Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery

Latest Episodes:

Why Your Motives Matter for You But Not For Other People | Episode 151 Mar 14, 2022

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One of the most important questions I have learned to ask myself when trying to decide what is the right thing for me to do is “What are my motives?”. Your motives really matter when it comes to your own next steps, but other people don’t care about your motives. They care about your actions. That’s why episode 151 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about why your motives matter for you, but not for other people!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of understanding your own motives and actionable steps you can take right now to live on purpose. When it comes to the question of motives, you have to remember that what your motives are matter to you because why you’re doing something has everything to do with the energy you bring to it. Being clear on your purpose and your values, will allow you to more deeply understand your motives and live on purpose.

It doesn’t matter to the other person why you did something; what matters is how other people receive your intentions, or your actions.If you want to be a good, decent person, and live life on purpose, then your motives are so important to your actions. So be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

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Addicted to Comfort with Alex Pierpaoli | Episode 150 Mar 07, 2022

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Alex and I met back in 2018, and the way he articulates his story is so inspiring that I knew he had to be on the podcast. Alex is in two different 12-step programs, one for behavior and one for substance, in his case, food. That’s why episode 150 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how Alex was addicted to comfort, and his story through that recognition during recovery.

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of understanding the difference between comfort and familiarity, as well as actionable steps you can take right now to start to understand your own behaviors around comfort.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

How Alex came to recognize his addiction to sugar through a 12-step recovery program.
How much bigger of a change his perspective shift was over his weight loss, and the perspective shifts he’s made along his journey.
Alex’s relationship with a high power and surrender, and how that shifted from childhood age as a bully and being bullied, to today.
The big difference between comforting, comfortable, and comfort, and where Alex finds comfort now, vs his past.

Alex’s story of his own recognition of addiction and recovery are truly inspiring and encouraging. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

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Episodes mentioned:

Episode 44. Comfortable vs Comforting

Other episodes about perspective changes from recovery:

Ep. #15 Helping vs. Rescuing

Ep. #21 Isolation vs. Healthy Alone Time

Ep. #24 Stinkin' Thinkin'

Ep. #28 Healthy vs. Unhealthy: What’s Your Motivation?

Ep. #41 Discipline = Freedom

Ep. #44 Comfortable vs. ComfortING

Ep. #46 Choice vs. Control

How Surrender Leads to Victory Not Loss Feb 28, 2022

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I heard someone talking about their journey to starting recovery and how they didn’t ever want to surrender anything because that would mean that they would lose. I don’t believe that surrender in recovery means you lose, so I wanted to bring it to you this week. That’s why episode 149 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how surrender leads to victory!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of surrendering in recovery and actionable steps you can take right now to feel better about surrendering and lean into it to lead to victory. It never even occurred to me when I started my own journey that the surrendering you did in recovery was the same in battle or that people felt that way. You don’t lose in surrendering in recovery; in fact the surrendering you do in recovery leads to victory.

I surrendered so many battles, and surrendered to the perfect rhythm and flow of life for me. That feels like victory to me. So be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

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How to Stop Being Attached to Outcomes - You Don't Get to Have your Curiosity Satisfied | Episode 148 Feb 21, 2022

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I used to believe that if I was curious about something, I deserved to have it satisfied, or I needed to have my curiosity satisfied. Something I learned through recovery is that I don’t have to or need to have it satisfied; I’m able to NOT get closure on things. I think my strong desire to know things comes from my confusing upbringing, but now I don’t NEED to understand things like I used to. That’s why episode 148 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about releasing the need to get closure and not be attached to outcomes!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of letting go of the need to understand why or how something exists the way it does, and allow things to remain open without closure. I also chat about actionable steps you can take right now to learn to be okay with not satisfying your curiosity. I used to act like I could make things turn out the way I wanted to if I just knew more - which isn’t the case at all. You cannot control the uncontrollable. When I learned this in recovery, I also learned the power in minding my own business.

When you spend all your energy on what you cannot change, you aren’t spending enough energy on what you can control - yourself and your actions. So be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

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Links mentioned:

Ep #2. Acceptance

Ep 53. Focus on what you CAN control

Ep 86. The serenity prayer- reimagined

Quotes mentioned:

“When you understand, things are as they are.

When you do not understand, things are as they are.” - Zen Proverb

“There could be something, the know of which, changes everything.”

You Are Not Alone - There Are Others Just Like You | Episode 147 Feb 14, 2022

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One of the most powerful lessons you can learn in recovery is that you are not alone. It was recently reinforced after receiving a Postsecret email. Frank’s story of how he created Postsecret and why is incredibly moving. That’s why episode 147 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about understanding that you are not alone!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of community for healing and actionable steps you can take right now to feel less isolated.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

The story of how Postsecret started, and how much shame so many of us feel even though we share so many common secrets and shameful moments.
How humans are like pack animals; we thrive in community, and why we need to lean into that community to feel less isolated.
How one of the greatest gifts from recovery is that we aren’t doing it alone - We are addictive and compulsive in isolation and we heal in community.

There are entire communities of people just like you - even when you feel like it, you’re not alone. So be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

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Subscribe to Post Secret https://postsecret.tumblr.com/ (the largest advertisement-free blog in the world).

Post Secret on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/PostSecret

Stop F-ing Blaming Other People and Keep the Focus on Yourself | Episode 146 Feb 07, 2022

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I titled this episode as if it’s a command, but it’s really an option. You get to choose to stop putting the blame on others. If everyone else really is to blame for everything wrong in your life; you may as well crawl under a rock because you have no options. I don’t believe this at all. That’s why episode 146 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is keeping the focus on yourself instead of blaming other people!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of focusing on yourself and your life and actionable steps you can take right now to allow options to come to you.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

Key figures in history who had been horribly harmed but instead of blaming others chose to focus on what they could do.
Why it’s actually paralyzing you to blame them, even if they are actually to blame.
What victim mentality is, and how to get out of it.
How, by blaming others, you’re abandoning yourself, and why this is a key pillar in what I talk about with all of my clients.

Focusing on yourself is paramount to change and growth, which is why I talk about it a lot with my clients and on the podcast. So be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Thank you for listening!

If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!

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EPISODES MENTIONED:

Ep 3 Victim mentality

Ep 106. How to overcome victim mentality even if you’ve been victimized

Ep 53. Focus on what you CAN control

How to Stop Worrying About Others' Opinions | Episode 145 Jan 31, 2022

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Years before recovery I was part of a spiritual sharing circle. One of the people who was part of that same sharing circle had been in AA for a long time, and one of the things he said all the time was, “It’s none of your business what other people think of you,”. It took me a long time to figure out what that meant. I was so codependent on others that I had no idea how to wrap my head around it. That’s why episode 145 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how to stop worrying about others’ opinions and start worrying about your own!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of worrying about your own opinions of yourself and actionable steps you can take right now to stop caring what others think.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

How we take it personally when someone doesn’t like us, and the various ways we cope with being disliked.
Examples of ways people come to conclusions of others; and how it has nothing to do with you or who you actually are.
How the serenity prayer can teach us to let go of others’ opinions, and why it really isn’t any of our business what they think of us.

Ultimately, it’s not your business what others’ opinions are, especially their opinions of you, but rather the only opinions you should be worried about are those of yourself. So be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Thank you for listening!

If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!

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Ep. 128. Are You a Peach or a Pear? Not Everyone Is Going to Like You!

Ep. 137. Learn to Love Yourself: 16 Things I Learned about Self-Love in Recovery, Part 2

Ep. 136 Learn to Love Yourself: 16 Things I Learned about Self-Love in Recovery, Part 1

You have Choices - How to End your Suffering by Lowering your Expectations | Episode 144 Jan 24, 2022

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I got a message from a long-time listener asking for this topic in a podcast episode because she could really use some guidance on lowering your expectations. Turns out, I have 4 episodes on lowering expectations, and it’s been a huge part of my recovery and a foundational piece to my sobriety. That’s why episode 144 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the choices you have that can end your suffering by lowering your expectations!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of lowering your expectations and actionable steps you get to take right now to change those expectations to live a more peaceful life.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

How I look at the serenity prayer to help me understand why I need to lower my expectations and only focus on changing myself, and how I cannot change others’.
How I needed to lower my expectations around my brother, who is one of the smartest people I know but who doesn’t live up to his potential and my expectations of him, and deal with him as he is.
The key differences between lowering your expectations and lowering your standards, and how the key to ending your suffering is NOT lowering your standards and it really depends on your values and setting boundaries.
The power in understanding my part in things and keeping the focus on myself is where the power is.

I don’t know about you, but I am fucking done with suffering. I want to get to peace. Hopefully, this episode helps you get closer to peace too. So be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Thank you for listening!

If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!

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Expectations episodes:

#31 Overcoming unrealistic expectations

#77 Getting rid of expectations after the fact

#88 Expecting Fairness

#131 Let go of your expectations of others and meet your own needs

Other episode

#62 GET To vs. HAVE To

#124 Why and How To Stop Falling In Love With People's Potential

Ashely Montagu quote:

“The deepest personal defeat suffered by human beings is constituted by the difference between that which we are capable of becoming, and that which one has, in fact, become.”

If I Am Disturbed, There’s Something Wrong with Me | Episode 143 Jan 17, 2022

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There is a saying in step 10 of "The AA 12 Steps and 12 Traditions" book that I share with clients all the time, which has also been super helpful in my own recovery. A lot of people assume it means that they are always in the wrong, which isn’t true at all. That’s why episode 143 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about if I am disturbed there’s something wrong with me!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of understanding this phrase and actionable steps you can take right now to learn how to “un-disturb” yourself and start taking charge of your life.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

My interpretation of the phrase and why it’s so important to me and for my recovery journey.
How to figure out the things you can do to “un-disturb” yourself
How my brother’s political views and yelling used to cause a lot of distress for me, how I tried to change him in the beginning of my recovery, and how I now set boundaries.

What kind of slippers can you put on your feet? Where have you been trying to carpet the world? So be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Thank you for listening!

If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!

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Links Mentioned:

Ep 84 - Don’t Carpet the World

https://higherpowercc.com/2021/03/12/84-dont-carpet-the-world/

How a Dump Truck Taught Me Compassion for My Father | Episode 142 Jan 10, 2022

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Have you ever explained that the reason someone acts the way they do is simply because they are a dick? That’s exactly what I said about my father until a dump truck changed my perspective. One day as I was driving home from a recovery meeting, I saw a dump truck with two bumper stickers. Those two bumper stickers would flood my mind with memories that would eventually lead to a breakthrough of compassion I didn’t know I needed to understand. That’s why episode 142 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how this dump truck taught me compassion for my father!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of compassion and actionable steps you can take right now to help yourself come to terms with others’ behaviors.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

My story of almost being crushed by an 18 wheeler at 16 years old, as well as another vehicle accident at 16, and why this relates to my relationship with my father.
How I realized my dad was incapable of expressing other emotions besides anger, which I wasn’t able to understand until I went through recovery.
How it all came together for me that day that family dysfunction is passed down from generation to generation, and how my father’s behaviors were actually the best he was capable of.
Why it’s so important for you to understand that you are capable of compassion for others.

Another important lesson I have learned is that I need to reach out to get help and be witnessed by others. All of these profound things are things I have learned in recovery. May these kinds of profound realizations come to you as well. So be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Thank you for listening!

If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!

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