Good Girls Talk About Sex

Latest Episodes:

Do you have sex during your period? Jun 18, 2020

Show notes

In this episode, Leah begins answering the Lowdown questions – with a twist!

To date, she has done well over 60 interviews, most of which have included an in-depth Q&A. As she answers each Lowdown question, you'll hear a chorus of voices answering the same question. The goal is to remind you, once again, that no matter what your answer is, you are completely normal and you are not alone.

In the second half of the show, she answers an "Am I normal?" question about feeling attractive after major surgery.

Chorus of voices answering "Do you have sex during your period?"
Leah answers
Leah talks about her earliest shame/trauma experience around menstruation, being lectured by her dad in a way that made her feel overwhelmed, invaded, and disgusted.
When Leah gets her first period at age 12, she ignores it. Her mom discovers evidence in the laundry.
In her 30's, she has her first experience with a partner wanting to proceed with sex while she is on her period. He's fine with it. But the sight of her blood on his fingers nearly breaks her.
She occasionally will have sex while on her period with her current partner, even though she still experiences shame and emotional discomfort.
Am I normal? question – how can I have sex and feel attractive after major surgery?
Leah talks about our culture's ideal body type, how we are harmfully held against a specific and limited standard, and how our belief that we are lovable is tied to that standard.
Going to a nude sex resort helped Leah see that all types of bodies are sexually attractive to someone.
Leah directs the audience to Instagram to see bodies with colostomy bags, in wheelchairs, and after breast cancer normalized.
Leah talks about "body neutrality."

Check out some of these Instagram accounts to see a variety of bodies enjoying life:

Normalizing ostomies:

Love and vacations in a wheelchair:

https://www.instagram.com/naomifernandez__/

Life after breast cancer:

https://www.instagram.com/laureneliseox/

Fat yoga / Curvy girl yoga:

Body neutrality:

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

I thought sex was a job I had to do right - Melissa Jun 11, 2020

Show notes

Melissa experienced childhood sexual abuse and is dealing with its long-term impacts. She has a complicated pleasure response and is working on reframing how she views sex after abuse.

After childhood sexual abuse, Melissa is determined to keep unpacking her experiences and shaping a sex life that feels like actual fun. She knows she is blessed with a good partner. She's sought therapy, and pays attention. She just plain wants better. The search for real joy has become her driving force.

Melissa is a 40-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as Latina, heterosexual, monogamous, married with 3 boys. She grew up in the United States and currently lives with her family in Australia.

Her first memory of sexual pleasure at 16 and having a moment alone that felt differently and purely "good."
Melissa reveals that she experienced childhood trauma around sex.
Sex ed (in the 90's) was mostly watching old (70's/80's) videos in school which were biologically oriented. She received a lot of negative messaging around sex—from parents about pregnancy, from her childhood abuse.
The repressive effects of growing up Catholic and of childhood sexual trauma continue into college.
Her first relationship is with the man who later became her husband; she met him at age 17 in college.
She didn't have sex with her boyfriend initially but the activities they did remind her of something wrong.
Melissa describes what it's like to be energetically divided within the sexual experience by past trauma—part of the brain being devoted to assuring herself she's safe, and only whatever is left can experience the pleasure.
Her boyfriend/husband is the first person she opened up to about the abuse and he suggested getting therapy.
She had sex for the first time with her boyfriend (now-husband) 2 years into their relationship.
She describes in detail what the body detachment from pleasure was like to experience, and it turns out this is a common trauma response. Also that she performed the acts to please him, not herself.
Leah talks about autonomic responses, with or without the experience of actual pleasure.
Leah talks about how little girls are socialized into the habit of taking care of others and performing pleasure.
Melissa reconciles "ordinary" behaviors with her trauma behaviors, and through trust in her husband she's able to try new things and through therapy to hold new ideas.
Melissa shares her sexual turn-ons.
She talks about the impact of timing and motherhood and having to shift mindsets for sex.
Sex currently in the marriage is "good" though not "yay" or "joy."
Going to the gym, in addition to therapy, has helped Melissa with health and body image and reaching desired goals while releasing trauma. She's also trying to consciously transition from thinking of sex as work to thinking of it as fun time.
She talks more about what it means to feel like sex is a job.
Is it sex if the man doesn't ejaculate?

Audio extras for this episode are:

How having kids has affected Melissa's relationship with her body and with sex
The extended Lowdown Q&A

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

Voices of Color - Raising the volume Jun 04, 2020

Show notes

This week we put aside the regular episode to feature the stories and voices of women and non-binary folx of color.

