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    Health

    Good Girls Talk About Sex

    Good Girls Talk About Sex features the kinds of conversations you usually only have with your best girlfriend late at night over a bottle of wine. Sex and Intimacy Coach Leah Carey talks with women — including all people who were raised as little girls plus transgender women — about the realities of being a sexual person in today’s world.

    The conversations are warm, welcoming, and non-judgmental, featuring people of all sizes, shapes, ages, races, orientations, relationship structures, and more.

    Sometimes you’ll hear your own experiences reflected back to you and realize you’re not alone. Other times, you’ll hear stories very different from your own that broaden your ideas about what is “normal” and introduce you to exciting new possibilities.

    Conversations may be explicit, but are never salacious or exploitative.

    Advertise
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    Latest Episodes:
    I believed my husband was lying when he said I was sexy - Stephanie Feb 18, 2021
    Show notes

    Stephanie shares how childhood shame about feeling good in her body led to an eating disorder. She talks about how the eating disorder affected her ability to relate with sexual partners, including her now-husband. Healing the eating disorder has allowed her to begin relating in a new way with her body and her husband.

    • Stephanie shares her first memory of sexual play at age 5 or 6, accidentally discovering that rubbing her genitals felt good. The adults around her shamed her, leading her to believe masturbation was a terrible secret.
    • Shame compounds to feeling that her vagina is broken.
    • Stephanie describes a "good girl" upbringing, and being behind her peers in sexual experimentation.
    • An eating disorder manifests in her life.
    • What trauma, even/especially when we don't label it as such, can look like.
    • Stephanie hits a rock bottom with her eating disorder in college, and rebounds into a new willingness to try sex finally.
    • She meets her husband, who makes her feel safe enough to begin to be present in her body during sex. She experiences her first real pleasure.
    • Stephanie elaborates the myriad ways her eating disorder impacts their sexual relationship.
    • While the sex is great in her marriage, Stephanie questions the kissing, and she and Leah go on a deep-dive about embodiment.

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    Post-sex UTIs : Ask the physician Feb 11, 2021
    Show notes

    Dr. Evelin Dacker returns to answer a listener's question about common and chronic UTI's that occur after sex. She breaks down the how and why, and addresses prevention and treatment. She explains how naturopaths can restore balance to your vaginal ecology without creating a medical wasteland, and recommends some home remedies so that you too can help your vagina help itself.

    • Listener question: Do I really have to take antibiotics the rest of my life to avoid post-sex UTIs?
    • Dr. Dacker breaks down the anatomy behind UTI's.
    • Lube can have a non-sexual protective application.
    • D-Mannose is a carbohydrate sugar that lines the urethra and actually prevents the bacteria from migrating. OTC pro-biotics can help too.
    • Vaginitises can occur with any vaginal intercourse.
    • Yeast infections are discussed.
    • Why the usual antibiotic-after-sex treatment is *not* the best.
    • Dr. Dacker explains why naturopaths are a great place to start when treating chronic infections.
    • Call the listener line {720-GOOD-SEX}if you have questions!
    • Podcast recommendation—Wine and Chisme with Jessica Yañez

    Podcast recommendation:

    • Title - Wine & Chisme
    • Host - Jessica Yañez
    • Apple Podcasts description - The Wine & Chisme Podcast was created to share the stories of everyday people doing extraordinary things to serve their community. Our host, Jessica Yañez brings her love for wine and passion for storytelling together to highlight the stories that need to be told in communities of color. Chisme (Spanish for gossip) comes from the interviewees themselves as they "spill the wine" on their own terms. So grab a glass of wine and join us for the new Wednesday. #WineAndChismeWednesday
    • Instagram - TheWineAndChisme

    Resources mentioned:

    • You can find Evelin Dacker online at EvelinDacker.com, www.MakeTimeForTheTalk.com, and on Instagram @sexmeddoc

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    I had to give him GPS to find my clit - Alexa Feb 07, 2021
    Show notes

    "Deaf U" star Alexa Paulay-Simmons gets candid about who she is (and always has been) as a sexual person, and how that's shaped her life—both on the inside through her choices and experiences, and on the outside with the tight-knit Deaf community and the show's global audience.

    Alexa is a 24-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as white, straight, monogamous, with a sporty body. She was featured in the Netflix series "Deaf U". At the time of this broadcast, she is dating fellow Deaf U cast member Braxton.

    • Alexa shares her first memory of sexual pleasure and asking her mom questions at age 6 or 7.
    • Alexa finally has good sex—with someone she can give instructions to.
    • She talks about how it can be awkward to use your hands for dual purposes—talking and pleasing—during sex.
    • Daddy issues: Alexa struggles with game-playing, distancing herself, and a lack of communication with her sexual partners. With self-awareness, she chose to develop healthier habits.
    • Leah and Alexa discuss the conversation on Deaf U around the unintended pregnancy, and consent (especially around ejaculating inside a woman). Alexa talks about power imbalances and ignored communication in the relationship, and how his wants began to supersede her needs.
    • Alexa's current relationship is full of communication and thereby trust.
    • She shares how the Deaf community has responded to (and judged) her openness about sex.
    • Her father is less than thrilled.
    • Vaginismus is discussed; lubricant is your friend. (If it still hurts even with lube, it's a good idea to get it checked out.)

