Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery

Latest Episodes:

How I Came Out of Denial- My ACA Story | Episode 191 Dec 19, 2022

Show notes

I typically record myself when I share in meetings so I can listen back and see how things have changed - how my perspective has changed and how I’ve grown as a person. I’ve never considered sharing these recordings on the podcast until a fellow in recovery suggested the idea to me and I thought, why not? This week’s episode 191 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is a recorded sharing from a meeting and it’s my ACA story about how I came out of denial.

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m doing something a bit different and sharing a recording I took from an actual ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families) meeting where I share my story of coming out of denial and how recovery shifted literally every aspect of my life.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

How I approach situations in my relationships now compared to how I handled them in the past.
The concept of “info, not ammo” that changed my perspective on how I interpret and process the things I uncover in my self-awareness journey.
What I believe are the greatest gifts that recovery has given me.
Some of the things I can do now that I was never able to do before coming out of denial and setting healthy boundaries.

The biggest paradigm shift for me in recovery was coming out of a victim mentality. Before I could even begin to get myself out of it, I had to get out of the denial that I was participating in this mentality so that I could begin seeing the world through a different lens. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to follow, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Subscribe to “Friday Fragments” weekly newsletter

Free boundaries resources

“6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb” online course BetterBoundarieswithBarb.com

Participate in Your Own Recovery with Dan Reeves | Episode 190 Dec 12, 2022

Show notes

Send us Fan Mail

You can lie, pretend, and go through the motions for so long but until you make the decision to participate in your own recovery, you’re not going to see the life changes you’re looking for. This week’s episode 190 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about participating in your own recovery!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, my guest Dan Reeves shares his story of how his dependency on alcohol started and the path it took him down and how, despite previous experiences with AA, it was one meeting that finally shifted his perspective and lead to his major life change.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

What it means to participate in your own recovery.
What’s on Dan’s “miracle list” and how he uses it as a reminder of all the good things that have happened in his life that encourages him to keep going.
How Dan uses his unique skills to participate in his recovery and celebrate others on their own journey.
The importance of cultivating creativity as an ingredient to a thriving sober life.
Having faith that no matter what happens in life, your higher power has more in store for you.

Your job is to focus on participating in your own recovery. Leave everything else to your higher power. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

CONNECT WITH DAN REEVES:

The Spiritual Underground Podcast

Spiritual Underground on Facebook

Spiritual Underground on YouTube

Spiritual Underground on Instagram

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Free boundaries resources

“6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb” online course BetterBoundarieswithBarb.com

How to Hold Onto Your Own Integrity-Set Boundaries Using "Blurry Truth" | Episode 189 Dec 05, 2022

Show notes

Send us Fan Mail

Through recovery, we learn to tell the truth in order to live with integrity but sometimes, the full truth is not anyone else’s business. That’s where what I call the “blurry truth” comes into play. This week’s episode 189 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how to hold onto your own integrity by setting boundaries using “blurry truth.”

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing how you can use “blurry truth” to set boundaries and find the balance between telling the truth without divulging all of the information and some ways I have practiced this in the past!

Before recovery, I used to lie to people in order to set boundaries and that was because I didn’t know of any other way. Now I know there are alternatives to set healthy boundaries while remaining in my integrity and wholeness.

Lying is not going to serve you in the long run. Your integrity matters and learning how to set healthy boundaries is all about living in integrity and living your life on purpose as the authentic person you really are and deserve to live as. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep 39. Wholeness, integration and integrity

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Free boundaries resources

“6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb” online course BetterBoundarieswithBarb.com

Dysfunctional vs. Functional Tools- How to Stop Making Things Worse! | Episode 188 Nov 28, 2022

Show notes

Send us Fan Mail

I realized recently that before recovery I had a set of dysfunctional tools that actually made my life worse and through recovery, I was able to replace those tools with functional ones that make things better. This week’s episode 188 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about dysfunctional vs functional tools & how to stop making things worse!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the counter-productive tools of gossiping, pretending, lying, stuffing my feelings down, shame, hiding and denial that I used to use to manage my life and the tools I use now to manage my life in a healthy and productive way.