The first half of the show calls back to clips from previous Good Girls Talk About Sex interviews:

Jazz from the episode "Vibrators changed my life"
Tenisha from the episode "I had to get drunk to have sex"
Shana from the episode "It was never: I'm ready, let's do this"
Maya from the episode "The worse I felt, the more sex I had"
Michelle from the episode "A throbbing in my nether regions"

The second half of the show features excerpts from podcasts created and hosted by women of color that I think you may enjoy:

"A Consequence of Being The Strong One" from Courage Hackers with Nesha Frazier
"When Brands Are Silent, We Stop Supporting" from Brown Girl Self-Care with Bre Mitchell
Podcast trailer from So-Called Oreos with Kia, Janae, Rachel and Amari
Introductory episode from The Way Thru with Raven Delana

Other recommendations are:

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

I thought my body was all I had to offer - Maya May 28, 2020

Show notes

Maya was born in the Sudan and came to the United States at age 6. She shares the frustrations she's had around religion and how it affected her sexuality, the way she used sex in her early life to fill an emotional void, and the pleasure she has finally found with her husband.

Maya is a 30-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as mixed race (black and white), heteroflexible, married, monogamous with the possibility of some monogamish play, with a young daughter. She was born in the Sudan and came to the United States at age 6. She was brought up Muslim and describes her body as tall and thicc.

As a girl, Maya thought sexuality was perverted and made fun of it with friends
Growing up in an Islamic household where sex was a sin, and she wasn't allowed to date
Maya describes being chaperoned by her mom on a date to the movies (but her brother was allowed to date without chaperone)
Losing her virginity at 19 to a senior in college
Her "first love" was a typical bad boy.
The way Maya used sex during a deep depression – needing the attention to feel desired and feel better about herself.
A boss who paid her for sexy play
The impact Osho's book "Sex Matters" had on her view of sex and religion
How her appearance (being tall and "thicc") differs in desirability/impact on black vs white men—and how she only dates black men.
Her husband is the first person she's with who prioritizes her pleasure and it's disconcerting.
Contemplating a threesome with her husband and another woman, and the nerves she has about the idea
The reasons sex has slowed down since Maya married her husband – not just having a child, but also their deep beliefs about sex and the role it should have in marriage

Audio extras for this episode are:

A deeper dive into Maya's experience of depression, and how losing her identity as an athlete in college was a big driver
Maya talks more about her "lesbian phase"
The extended Lowdown Q&A

Resources mentioned:

"Sex Matters" by Osho - Osho is a complicated figure – he is still revered by some for his insights into sexual energy and relaxing attitudes toward human sexuality. However he has also been accused of sexual impropriety and abuse by many of his followers. I am not one to throw the baby out with the bathwater, however, so I'm providing this resource for those who may find it helpful while also encouraging you to do some further reading of the full context of Osho's teachings.

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

A sex worker told me that I'm not broken - Leah speaks May 21, 2020

Show notes

In part 4 of my conversation with Jessi Kneeland, we talk about how I ended up doing a six month solo road trip around the country in my car, and talk about the sexual healing I never expected to find while on the road.

In "Am I normal?" we talk about female lubrication – is there such a thing as too much? Thanks to Jessi for interviewing ME! She is an amazing body image coach and I highly recommend following her on Instagram and signing up for her weekly #TransparentTuesday emails.

Resources mentioned:

COVID Confidential video series – https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZPyfFHzvbHbuFG5oAIO5N3-ymiZHqgYy
The Savage Lovecast – https://www.savagelovecast.com/
Leah's favorite lube – https://youtu.be/i_Ok69EI-ks
Intimina KegelSmart – https://www.intimina.com/kegel-smart
The Womanizer - https://www.womanizer.com/

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

I told my husband my secret after a decade - Lois May 14, 2020

Show notes

Lois carried shame into her adulthood due to childhood sexual abuse. As an adult, she found healing and had wonderful sex with her current husband, which has dwindled as they've gotten older. She talks about her how the abuse affected her relationship with her body and sex, participating in "free love" during the 60s, and her relationship with sex as she has gotten older.

Lois is a 70-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as mostly white, straight, married for 38 years, monogamous, and post-menopausal. She has three grown children.

Lois talks about being abused as a child
Lois' mother witnessed the abuse and didn't stop it
Lois' experience of sexual shame in the aftermath of the abuse
Her early consensual sexual experiences, and feelings of extreme guilt.
The pleasure response that can happen even during abuse
Coming of age sexually in the mid-1960s and her first consensual sexual relationship.
The Summer of Love
Meeting her first husband at age 24
Making sure she received pleasure during sex
How the abuse affected her feelings about her body, and hating her body as a sexual vessel
Experiencing love at first sight with her second husband
Telling her husband about her abuse background after a triggering event at work
Having a great sex life in her 40s
Going through early menopause after a hysterectomy and the dwindling of their sex life

Audio extras for this episode are:

How her own experience of childhood sexual abuse affected Lois' communication with her children about sex.
Extended Q&A

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

I went to a Jamaican sex resort and didn't have sex May 07, 2020

Show notes

In part 3 of my conversation with Jessi Kneeland, we talk about how I learned the difference between sensual and sexual touch, learning how to determine and voice my boundaries, and my ongoing battle with body image issues.

Thanks to Jessi for interviewing ME! She is an amazing body image coach and I highly recommend following her on Instagram and signing up for her weekly #TransparentTuesday emails.

Also: the "Am I Normal?" question: Is it normal that my libido is higher than my male partner's?

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

I said "I'm a big woman" and the dates poured in - Cathy Apr 30, 2020

Show notes

As a child, Cathy experienced extended molestation, which caused her to dissociate from her body and feel huge shame about her body. As she grew older, she also gained weight, which left her feeling like no one would ever want her.

In this interview we talk about those early experiences, plus the healing she has done and why she now feels passionate about helping others know that they are lovable and acceptable just as they are.

Cathy is a 52-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, pansexual, polyamorous, and single with playmates. She describes her body as "round."

She is the founder of The Intimacy Dojo, which you can find at www.theintimacydojo.com.

Her first memory of sexual pleasure is confusing because she experienced pleasure around age 5 while being abused. The abuse was also confusing because it filled a need for touch and connection.
The body can respond autonomically to unwanted stimulation, which is confusing and can cause long-term emotional impact.
Cathy talks about how her fantasies to achieve pleasure were impacted by the childhood abuse and by growing up on a farm.
The abuse stopped around age 11 as her body developed, causing a new set of body issues (thinking she is no longer desirable in a more developed, larger, womanly body) and she feels shame about her body.
Cathy associated feeling the pleasure of an orgasm with guilt, even as she masturbated frequently in her early teens.
Her first boyfriend in college – they were able to explore with each other and he later came out as gay.
Her first experience with a woman was exciting because the power dynamics were different than with a man. She was convinced that she was a lesbian.
Further evidence of early abuse impact, when she crushes on a particular girl and ends up initiating a sexual experience with her, she assumes that she herself is the corrupting influence on the other innocent woman—there's something wrong with her innate desires, and that she's leading the other down a bad path.
The body shame associated with living in a larger body.
Cathy and Leah share their experiences of how confusing it is when you believe you are not desirable, yet other people express their attraction to you.
The discussion turns to healing around body image issues and embracing pleasure in any size and shape.
Cathy talks about her own efforts to break the stereotype that only thin people are worthwhile and sexually desirable, and her return to dating as a "big" woman.
She's taking a break from dating to focus on personal transitions and personal growth.
Getting needs and touch needs met during quarantine.

Resources mentioned:

Reid Mihalko, sex educator – ReidAboutSex.com
EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) - eft.mercola.com
Somatic experiencing therapy - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/somatic-therapy

Audio extras for this episode are:

Cathy's first relationship, with a gay man who was having unprotected sex with men during the height of the AIDS crisis
The aftermath of childhood abuse and the therapies she tried, including EFT and Somatic therapy
A deeper dive into Cathy's dating life
The extended Q&A

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

I chased perfection to prove I deserved to exist - Leah speaks Apr 23, 2020

Show notes

In part 2 of my conversation with Jessi Kneeland, we talk about working through the messaging I received as a child about my body and sexuality, learning to say "no", and how women protect men's feelings during heterosexual sex.

Thanks to Jessi for interviewing ME! She is an amazing body image coach and I highly recommend following her on Instagram and signing up for her weekly #TransparentTuesday emails.

Also, the "Am I Normal?" question: Is it normal that I have no sex drive during quarantine?

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

I made out with girls but didn't know I was queer - Julia Apr 16, 2020

Show notes

Julia and her partner have agreed to a certain amount of openness in their relationship – openness that they haven't taken advantage of yet. But their conversations on the topic – and Julia's clear-headed consideration of the potential pitfalls – provide an amazing example for anyone who is considering opening this door with their partner. In fact, it's so good that I think it should be required listening!

Julia is a dear friend and I love how deeply she thinks about how we can all be better to ourselves and each other.

Julia Sheldon is a 30-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, queer, and monogamish. She grew up in Canada and still lives there with her male partner. You can find her on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/juliasheldon.sex.ed

Her first memory of sexual pleasure, making out and dry humping with friends of both genders. They knew to hide the activity.
Masturbating with toys and vibrators.
Her first conscious sexual interaction with a boy, at a youth church event. She flirted and made out and then didn't want to date him.
She realizes that anxiety makes her not want to date the boys she was making out with.
Peer pressure in college to get laid, even though she's not ready.
The first sexual relationship is with someone she knew and had a friendship with. It turned into a 2-year long distance relationship.
She realized she likes women too.
She discusses what "queer" means to her.
She hasn't had a sexual relationship with a woman yet but makes sure those she dates know she's queer.
She has the discussion with her partner about her desire/need to be able to sexually explore with other people of both genders that she's interested in; establishing ground rules.
Talking about what it will actually be like when play with an outside partner happens, on either end, getting needs met, and emotional processing.