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    Health

    Good Girls Talk About Sex

    Good Girls Talk About Sex features the kinds of conversations you usually only have with your best girlfriend late at night over a bottle of wine. Sex and Intimacy Coach Leah Carey talks with women — including all people who were raised as little girls plus transgender women — about the realities of being a sexual person in today’s world.

    The conversations are warm, welcoming, and non-judgmental, featuring people of all sizes, shapes, ages, races, orientations, relationship structures, and more.

    Sometimes you’ll hear your own experiences reflected back to you and realize you’re not alone. Other times, you’ll hear stories very different from your own that broaden your ideas about what is “normal” and introduce you to exciting new possibilities.

    Conversations may be explicit, but are never salacious or exploitative.

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    Latest Episodes:
    I thought saying yes once meant I could never say no again - Donya May 13, 2021
    Show notes

    I need a longer break than I anticipated, so in order to keep giving you new content, I'm releasing a handful of interviews in their uncut form.

    Donya started getting sexual attention very young because her body developed early. As a teenager and adult, she has experienced a wide range of relationship styles and partners. After having a child and settling into the closest thing to commitment outside of marriage, she received a breast cancer diagnosis.

    Donya is a 46-year-old cisgender female who describes herself as white, bisexual, monogamous, and in a committed relationship.

    • Donya shares her first memory of sexual pleasure, finding a book of erotica at age 9 or 10 and feeling aroused in a new way—both physically and mentally, at the same time.
    • Sex was not discussed in the home; her parents divorced and her mother remarried a closed-off man. She finds her mom's secret copy of "The Joy of Sex" at some point.
    • Donya talks about being both busty and a dancer and receiving sexual attention from an early teen age. It's an early experience of power and pleasure—especially at youth group. Dry humping becomes a favorite activity.
    • Sex itself is fairly disappointing early on; Donya learns to exercise the power dynamic between using the appeal she has to get attention and wanting to go slow to actually find pleasure.
    • Donya finally experiences a lover who is devoted to her pleasure. As part of the Society for Creative Anachronism, she tries to navigate the community's culture of non-monogamy.
    • Donya talks about the end of her primary poly relationship: yes, you can be poly and still cheat.
    • Donya shares how she came out as bisexual and began to experiment, up to the point of marrying a "Santa Cruz lesbian" and seeing the inside of man-bashing culture.
    • Donya catches us up on her current long-term monogamous male partner, with whom she has a child. They've been together 8 years and have a fully committed life; at first neither want to mess with marriage again, but it's now on the table.
    • Childbearing (and specifically vaginal birth) impacts her sexuality. So does being a mother to a young child, and the parenting style choices they make.
    • Donya experiences a series of illnesses, and is diagnosed with breast cancer. She and her partner go through periods of separation. They've gotten therapy and are currently together.
    • She talks about the details of her breast cancer journey. She feels like her body let her down, and fears bad sex in forced menopause.

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    Does he love my body or just tolerate it? May 07, 2021
    Show notes

    I told you I'd drop something fun into your feed while I'm on break and here it is!

    A couple days ago, I had a conversation with my friend Stefanie Michele on Instagram Live. Stefanie is an Intuitive Eating coach who helps people break out of the binge and restrict patterns of disordered eating.

    We talked about the intersection of body image and sex – believing our partner actually loves our body, rather than just tolerating it. If I'm not comfortable being naked in front of my partner? How do I get over the feeling that people would only be interested in me if I were more attractive? And more.

    You can find Stefanie on Instagram @IAmStefanieMichele.

    I'll be back with an all new interview episode next week!

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    When the world gets too hard - Leah Apr 22, 2021
    Show notes

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    I'm trapped in an abusive marriage – Hope Apr 15, 2021
    Show notes

    Hope is trapped in a sexually repressive, emotionally abusive marriage shaped by the patriarchal traditions and relationship culture of her country of origin. With awareness comes healing, and she hopes to spread the message to other women that they are allowed to speak up, deserving of basic decency, and even worthy of real love.

    Hope is a 38-year-old cisgender woman. She describes herself as Pakistani, Sunni Muslim, straight, married, and monogamous. She deals with polycystic ovarian syndrome and describes her body as "fluffy".

    • Hope's first memory of sexual pleasure is, in fact, quite recent. She grew up in a conservative family and didn't think of herself as sexual aside from knowing she was straight due to "deep crushes" on boys.
    • Conversations around sex during her teen years in Pakistan were accidental and minimal aside from a biology lesson in school, which was delivered by a no-nonsense chemistry teacher.
    • Hope's first strong experience of sexual pull at age 18 in college is distressing to her.
    • Hope talks about being a Sunni Muslim in Pakistan and the impact that has on what sexuality looks like in culture.
    • Arranged marriages and matchmaking under patriarchal culture set a perfect table for relationships with toxic power dynamics, emotional repression, and lack of fulfilment.
    • Hope describes the matchmaking experience in Pakistan.
    • Hope meets her husband. His mother has a history of working outside the home; this is a surprise and a boon. The match is difficult though, and women do not speak up. She finds herself trapped raising children and lacking the financial independence to leave.
    • Hope opens up about the sex in her marriage: awkward and painful. She learned from books, he learned from porn.
    • She has only recently learned about female pleasure by exploring masturbation to release her pent-up desire. It's also a step towards self-healing.
    • Hope talks about the future. She does not foresee another relationship, she just wishes for peace.
    • She shares how she envisions a more open dialogue with her own children around sex and relationships, breaking a cultural and generational pattern of toxicity.

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    Do I have a porn addiction? Apr 08, 2021
    Show notes

    Leah answers a listener's questions about whether she has a porn addiction, and why she can't orgasm with her husband. She talks about identifying the function of porn, not taking on shame, and navigating a relationship agreement around it.

    Bookmark moments:

    • "Am I normal?" A listener calls in with two inter-related questions: is it normal to be unable to orgasm through intercourse with my husband, and is it normal that I only can with porn?
    • Leah responds to the listener. Difficulty orgasming during is a thing that many women experience. There can be physical or mental causes.
    • How do you identify techniques that deliver pleasure if you don't know what you want or what is possible?
    • Leah calls back to a recent share about being shamed by our partner. This creates an experience of break in trust.
    • Is there *actually* such a thing as porn addiction? We do a fact check.
    • Check in with how porn functions in your relationship. Is it what you need to physiologically relax?
    • Make a relationship agreement that supports you on how to navigate it—without being responsible for your partner or making yourself small.
    • PJ Parties for Grownups!

    Podcast recommendation:

    • Title – Decide Balance
    • Host – Yvonne Hernández
    • Apple Podcasts description - A space where anyone of any age can decide balance in their day at anytime with a 5 minute guided bilingual (English & Spanish) meditation.
    • Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/DecideBalance
    • Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/DecideBalance

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    I was assaulted by my yoga guru - Charlotte Apr 01, 2021
    Show notes

    Charlotte's sexual journey has taken the deep bends—and openings—of the yoga she practices. She met her husband in a guru community, fled it, had two daughters, reclaimed her body, and is now exploring "high-fidelity" polyamory in several configurations.

    Charlotte is a 45-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as white, and perimenopausal with an athletic body. Her sexual orientation and preferred relationship style are under exploration, and her current relationship status is "exploring."