    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

    Our American Sign Language interpreter for this episode is Courtney Farbman.

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    An error in translation Feb 04, 2021
    Show notes

    Hey friends,

    You'll notice this isn't the regular episode you were expecting!

    The regular episode was loaded into the feed, and some of you may have already downloaded and listened to it.

    However, I made an error in the production of this episode so, in fairness to our guest, I've pulled the episode to fix it.

    Here's what happened –

    Our guest, Alexa, is Deaf and we did the interview through an interpreter. It was my first time ever doing an interview through an interpreter, so it took me a little time to relax into it.

    What didn't occur to me was to send the transcript to Alexa in advance of the release to confirm that the translation accurately reflected what she said. I did that last night.

    This morning I had an email from Alexa letting me know there were some issues. In light of that, I've pulled the regular episode down while we correct it to make sure Alexa's thoughts and feelings are truly represented.

    While this is resulting in a bit of a scramble this morning, I wouldn't have it any other way. The most important thing in the world to me is to tell women's real and true stories. Too often women's voices are obscured by others trying to tell us what they THINK we said. These stories – YOUR stories – are too important to let that happen.

    I don't know exactly when the episode will be back up in the feed. So I thank you in advance for your patience while we work this out so Alexa's voice comes through the way it should.

    Talk to you soon.


    My pandemic sex life Jan 28, 2021
    Show notes

    "The story of our pandemic sex life: it has not been pretty." Host Leah gets raw and real about how her intimate life has weathered the storm of a year-long international crisis, and about how confronting her partner's depression spiral turned out to be a better strategy—for both of them—than enduring it competently.

    • We have transcripts! Plus: part of why that is awesome is our upcoming interview with a deaf guest!
    • Leah opens up about her own sex life during the pandemic.
    • Built into our society, and therefore our healthcare models, is the idea that men shouldn't ask for help. It's not an excuse, but it has had real consequences for Leah and her partner.
    • Here comes the sex (or, doesn't).
    • As her partner's depression and drinking worsens, Leah has the profound realization that her management via being strong and setting boundaries has the side effect of buffering (and thereby supporting) a damaging dynamic.
    • He hears some brutal truth; hearing requires Leah saying it, of course. He gets help.
    • While sex has been slow to re-enter the relationship, there have been benefits to the work they've done.

    Podcast recommendation:

    • Title – Heaving Bosoms
    • Hosts – Erin and Melody
    • Description - Best friends and romance lovers, Erin and Melody, recap romance novels from a comedic, open-hearted feminist, sex-positive perspective! Giggling, tangents, and sincere joy abound! We take ourselves VERY seriously.
    • Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/heavingbosoms

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    I was training for the Olympics and my abuser won Coach of the Year - Debbie Jan 21, 2021
    Show notes

    Debbie was formed by experiences of both pleasure and pain. She was blessed with good early relationships, but also is a survivor of the epidemic of sexual abuse in elite women's sport. Her faith in herself helped her choose to heal.

    Debbie is a 52-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as white, heterosexual, monogamous, married, and post-menopausal. She describes her body as average.

    • Debbie's first memory of sexual pleasure is at age 16 with her first boyfriend, who had learned a fabulous trick with ice.
    • She shares about growing up in church, conservative but with a touch-generous loving youth group.
    • Debbie then opens up about a deeply traumatic experience: she was molested by her gymnastics coach. She talks about him being charged and acquitted, and about subsequently being groomed in his tutelage.
    • Getting her parents to admit what happened was difficult. The lack of public condemnation was even more harmful.
    • Debbie discusses two other painful sexual traumas.
    • She speaks to the fact that despite the trauma, she is not broken, and she wants to assure other victims that a healthy sex life with pleasure is still possible.
    • After they separate, Debbie's husband buys a self-help workbook and actually does the work. Things become peaceful, and then they turn around in a big way.
    • Debbie still deals with chronic tendonitis in her hips, which impacts sex, and she talks about being post-menopausal.

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    Improve your sex life with the STARS talk Jan 14, 2021
    Show notes

    STARS is an easy-to-remember acronym for conversations that lead to awesome consensual sex.

    Dr. Evelin Dacker developed the STARS method to create a way for potential and current partners to have a thorough and safe conversation about physical and relationship expectations.

    • What is the STARS conversation? Plus, if you've had it before, you should have it again.
    • Dr. Evelin Dacker explains sex positivity.
    • As she engaged in health research earlier in her career, she realized there's a total lack of sex talk in the field.
    • Leah shares an experience she had at her first small group portion of a STARS class. When asked to share what her turn-ons and avoids were, she burst into tears and couldn't speak.
    • Dr. Dacker breaks down each letter in STARS, and what those categories encompass. For example, dealing with shame and stigma are a part of the STI portion of the talk.
    • Avoids are often boundaries related to trauma and fear; they may not be forever fixed. Also, don't wait to talk about them until you're heavy in the bedroom and unable to clearly hear your partner!
    • Leah demonstrates a full STARS talk with her friend Ray.

    Mentioned in this episode:

    • havetimeforthetalk.com – The online home for the STARS talk

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    I tried to pee standing up – Lachlan Dec 10, 2020
    Show notes

    Lachlan was born with a vagina. His is the story of how a boy learned to be a girl, then learned to be invisible, then a lesbian, before learning that he could just be who he was all along, except that it's still … complicated.

    Lachlan is a 41-year-old transgender man. He describes himself as white, straight-ish, monogamish and single. He describes his body as a round, cuddly bear.

    • Lachlan shares the complications around early sexual desire for him, because he knew he was attracted to other little girls.
    • Lachlan's parents don't pressure him to gender conform as a kid, though trans isn't a known thing back then. Until, a birthday party. He learns about "passing" and blouses, and struggles through his teens.
    • He talks about his rich fantasy life as a teen, in which he is a tall handsome football-playing penis-bearing male vaguely modeled on Macguyver.
    • Lachlan's first sexual experience of any kind is at age 21 with his first girlfriend, who teaches him to masturbate. He squirts!
    • The concept of transgender comes into his awareness.
    • Lachlan comes out, despite fearing he will lose his entire family.
    • After the news is broken to his father (by his mother) it is never spoken of between them again.
    • Lachlan shares outward steps of transition; therapy, hormones, telling people you work with, growing facial hair.
    • Becoming a man complicates his lesbian relationship.
    • Lachlan details how sexuality transitions along with transitioning: the impacts of testosterone, top and bottom surgical options, the discomfort of still having to get a pap smear, etc.
    • Lachlan talks about the mechanics around having sex in present day.
    • Top surgery has enhanced appearance but decreased sensation.
    • Heartbreak and pandemic create time alone.
    • Lachlan passes fully as a male, and decides if and when disclosure comes, in normal life as well as dating.
    • He opens the door on bathroom talk.

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    What's your favorite kind of touch? Dec 03, 2020
    Show notes

    What kind of touch do you enjoy? Have you thought about the ways, and places? Touch is a many-splendored thing.

    If you don't know what kind of touch you like, there's nothing wrong with you—but you have some (really fun) homework to do!

    • A chorus of voices answer the question "What is your favorite kind of touch?".
    • Leah answers. She first discovered what kind of touch she likes while drifting during a high school class.
    • Podcast recommendation - As part of introducing this week's featured podcast, Leah opens up about the emotional abuse she experienced from her father growing up, and how that shaped her later interest in people who leave cults.
    • Leah talks about undoing her own brainwashing.

    Podcast recommendation:

    • "Two Sisters and a Cult" with Jada Smith and Alesia Galati
    • Jada and Alesia are sister cult survivors. They discuss all things historical and present-day cults, while relating the topics to the cult they grew up in.
    • Find them online at www.twosisterscult.com
    • Listen at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-sisters-and-a-cult/id1503417365
    • Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/twosisterscult/
    • Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/twosisterscult

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    I Googled 'female failure to orgasm' - Gretchen Nov 25, 2020
    Show notes

    Leah met Gretchen at Sex Geek Summer Camp. They realized they share remarkably similar journeys; both started having sex later in life, believed that they were broken, then sought out sexual experiences and healing. Significantly, both engaged the services of a tantric practitioner.

    Gretchen is a cisgender 46-year-old cisgender woman. She describes herself as bisexual and polyamorous. She describes her body as average.

    • Gretchen talks about her first memory of sexual pleasure, cuddling with another girl around age 8 or 9.
    • Growing up Catholic, sex was never talked about.
    • Gretchen discusses dissociating from her body for most of her life. Her parents never discussed her appearance in an attempt to minimize cultural influences. It backfires, though not in the usual way.
    • In her late 20's, after returning from the Peace Corps, she finally tries to start dating.
    • Living in the culture of the Dominican Republic changes her perspective.
    • After a long time of flirting with a co-worker, sex enters the conversation. The encounter qualifies more as "penetration of some type".
    • She's moved to Portland and wanting to date and have sex.
    • With the help of her therapist and a whiteboard, Gretchen has a breakthrough.
    • She takes a 3-week trip to Mexico. It ends, unexpectedly, with a one-night stand with her Mayan kayak guide. For touch-starved Gretchen, the experience is wonderful, then strange, then breaks her with the thought that she might be frigid.
    • Gretchen starts working with a tantric practitioner.

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


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