Good Girls Talk About Sex

Latest Episodes:

Do you swallow? Sep 10, 2020

Show notes

We follow the oral sex question with a deep dive into swallowing ejaculate (or *not*.) We hear a wide variety of yes/no answers, but also yes/no conditions. Then Leah share her personal experience with blowjobs and the journey she took to make sure it was as good for her as it was for him.

Little boys get just as much bad messaging as little girls do. Learning how to openly and safely communicate with your sexual partner can re-educate and heal you both.

A chorus of women answer the question "Do you swallow?"
Leah answers. She opens by sharing that in the pre-internet days, Cosmo was her primary source of information.
The "If you love him, you swallow" rule and its fallout.
Leah gives her first blowjob, and it's disastrous for her afterwards.
A new approach learned at a STARS class blows her mind.
Leah and her partner try something new with blowjobs and it's a win-win.
Leah shares a listener email that offers an unusual perspective—a man's response to the podcast.

Podcast recommendation:

When Women Speak by Sara Sanderson - https://whenwomenspeak.buzzsprout.com/1104935
The Emma Case interview - https://whenwomenspeak.buzzsprout.com/1104935/4128944-am-i-welcome-here-why-we-must-do-more-than-simply-say-everyone-is-welcome
When Women Speak website - https://www.wwsgn.com/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/whenwomenspeakglobalnetwork/

Resources mentioned:

The STARS episode - https://link.chtbl.com/STARS

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

I spent 37 years with a man who didn't know how to kiss me - Paulette Sep 03, 2020

Show notes

This week, 72-year-old Paulette gives us a window into growing up in a conservative time and culture, and how those tight-lipped and sexually discouraging tropes impacted her lifelong ability to experience pleasure.

Paulette is a cisgender female. She describes herself as mixed Black/Latinx, heterosexual, monogamous, and post-menopausal. She describes her body as "thick."

Paulette shares her first memory of sexual pleasure, kissing a boy at around age 8 and liking it.
Growing up in an African-American and West Indian family, the expectation was that girls would not bring shame to their family.
She got her period at elementary school unexpectedly, and up to that point had received no education about sex or reproductive bodily functions. Even afterwards there was little detail imparted. "Keep your legs closed, your skirt down. You're a young lady now."
Paulette opens up about her love of foreplay and less-than-love of penetration and tells about an early love experience with only kissing.
She loses her virginity around age 20, though she is still very nervous to have sex because of the intense shaming around pregnancy out of wedlock.
Paulette has a pregnancy and miscarriage, which she thinks may have been caused by her intense fear of the pregnancy. She has another pregnancy later with the same fears, and decides to seek an abortion. She later adopts two children.
She marries at age 35, and finds herself sexually unsatisfied and unable to work on it with her husband.
Paulette diverts her energy to her kids, in the face of her lack of satisfaction in the marriage.
The talk turns to masturbation; Paulette has never done it, and the repressive effects have lasted her lifetime.
They discuss body image and being "thick." Paulette consciously raised her boys to have the body comfort and confidence she didn't.
Paulette shares that sometimes she gets what feel like incorporeal nighttime visits. Her husband has passed away at this point, as has her first love.

Audio extras for this episode are:

More about Paulette's relationship with her first lover, and how it felt when they progressed from making out to penetrative sex; plus a longer look at Paulette's marriage to her husband
The extended Lowdown Q&A

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

Do you enjoy giving blow jobs? Aug 13, 2020

Show notes

A variety of women answer whether or not they enjoy giving oral sex; host Leah goes more in-depth about her own personal experiences and preferences, and about how to engage in, negotiate, and enjoy the act. Then, the discussion turns to navigating a polyamorous relationship for someone new to the practice.

Beware of performative standards (what you see in porn), and always feel free to negotiate the specifics of a sex act according to what is both comfortable and pleasurable for you—like, if you have a sensitive gag reflex, or don't want ejaculate in your mouth. And on the flip side, positive feedback is important!

Leah shares how her recent move with her partner into a two-bedroom apartment gives them the option to sleep solo, and why this is a good thing for the relationship and not a sign of deprivation or trouble.
"Do you enjoy giving oral sex?" – the women answer.
Leah answers: "I'm a bit agnostic about genitals."
Leah talks about her refusal to swallow ejaculate, and how she and her partner innovated around it.
Her current partner communicates what he wants and likes, and guides her with positive feedback to hone in on what feels best that also feels good to her to provide.
Leah discusses the myth of the home field advantage in oral sex.
Am I Normal? – "Am I crazy to believe I might be ok with her sleeping with other people?"

New podcast recommendation:

Sistory Untold - join hosts Marva and Sabrina as they explore history through the eyes of sisterhood
Website - https://www.sistoryuntold.com/
Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/sistoryuntold/
Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/sistoryuntold/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/SistoryUntold

Resources mentioned:

Trustex Condoms – https://www.condomdepot.com/trustex-assorted-colors-non-lubricated/ (this is not an affiliate link)

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

I wrote a love song for a man on our first date - Mel Aug 06, 2020

Show notes

Mel had plenty of boyfriends but had trouble being faithful. She has chosen ethical non-monogamy as a way of meeting her variety of relational and physical attractions and needs.

If you think monogamy is the vanilla prison for which there is no safe word, or find yourself cheating yet again to get your needs met, it may be time to think outside the box. Relationships—both romantic and play—can accommodate a variety of numbers, shapes, and parameters. For anything from regular group sex to family game night households, consider polyamory.

Mel is a 55-year-old, cisgender female. She describes herself as very petite, polyamorous, and post-menopausal.

Mel's first memory of sexual pleasure is of rubbing against her pillow at age 7 when sent to her room for a "nap."
She started having sex at 14 with a boyfriend and had a great first experience.
Mel talks about her first lesbian encounter with an older mystery rich woman.
She describes how she is attracted to and attaches to women differently.
Mel opens up about an abortion at 18. She got pregnant with a Swedish foreign exchange student.
Mel tells "the story" from college, about the time she wrote a song for a disastrous first date with the future author of "He's Just Not That Into You."
She talks about how her height (very petite) has affected her body image and confidence, the pressure to be thin growing up in the south, and about her shape fluctuations after motherhood.
During grad school Mel was in a "friendly" relationship with good-but-boring sex and accidentally became a mother.
She opens up about the fact that she has cheated in every past relationship, and what drove her. She talks about exploring the relationship model of ethical non-monogamy.
Mel explains that she loses part of herself when she's only with one person because she over-adjusts to the dedicated partnership.
She talks about her current "triad" with a man and woman and two separate relationships with men.
Menopause has been non-catastrophic for Mel!

Resources mentioned:

TV Show - "Big Mouth" on Netflix
Book – The Ethical Slut
Book – Sex At Dawn

Audio extras for this episode are:

Mel talks about how she responded to her parent's divorce and to being anally raped
The extended Q&A

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

Hair down there or are you bare? Jul 30, 2020

Show notes

Leah asks the women's she's interviewed about their relationship status with their pubic hair. Then she shares her own story of growing up with a combination of a genetically inherited bountiful mound and a learned lady-like horror of the same.

Chorus of voices answering the question "Do you have hair down there, or are you bare?
Leah answers, including seeing her mother's body naked with full pubic hair, and witnessing her mother's embarrassment and swimsuit discretions.
In her teens, Leah discovers she's grown her own big bush.
Leah's first boyfriend asks her to go bare. Then later, another one demands it.
A boyfriend leaves it up to her, and it's a blissful new world of comfort and self-determination.
"Am I Normal?" This week's caller asks if it's normal to hate giving blow jobs.
Leah discusses why some people dislike giving blow jobs, why that's okay, and a couple of options for hating it less if you choose to go forward.

Podcast recommendation:

Queersplaining by Callie Wright - http://www.queersplaining.com
Don't forget to shave episode - http://www.queersplaining.com/2020/04/30/dont-forget-shave/
Slaying Dragons episode - https://www.queersplaining.com/2020/02/27/slaying-dragons/
Find Callie on Twitter at @queersplaining and @calliegetsit

Resources mentioned:

Trustex Condoms – https://www.condomdepot.com/trustex-assorted-colors-non-lubricated/ (this is not an affiliate link)
STARS episode

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

I don't like penises - Heather Jul 23, 2020

Show notes

Heather grew up assuming she would marry a man and have children. So she did. But sex was never a good experience. Then she had sex with a woman for the first time, and her life was changed forever.

Today she lives with her female partner and co-parents her four daughters with her former husband.

She opens up about her early sexual journey through the lens of parenthood, and what she wants for her daughters compared to what she experienced.

Heather is a 45-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as lesbian, monogamous, peri-menopausal, and in a long-term domestic partnership. She has four daughters, ages 6 to 15, and describes her body as "a little pudgy".

Heather's first memory of sexual pleasure is at age five, discovering it felt good when the bath water hit "down there"; this opens up the topic of talking to one's children about masturbation.
Heather's loss of virginity as a teenager under less-than-great circumstances brings up the issues of consent and assault.
Heather and Leah talk about the confusion girls feel, often before they realize they are lesbian, around noticing female beauty because our culture teaches us early on to sexualize women.
The talk turns to body image, and Heather shares that she had a breast reduction at age 15 which helped her comfort and confidence.
Heather meets her ex-husband at 26. The sex was "vanilla" and "hopefully quick."
Heather meets a woman she's wildly attracted to, and has a hot 2-week affair with her.
She and her husband experiment sexually with a lesbian couple. Complications ensue.
After divorcing, Heather accidentally "outs" herself on Facebook with her new partner.

Audio extras for this episode are FREE for everyone:

How Heather talks about sex with her daughters – and why she thinks Gilmore Girls is a great teaching tool!
The Extended Lowdown Q&A

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

Do you prefer clit stimulation or penetration? Jul 16, 2020

Show notes

Leah tackles the hierarchy of orgasms—and getting there at all. This week women respond to whether they prefer clit or vaginal stimulation, which opens up a penetrating (see what we did there?!) discussion about preferences.

Sex Ed For Adults: "You are the only one who knows what's right for your genitals." As long as what's under consideration is consensual, pretty much everything else falls on a scale from "I desire it" to "I don't desire it." There is no norm within that scale—the scale IS the norm. You can be anywhere on it, and still be "normal." It's a matter of your (and your body's) preference, and you alone are the interpreter and boss. Trust yourself and your body.

Leah discusses the false hierarchy of orgasms: having a clit orgasm vs vaginal orgasm vs g-spot orgasm.
Chorus of voices answering the question "Do you prefer clit stimulation or vaginal penetration?"
Leah answers the question and discusses the mechanics of penetration with regard to differences in everyone's body, and how bodies fit together.
Leah discusses difficulties in reaching orgasm due to medication, and myths about using vibrators.
"Am I Normal?" This week's caller asks if it's okay that she doesn't like receiving oral sex.
Leah discusses worries about the taste and smell of our lady parts.

New podcast recommendation (25:15):

"Speak From The Body" by Avni Trivedi
Excerpted episode - Craving Touch Whilst Isolating
Find Avni at www.avni-touch.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/avnitouch
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/avnitouch
Twitter: https://twitter.com/avnitouch

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

I'm so f'ing multi-orgasmic - Stacey (replay) Jul 09, 2020

Show notes

Stacey grew up aware of and comfortable with her own pleasure from an early age. She has a daughter and is twice divorced. She's had a rich sex life, and now finds happiness, satisfaction, and opportunity for personal growth in open relationships.

Stacey is a 45-year-old, cis-gender female, who describes herself as Black, heterosexual, and non-monogamous. She is currently single and open to exploring a relationship with a "primary partner."

This is a re-broadcast of episode 5.

Her first memory of sexual desire, at about age 6, is of playing with a "male" doll and rubbing its hand on her vulva.
Stacey shares early childhood memories of making out with girls, imitating intimacy as she sees in families on TV, and low-level sexually exploring for pleasure with a male cousin. She knows enough to keep these secrets from grownups.
She talks about her first make-out as a teen.
Pleasure dynamic in sexual explorations and experiences is focused on herself even from the start.
She tells the story of losing her virginity.
Stacey tells her mom she's had sex.
She associates the ability/need to communicate with feelings around intimacy, and notes the difference between physical intimacy and sexual intimacy.
Stacey realizes she's been able to work through anger by directing it at her mother, because her mother was emotionally available for it.
Stacey embraces being comfortable with sexuality with her own daughter, and talks about the positive energetic impact of good sex.
Stacey opens up about her first "real" boyfriend, the distinction being that it was "reciprocal."
She meets her first husband.
She currently practices ethical non-monogamy, but shares how non-monogamy was more like cheating with earlier relationships and marriages. She also shares what it looks like with her current lovers.
Stacey and Leah discuss orgasms, and ways to be multi-orgasmic.

Audio extras for this episode are:

The full, unedited interview with Stacey

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

How many people have you had sex with? Jul 02, 2020

Show notes

Leah has asked many of her interviewees how many sexual partners they've had. The answers, in their surprisingly wide variety, show that there is no "normal." This also opens up a discussion about what "counts" as sex.

Your sexual desires don't always overlap with your romantic relationship preferences, and that's common and totally okay.

Chorus of voices answering "How many people have you had sex with?"
Leah gives her "number" and discusses what "sex" means.
"Am I Normal?" This week's caller asks if being attracted to women means her heterosexual marriage is over.
When *not* to ask your husband for a threesome.
Our sexual desires and our relationship styles don't always match up.

Podcast recommendation:

The Change Over by Alanna Sparrow
Highlighted episode - White Privilege v. Black Punishment

Resources mentioned:

Literotica is an online collection of user-submitted erotic fiction and fantasy. You can find stories of all types at https://www.literotica.com/stories/. For stories specifically about lesbian sex, go to https://www.literotica.com/c/lesbian-sex-stories. You can search for any other topic that might be of interest at https://tags.literotica.com/. Please be aware that many pages will have sexy pictures and/or ads for porn sites. You do not need to click on any of these to use the site.
Feminist porn – Watching explicit sexual acts can help you understand what turns you on, however most of the available porn is focused on male satisfaction and neglects the woman's pleasure. Feminist porn directors create explicit material in a way that's not objectifying or degrading to women. The following are a selection of directors and websites. PLEASE PAY FOR YOUR PORN!
- Erika Lust is one of the most well-known feminist porn creators.
- pinklabel.tv
- brightdesire.com
- AbbyWinters.com
- CrashPadSeries.com

Update: Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:

Book a FREE no-pressure intro consultation
Keep up to date and get your FREE Three-Minute Game
All my classes and downloads are at my store
Any audio extras for this episode on the Good Girls Talk About Sex website
Here's everything I'm up to today
I no longer use Patreon — you can now support my work on Substack

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

I crave the danger of being watched - Jessica Jun 25, 2020

Show notes

Jessica is one of so many women who have been told, "You have such a pretty face, if you could only lose 50 pounds…"

During her teenage years, she allowed that to define her perception of herself. Then, at the end of high school, she discovered that there were cute clothes that fit her body and she could show off her curves and get attention. And that's just the beginning of the story!

Jessica is a 38-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, bisexual, monogamous, and married to a man. She grew up in the United States, has one child, and calls her body curvy and plus size.

Jessica's first memory of sexual pleasure is from the bathtub
She discovers masturbation around age 10, and checks out a book on sexuality from the library.
Jessica's school lacked any helpful sex education — they only discussed physical secondary sex characteristics and periods.
Experimenting with kissing boys but not having boyfriends early on, she developed physically ahead of her classmates and noticed the differences
She loses her virginity to a guy she barely knows in an unremarkable and vaguely humiliating way
After losing her virginity, she avoids dating/interaction for a year
Her attraction to women and her first dating relationship with a woman
Being told by her own father to lose weight, being bribed to lose weight, and dressing in baggy men's clothes to hide her body. Eventually, she finds clothes in her size and begins to show her curves
Using sex to gain attention from men
Meeting her husband and how he was different from other men she'd dated
The power she felt when she was able to seduce men while being promiscuous in her 20's, and how it may have been a response to the powerlessness she felt when she lost her virginity. It was emotionally unfulfilling but she felt good about her body and her sexual power.
A non-consensual experience during a BDSM scene, and later realizing it was rape
Leah talks does some myth-busting around dom/sub (BDSM) relationships and assault.
Jessica's sexual relationship with her husband, how she is the more experienced partner and has taught him how to please her