Obviously, there are far more dysfunctional tools I could list but you get the point. Through recovery, I have transformed my life from using tools that did not serve and actually made things worse, to me having a whole toolshed of functional, healthy tools that make my life better. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep. 2. Acceptance

Ep. 12. Stop Gossiping

Denial episodes:

Ep. 16. Denial

Ep. 23. Denial 2.0

Ep. 182. Denial 3.0

Life on Life’s Terms episodes:

Ep. 51. Life on Life’s Terms

Ep. 166. Here's What It Looks Like to Live Life on Life's Terms, Not Life on Barb's Terms

Ep. 83. FLAWESOME

Ep. 156. Info, Not Ammo

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Free boundaries resources

“6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb” online course BetterBoundarieswithBarb.com

41 Things I Didn't Know Before Recovery That Completely Changed My Life | Episode 187 Nov 21, 2022

Show notes

Send us Fan Mail

I spent so much of my life searching for something and didn’t know what I was searching for until I found it in recovery. That’s right, these realizations never once came up in the 37 years of therapy, self-help, and self-discovery work I did before going into recovery. And THAT is why carrying the message of recovery is so important to me. This week’s episode 187 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the 41 things I didn’t know before recovery that completely changed my life.

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing a list of things that I genuinely did not know about myself, the world, and the way things worked until I found them through my recovery journey.

Some of those 41 things are:

I was in serious denial about a ton of stuff (much of which I will be listing here).
I could ask for help and accept that help when given.
Pausing is a thing & how to practice it!
I didn’t have to be in charge of everything.
I didn’t have any integrity, boundaries, or honesty.
What life on life’s terms meant.
When I am late because I forgot to set the alarm or knock something over and spill it, I don’t have to be upset.
I had a victim mentality and, therefore, blamed everyone and the world for everything.
I had a ton of grief that needed to be processed.
I had a lot of “shoulds” and wasn’t accepting what was actually happening i.e. reality.
I had a sense of urgency at all times.
I thought I was responsible for all the good stuff in my previous romantic relationships and my partners were responsible for all of the bad stuff.
Accepting things that seemed previously unacceptable was possible.

I understand that recovery is not for everybody but I believe that regardless of the want or need for recovery, we can all benefit from the wisdom that comes from it. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Free boundaries resources

“6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb” online course BetterBoundarieswithBarb.com

The Origins and Effects of Adult Child Trauma Part 2 | Episode 186 Nov 14, 2022

Show notes

Send us Fan Mail

When we’re little, we don’t know anything different than how we’ve been raised so for a lot of us, until we grow up and get into 12-step recovery programs, we don’t understand that what we endured as children was abusive and dyscuntional. Until we realize this and no longer adhere to the rigid beliefs we were taught as children, we remain stuck in this loop of dysfunction. This week’s episode 186 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is part 2 of the origins and effects of adult child trauma.

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing more excerpts from the book Adult Children of Alcoholics, affectionately known as the “big red book,” and sharing the wisdom i’ve gained through my own journey on how you can begin putting the puzzle pieces together yourself and healing your inner child.

Listen back to part one of this episode to hear more excerpts from the book and more about my journey and perspective of understanding adult child trauma.

The excerpts I cover in part 2 of this episode include:

The underlying terror we hold for the consequences of disobeying the rigid beliefs we’ve been taught.
Believing we are inadequate of giving and undeserving of receiving love and making this unworthiness the definition of who we are.
Dysfunction leading to feeling powerless and alienated.
Diving into the feeling and unfeeling self to protect ourselves from the disorienting effects of living with confusion and pain.
Making a change by believing change is possible and challenging the authority that our addiction has over us.
Finding unity and mutual support through the group aspect of 12-step recovery to fight against the effects of abuse by authority.

