Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery

Missing Red Flags - When You Want What You Want When You Want It | Episode 209 Apr 24, 2023

Show notes

“I want what I want when I want it” - otherwise known as the inability to delay gratification, was my attitude towards life before recovery. With this mindset, I was unable to see the consequences of plowing forward to get what I wanted. This week’s episode 209 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about missing red flags- when you want what you want when you want it!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing some examples from my life where I was unable to delay my gratification (& suffered the consequences) and the tools I have gained through recovery that have allowed me to change this mindset.

Do not underestimate the ability to pause because it's what leads us to be able to make rational decisions like a mature adult instead of acting out of our addictive, compulsive, and obsessive patterns of the past. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep 8. My Tools of Recovery Part I: Pausing

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How Building Healthy Boundaries Allows You to Detect Nuance | Episode 208 Apr 17, 2023

Show notes

It wasn’t until several years into my recovery that I realized there were certain things that I thought were fused were not actually fused. That is, I thought where one thing existed, the other automatically existed as well. Not only did I grow to understand this was not true, I realized many of the examples of this in my life had to do with dating and that building healthy boundaries was what helped me change my perspective. This week’s episode 208 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how healthy boundaries allow you to detect nuance.

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing some examples from my life where I was able to make the distinction between things I had previously thought were fused and the reasons why this type of discernment has everything to do with setting healthy boundaries.

As I've built better and better boundaries, I've gotten a lot more clarity about a lot of things. It's almost like building healthy boundaries, which requires clarity, gives me the desire to seek clarity in many other areas of my life.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

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Your Step-by-Step Guide for How to Get Started Setting Boundaries | Episode 207 Apr 10, 2023

Show notes

When you’re so lost and enmeshed, it can be difficult to know what a boundary is let alone even begin setting them. This week’s episode 207 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about your step-by-step guide for how to get started setting boundaries!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing my definition of what a boundary is and my 5 step framework for setting boundaries with language and examples to get you started. As a bonus, I share 2 reflection questions to help you tap into how implementing boundaries into your life will make you feel.

Here are the steps:

1). Start small with teeny tiny boundaries and build your way up from there

2). Begin by setting boundaries with yourself

3). Move on to setting boundaries with easy-going people and or people that you don't really know

4). Then set boundaries with people that are not as easygoing and or people that you have long-standing relationships with

5). Live on purpose and thrive!

Your life is in your hands. YOU get to decide what’s okay and not okay with you and you get to tell others. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

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24 Ways Adult Child Traits Show Up in the Workplace Part 2 | Episode 206 Apr 03, 2023

Show notes

ACA Fellowship Text (The Big Red Book)

In a recent episode, I mentioned that I had a whole cascade of memories and understanding that I have experienced some level of trauma in every job I had before recovery This led me to self-reflect on how my dysfunctional upbringing played a role in this using an inventory about workplace traits of Adult Children from ACA. Last week I shared the first 12 traits of adult children in the workplace and today I am sharing the last 12 traits. This week’s episode 206 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the 24 ways adult child traits show up in the workplace!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing 12 more traits from the “Big Red Book’s” list of how the traits of adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families show up in the workplace. I also share how they show up for me, and the top 3 traits that show up most often for me.

The last 12 items of the “Working at the Laundromat” list are as follows:

13. We are sensitive and can get extremely upset with any form of criticism of our work.
14. We want to be in charge of every project or activity, feeling more comfortable when we are in control of every detail, rather than letting others be responsible.
15. We may be the workplace “clown” to cover up our insecurities or to get attention from others.
16. We are people-pleasers and may take on extra work, or our co-workers’ tasks, in order to be liked and receive approval from others.
17. We do not know how to be assertive in getting our needs met or expressing a concern. We may have to repeatedly rehearse our comments before delivering them.
18. We have felt that we do not deserve a raise, promotion, better workspace, or a better job.
19. We do not know how to set boundaries, and we let others interrupt us. We can accept more work without knowing how to say “no” appropriately.
20. We are perfectionists about our own work and expect others to be the same and have the same work ethics and values.
21. We become workaholics because it gives us a feeling of self-worth we did not get as a child.
22. We may jump from job to job, looking for the perfect position as the substitute for the secure and nurturing home environment we did not have.
23. We get upset when people do things that affect us or our work without asking us first.
24. We have a high tolerance for workplace dysfunction and tend to stick it out in an unhappy job because we lack the self-esteem to leave.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep. 205. 24 Ways Adult Child Traits Show Up in the Workplace Part 1

Ep. 194. How to Know If You’re an Adult Child – part 2: The Other Laundry List

Ep. 193. How to Know If You’re an Adult Child – part 1: The Laundry List

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Instagram

Work with Barb!

24 Ways Adult Child Traits Show Up in the Workplace Part 1 | Episode 205 Mar 27, 2023

Show notes

ACA Fellowship Text (The Big Red Book)

In a recent episode, I mentioned that I had a whole cascade of memories and understanding that I have experienced some level of trauma in every job I had before recovery. Upon reflection, I know the role my dysfunctional upbringing has played in my workplace experiences. This week’s episode 205 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the 24 ways adult child traits show up in the workplace!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing a chapter of the ACA fellowship text, affectionately known as the “Big Red Book”. Chapter 14 is called “Taking Our Program to Work” and details how the traits of adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families show up in the workplace.

The first 12 items of the “Working at the Laundromat” list are as follows:

We confuse our boss or supervisor with our alcoholic parent(s) or qualifier and have similar relationship patterns, behaviors, and reactions that are carryovers from childhood.
We confuse our co-workers with our siblings or our alcoholic parent(s) and repeat childhood reactions in those working relationships.
We expect lavish praise and acknowledgment from our boss for our efforts on the job.
Authority figures scare us and we feel afraid when we need to talk to them.
We get a negative “gut reaction” when dealing with someone who has the physical characteristics or mannerisms of our alcoholic qualifier.
We have felt isolated and different from everyone around us, but we don’t know why.
We lose our temper when things upset us rather than dealing with problems productively.
We busy ourselves with our co-workers’ jobs, often telling them how to do their work.
We can get hurt feelings when co-workers do things socially together without asking us, even though we have not made an effort to get to know them and join in the social life.
We are afraid to make the first move to get to know a co-worker better, thinking they will not like us or approve of us.
We usually do not know how to ask for what we want or need on the job, even for little things.
We do not know how to speak up for ourselves when someone has said or done something inappropriate. We try desperately to avoid face-to-face confrontations.

Stay tuned for episode 206 where I share items 13-24 from the list!

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep. 194. How to Know If You’re an Adult Child – part 2: The Other Laundry List

Ep. 193. How to Know If You’re an Adult Child – part 1: The Laundry List

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Why You’re Responsible for Your Second Thought and Not Your First Thought | Episode 204 Mar 20, 2023

Show notes

One of the manifestations of growing up in a dysfunctional family is distorted thinking, so it is important that we learn that we are not responsible for these thoughts popping up. However, we ARE responsible for not listening to them. This week’s episode 204 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about why you’re responsible for your second thought and not your first thought!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the tools I gained from recovery that helped me reframe my thoughts and the method I use to make sure that I am feeling my feelings, not just soothing them.

You are powerless over your first thought. You are not powerless over your second thought and over what comes out of your mouth. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

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Questions from Listeners, Responses from Barb Part 3 | Episode 203 Mar 13, 2023

Show notes

Content Warning: Abuse

For my 200th episode, I asked my listeners to send in their questions for me to answer on the podcast and while I answered a few that felt fitting for my celebration episode, I wanted to dedicate a series of episodes to answer some of the questions that were more geared to boundaries and recovery in general. In this week’s episode 203 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m answering the last of your listener questions that came from my giveaway!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

Some of the topics I cover in this episode include:

A recovery update on a recent download I had and what I was able to uncover about resentment that I hadn’t previously.
Things to keep in mind when sharing your story in recovery.
How you can use healthy boundaries to recover from an addiction to excitement, fear, or chaos.
The difference between new relationships and relationships that stayed in my life after setting boundaries.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

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Questions from Listeners, Responses from Barb Part 2 | Episode 202 Mar 06, 2023

Show notes

For my 200th episode, I asked my listeners to send in their questions for me to answer on the podcast and while I answered a few that felt fitting for my celebration episode, I wanted to dedicate a series of episodes to answer some of the questions that were more geared to boundaries and recovery in general. In this week’s episode 202 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m answering more of your listener questions!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

Making amends to people you have wronged.
The difference between harming and hurting someone when it comes to setting boundaries.
Setting boundaries for a group of people while giving them the autonomy to set boundaries for themselves.
Advice and practices for becoming more self-aware.
Dating again after coming out of a codependent relationship.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep #42. Why Take a Daily Inventory

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Questions from Listeners, Responses from Barb Part 1 | Episode 201 Feb 27, 2023

Show notes

For my 200th episode, I asked my listeners to send in their questions for me to answer on the podcast and while I answered a few that felt fitting for my celebration episode, I wanted to dedicate a series of episodes to answer some of the questions that were more geared to boundaries and recovery in general. In this week’s episode 201 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m answering your listener questions!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

Some of the topics I cover in this episode include:

Getting out of victim mentality after you’ve realized you're in it.
How to develop and rely on a power greater than us (& the difference between reliance and dependence on this higher power).
Creating healthy parent/ child boundaries when entering a new stage of life.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh

Ep. 11. Gratitude

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