ballpark that the next thing that IS a fit becomes possible. We often want to think things through before we take a step, but the only way to figure a thing out – the only way to get clarity or confidence – is via action.

That’s why it is so helpful to ask: what did I love about this thing? It doesn’t have to be all of it or even most of it, but it’s important to identify and keep those parts, and find a way to mitigate the parts that don’t serve.

Without action and reflection, it’s like you are sifting through puzzle pieces without knowing what the top of the box looks like. You shouldn’t – we shouldn’t - underestimating the immense power of continually making imperfect steps, gathering the “not that” from it, and redirecting.

As the saying goes: Eat the fish and spit out the bones.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

OR...

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