Millennial: Pretend Adulting, Real Talk

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Episode #2x40: The Selfie Felony Oct 26, 2016

Show notes

#Millennial reporting live from the end of the Republic, with only two more weeks left before the next - and depending on how it goes, maybe the last - presidential election. -Is Wonder Woman an empowering role model for girls worldwide, or just over-sexualized spank bank material for boys? The UN deliberates. Tonight at 9. -AT&T announces it's buying Time Warner for a monumental $85.4 billion. Harry Potter asks if this means he'll get free roaming. -A new installment of Trumpster Fire 2016 comes with a PSA about polling booth selfies, brought to you by: Justin Timberlake - bringing felonies back since 2004. -The Number asks us to guess which state has the highest per capita number of sex toys, and spoiler alert, it's NOT GEORGIA. NICE SLACKING THERE LAURA. -Surprise, bitch! is a massive failure, much like this show. In this week's After Dark: -Halloween is almost here, and we kick it off with another creep ass story from our resident ghost hunter. -Close the portal. -Where should costumes draw the line between fantasy fictional characters, and cultural appropriation? No one knows for sure, but avoiding skin makeup is probably a good fuckin start. -How should we each dress up, and why don't boys' costumes show off their ass cheeks? SEEMS LIKE A DOUBLE STANDARD. Thanks Obama.

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Episode #2x39: Perfect Illusion Oct 20, 2016

Show notes

Welcome back to the show, Pam!
Note: This episode was recorded BEFORE the debate. This week's After Dark will have our thoughts on the third and final brawl!
Shit is real now in the fight against ISIS. We discuss the Battle for Mosul.
Andrew tries to share some health tips for those in their 20s, but Matt apparently knows them all.
The Montreal Protocol just got a lot tougher and COOLER.
Canada decides to "Tell America It's Great," and we decide to return the favor. Warning: NSFW ;)

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Episode #2x38: Everything Oct 12, 2016

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Haiti's death toll from Hurricane Matthew has soared past 900 -- and thousands more are suffering from the rapid spread of cholera. Donate whatever you can spare to Unicef's Haiti mission or Hope for Haiti. "BREAKING NEWS: DONALD TRUMP SHOCKS WORLD, REVEALS RAMPANT SEXISM" said no one who's watched him speak longer than 10 seconds before today. TapeGate does reveal one new thing, however: Donald Trump isn't just a minsogynst. He's also a sexual assaulter. And he brags about it. These. Aren't. Just. WORDS. The second presidential debate: where no one won, because we all lost. Pol Pot. Kim Jung Un. Donald Trump. Which of these is not like the other? (Trick question.) Hidden from the Headlines warns against fear mongering with a new, surprising revelation: the world is actually doing okay. (Mostly.) Surprise, bitch! Have you ever heard of Harry Potter? And in this week's After Dark: Pence/Trump: the new GOP dream, why everyone is advocating for it, and why it won't happen. "Yer a wizard, Thomas." We sort the Founding Fathers - and the presidential candidates - into Hogwarts Houses.

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Episode #2x37: Wanna Get Pregnant? Oct 07, 2016

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Andrew met Bruce Springsteen and died from exposure. RIP. But he'll be resurrected in time for election night - where we'll all be hanging out in D.C. to watch the results roll in. Think you might want to join? Let us know here. BREAKING NEWS: Using loopholes to avoid paying millions in taxes unironically lauded by campaign whose slogan is "law and order." "How to Win at Debating by Being a Keebler Elf," a novel, by Tim Kaine. Hidden from the Headlines brings us the story of the poor, downtrodden plastic industry, yearning for freedom from France's tyrannical environmental laws. #NotTheOnion Fuck Off, Cupid - and an associated tirade against people who can't handle rejection. And in this week's After Dark: Laura's been vlogging live from her car - what are some of our biggest pet peeves re: rules of the road and terrible drivers? AP Choice investigates. AP Choice also asks us about marriage. Where do we stand on it? Will any of us attain it? Why do listeners email us asking why we aren't already? More at 10.

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Episode #2x36: Laura's Son Sep 30, 2016

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Americans: You're running out of time to register to vote. Get on that NOW if you haven't already! Shout out to our friend Sarah at the HP-Alliance - their most recent campaign is called Wizard Rock the Vote, and its endeavor is to register new voters and empower people to get out the vote in their own communities. Hit the link above to participate, and enter for a chance to win a Harry Potter book signed by J.K. Rowling! Laura wants us to get our flu shots, while Andrew wants to know what we'd save in a fire. Surprise, Bitch: It's Laura's son! He's drunk, alone, and watching Narcos. Laura wants to give him a lesson in 'playing with his phone' ;) ;) ;) This week, in After Dark… Laura's phone is wet. We discuss business horror stories. Who's screwed us over, and what are we doing about it?

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Episode #2x35: Lucky Seven Sep 21, 2016

Show notes

The FBI director says it's a good idea to cover up your camera.
Pumpkin Spice EVERYTHING is back. And Laura confesses to being a white girl.
In Dumpster Fire 2016, we discuss a Bush's vote for Hillary, Trump using charity money to settle legal problems, and the damn birther movement.
What do we expect to happen in next week's first Presidential Debate?
Surprise, Bitch! It's your lucky day!

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Episode #2x34: Overheatin' Hillary Sep 14, 2016

Show notes

Some MVP listeners ask Andrew why he thinks "a hole is a hole." Andrew digs his grave deeper. HAPPY 9/11 MATT!!! The birthday boy reminds us two national tragedies were born that day. Dumpster Fire 2016: Deplorable Lives Matter. Overheatin' Hillary. Real time election results. The end of our Republic. We welcome Trump spokeswoman MaryAnne Katherine Kelly Sue to the show. An American oil company is asking Native American tribes in North Dakota to trust them, seriously, everything will be fine, when has the U.S. ever steered you wrong? "North Korea is best Korea," civilians said sarcastically. Now they're in internment camps and we're hiding under our desks. It's getting hot in herre. So pay the IRS before they burn the rest of your house down. And in this week's After Dark: One of the hosts spends 10 consecutive minutes talking about their ass. #ButtPlugGate is revealed. #Millennial PSA: Vomit is not an aphrodisiac.

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Episode #2x33: Taco Emissions Sep 07, 2016

Show notes

Andrew isn't here, so we answer all your burning questions about him. Warner Bros' legendary failure of the week has us asking: if company slogans were 100% honest, what would they be? This week in science: antibacterials don't work, and neither do your genes. Why the FDA ruled against antibacterials and why you're probably fat. Tonight at 9. Lions and tigers and zika, oh my! And bees and butterflies and pollinators across 48 contiguous states dying from a new zika-targeted pesticide. Oh... shit. Don't set cars on fire. Use your feces instead. And in this week's installment of Dumpster Fire 2016: technology continues to be Hillary Clinton's greatest nemesis, but taco trucks may be her savior. In this week's After Dark: As aging Millennials, we're starting to get asked a lot about having kids. Why. How do we want to raise our kids? Why is Laura's daughter named Pedro? An impromptu round of Google that Shit reveals a lot of Americans are losing their children.

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Episode #2x32: McChicken Sep 01, 2016

Show notes

Bienvenido a Jacob, nuestro último ganador del Boleto de Oro! We bring a little culture to the show with a story from Mexico. But we don't steep in our newfound intellectualism for long. Mayo or man juice? Trick question: both. Surprise, bitch! takes us on the road with a traveling listener. Google that Shiiiiiiiit: Sponsored by the End of Human Intellect. Colin Kaepernick: the new face of terrorism in America. Donald Trump visits Mexico (we're sorry), Twitter has given up all fucks, and there's a clown stalking children in the woods. Abandon Earth. And in this week's After Dark: Laura apologizes for making the AD theme song so much better than the main show's. We do not accept. WHAT IS GOING ON ANTHONY WEINER. Y U DO DIS. No seriously. What the fuck. Slate argues in favor of "ghosting" at parties, and we find out Millennials are destroying the soap industry. No one likes scraping pubes off a bar of Irish Spring.

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Episode #2x31: Mook Me Aug 25, 2016

Show notes

It's Britney, bitch. Burning to ashes in this week's Dumpster Fire: the GOP-black community relationship. Then again, what do they have to lose? Clinton's hashtag!emails are back in the news cycle with more expected to be leaked just in time for election day. Hidden from the Headlines: Nestle's continued courting of the Satan vote, and an Obamacare problem without a clear solution in sight. But wait, there's more! If you order your news right now, you'll get a free: 1) Ryan Lochte scandal - brought to you by Speedo 2) Gawker debate - brought to you by questionable journalistic standards 3) Justice Department memo - sponsored by the tears of private prison executives 4) And more! Surprise, biiiiiiiitch. And in this installment of After Dark: "Let's play a game." -Jigsaw/Matt Who said it? Trump, or Mussolini? Trick question: Kanye West. We call listeners and see if they can tell the difference. "Democracy is beautiful in theory; in practice it is a fallacy. You in America will see that some day." Too real, bro. #Mussolini

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