We are all beloved children of God. We are all deserving of love from God, from other human beings, and from our families. We didn't get that love from our families because they weren't capable of giving it to us, not because we were undeserving of receiving it. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep. 8. My Tools of Recovery Part I: Pausing

Ep. 21. Isolation vs Healthy Alone Time

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Free boundaries resources

“6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb” online course BetterBoundarieswithBarb.com

The Origins and Effects of Adult Child Trauma Part 1 | Episode 185 Nov 07, 2022

Show notes

Send us Fan Mail

I often get asked how we all got our adult child attachment and adult child trauma issues and the short answer is from not having our needs met as a child or what I used to think of as the absence of “good things” happening for me in my childhood. This can be anything from emotional invalidation or being gaslighted by our families, pretending things that are happen aren’t happening, or avoiding something big and horrendous happening and acting like everything is fine. The list goes on. This week’s episode 185 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the origins and effects of adult child trauma.

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing excerpts from the book Adult Children of Alcoholics, affectionately known as the “big red book,” and my journey and perspective of understanding adult child trauma.

Some of the excerpts I cover in part 1 of this episode include:

Trusting the perception of our own lived reality.
Growing up in a home with a lack of responsibility to sanity.
Denying the reality of pain and abuse and feeling guilty for asking for our needs to be met.
Abusing and abandoning ourselves based on learned behavior.
Denying our feelings, hiding vulnerability, and relying on codependency to survive.

Healing your adult child trauma does not happen overnight. It is a journey. But the more you understand where it comes from, the closer you will be to growing from it.Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep. 10. My Tools of Recovery Part III: Focus On Me

The ACA website

The Big Red Book Please note I said the section I read came from page 55, it was actually from page 355!

The Problem

The Solution

The ACA Promises

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Free boundaries resources

“6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb” online course BetterBoundarieswithBarb.com

If You NEED People to Need YOU, You're Codependent | Episode 184 Oct 31, 2022

Show notes

Send us Fan Mail

Codependency doesn’t always exist as your need for someone else to do something for you, but as you subconsciously needing someone else to need YOU in order to feel worthy and valuable. This week’s episode 184 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I am sharing the realization I had myself that if you need people to need you, you’re codependent!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing my own story as well as a client’s story where we realized our codependency through finding worth in being needed by others. I also encourage you to check in on the motives behind your behaviors and identifying which of your issues may be linked back to a lack of boundaries.

When you get better with your boundaries, you suddenly have this energetic force field around you where you’re able to hold in the good energy around you and repel other’s negative energy, no matter the chaos surrounding you.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep. 27 Getting Out of Enmeshment

Ep. 102 Why keeping the focus on yourself is the antidote to codependence

Ep. 110 Codependency with Gail

Ep. 115 Here's How to Leverage Those Codependent Powers for Good

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Free boundaries resources

“6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb” online course BetterBoundarieswithBarb.com

Stop Gossiping About Yourself | Episode 183 Oct 24, 2022

Show notes

Send us Fan Mail

Typically we think about gossiping as something we do about other people, however, I realized that some of the behaviors I’ve engaged in in the past might be considered gossiping about myself. In this week’s episode 183 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing that means (AND telling you to stop gossiping about yourself!).

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing what thoughts or actions I consider to be gossiping about myself and how when I started to consider it as gossip, it was much easier to stop- especially after I learned to stop gossiping about other people.

Gossip is not a solution-oriented practice and only has ill effects. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep. 12. Stop Gossiping

Ep. 111. How and Why to Stop Dragging the Story with You

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Free boundaries resources

“6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb” online course BetterBoundarieswithBarb.com

Denial 3.0 | Episode 182 Oct 17, 2022

Show notes

Send us Fan Mail

Denial is so pervasive and insidious that it takes a long time to come out of it. When you’re recovering from family dysfunction, it’s one of the most important tasks you’ll have to accomplish. This week’s episode 182 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about coming out of denial!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing a story from my weekend where I noticed I am still coming out of denial from my past life even though I have been in recovery for 7.5 years. I also share what denial might look like in your life and the types of denial we must work through in recovery.

When we go to meetings and hear other people’s stories, we can start putting the pieces of our own stories together, realize we are not alone and use this to come out of denial bit by bit. We realize we’re not alone, we’re not uniquely flawed, we’re not beyond hope, and we’re not terminally unique - but we are beloved children of God.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep. 16. D-E-N-I-A-L

Ep. 23. Denial 2.0

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Free boundaries resources

“6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb” online course BetterBoundarieswithBarb.com

Membership Community, Secure, Loved & Brave