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    Health

    Good Girls Talk About Sex

    Good Girls Talk About Sex features the kinds of conversations you usually only have with your best girlfriend late at night over a bottle of wine. Sex and Intimacy Coach Leah Carey talks with women — including all people who were raised as little girls plus transgender women — about the realities of being a sexual person in today’s world.

    The conversations are warm, welcoming, and non-judgmental, featuring people of all sizes, shapes, ages, races, orientations, relationship structures, and more.

    Sometimes you’ll hear your own experiences reflected back to you and realize you’re not alone. Other times, you’ll hear stories very different from your own that broaden your ideas about what is “normal” and introduce you to exciting new possibilities.

    Conversations may be explicit, but are never salacious or exploitative.

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    Latest Episodes:
    Year One Celebration - Q&A extravaganza Dec 26, 2019
    Show notes

    It's been a year! In this final episode of 2019, we revisit some of our most popular conversations so far.

    We've got excerpts from the Q&A portions from episodes featuring Danielle, Betsy, Jessi, and Michelle. Much of this material ended up on the cutting room floor the first time around, so it's all-new content for regular listeners (Patreon supporters got a sneak peek at these extended conversations when they first came out!)

    Information about the 5% BRAVER group coaching process can be found at www.leahcarey.com/brave.

    The full episodes for these four conversations can be found:

    • Danielle - Bad self-esteem but a great body
    • Betsy - When we started to explore kink
    • Jessi - Exploring queer sex
    • Michelle - A throbbing in my nether regions

    Other resources:

    • Danielle's podcast: Marriage & Martinis
    • Jessi Kneeland's Instagram account
    • Michelle's favorite sex toy, Tracy's Dog, here.
    • Leah's favorite toy to use on a penis, the Tenga Egg, here.

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    I had sex with a lot of people while I was married – Lisa Dec 12, 2019
    Show notes

    Lisa is a 40-year-old cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, currently in a relationship that is heterosexual, monogamous, and long-distance. She has also long been attracted to women and is considering the likelihood that she is bisexual.

    Major themes in this episode include body image and eating disorders, sex outside marriage, long distance relationships, and exploring kink.

    • Lisa's discovery of sexual pleasure in the shower
    • Growing up as a gymnast, giving her a heightened sense of body awareness as a kid
    • Developing an eating disorder
    • Lisa's first experience of dating and sexual exploration
    • "Losing" her virginity
    • Having a partner stop penetration when asked
    • Having bad sex in college
    • Getting married right out of college and meeting her sexual needs outside the marriage
    • Having flings during work travel
    • Lisa's ability to compartmentalize sex from a relationship
    • Communicating relationship needs/boundaries/parameters over the course of a relationship
    • Lisa's second marriage and its unhealthy aspects
    • Opening up to kink and anal sex
    • Exploring new fantasies with her current partner
    • The day Lisa's partner thanked Leah on Instagram for opening new vistas in their relationship!
    • How they keep sex alive in a long distance relationship
    • How Lisa talks to her kids about sex and consent
    • The ramifications of leaving a trail of sexy pics in today's digital world

    Audio extras for this episode are:

    • Lisa and I discuss the confusion we've both encountered around bisexuality
    • Lisa talks about the prevalence of GHB, a date rape drug, when she was in college
    • The extended Q&A

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    I'm done keeping men's secrets - Sarah Nov 27, 2019
    Show notes

    Sarah is a 35-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, married, monogamous, and pansexual. She clarified however that while she has experienced attractions to people of all genders, her sexual experiences have been limited to cis-gender males.

    Through her teens and early 20s, Sarah dated MUCH older men. She reflects back on those experiences, sorting through the ramifications of her partner choices, including the pressures she felt and how the power differentials in those relationships worked. She is now married to a man her own age and in the second half of the show we talk extensively about the physical difficulties she has with sex and how she and her husband work around them.

    Major themes in this episode include the stigma, power dynamics, and secrets involved in dating much older men; physical challenges with sex and difficulty with orgasm; and expanding the definition of what counts as sex.

    • Sarah's first memory of sexual pleasure around age 8
    • Sarah's first relationship with a moderately older partner
    • Not knowing how to behave when receiving pleasure
    • Sarah's first relationship with a significantly order partner
    • Sarah considers power dynamics and coercion in relationship with an older man
    • When a partner removes a condom without permission it is sexual assault
    • Sarah's first orgasm at age 25—through more communication, focus on her pleasure, comfort level
    • Navigating sexual interaction when orgasm isn't going to happen
    • The physical challenges Sarah contends with including carpal tunnel, autoimmune disorders, and vaginal dryness
    • Experimenting with lubricants and dilators
    • An important PSA about lubrication!

    The audio extras for this episode are:

    • Sarah talks more about her relationships with older men
    • The extended Q&A

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    I had a throbbing in my nether regions - Michelle Nov 14, 2019
    Show notes

    Michelle is a 42-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as black and married. She is currently sorting through whether she is gay or bisexual, and in the process she and her wife have opened up what was previously a monogamous marriage.

    Major themes in this episode include discovering (and re-discovering) sexual orientation, mismatched libido in a marriage, infidelity and honesty within a marriage, and discovering physical desire in her 40s.

    • Michelle's first-grade crush on her female teacher
    • Michelle's experience of inappropriate touch at 7 years old
    • Michelle's first kiss in college
    • The power dynamic of giving blowjobs
    • The cultural taboo of black men giving oral sex to women
    • Michelle's first experience of receiving oral sex and intercourse
    • Michelle's first experience with a woman
    • Discomfort with sexual fluids
    • Coming out to her friends as gay – and their reaction
    • Mismatched libidos lead her wife to seek sex outside the marriage
    • Michelle feels stirrings of raw passion with a man
    • Michelle's identity crisis over attraction to a male and potentially losing her identity as a strong lesbian
    • Finally having an honest conversation with her wife – the impact and the aftermath

    The audio extras for this episode are:

    • The extended Q&A
    • Michelle and I talk about how strong she was to get help as a young child, and how she doesn't see herself that way
    • Michelle considers whether her early attraction to men was authentic or manufactured so she could feel "normal"

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    I ran background checks before every hookup - Jo Oct 31, 2019
    Show notes

    Jo is a 58-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, heteroflexible, and in a friends-with-benefits situation. She deals with ongoing physical issues that make sex challenging. Her preferred relationship style is "none" – as in, she doesn't want a defined romantic relationship. Before we started recording she said, "I don't want to be picking up your socks or do your laundry. I may cook you dinner occasionally, but that's because I want to cook not because you're hungry."

    While I did my best to maintain my regular sense of equilibrium during this interview, it was a particularly personal one for me. Jo and I don't really know each other, but our families have been intertwined for a long time. In order to preserve the privacy of others not on this call, we kept the specifics vague, but we were both curious to find out if we would learn new things about our shared history in this conversation.

    Major themes in this episode include preferring to not have committed relationships, navigating sex with physical difficulties/birth defects, internet dating, and sex after menopause.

    • Jo's first memory of sexual pleasure
    • Jo's early medical history, including birth defects (Jo's language for her physical challenges) and surgeries to correct them
    • Jo's sexual experience with a family friend, then listening to his brother getting beaten for masturbating
    • Being pushed into sexual interaction and having to say no
    • Learning to self pleasure; also having no one to talk about it with, and the fear of AIDS
    • Her fears about sex easing after the death of her mother, and starting to explore internet dating
    • Having sex with another person for the first time at 46, and her difficulties with intercourse due to childhood surgeries
    • Jo's techniques to learn how to have intercourse pleasurably, if at all; necessity of mentally relaxing for it to be possible
    • Using blow jobs to take pressure off of her during sex
    • Insisting on a friends-with-benefits structure for relationships
    • Jo's trauma response, including needing to know when touch will be coming

    Audio extras for this episode are:

    • Jo talks about the violence she experienced as a girl because she didn't dress or act according to gender expectations.
    • Jo describes the sexual harassment she experienced in the workplace in the early 1980s.
    • The extended Q&A.

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    I thought our sex life was perfect, until he for new things – Shasta Oct 17, 2019
    Show notes

    Shasta is a 45-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as Canadian First Nation/Cree, heterosexual, monogamous, and married to her husband who she has been with for 20 years.

    Major themes in this episode include

    • balance of power in heterosexual relationships,
    • bedroom boredom in a long-term relationship, and
    • working to heal childhood issues as an adult

    You can find Shasta online at www.ShastaTownsend.com. Her book, Happy, Sexy, Shameless – What Our Mother's Didn't Know About the Birds and the Bees, is available at Amazon.

    • Her first memory of sexual pleasure, masturbating at age 4
    • The challenge of overcoming staleness in the marriage bed
    • Rediscovering masturbation as an adult
    • Encountering shame and childhood trauma when her husband requested new sexual explorations
    • What she learned as a child about being a "good girl"
    • The messages we hear about being a smart and outspoken female
    • Using sexual dominance as a protective measure, sexual prowess as power over men
    • The cultural balance in wanting men to pursue women and ask for things vs. men being perceived as aggressive/entitled
    • Shasta's experience with body image—being the "smart one" but also flaunting/accentuating what you have
    • Trying new things with her husband to break barriers around shame and stories

    Audio extras for this episode are:

    • Shasta talks more about her First Nation/Indigenous background and what it was like to grow up as a mixed race child in Canada. She also talks about the messages she heard about being a "good girl."
    • The extended Q&A

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    I didn't cheat for sex, I cheated for tenderness - Aimee Oct 03, 2019
    Show notes

    Aimee is a 37-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, straight, and married.

    Although Aimee considers herself monogamous, she has recently begun an affair with another man that her husband does not know about. We talk about this extensively in the second half of the episode.

    Many people like Aimee are struggling in unhappy marriages and looking for affirmation and connection outside of their primary bond.

    Major themes in this episode include: infidelity and seeking sex outside the marriage, lack of sexual communication, erectile dysfunction

    • Aimee's first masturbation experience including both pleasure and shame
    • Bad first experience of sex
    • Getting into relationships just because the man showed interest
    • Lack of sex ed and sex talk from parents, even about menstruation
    • Aimee's first experience of sexual pleasure with another person
    • Navigating her partner's erectile dysfunction
    • Lacking communication about sex with her partner
    • Developing an extramarital relationship
    • Aimee's true feelings about the future – and how she hopes the relationship with her husband will end

    Audio extras for this episode are:

    • We talk about the mismatch Aimee and her husband have in their touch needs and their understanding of boundaries
    • Aimee talks more about the dissatisfaction she has in her marriage and what she's getting from the new man in her life
    • The full Q&A

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    I found my confidence one tattoo at a time – Erin Sep 19, 2019
    Show notes

    Erin is a 34-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as queer, in a new relationship, she isn't certain of her preferred relationship style.

    Erin deals with OCD, plus related mental conditions that cause her to pull her hair (Trichotillomania) and pick her skin (Dermatillomania). Those conditions cause her nervousness when exposing herself with a new partner.

    Major themes in this episode include being queer, OCD, and exploring sex in adulthood.

    • Feeling the tingle watching animated cartoons
    • Growing up in a progressive culture
    • The lack of good sex education, even in a progressive city
    • Erin's first time having sex
    • The dreaded moment of receiving oral from a boyfriend who didn't like doing it
    • Basing her teen body image on being the "funny one"
    • How getting tattoos as an adult has helped Erin to embrace her body
    • The positive impact improving her body image has had on her sex life
    • Erin's first relationship with a woman
    • Navigating dating and sexuality with a form of OCD that is very visible (skin picking and hair pulling)
    • Erin talks about her hard red lines around sex

    Audio extras for this episode are:

    • Erin and I talk about bisexuality – the language that is used around it and the experiences each of us have had around being rejected for it as well as being fetishized for it
    • Erin talks about choosing a monogamous relationship after exploring ethical non-monogamy.
    • The extended Q&A

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    I blamed myself when he couldn't get hard - Martyna Sep 05, 2019
    Show notes

    Martyna is a 29-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, heterosexual, monogamous, and in a relationship. She grew up in Poland and now lives in South Africa.

    Martyna deals with depression, and she talks today about how that has affected her relationships and sex. She also talks about how the season 1 STARS episode affected her thinking about how to talk about consent. You can find that episode at https://www.leahcarey.com/podcast/episode-8a-bonus-the-stars-conversation

    Major themes in this episode include depression, learning about consent as an adult, and exploring BDSM.

    • Martyna's first sexual experiences – by herself riding pillows, then playing with another little girl
    • The lessons she learned growing up Polish Catholic
    • Securing contraception in secret
    • Growing up with an alcoholic and emotionally abusive mom, and her teen rebellion
    • Martyna's sense of shame around losing her virginity
    • Finding herself sexually, her exploration on the rebound
    • Martyna's first experience of real consent conversations and the play that lead to her sexual awakening
    • Her intro to BDSM
    • Her masturbation to achieve orgasm when it wasn't present in sex
    • How depression has affected her sex life
    • The relief of giving up control during sex
    • More specific details about her sexual activities with her current partner

    Audio extras for this episode are:

    • An extended conversation about how the culture of different countries plays into gender roles and relationship expectations
    • Martyna talks more about the specifics of her BDSM activities with her partner
    • The extended Q&A

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    I love sex but I hate silence in bed - Margot Aug 08, 2019
    Show notes

    Margot is a 39-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as black, British, bisexual and currently in an open, long-distance relationship.

    She also travels widely and lives for extended periods in other parts of the world, giving her insight into different sexual cultures around the world.

    Major themes in this episode include open relationships, later-in-life sexual explorations, and learning about sexuality in a culture that was not open about the subject.

    • Margot's first experience of intercourse
    • Exploring sex post-divorce
    • Her relationship with her body and how it is changing with aging
    • Navigating an open relationship
    • The questions and communication that are required in their open relationship
    • The boundaries and agreements Margot has with her partner to make their open relationship work
    • Margot's experience of body image
    • Discovering what an orgasm feels like

    Audio extras for this episode are:

    • Margot shares some fascinating insights into relationship norms that she has observed in other cultures around the world
    • The extended Q&A

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


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