Absolutely Not

Latest Episodes:

LET THE BIG DAWGS BITE Jan 13, 2023

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is fresh off a z-pack from Mexico and the ride of her life through the sofi stadium to be an SEC ally for the dawgs. She is sniffling her way through a week of LA work but truly no days off because tinseltown wait for no one. She discusses her own pretty woman moment at the Beverly Hills Hotel but how she reassured the staff that even though everyone at the Polo lounge has a soft southern accent- they werent gonna walk out on their tabs. Stay Humble but Stay Smoking!

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.

Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY

Save 10% when you shop The BFF Bundle — a pack of classic AND salicylic acid stars designed to love your pimples all the way through the healing process at Starface.world

Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today.

Printfresh is a woman-owned, size-inclusive sleepwear and lifestyle brand with sizes ranging from XS to 6X. Head to Printfresh.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

HOW DID WE GET HERE Jan 04, 2023

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is ringing in the new years with fresh boundaries with her negative CVS. She will no longer allow their filthy carpet and refusal to take her insurance dampen her mood!! She has realized that sometimes you need to just sit in the shallow end of the pool, and think about shit on the steps, before you dive into the deep end of life!

Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Grab your Liquid I.V. in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 20% off when you go to LIQUIDIV.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.

To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com, and use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.

It’s the time to treat yourself this New Year. Go to printfresh.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT or use code ABSOLUTELYNOT for 15% off your first order.

Visit www.californiaprunes.org for recipes, and be sure to look for California prunes at your favorite supermarket or specialty shop.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

"Rose and Thorn" with Jeff Daniels Dec 30, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is sitting down with her Italian stallion to recap 2022 highs and lows and doomsday prep for the 2023 shit show season. Jeff and Heather both share their "rose and thorn" of the year and never really address how over-budget the wedding really was- It is too touchy of a subject that I guess they will push on to their therapists 10 years down the road. They both realize they need to learn a tangible skill like flying or boating, and Jeff promises to build Heather a tunnel behind the pool.

Start a new healthy habit today. Visit Seed.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY to redeem 20% off your first month of Seed'sDS-01™Daily Synbiotic.

Visit www.californiaprunes.org for recipes, and be sure to look for California prunes at your favorite supermarket or specialty shop.

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Missed Connections Dec 21, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather prepares herself mentally for the battle of Christmas and reminds herself it's not about fighting a petite elderly woman for the last giftcard at Talbots. but rather a time to reflect on all the selfless good she has given the world through the years. She hits the Absolutely Not Line and gives unsolicited advice on how to survive the holidays and plan a cruise for your conspiracy theory loving in-laws.

Head to Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30.

Athletic Greens is going to give you is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

"Only Give 70%" with Guest Andrew Collin Dec 14, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather sits down with friends and road dog, Andrew Collin. They are fresh off 3 shows in the midwest and recording live from a Hilton in Grand Rapids where the vibes are good but the temperature is frigid. Andrew and Heather discuss staying motivated, only working to 70% of their potential and what they would tell to their younger selves. This podcast is the least bit motivating and they are both idiots.

Visit Brooklinen.com today and save 15% on your first purchase plus free shipping.

Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today

Athletic Greens is going to give you is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY

This Holiday season gift Away at AwayTravel.com/absolutely

Thanks to our friends at Spritz Society, you can try their iconic sparkling cocktails for 10% by using code ABSOLUTELY on spritzsociety.com

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Attitude of Gratitude Dec 07, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is recovering from a wild weekend in the Big Easy where she received alot of attitude from mixologists and almost fought a college kid in a night club. She gives advice to a newly wed who paid for their wedding, unveils the mystery of how our parents are still able to post on facebook and questions what happened to a man who went overboard on a carnival cruise!

Sponsors:

Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? To make trying something new easier, Ritual is offering my followers 10% off their first 3 months when you shop online at ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY

From exercise, to errands to sunset –I love my goodrs. You can go to goodr.com/ABSOLUTELY to get FREE shipping

Money can’t buy happiness. But not worrying about your money comes close. See for yourself why Chime is so loved at chime.com/absolutely

Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dog Park Perv Nov 30, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh from her weekend in Mississippi eating pork rinds & cheering on the Sportz- She hits the Absolutely Not Line to dissect all of your Post- Thanksgiving Drama. You hoes were eating out doing Zero Tipping, talking to pervs in Dog Parks and ended up with a crotch staph infection. It's been a wild weekend and Auntie Heather is here to help.

Sponsors:

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30

You can now get ready for any occasion in head-to-toe Steve Madden. Use code ABSOLUTELY20 at checkout for 20% off your first purchase at SteveMadden.com

Athletic Greens is going to give you is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY

If you want to support the show and pick up a pair, goodr is giving Absolutely Not listeners FREE SHIPPING on your first order at goodr.com/ABSOLUTELY

Right now, you can get up to 45% off their best-selling products when you purchase select holiday sets by visiting ThriveCausemetics.com/absolutely

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

DO LESS AUNT REGINA Nov 23, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is breaking down the pre-holiday anxiety we are all feeling in the back of our throats. The next week is going to be filled with family fights, food sensitivities and lots of farts! Heather walks you through your step by step Holiday survival guide so that you don't lose your shit on your Aunt Regina before the mashed potatoes even hit the deck. She hits the Absolutely Not-line and tries to give some sage advice to fellow stressed out holiday hosts- but remember at the end of the day- have your emergency cigs on stand-by.

Sponsors:

Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Brooklinen's Biggest Sale of the Year is only for a limited time, and the deals don't get better. Visit Brooklinen.com and get $20 off plus free shipping on orders $100+ with code absolutelysnot.

As a listener of this podcast, you’ll get $100 off of your first month with Talkspace. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.

Go to littlewordsproject.com/ABSOLUTELY or enter ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 30% off your first order.

Visit SteveMadden.com and use code ABSOLUTELY20 FOR 20% off your first purchase.

Start a new healthy habit today. Visit seed.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY to redeem 20% off your first month of Seed's DS-01™ Daily Synbiotic.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hot Topic Sweet 16 Nov 17, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is fresh from a weekend of shows in Florida. She was not invited to Tiffany Trump's wedding but instead spent the weekend slingin' jokes and searching for a new therapist in West Palm. There is something bout that Florida humidity that stirs up forgotten emotions and family trauma. We are working through all the feelings leading up to Turkey Day and answering your questions on the Absolutely Not Line.

Sponsors:

Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today.

Athletic Greens is going to give you is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY

This Holiday season gift Away at AwayTravel.com/ABSOLUTELY

Visit SteveMadden.com and use code Absolutely20 at checkout for 20% off your first purchase

Thanks to our friends at Spritz Society, you can try their iconic sparkling cocktails for 10% off by using code ABSOLUTELY on SpritzSociety.com

If you go to GetQuip.com/ABSOLUTELY, RIGHT NOW, you’ll get your first refill FREE.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Beam Me Up Scott Nov 09, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh from her trip to Space Camp, aka a weekend of shows in Huntsville. She met a scientist at a bar that told her we only got a few weeks left- and wondered why can't the aliens fix our heavy periods? "Surely some bitch in outterspace knows how to stop a heavy flow?"- ya know that kinda vibe.

Sponsors:

Check out Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot for $20 off and free shipping on orders of $100+.

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30

Get 10% off your first 3 months of Ritual when you visit Ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY & add Essential Protein today.

Go to LittleWordsProject.com/ABSOLUTELY or enter ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 30% off your first order.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected