Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery

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Recovering Shit Show Andrea Ashley | Episode 160 May 16, 2022

Show notes

I’m super excited today to have Andrea Ashley as my guest, she’s the host of the Adult Child podcast. I was in a step study group and somebody messaged me about her podcast. I listened to the trailer and after listening to two episodes, I knew she had to be on the podcast. She shares raw stories of recovery like you rarely hear outside of a meeting and she’s also able to pull concepts together in a way that are really understandable. She's also incredibly vulnerable and authentic with her own personal stories. Plus she uses the f-word more than I do! This week’s episode 160 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about Andrea Ashley’s story as a recovering shit show!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m with Andrea Ashley sharing the importance of therapy and 12-step recovery in her journey to unearth her true self, and the healing modalities she’s used to address the trauma of her past. She also shares actionable steps you can take right now to start living for yourself, as well as identify triggers and symptoms of childhood trauma through her story. She shares how her life is now, after finally finding a therapist who’s a good fit four years ago, and ways she’s recognized her true self.

Andrea identifies as a recovering shit show and says the word “fuck” more than I do! So I know you’ll find her story compelling and her honesty refreshing. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

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Book - The Abandonment Recovery Workbook

Links Mentioned:

Book - The Big Red Book

Boundaries in the Bedroom | Episode 159 May 09, 2022

Show notes

I’m kind of surprised that boundaries in the bedroom is just now touching the podcast; and even more surprised that I just now realized that what I am talking about in this episode is even boundaries at all. Setting healthy boundaries in all aspects of a relationship, including in the bedroom, is so important! This week’s episode 159 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about trusting yourself and setting boundaries for the bedroom!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of trusting yourself and your boundaries and actionable steps you can take right now to build and set healthy boundaries around sexuality. I learned how to set boundaries in my 12 step recovery journey. Boundaries are one of the most important gifts I got from recovery, and they’re one of my most important tools of recovery. I was really attracted to my partner in the beginning because of his healthy boundaries. It was through his expression of healthy boundaries, as well as my own recovery journey, that I was able to set my own in the relationship. I also talk about the value in setting healthy boundaries in your own life and in your relationships with others.

It’s one thing to be told to set healthy boundaries, and it’s another thing to hear the building blocks someone’s journey to build a healthy relationship for the very first time. That’s what you’ll hear on this episode! Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

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Links mentioned:

Ep 107. The importance of boundaries in recovery - learning from the outside in

Ep 125. Top 12 Lessons on Dating and Relationships from 12 Step Recovery

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Make the Most Out of Your Recovery | Episode 158 May 02, 2022

Show notes

Stop comparing yourself to others! It’s typically going to either lead you to feeling like shit about yourself, or it’ll make you feel like you’re better than others. Either way - not good. Instead, the power is in keeping the focus and the comparison on former you and where you are now. Most of us have gotten better throughout our lives, but it’s not always linear. This week’s episode 158 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about making the most out of your recovery by not comparing yourself to others!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of keeping the focus on yourself and your own recovery and actionable steps you can take right now to compare yourself to former you, and not focus on others. What *you* think of yourself should matter more than what others’ think of you. What really matters is how you feel about yourself.

If you’re comparing yourself to your former self, and don’t like what you see, then use that desire to make the comparison to be better. However, if you are comparing yourself to shit on yourself, that’s not the point either. What you learn when making the comparison is info, not ammo. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

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Podcast Episodes Mentioned:

Ep 66. Stop comparing your insides to other people’s outsides

Ep 135 Go from Envy to Inspiration with One Simple Mind Shift

Ep. 156. Info, Not Ammo

Tips on How to Find the Right Sponsor in 12-Step Recovery | Episode 157 Apr 25, 2022

Show notes

I’ve been asked how to find the right sponsor for you in recovery, and as a sponsor myself I thought I would also share how my process for sponsoring. Just like everything in recovery, take what you want and leave the rest. This episode covers information for those new to recovery looking for their first sponsor, as well as those deeper into their journey too. It also helps those looking for a sponsor, as well as sponsors themselves,. This week’s episode 157 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about Tips on How to Find the Right Sponsor in 12-Step Recovery!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of doing what works best for you as both the sponsor and the sponsee and actionable steps you can take right now to pick the best sponsor relationship for you.

Some of the tips I go over in this episode include:

What a sponsor is supposed to be, and not supposed to be, and what a healthy relationship with a sponsor should look like.
My personal journey with recovery steps and my sponsors, including my relationships and what worked and did not work with my sponsor relationships.
How being a sponsor keeps the sponsor sober and on track through their own journey.
Common rules in different programs, and other things to consider before deciding on a sponsor for yourself.

I would be happy to help answer questions about sponsors, however, I’m not able to be your sponsor or help you find one. I hope this episode helps you make the right decision for a sponsor for yourself. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

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Info, Not Ammo | Episode 156 Apr 18, 2022

Show notes

I can’t believe I have never done a podcast on the concept of info, not ammo. When you learn something negative about yourself, instead of using it as *ammunition* for you to beat yourself up, use it as *information* to integrate about yourself. This is so important especially in the 4th step inventory of 12-step recovery. This week’s episode 156 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about learning to use negative information about yourself as info to learn and grow from instead of ammunition to beat yourself up!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of understanding the difference between taking information as information only, versus using it as ammunition to attack yourself. I also cover actionable steps you can take right now to be honest with others and yourself and stop manipulating information. I give the example of how I used this “info not ammo” principle when I learned that I was a people-pleaser, and that people-pleasers were dishonest and manipulative. I immediately wanted to use it to beat myself up over it - I couldn’t believe it!

When I first started changing my ways to telling the truth and communicating directly with others, I felt like it was going to kill me! But I got used to it and now I feel so much better about myself and about who I am as a person. This concept of “info not ammo” can be a gamechanger for you too. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Check out the “Feelings, Not Fixing” bundle of curated content.

This bundle is for people who struggle with emotional discomfort—especially those who avoid their own feelings or feel responsible for fixing others'. If you've been told you're too sensitive, or you learned to disconnect from your emotions to survive, this bundle helps you come back to yourself. It’s especially powerful for people-pleasers, over-givers, and anyone raised in a family where emotions were minimized or punished.

Details here.

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How to Stop Lying to Yourself and Make Real Change - You Can Do Hard | Episode 155 Apr 11, 2022

Show notes

One comment I hear all the time from people in recovery or who are trying to make big changes in their lives is, “It’s so hard!”. The hard that you’re currently living if you’re still using is actually making things more difficult unless something changes. This week’s episode 155 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how to stop lying to yourself about it being “too hard” and get on the path to healing and thus, less hard!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of going through the hard and actionable steps you can take right now to stop telling yourself it’s too hard to accomplish, and just do it. You can do hard because you’ve been doing “hard” your whole life! It is hard to do the change, but once you do it the rest gets easier. Something being hard is not a good excuse to not do the thing; so stop saying, “It’s so hard” and remember you can do hard.

If you do the hard work of whatever decisions or changes you’re trying to make, that type of hard is temporary. Doing this hard work will lead to healing. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

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Winston Churchill quote: “If you’re going through Hell, keep on going,”

How I Lead My Life on Purpose {Rebroadcast of Reinvention Rebels} | Episode 154 Apr 04, 2022

Show notes

I am doing something new in this episode that I've never done before; I am resharing a conversation from a year and a half ago on the podcast Reinvention Rebels. This is the first time I was ever on a podcast and you’ll hear how fresh and new I was to my message and my own voice. I relistened recently, and there’s a lot of good information in it! That’s why episode 154 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is a rebroadcast of my discussion with Wendy Battles on the Reinvention Rebels podcast!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of reflection in my life for self-love and actionable steps you can take right now to be brave and rediscover yourself.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

The two major transitions I had in the past 5 years; getting into 12-step recovery and getting laid off from Yale.
The role of reflection, reimagination, and restarting my life again through my life and big transitions.
The huge power of choice I gave myself by going through recovery and what that’s done for me.
FLAWSOME; what it means and why it’s a big part of my mentality since starting my recovery journey.

This is a fantastic conversation about a lot of the changes I have been through and many ways I’ve learned to love myself, judge less, embrace my flaws, and more that I know you’ll find helpful too. So be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Thank you for listening!

If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!

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Reinvention Rebels Podcast Link

Podcast link:

Learning to Have Realistic Expectations and Becoming Able to Let Things Go | Episode 153 Mar 28, 2022

Show notes

When I did the 12 steps in my second program, after I determined my defects of character in steps 4 & 5, I was tasked with picking 4 of my top defects and do some really deep work on each of those for steps 6 & 7. I had to define very specifically what it would look like if God removed these defects. That process came in very handy this week, even years later. That’s why episode 153 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast relates a story about how ordering a product from someone showed me the importance of learning to let thing go and set more realistic expectations, which were two of my worst defects of character.

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of letting shit go and actionable steps you can take right now to be accepting of things as they are. I used to hold onto things forever, especially my unrealistic expectations of others, then later punish them for not meeting those unrealistic expectations.

I still sometimes have trouble letting things go, but I am better at recognizing it when I start to lean into that defect of mine, and better control my own actions and thoughts through that recognition. So be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Thank you for listening!

If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!

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How to Stop Taking Things Personally and Come Out of Victim Mentality | Episode 152 Mar 21, 2022

Show notes

Probably the most important paradigm shift of my entire recovery journey was coming out of victim mentality. I had no idea I had this mentality but I could spot a victim a mile away; I thought I could save them all. When I finally discovered that I had victim mentality, it was a huge awakening; what else did I not know about myself? That’s why episode 152 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about getting out of victim mentality!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of not taking things personally and actionable steps you can take right now to take responsibility for the part you have in every relationship you’re in. I really figured this out myself while reflecting on my past relationships. I acted as if I wasn’t responsible for any part of them; the person I was in a relationship with was responsible for everything wrong, and I was just there (well, actually, I thought I was responsible for all the good things in those relationships!). This was true of all relationships: family, friends, colleagues, and romantic partners.

This mental shift allows me to set boundaries, be more openly honest to those in my life, and recognize that it’s not always about me. It’s a completely different way of thinking. So be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Thank you for listening!

If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!

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