Absolutely Not

Latest Episodes:

TABITHA'S TAKEOVER Aug 25, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather has business consultant and friend, Raymond Padilla come to the Absolutely Not Headquarters for a full take over. It's the Board Meeting no one wanted to sit down for, but absolutely needed to attend. We're getting our ducks in a row while simultaneously fixing the world's problems by using the 5 pillars of efficiency. Ray also asks for donations at the end because Heather is sure as hell not paying him for his time or knowledge.

Get a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely

Head over to WooMorePlay.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off the entire site.

Get 35% off site-wide at CozyEarth.com when you use the code ABSOLUTELY.

Get 20% off and free shipping with code ABSOLUTELY EatDeux.com

Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at Article.com/ABSOLUTELY

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Lesbian Low Country Boil Aug 17, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is reporting live from the PANHANDLE of Florida, aka 30A. She is back from Mississippi and narrowly skirted death on the highway, only to have a new lease on life. She is taking no bullshit and dishing out some of the best advice she's ever given from the hotline. Like- Why heterosexual couples should never own catering companies- to what to do if your teeth are falling out. That and more!

Check Out Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Use promo code absolutelynot for $20 off and free shipping on your order of $100+ at Brooklinen.com

Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely

Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today.

FX’s Little Demon premieres August 25 on FXX. Stream on Hulu!

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Tankini Trauma Aug 10, 2022

Show notes

On this week's episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- After a wonderful weekend back in the college town of Athens, GA- Heather is shooketh to her core taking a walk down memory lane- the nostalgia of sorority row, the tequila shots from locals are all flooding back to her hypothalamus. She hits the Absolutely Not Hotline to fight with a woman who doesnt like Tang- another broad bitching about getting a titty on her back during a massage- and makes a public apology to the Mid Atlantic.

Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months at VisitRitual.com/ABSOLUTELY.

Go to DailyHarvest.com/absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box.

Head to EatDeux.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off and free shipping.

Get 35% off site-wide when you use the code ABSOLUTELY at CozyEarth.com

FX’s Little Demon premieres August 25 on FXX. Stream on Hulu!

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

SAFETY CONE SUMMER Aug 03, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is wondering if her August invite to the hamptons got lost in the mail? So weird- no one has invited her to stay at their mega mansion while Robin skeets down the long island highway on a crotch rocket on her way to a tj maxx. She hits the Absolutely Not line in hopes that the invitation is on the voicemails.. but looks like she'll have to wait till next summer.

Check Out Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/ABSOLUTELY

Visit AthleticGreens.com/absolutely for a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase.

Cozy Earth is providing an exclusive offer for my listener’s today. 35% off site wide when you use the code ABSOLUTELY.

Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases and bags at AwayTravel.com/ABSOLUTELY

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Cleaning the Baseboards of Life Jul 27, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is hitting the Absolutely Not Hotline to answer your hard hitting questions- like "Why can't we make Tanning Booths a thing again" or "What should I do if I have Alopecia on my head but not my crotch". Heather dissects her own quarter life crisis while simultaneously helping your figure out yours- its a real team effort this week!

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.

Visit AthleticGreens.com/absolutely for a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase.

Head over to WooMorePlay.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off the entire site.

Get 20% off and free shipping with code ABSOLUTELY at eatdeux.com.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

TWO WEEKS TOO LONG Jul 21, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from her whirlwind year long honeymoon. While she should feel refreshed, renewed and wildly in love- she is lucky to not be in an italian jail cell after clearly spending TOO MUCH TIME with her husband Jeff. She breaks down the importance of communication, how much wine she drank every day at lunch and her plans to do it all over again.

Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Visit seed.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY to redeem 20% off your first month of Seed's DS-01™ Daily Synbiotic.

Go to goodr.com/ABSOLUTELY and get 15% off when you use code: ABSOLUTELY at checkout.

To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com and use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

TED Talks From a Nobody Jul 13, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather chats with fellow comedian and newly single pal, Jared Freid. They break down the hard truths of what it's like to navigate show biz, inspire folks with humor and have someone literally NOT be a fan. Jared breaks down his new- on-the-scene dating horrors and these two giggle like thelma and louise over how TikTok will slowly kill us all.

Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

Athletic Greens is going to give you one FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/ABSOLUTELY

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Creep From Bocca Jul 06, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather sits down with her favorite grumpy old man- comedian Andrew Collin. They dissect his new life living with a lady, reminisce on Spring Break in Destin and he helps Heather understand why Jeff packed a scale in his carry-on.

Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code
[absolutelynot] to get $20 off your purchase of $100 or more.

Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY and turn healthy habits into a Ritual.

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely

Produced Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Putting on the Dog Jun 29, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews the queens of the southern hair empire, Salty Locks, Britt and Amber Harrington. They discuss working with family, a female run business and explain why the alligators near the nuclear plant in Augusta got 3 legs and an attitude. These girls mean business while also keeping it real country and that's why we love them! Athletic Greens is going to give you one FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/ABSOLUTELY Go to dailyharvest.com/ABSOLUTELY to get up to forty dollars off your first box! Get free shipping on all water and merch at LiquidDeath.com/ABSOLUTELY Head over to WooMorePlay.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off the entire site. Article is offering our listeners 50 dollars off their first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/ABSOLUTELY Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

EAT LAY SHOVE Jun 22, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with her genuine friend, Jackie Schimmel. They discuss their summer plans to move to Europe, Eat all the food, lay horizontal and release their aggression on innocent bystanders through shoving and pushing tourists. It's unhinged, it's dialed in and it's insane.

Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Go to Brooklinen.com today and use promo code [absolutelynot] to get $20 off your purchase of $100 or more plus free shipping.

Go to Grove.com/ABSOLUTELY today to get a free gift set worth up to fifty dollars with your first order plus free shipping.

Visit seed.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code [ABSOLUTELY] to redeem 20% off your first month of Seed's DS-01™ Daily Synbiotic.

To grab your two pills a day, head to moonjuice.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Absolutely Not

Related Podcasts

1

2

3

4

5

6