    • Charlotte shares her first experience of sexual pleasure, at age 18. She talks about arousal and masturbation and exploration occurring before then, but not to the level of real pleasure.
    • Charlotte grew up Catholic, with very little family PDA, and the most basic Sex Ed. "None of the juicy stuff."
    • She meets the father of her children in a yoga community and has to keep the relationship a secret as they travel the world with their guru. They are forced to leave, quickly marry, and have two daughters.
    • Charlotte opens up about sexual violation at the hands of the guru as part of the "spiritual path" she was expected to be on. She struggles for three years before it starts outweighing the good of the mission she believed in.
    • She and her husband leave the community together and set up house. Pregnancy, motherhood, and breastfeeding take over her body and sex becomes a marital duty.
    • She finds herself alone for the first time in 10 years when her husband takes the girls on a trip. She reunites with a college friend…with benefits.
    • Charlotte talks about her current exploratory dating, Her sexual orientation and relationship styles vary at the moment, and include being in a non-monogamous "high-fidelity polyamory" with a super communicative yoga dude and being the girlfriend of a married couple.
    • After spending time digging into and undoing her wounds, she is literally bathed in new love.
    • A friend of a friend overhears Charlotte talking about her escapades at a party, and contacts her afterward to ask if she'll have sex with her husband. He turns out to be hot enough to make her nervous.
    • Charlotte looks to the future and potentially partnering up monogamously again, as well as further pushing her sexual boundaries.

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    How do I turn my libido back on? - Coaching session with Cindy Mar 25, 2021
    Show notes

    Leah shares a coaching session with Cindy, a married mother of one, for support around a very human variety of issues: decreased libido, sex after motherhood, love languages, pandemic life, sex for connection vs. conception, miscarriage, self-care, homework, and grace.

    Bookmark moments:

    • Cindy talks about participating in coaching in one of Leah's group sessions, and catches us up on what life looks like (sexually and otherwise) a year into the pandemic.
    • Stress can have varied effects on libido—up or down.
    • Can you turn your libido back "on"? Cindy talks about what she did to try, paying more attention to her body, taking better care of it.
    • They talk about trying to use sex to connect *as well as* conceive.
    • Leah helps Cindy hone in on what she wants her sex life to look life.
    • Cindy conceives but suffers a miscarriage; she opens up about the impact.
    • Homework assignments—fun ones, of course—can be a tangible, focused way to take concrete steps towards your goal. And, sometimes the homework is giving yourself grace.
    • Cindy gets specific about what she wants to focus on in her relationship.
    • They speak on love languages: his is gifts, hers is acts of service. Leah helps Cindy navigate through ideas for activities.
    • Leah talks about how coaching can help in different relationship areas and for specific interests, with group and solo options.
    • A post-coaching update from Cindy; and a discussion about being compassionate with yourself about your fears.

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    How can we safely explore BDSM? – Coaching session with Caitlin & Chris Mar 11, 2021
    Show notes

    Caitlin returns for a follow-up coaching session with her partner, Chris. They check in with Leah about their BDSM explorations, dom/sub dynamics, communication in and out of play sessions, aftercare, safe words, bruising, pleasure, and sourcing and trying new ideas.

    • Caitlin and Chris catch Leah up on the new-to-them BDSM they've been exploring and what they'd like support with.
    • They get into specifics with impact tools, paddles, riding crop, switch, etc. Chris explains how he manages and escalates the impact using a 1-10 scale and timing set to playdate playlist.
    • Leah talks about safe-wording to help Caitlin really get into sub space and also to give Chris reassurance. The line rests in the hands of the sub. Leah also talks about non-verbal safe cues.
    • Chris shares his progress since the start of their sexual partnership.
    • Pleasure dynamics for the dom, and physically dominating vs verbally dominating. Chris has an easier time with one over the other and is naturally a giver, so Leah helps him find new some avenues and techniques.
    • Making a restaurant-style command or activity menu ahead of time can help. Leah shares a few tips.
    • Navigating voyeurism/exhibitionism, consent, and safe places to engage.
    • The Yes/No/Maybe list is great for finding and knowing your hard red lines. It's also a good idea to revisit the list periodically. Leah shares other resources and talks about BDSM tasting events.
    • Chris talks about finding and pushing the limits as a dom while still being careful not to hurt her.
    • Each play session is separate and discrete; always check in fresh.
    • Is pushing BDSM limits healthy? If you're having consensual fun, carry on.

    Resources mentioned:

    • Three Minute Game
    • Yes / No / Maybe list
    • Literotica

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    I'm unhappily married and I want to leave - Tee Mar 04, 2021
    Show notes

    Tee is unhappily married, and unhappy with her sex life—like so many people. Also like too many, she experiences the lingering impacts of sexual assault. She's doing the work of setting boundaries, trying to provide a good example for her kids, and is still hoping someday she'll find a communicative and loving partner.

    • Tee shares her first memory of sexual pleasure around age 16, having an electrifying first kiss with an annoying boy.
    • Tee talks about growing up in a conservative Baptist congregation, then opens up about seeing her parents' marital difficulties and the lingering impacts that has had on her relationships even to present day.
    • She is aware of the impact of spousal/parental yelling on her own kids.
    • Tee is a masturbation late-bloomer. She felt behind her peers growing up, in all sexual matters.
    • She loses her virginity and discovered that too much size matters.
    • Her next lover takes his time and explains things.
    • Tee talks about body image, being a tall woman.
    • A month after she gets engaged, Tee discovers she is pregnant. She miscarries at 5 months. The relationship doesn't survive.
    • She bumps into a childhood friend.
    • Tee delves into the downturn in their sexual relationship. He tells her she is sexually immature. A quantity vs quality discussion ensues.
    • A birthday dinner for her husband leads to sex gone awry and a lot of resentment. Communication was never good and has since broken down. He is ill and she stays out of obligation.
    • Tee is contemplating a different future, for herself and her children.
    • Men wanting to engage in three-ways with her and another woman makes her uncomfortable. Do all men want that?

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


    Am I queer? - Coaching session with Caitlin Feb 25, 2021
    Show notes

    Leah shares a coaching session with client Caitlin to give us an in-depth experience of what coaching looks and feels like. Caitlin is divorced and currently in a friends-with-benefits heterosexual relationship. She and Leah had discussed fantasies and BDSM in previous private sessions; here they focus on Caitlin's new (or perhaps not new?) sexual attraction to women, and how she might begin to explore that in real life.

    • Leah explains what coaching does—and doesn't—involve. She introduces Caitlin, the coach-ee!
    • Caitlin catches Leah up on a big realization she's had since their last coaching sessions: she's sexually curious about women too.
    • Leah helps Caitlin hone in on whether her attraction to women is a leftover effect of our hyper-sexualized-female-form-loving culture, or a deeper sexual attraction.
    • The conversation turns to fantasies; they're a great way to safely explore new thoughts and desires. Erotica is another.
    • What "pansexual" means.
    • Dating women can feel new to women. Leah assures Caitlin that the rules are basically the same: "Don't be an asshole." Also, exploring sex with a new-to-you gender can feel like a second puberty.
    • When navigating COVID risks with dating apps, be clear up front about your risk tolerance and boundaries.
    • There are some sensitivities to know about for women who are new to dating women. Leah talks about bi vs lesbian. Also, there's a difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction.
    • Threesomes can be a fun way to try sex with a woman, if approached with sensitivity. Leah recommends more resources.
    • They talk about how to find someone who wants to explore with you on the dating apps.
    • Leah talks more about what coaching looks and feels like, in solo and group options.

    Resources mentioned:

    • Erotica collections – I recommend the collections edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel
    • Literotica – A site featuring erotica submitted by primarily amateur writers. I love it because no matter what your interest or fetish is, someone is writing about it here. Because it's all amateur, though, you may have to wade through a bunch of stories that are terribly written before you hit on one that tickles your fancy! Start by searching the tags for topics that interest you - https://tags.literotica.com (be aware that this site does show ads from porn sites so it is NSFW, but the pictures are generally not X-rated)

    Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

    • Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
    • Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
    • All my classes and downloads are at my store
    • Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
    • Here's everything I'm up to today
    • I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

    EPISODE CREDITS:

    Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

    Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak


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