Absolutely Not

Latest Episodes:

NO SNACKIN' IN THE BACK Nov 02, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh off her comedy special taping weekend- full of gratitude and adrenaline. She witnessed a fight over a snack break in the back kitchen of a salad joint and was ready to jump in and pop off, if need be. She's back with her weekly dose of unsolicited advice such as- "How to spice things up in the bedroom" to "Is it ok to eat del taco alone in your car to avoid your in-laws?"

Sponsors:

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With each can only 25 calories and 5g of sugar or less, Poppi can be found on Amazon for 15% off with code “ABSOLUTELY15” and in retailers nationwide

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Thanks to our friends at Spritz Society, you can try their iconic sparkling cocktails for 10% off by using code ABSOLUTELY on SpritzSociety.com

Produced by Dear Media

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Harry's Therapy Oct 26, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather has a few biohacks for her early girlies. She hits the Absolutely NOT-line and comes up with a genius idea of how to start a men's therapy group under the full disguise of a man named Harry.

Sponsors:

Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases and bags at AwayTravel.com/absolutely

Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely

For listeners of the show, Everlywell is offering a special discount of twenty percent off an at-home lab test at Everlywell.com/absolutely

So start your credit journey with Chime at Chime.com/absolutely

If you go to GetQuip.com/ABSOLUTELY, RIGHT NOW, you’ll get your first refill FREE.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Chili Season Oct 19, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather has a very exciting announcement for the new tour! It's a big one! She hits the Absolutely Not Line only to give life changing advice for a young listener, help a woman keep her job at the gym and navigate what to do if you've dated a murderer.

Sponsors:

Go to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30

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Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

2 Old 4 Da Club Oct 12, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather recounts a scary moment from Trader Joes, how her life flashed before her eyes and why she was mad at Robin. She also hits the Absolutely Not Line- We've got grown men sucking on hard candy while they sleep, children getting tattoos, Ole Randy shits the bed and more! Sponsors: Check out Brooklinen.com today for their luxurious home and bedding essentials, and use Promo code [absolutelynot] for $20 off plus free shipping on your purchase of $100 or more. Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely Go to Talkspace.com and make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show Thanks to our friends at Spritz Society, you can try their iconic sparkling cocktails for 10% by using code ABSOLUTELY on spritzsociety.com From Sony Music Entertainment, Hello Sunshine, The Home Edit and Somethin' Else, listen and follow Best Friend Energy wherever you get your podcasts. Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Trust the Thrust Oct 05, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather hits the hotline to answer questions like " Why Kentucky" and " How do I stop scrolling the internet for my ex's"? The fact that folks come to Heather for actual advice is alarming but dammit she's hitting the advice line HARD. Heather also has a guided meditation for anyone over 30 who is feeling the weight of the world.

Sponsors:

Go to DailyHarvest.com/absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box.

Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Everlywell is offering a special discount of twenty percent off an at-home lab test at everlywell.com/absolutely.

Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months at Visitritual.com/ABSOLUTELY

Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today.

For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/ABSOLUTELY

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

BIA BIA MIA MIA Sep 28, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from her trip to Detroit with a new respect for the thin women of Michigan and the attitude of the TSA precheck staff. She hits the hotline and asks the age old questions like "Why dont Boomers drink water?" to "Do people in Charleston have pubic hair?"

Sponsors:

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30

Get a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely

Rright now you can get $20 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY20 at Nuuly.com

Right now, you can get 15% off your first order when you visit ThriveCausemetics.com/absolutely

f you want to support the show and pick up a pair, goodr is giving my listeners FREE SHIPPING on your first order at Goodr.com/absolutely

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Pulled Pork Party Sep 21, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather hits the Absolutely Not Line and the voicemails are SHOCKING! One caller is getting fired from her job for being with child, while another is out-of-the-blue allergic to pulled pork. It's literally a game of survival. We have deep embarrassing confessions and some triggering core memories. No stone is left unturned on this insane episode!

Sponsors:

Head to Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Get a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely

Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

Go to DailyHarvest.com/absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box.

Go to Nuuly.com and enter the code ABSOLUTELY20 and sign up to get $20 off your first month.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Three Queens and a Mic Sep 15, 2022

Show notes

On this week's episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is back after way too many difficulties joined by best friend of the show, Raymond Padilla. They talk about everything from the royal family to Ray almost losing an arm after his monkey pox vaccination - and Robin joins in after being bamboozled by the MOMA.

Sponsors:

Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months at Visitritual.com/ABSOLUTELY

Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

Right now you can get $20 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY20

For listeners of the show, Everlywell is offering a special discount of twenty percent off an at-home lab test at Everlywell.com/absolutely

Use code “ABSOLUTELY15” for 15% off Poppi on Amazon and get sippin'.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Pest Control Sep 08, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather hits the hotline with some wildly new and improved SCAMMMMS! After a weekend of dealing with Robin's international catfishing fiasco, Heather is on High alert to the tricks and deals y'all are trying to pull. As if we didnt have enough shit to deal with already- The hotline is filled with 1200 back cracks and a frantic 911 call from Australia!

Sponsors:

Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Visit Brooklinen.com and use Promo code absolutelynot for $20 off plus free shipping on your purchase of $100

Get $20 off your fertility test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely

Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases and bags at AwayTravel.com/absolutely

For listeners of this show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/absolutely

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Bat in the Balenciaga Aug 31, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather hits the Absolutely Not Line to solve the world's problems. However, after the first voicemail she quickly realizes we need to call animal control. On this week's episode- we've got a lady with a bat in her designer bag, a lady on a cruise to nowhere, and a mom trying to navigate how to save teenagers from turning to the darkside!

Sponsors:

Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely.

Go to goodr.com/absolutely and get 15% off when you use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.

Use code ABSOLUTELY15 for 15% off on Amazon and get sippin' Poppi soda.

Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month at Talkspace.com

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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