Good Girls Talk About Sex

Latest Episodes:

What are your hard red lines? Nov 19, 2020

Show notes

Even people who think they're sexually open have hard red lines. This week Leah digs into discerning where your absolute no's are, why they might be there, and how to share them with your partner(s).

A chorus of voices answer the question, "What are your hard red lines?"
Leah talks about her own hard red lines, a surprising number of which have to do how she is treated rather than specific acts.
Leah talks about both setting boundaries and defending them when it comes to your red lines.
Pain tolerance, and how it can increase during sex, is discussed.
Leah shares her process for vetting and setting boundaries with new partners in terms of safety and play.

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

I like to be choked and have my hair pulled - Candi Nov 12, 2020

Show notes

Candi lives with Muscular Dystrophy. She shares how it progressed and how it changed her physical capabilities over her lifetime, and what it's like to date and to have sex with a visible disability. She also opens up about loving rough sex and BDSM, despite an appearance—and often others' assumption—of fragility.

Candi shares her first memory of sexual desire, a seemingly spontaneous discovery of masturbation in 9th She grew up in a conservative Christian family and sex was not discussed.
She talks about being flat-chested in high school, and being such a late bloomer that her mom never gave her the period talk and she only knew what was happening because of Sex Ed.
Candi stays a virgin until she's 22, influenced both by purity culture and fear of the unknown.
She meets a cute boy with a leg brace in a boring class and they bond. She boldly asks him out.
Her first sexual experience happens and leaves her feeling both curiosity and disappointment.
Candi explains her Muscular Dystrophy.
She reflects back to her first sexual experience through the lens of her disability and what the experience was like with her body.
She goes into her next sexual experience in a way would *never* repeat.
She opens up about the great sex she had, and the positions that managed it, with the random work guy she wasn't attracted to.
Liking aggressive sex is completely normal; also, be careful with choking.
Candi meets a guy on a dating app, and after an interesting first meeting, he introduces her to BDSM and blows her mind.
She opens up about how hard it is to watch able people enjoy romantic and life milestones that seem to pass her by despite her competence and energy.

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

Do I have to love myself before anybody can love me? Nov 05, 2020

Show notes

After having a baby, a mom is left feeling alone in the process of re-learning her body. Leah explains why it's more than okay to seek support, and how that can generate its own kind of healing.

A listener gave birth 3 years ago, and is still struggling with her altered body. She asks if she's supposed to deal with it on her own, or if she can ask per partner for support.
Leah shares her own struggle with body image, starting at a young age, and how hearing healing words from others is what finally broke through her negative internal messaging.
Our culture harmfully socializes us to believe that radical independence in all areas is not only possible, but the goal.
Sometimes our partners hold keys to our healing. Leah shows the listener how to start the conversation.

Podcast recommendation:

A Mind Full of Everything with Agrita - Do you ever find yourself overwhelmed by thoughts on a regular basis? Agrita explores the deep thoughts that leave her questioning why certain things are how they are, and the questions she's eager to find answers to – from global issues like climate change to self-improvement and everything in between.

- The elephant episode - https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/mind-full-of/beautifulplanet-lessons-from-nhKBeA-t1PV/
- Website - https://mindfullofeverything.home.blog
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mindfullofeverything_pod/
- Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mindfullofeverything
- Twitter - https://twitter.com/mindfull_agrita
- Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/mindfullofeverything/_created/

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

I had sex at 13 so I wouldn't lose him – Yami Oct 29, 2020

Show notes

Yami opens up about a variety of common though not-commonly-talked-about subjects: sexual assault by a family member, and navigating polyamory.

Yami is a 23-year-old, cisgender female who describes herself as bisexual and heteroromantic, in a relationship and exploring opening up with her partner. She describes her body shape as "a few extra pounds."

Compersion is feeling pleasure when your partner is experiencing pleasure.

Reminder: It is not your job to not be assaulted. Especially as a younger person, you shouldn't even need to know how to not be assaulted.

Yami remembers being about 6 years old, and exploring with another young girl.
She shares her timeline of growing up in the Dominican Republic before moving to the US.
She's a little obsessed with getting her period, though there's no sex talk at home; she discovers masturbation on her own, then loses her virginity under pressure.
Yami's second sexual experience is also non-consensual; she is raped by an older family member. She withdraws from her friends, and a long period that follows is a blur.
A couple years later, she is alone in a room with a guy for the first time and is finally able to feel safe. A serious boyfriend after that is able to conquer intimate touch with her, but he is a manipulator and a cheater. She gets an STI.
After lots of hard experience, her current boyfriend totally pleases her. They have loads of great sex and have been exploring swinging and play partners. They're now open to exploring polyamorous relationships even further, on an emotional and more dedicated level.
Yami talks about sexual boundaries with other parties—how they've navigated them in the past, and what they might look like around potential future engagements.

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

Do you worry about your smell or taste? Oct 22, 2020

Show notes

Many of us miss pleasure that's available to us during oral sex because we're afraid of how we smell or taste.

You can say no at any point, even when you're in the middle of it. Leah talks about how to do this in real life.
Men are socialized to feel entitled to an ending once the sex has started.
A chorus of voices share their thoughts about whether they worry about smell or taste.
Leah answers. She opens up about problematic recurring yeast infections in her youth, and recommends against putting garlic in your hoo-haa.
In the name of truth-seeking, Leah makes an unusual Sunday afternoon request of her boyfriend.

Resources mentioned:

leahcarey.com/takeabreath - A worksheet to walk you through taking a pause in the middle of sex

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

I help disabled couples have sex - Jocelyn Oct 15, 2020

Show notes

Jocelyn is a full-service sex worker who's seen many aspects of the industry, and who currently specializes in sexual healing and sexual surrogacy.

Joslyn is a 37 year old, cisgender female who describes herself as white, pansexual, polyamorous, single and dating, and Canadian. She grew up in a Protestant Christian home. She describes her body as athletic with curves.

Sex work can be a bridge to all levels of healing, from getting basic touch needs met to helping the body re-wire for safety after trauma to helping people with physical difficulties achieve sexual experiences at all.

Jocelyn shares her first memory of sexual pleasure—kissing during after-school care with a boy she liked.
There was no Sex Ed or discussion at home. She was raised by a single mom and she didn't tell her when she got her period.
Jocelyn opens up about experiencing emotional, physical, and sexual abuse at the hands of her father. When she confronts him, he gets ugly.
Jocelyn talks about her first consensual sexual experience with her long-term boyfriend at age 17.
She shares an early pregnancy and abortion experience with the same boyfriend.
She then has her first affair, with a beautiful man who has a tiny penis. Discussion follows about tiny penis taboo, and what men can do to pleasure a woman via other means.
Friends keep asking Jocelyn to participate in threesomes.
Sex work comes into her life during a time of financial struggle when she's a single mom at age 29.
Jocelyn shares her internal conflict about the stigma of sex work even while the money is great. She starts to withdraw from her friends.
A friend introduces Jocelyn to "The Secret Diary of a Call Girl" in the context of her own sex worker fantasies, and it changes how Jocelyn relates to her profession. She begins to open up to the healing potential of her work.
Jocelyn talks about what a surrogate can do in the context of healing sexual trauma.
She gets into detail about being a sexual surrogate and her work with folks with disabilities, and tells us about one specific client.
Jocelyn talks about her hard red lines, and how she communicates boundaries to clients.

The audio extras for this episode are:

Jocelyn's first experience of penetration was not consensual and involves some physical trauma that may be too graphic for some listeners. Therefore I've placed it in this separate space so you can opt in to listening to it if you choose. Jocelyn shares how she initially gave consent, how it rapidly turned non-consensual, the processing she has done in the intervening years, and the feelings she now has about the man she was with that night. This is available to everyone, regardless of whether you are a patron or not.
Jocelyn and I talk about whether the reported statistics for childhood abuse of boys are far too low
How Jocelyn separates her personal sexuality from her "work" sexuality; also, how she talks with her son about sex
The extended Lowdown Q&A

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

When exercise = danger Oct 08, 2020

Show notes

Leah talks about a consent violation she experienced during medical care last year, and also shares her insights into her own fear around exercising.

Leah begins by sharing about her quarantine weight gain, which led her to confront a lifetime's worth of avoidance issues around exercise — and an insight into how that mirrors the effects a negative body image had on safety in her sex
Leah shares a traumatic memory of assault at age 12 at the hands of her father.
Built-in responses to trauma complicate our culture's idea that pushing through weight loss difficulties is just about
Early socialization and sexualization for those who grew up in girl bodies adds further trauma and mixed messaging.
Leah talks about an experience of violation of consent during a visit to a new Boldly, she addresses it after the visit.

Resources mentioned:

Evelin Dacker's Good Girls Talk About Sex episode
Stand up to medical consent violations - www.leahcarey.com/medicalconsent

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

I hired a sex worker to teach my husband how to touch me - Lynn Oct 01, 2020

Show notes

Lynn shares her trauma history, and then opens up on a deep and detailed level about hiring a sex worker to save her marriage. Because no one in her family talked about sex or bodies, for much of her early life, she believed that her vagina was a fatal birth defect.

Lynn is a 49-year-old, cisgender female. She describes herself as white, NOT straight, mostly monogamous, married, and peri-menopausal. She describes her body as "very average."

Sex workers can play a critical role in sexual healing. It's a safe space with clear boundaries, and without the emotional charge (or baggage) often built up with a partner. A sex worker can help you overcome resistance to pleasure, focus on sensation, and figure out what *does* feel good to your body. And some do work with couples.

Lynn's first memory of sexual pleasure occurs at age 9, with the accidental placement of a blanket between her legs on a hot summer night. Her surprise discovery leads to a serious misconception but she knows not to ask questions.
She experiments with touching and kissing with her best friend, trying to figure things out with the benefit of sex ed.
As her home life falls apart in her teens, Lynn falls prey to attention of older men.
She leaves home at 16 and gets married, in order to escape things at home. Things are good at first, but when she gets pregnant, he gets violent.
Lynn meets her second husband. He is wonderful and so is the sex, but life quickly throws a few wrenches into the works.
The lack of sex in the marriage destroys their emotional bond.
Lynn tells her husband he has permission to see a sex worker to get his needs met. He resists…at first.
After some deep introspection, she suggests an alternate set of plans to her husband to celebrate their upcoming anniversary—involving Lynn visiting the sex worker.
Lynn discovers her body is not, in fact, broken.
They go to the sex worker together for their anniversary. Much unfolds from this and subsequent sessions with the sex worker.
Lynn shares about the medical help and therapy she sought before turning to a sex worker, and her fears of social disapproval.

Extras for this episode are:

Lynn and I took a deeper dive into the nature of the relationships she was having with older men – was it predatory? Was it healthy? Is it possible that it could be some combination of both?
Lynn and I talk about how, having had a history of violent homes, she managed to create a home without violence for her son. We also talk about how she approached the topic of sex with her son, and what her relationship with her body is – and how that has changed since menopause.
The extended Lowdown Q&A

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

Do you enjoy receiving oral sex? Sep 24, 2020

Show notes

Receiving oral sex isn't just about a tongue on a clit – it's about all the emotional and mental conversation happening at the same time.

A chorus of voices answer "Do you enjoy receiving oral sex?"
Leah answers. She opens up about the relationship dynamics in which her first experience of receiving oral took place, and how that impacted subsequent relationships.
Leah suggests a new technique to her second partner, which works, but he doesn't stick to it.
She shares how she's working on staying present with the physical sensation when her current partner goes down, and tracing the history of her hindered state of responsiveness to oral sex back to that first partner.
A powerful, independent woman is confused by her desire to be dominated in the bedroom.
Leah talks through common fantasies and the reasons why domination can feel so refreshing, as well as understanding masochism.

Podcast recommendation:

Biracial Unicorns with Dani and Dameca
"Let's Talk About Sex-ualization" episode - https://biracialunicorns.pinecast.co/episode/31f5a12674034660/let-s-talk-about-sex-ualization
Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/biracialunicorns/
Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/biracialunicorns/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/Biracialmagic

Resources mentioned:

How to propose a new sexual adventure to your lover, leahcarey.com/newadventure

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

I was happier when my husband was gone - Jade Sep 17, 2020

Show notes

Jade opens up about the tension and difficulties in her past marriage, and the sexual dynamics of subtle pressure and coercion she experienced in the marriage and in her earlier dating. Maturity and emotional safety are at the core of her current partnership and it revolutionizes her sex life. She's now in love with her girl parts!

Jade is a 51-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as bisexual, monogamous, in a relationship, and the mother of 2 children who are still at home. She has had 2 miscarriages and still gets her period. She describes her body as slender.

Jade knew her former husband would never have actually forced her into sex, but she felt the pressure to satisfy his needs because she—along with most of the rest of us—grew up immersed in a culture that frames it as a "wifely duty" and bases a woman's value (and therefore social safety) on being a "good" wife.

Jade's first memory of sexual pleasure is at age 10, having a sexual fantasy in a swim club sauna.
Her first memory of masturbating is at age 13 while reading Clan of the Cave Bear (ironically given to her by her father), and then mounting her giant teddy bear.
She meets her first boyfriend in high school; he's a few years older. She assumes that love leads to marriage leads to sex, but she knows from her Catholic upbringing she's not supposed to have sex out of wedlock. She and a friend find a bible and search through until they find what they interpret as permission.
She experiences her first intense, magical state of turn-on with her second boyfriend.
Jade shares how the relationship with her first college boyfriend leads her into subtle but uncomfortable sexual dynamics.
Her first marriage hits tension early on. The birth of their first child adds both joy and more difficulty; her husband feels sexually frustrated, and she feels pressured.
After ongoing and increased tension after their second child, she makes the decision to separate. They work on their issues and re-unite, but the relationship is still "messy."
Six months after leaving the marriage, much to her surprise, Jade starts having sexual feelings again. She re-enters the dating world and discovers some unmet emotional needs with her first post-divorce lover. After dating a few men, she meets her current partner and experiences a whole new level of sexuality.

Extras for this episode are:

Jade talks about her adventures in non-monogamy
Jade talks about what she learned in her childhood home about sex – including why her mother got married to her father
The extended Lowdown Q&A

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now: