Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery

Why I Think of Gossip as an Anti-Intimacy Campaign and Scripts for How to Stop It | Episode 229 Sep 11, 2023

Show notes

I think of gossip as an anti-intimacy campaign. Patterns of gossip truly prevent any type of real intimacy from forming between people. Gossip is the perfect example of “anti-intimacy” because when you talk about people who are not in the room, you’re not talking about yourself or the other person.

That means neither of us are learning about each other. It takes away from being able to create intimacy through vulnerability. This week’s episode 229 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about gossip and some helpful scripts you can use to stop it!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

SAMPLE SCRIPTS

Script 1 “You know friend, I’d really like to hear about YOU”

Script 2 “It stresses me out when you keep talking about his ex. Let's talk about something else.”

Script 3 “If you want to talk about them every once in a while, that's fine. But it's happening every time I see you and it's really stressing me out. Let's talk about something else”

Script 4 “Friend 3, it seems to me that every time we talk, we end up talking about friend 2 and it really stresses me out to do that. Let’s talk about something else.”

Depending on the situation and your relationship, you might also add

Script 5 “I’m going to talk to her directly about my concerns, I encourage you to do the same.”

Script 6 “I don’t feel comfortable talking about x.” If someone asks “why are you uncomfortable?” you can simply say “I just am” without going into any detail about it.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep 176. What Is the Dreaded Drama Triangle and How to Get Out of It

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Master Your Focus by Shifting to Focus on What You Want Not What You Don't | Episode 228 Sep 04, 2023

Show notes

If you want to go from being a reactor (reacting to things) to an actor (taking an active role) in your life, then focus on what you want and less on what you don’t want. This is living on purpose. People with healthy boundaries live on purpose. This week’s episode 228 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about mastering your focus by shifting to focus on what you want, not what you don’t!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of understanding that boundaries are for you, not those around you. I also share some actionable steps you can take right now to focus on what you want.

When you shift your focus, it means you start to live on purpose. You make decisions about how you want to live your life, and then you start following through on those decisions.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch (Amazon)

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

You Don't Have to Save the Meeting, the Organization or the Cause | Episode 227 Aug 28, 2023

Show notes

179. Freedom from the Lie of Shame - You're Not Inherently Flawed

I’ve come across so many people over the years who felt like they had to continue going to 12-step meetings that weren’t healthy for them or that they had to do everything in their power to save an organization or a cause. They felt that all would be lost if they stopped going or contributing. Don’t get me wrong, I am a big fan of working hard and doing your part but I am not a big fan of taking on a meeting, an organization or a cause all on your own. This week’s episode 227 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about why you don’t have to save the meeting, the organization, or the cause!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing how guilt and shame keep us from setting boundaries and taking a step back from things that are no longer serving us in a positive way. I also share how our actions of bleeding ourselves dry make us poor role models to others looking to get involved.

If you’re not getting your needs met (or completely draining yourself) then it is time to move on. You deserve to have your needs met too.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

17. GUILT AND SHAME

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

What the Cross Talk Rule Is and Why It Helps Us Build and Respect Boundaries | Episode 226 Aug 21, 2023

Show notes

I recently had to call someone out for cross talking while I was doing a reading and surprisingly, I did not get a flood of shame or guilt for doing it. That goes to show how far I’ve come in recovery as I felt calm enforcing a boundary that I used to have such a difficult time upholding. This week’s episode 226 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about what the cross talk rule is and why it helps us build and respect boundaries!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing how cross talk is defined in ACA and how the cross talk booklet defines every bit of it making it easy to understand when you may be crossing this boundary. I also share my own experiences of learning to follow the cross talk rule and how it helped me recognize negative habits of my own.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep. 107. The importance of boundaries in recovery - learning from the outside in

The ACA Cross Talk booklet (for sale for $2 through the ACA website)

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

5 Traits of People Pleasers and How They Can Turn Into Resentment | Episode 225 Aug 14, 2023

Show notes

Ep. 96. How to Get Over the Fear of Missing Out by Keeping the Focus on Yourself

I had no idea that I was a people pleaser in the past, I just thought I was nice. Through recovery and coming out of codependence, I came to realize that people pleasing is not nice, and it’s actually dishonest. This week’s episode 225 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about 5 traits of people pleasers and how they can turn into resentment.

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing how, as people pleasers, we become so focused on everyone else that we often neglect our own wants, needs, and desires.

The 5 traits common to people pleasers are:

Your self-worth is based on what other people think of you and you’re not even paying attention to what you think of yourself.
When you see people in conflict, especially people that you care about, something triggers inside of you where you think it is your job to fix the situation.
You don’t even wait for people to ask you for help, you just jump in anyway, regardless if they wanted your help or not.
You avoid telling people what’s really on your mind because you don’t want to rock the boat
You feel compelled to help people in order to get their approval so you can have a sense of self-worth.

In order to start backing away from your people-pleasing ways, you can start by keeping your focus on yourself rather than on other people and keep this momentum going by taking really good care of yourself.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep. 10. My Tools of Recovery Part III: Focus On Me

Ep. 102. Why keeping the focus on yourself is the antidote to codependence

Ep. 146. Stop F-ing Blaming Other People and Keep the Focus on Yourself

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Taking a Searching and Blameless Inventory vs. a Searching and Fearless Inventory | Episode 224 Aug 07, 2023

Show notes

The ACA Fellowship website

I’ve had this conversation quite a bit with people in recovery about the difference between step 4 in ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families) vs. other 12-step programs. In case you’re unfamiliar with step 4, it is focused on taking a good hard look at the patterns of our behavior, more specifically, looking for our part in all of the chaos, drama, and dysfunction in our life. This week’s episode 224 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about taking a searching and blameless inventory vs. a searching and fearless inventory.

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the difference in the way step 4 is done in ACA vs. how it is done in the AA “Big Book” way and in other 12-step programs. I also share what this inventory looks like using personal examples from my life.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep 219 How to Understand What a Spiritual Awakening Is and Three Personal Examples

Ep 194. How to Know If You’re an Adult Child – part 2: The Other Laundry List

Ep. 193. How to Know If You’re an Adult Child – part 1: The Laundry List

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

How Building Boundaries Helps You Overcome Victim Mentality and Unrealistic Expectations | Episode 223 Jul 31, 2023

Show notes

One thing I’ve noticed with myself and with my boundaries coaching clients is that we have a deep seeded victim mentality and some pretty unrealistic expectations about ourselves, other people, and the world. This week’s episode 223 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how building boundaries helps you overcome victim mentality and unrealistic expectations!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the hallmark characteristics of someone with victim mentality. I also share the importance of clearly communicating your boundaries paired with examples of murky vs. clear communication.

Setting healthy boundaries, which includes setting consequences if the person doesn't honor your boundaries is a way for you to come out of victim mentality, overcome unrealistic expectations, and keep the focus on yourself. You start to see that you actually do have some control over your life, but it's through YOUR actions that you are able to do so.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

OVERCOMING UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS EPISODES

GETTING OUT OF VICTIM MENTALITY EPISODES

KEEPING THE FOCUS ON YOURSELF EPISODES

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Instagram

Work with Barb!

The Evolution of My Reparenting Journey- Reshaping the Past to Heal the Future PART 2 | Episode 222 Jul 24, 2023

Show notes

181. 5 Methods for Reparenting Myself: What That Looks Like for Me

In this episode, I continue sharing my story about how my reparenting practices have evolved considerably in the last few months. I left off part 1 talking about how I started using this new loving version of my dad that appeared to me in a visualization as an additional inner-loving parent. This week’s episode 222 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is part 2 of the evolution of my reparenting journey- reshaping the past to heal the future.

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

The process of re-casting my past to heal myself from past trauma.
Re-parenting my inner-critical parent, Irene and inviting her to take a step back and relax.
Letting go of the scarcity mindset I had that had been passed down to me from generations before and the energy healing that helped me do so.

Wherever your reparenting journey takes you, I encourage you to go with it as long as it feels like it’s healing you.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep 212. Nine New Methods I've Learned for Reparenting and How They've Affected Me

Ep. 218 My Vulnerable Share about Family Dysfunction and How It Results In Trauma

Ziva Meditation with Emily Fletcher

Sietske de Waard Energy Healer

ACA Loving Parent Guidebook

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

The Evolution of My Reparenting Journey- Reshaping the Past to Heal the Future PART 1 | Episode 221 Jul 17, 2023

Show notes

181. 5 Methods for Reparenting Myself: What That Looks Like for Me

As I mentioned in previous episodes, I am on a journey of reparenting myself. To those unfamiliar with reparenting, some techniques I use and share in this episode may seem crazy. Still, in all truth, they have healed me in a deep and profound way and I encourage you to be open-minded to new practices if you are also on a journey of reparenting yourself. This week’s episode 221 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is part 1 of the evolution of my reparenting journey- reshaping the past to heal the future.

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing some of the practices I use to reparent myself and a meditation experience that evolved the perception I have of my parents, specifically of my deceased father, into the loving, supportive inner parents they were not. I also share a bit about my experience coming to the realization that I was soothing my feelings rather than feeling them and processing them.

Stay tuned for next week’s episode where I continue this story of my reparenting journey. I’ll share about the work I have done with this new inner-loving dad I have cultivated and how he helped me reshape my past.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep 212. Nine New Methods I've Learned for Reparenting and How They've Affected Me

Ep. 218 My Vulnerable Share about Family Dysfunction and How It Results In Trauma

Ziva Meditation with Emily Fletcher

Sietske de Waard Energy Healer

ACA Loving Parent Guidebook

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE: