Absolutely Not

Latest Episodes:

What Would You Do? with Jordana Abraham & Jared Fried May 13, 2023

Show notes

On this bonus episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather sits down with Jordana and Jared, hosts of the "U Up?" podcast, to talk about why couples pranks might be the worst side of TikTok, teach Jared maybe too much about feminine hygiene, and break down everything from relationships to why it just might be too late to save the turtles.

Episode Sponsors:

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If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY

Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavorthat you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion –whether you're on the go or unwinding at home. You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Surprise Swingers May 10, 2023

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather hits the hotline and answers your voicemails about the thrills of becoming a regular at a bar, how cheering on the elderly should be a regular thing, what to do if there is a kids gifts registry for a bday party and should you break up with someone if they take you to a swingers party? She’s helping one listener at a time and questioning her own existence as to why she doesn't have a live-in hibachi chef.

Episode Sponsors:

To celebrate May, Mental Health Awareness Month, and to celebrate every step you take towards a better, richer, fuller life, Talkspace is offering every listener of this podcast $100 off your first month with Talkspace. Just go to Talkspace.com/ABSOLUTELY

You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support our show by going to Nutrafol.com and entering the promo code ABSOLUTELY to save ten dollars off your first month’s subscription – this offer is only available to US customers for a limited time.

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely. That means your test will cost $159, which is a fraction of what it would cost at a fertility clinic.

Try 21Seeds Infused Tequila for easy & delicious cocktails! Visit 21seeds.com to find 21Seeds near you. Enjoy Responsibly. 21Seeds. Diageo, New York, NY.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Joy Ride to the ATM May 03, 2023

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather breaks down the details of the insane predicament she found herself in, at the Memphis airport, ran into a couple Lasso kids in Texas and was slinging art in Mississippi for Robin like drug dealer from the 80's. That and more!

Episode Sponsors:

Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% on your first purchase of a website or domain.

Go to Zocdoc.com/absolutely and download the Zocdoc app or FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours.

Angie's BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorns brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavor that you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion. You can try Angie's BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com

It's golf. It's not golf. It's Topgolf. Pro-tip, download the app & book ahead of time to Come Play Around on Half-Price Tuesday or any other day!

Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/ABSOLUTELY plus, you get FREE shipping!

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

NYC SCAR TISSUE Apr 26, 2023

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather and Jeff are taking a walk down memory lane in their old neighborhood. They have some advice for the Rat Czar of the city and take you behind the scenes of what a VIP experience at the Garden has in store for the local celebs. A Homeless man calls Heather a lesbian, and so so much more!

Episode Sponsors:

It’s golf. It’s not golf. It’s Topgolf. Pro-tip, download the app & book ahead of time to Come Play Around on Half-Price Tuesday, or any other day!

Try 21Seeds Infused Tequila for easy & delicious cocktails! Visit 21seeds.com to find 21Seeds near you. Enjoy Responsibly. 21Seeds. Diageo, New York, NY.

Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP is perfect for when I want a bold snack with a BOOM of flavor while unwinding at the end of the day. You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

MASTER SCAMMERS PART 2 with Raymond Padilla Apr 19, 2023

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with the ultimate SCAMMMMER, Ray, to discuss how they scammed their way into the masters, yet again. It is an in-depth observation into the golf world that rarely few people get to see. They are honest and raw about how much merch they bought, how swollen their feet were and how many azaleas they really drank!

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.

Episode Sponsors:

Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

For a limited time, get $20 off plus shipping on orders of $100+ with code absolutelynot at Brooklinen.com

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely

Crush your cravings with a variety of delicious ready-to-eat popcorn that's always gluten free, whole grain and non-GMO. You can try Angie's BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com

If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens if giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The Holy Trinity Apr 12, 2023

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh from her trip to Augusta with a new business idea that will take doggy day cares, water parks, and sushi restaurants to the next level. She hits the Absolutely Not Line to discuss sister fights, being hungover and how we need to rephrase the term "were trying". She's back on the road and saltier than ever!

Episode Sponsors:

Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your fist purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely

Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book atop-rated doctor today.

For listeners of the show, Dips is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/absolutely

You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support the show by going to Nutrafol.com and entering the promo code ABSOLUTELY to save ten dollars off your first month's subscription - this offer is only available to US customers for a limited time.

Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavor that you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion. You can try Angie's BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

F.A.A.F.O. Apr 07, 2023

Show notes

On this bonus episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather is back in the DMs answering your hard-hitting questions from how to deal with fuckboys and HOA drama to what she'd want to be reincarnated as in the next life.

Episode Sponsor:

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Fiesta Time Apr 05, 2023

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from a weekend of shows in the Lonestar state and wants everyone to know she has figured out the answer to world peace- a simple San Antonio Fiesta. Slap a little Barbacoa on a shell and sit down with your neighbor- its that simple- actually she is on the verge of a full nervous breakdown and becomes so completely unhinged she needs to call into her own HOT LINE. She explains the new viral sensation, "Yummy Water", refreshes everyone on airplane etiquette and believes Gwenyth was innocent.

Episode Sponsors:

Grab your Liquid I.V. in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to LIQUIDIV.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.

Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.”

As a listener of this podcast, you’ll get $100 off of your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com/ABSOLUTELY

You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com

It’s golf. It’s not golf. It’s Topgolf. Download the app, book a bay and Come Play Around.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Tennessee Whiskey Mar 29, 2023

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is back from her weekend of shows at the Ryman where she set the fire alarm off in the middle of a tropical storm on Broadway! She hits the hotline and answers questions like “how does one get pink eye on a solo self care trip?” And “should we ban bachelorettes?”

Sponsors:

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.

Prose is the key to achieving all your hair goals this year. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today at Prose.com/absolutely.

For a limited time, Starface is offering all Absolutely Not listeners free shipping on your first Micro-Cloud order. Just enter the promo code Absolutely at checkout at Starface.world.

Go to HelloFresh.com/absolutely60 and use code absolutely60 for 60% off plus free shipping.

Grab your Liquid I.V. in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to LIQUIDIV.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

BOTTOMLESS CHIPS BITCH Mar 24, 2023

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is keeping it 100% that some days you just need to get into the back corner of your closet, suck on a J Crew sweater and scream. She's fresh from the road and trying to find the balance of staying uber professional and honestly, just not giving AF! The Voicemails are insane but also a fresh reminder to have manners at a theater, you dont get free refills in New York- and if you were fighting for your life as a kid in basic reading classes- what were you even doing?

Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trail, and when you're ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support the show by going to Nutrafol.com and entering the promo code ABSOLUTELY to save fifteen dollars off your first month's subscription.

For a limited time, Scarface is offering all Absolutely Not listeners free shipping on your first Micro-Cloud order. Just enter promo code Absolutely at checkout at Starface.world

Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/ABSOLUTELY

Angie's BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavor that you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion. You can try for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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