Absolute Worst Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Episode 34: The Holiday Show! Dec 30, 2017

Show notes

Nothing says Happy Holidays like a slew of period stories! We also relive some fun AWP quotes and someone tells Dana that she’s a good friend (questionable). Our feedback section is so important to us and we love hearing from our listeners. In that spirit, we hear back from a woman whose tongue is dying. We read her original story in Episode 12: Love & Other Diseases and she has been sending us updates ever since. We are incredibly moved by her strength and courage. She is currently fighting cancer while pregnant and in Episode 34, she offers us a way to help. If you would like to donate to her GoFundMe page, it is here: https://www.gofundme.com/6mffn3-help-amanda-beat-cancer. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we try to help AWP listeners navigate the holidays and this section is kicked off with some Family Christmas Misery, as one listener calls it. We also try to figure out how to maneuver around snoozy holiday small talk and try to convince our spouses to correctly purchase gifts for us. We end this episode with a Thanksgiving Yourst where one couple narrowly avoids being murdered. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders.

Episode 33: Life is Like a Scab Dec 23, 2017

Show notes

In Episode 33 we got lots of feedback about our Male Perspective episode. Seriously…people are pissed. During the Absolute Worst Therapy segment, we try to figure out when you should and shouldn’t get in a car with your mother-in-law. We then meet a woman who’s trying to get her husband to sit on her face…but in like a respectful way. Finally, we help someone mend a broken heart. Our Absolute Yourst segment starts with a Grecian vacation and ends with some marital discord. Afterwards, we meet yet another woman who has underwear problems. There’s no additional story after that and it definitely has nothing to do with periods. Finally, we meet some women in an Arizona Ross who are trying to feel better about themselves. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders.

Episode 32: Sick Dec 16, 2017

Show notes

EPISODE 32 – SICK Episode 32 kicks off with an update on Alison’s life which continues to spiral out of control. While Alison tries desperately to find the silver lining, Dana, conversely, decides to divorce her husband over a mispacked lunchbox. We then launch into the feedback portion of our show where we meet a listener who needs some support with her body positive fashion Instagram (holychicmilwaukee) so we shout her ass out. Another listener insists that Alison pronounces her own name wrong and we meet yet another man who hates strip clubs. We also get an update from the woman who asked about a new job opportunity but only received advice from Alison about what type of wedding dress to buy. Sadly, the feedback section ends with Alison getting yelled at and being forbidden from using the word “sick” in the future. During the Absolute Worst Therapy segment, we meet a woman who is exercising against her will. We then try to figure out how any of us can make friends. In an AWP first, we meet a Trump supporting Mormon man whose Absolute Yourst takes us by storm. We also get to hear about a listener’s worst date. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders.

Episode 31: It's Early. And Dana is Angry. Dec 09, 2017

Show notes

Episode 31: It's Early. And Dana is Angry. by Dana Powell & Alison Royer

Episode 30: Sarah Baker (Dana's Doppleganger?) Dec 02, 2017

Show notes

In Episode 30 we welcome Sarah Baker!!! You may recognize Sarah as Zack Galifianakis’ wife in The Campaign or from the NBC sitcom Go On or as Thea Cunningham in HBO’s Big Little Lies! This episode is all about how Sarah and Dana are such great friends that they have literally morphed into the same person. We talk about marriage, Xanax, and how to say goodbye. Sarah then helps us answer some listener feedback! First we address the issue of skinny girls. Then we meet a 30-year-old who’s looking for love in all the wrong places. Finally, we try to rid the world of alcoholism one drunken mom at a time. Episode 30 ends with an epic Absolute Yourst that includes Sarah Baker, The Office and a gaggle of unfortunate extras. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders.

Episoded 29: We're Not Qualified! Nov 25, 2017

Show notes

During Episode 29 we realize that we may be ruining the youth after a listener writes in and tells us how we’re affecting her son. We also get some positive feedback from a listener who claims Alison’s vagina helped someone. This week Dana kicks off the Absolute Worst Therapy section with a problem that results in the loss of all her belongings. We then meet a listener who pitches a new AWP segment! She also asks for some guidance regarding her boyfriend’s kids. Our final therapy question shocks us so much that we end the show with the promise of returning with an expert and better answers. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders.

Epiosde 28: The C Word. Period. Nov 18, 2017

Show notes

We start to fear we’ll never reach Oprah-level success after kicking off Episode 28 by reading some listener criticism. We learn a lot, BUT IT STILL HURTS! Luckily we also read some feedback from a listener who we haven’t yet deeply offended. Yeah! During the Absolute Worst Therapy segment, we meet an Angry Italian Woman who is trying to navigate the world of bullying. Next we hear about a stinky employee, Alison loses her shit on Dana and we ban a topic for life. Finally, we meet a listener who suspects her partner of cheating and wants to know the answer to that age-old question, “Why am I so psycho?” We end this episode with the nicest, most adorable Absolute Yourst in AWP history. Alison and Dana then follow this up with their own Absolute Yoursts, proving that they’re literal terrible people. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders.

Episode 27: Desperately Seeking Dick Enters The Matrix Nov 11, 2017

Show notes

Episode 27 begins with so much nice feedback that we cry!!!!! Literally no one is shocked by this. Our Absolute Worst Therapy section kicks off with a problem we have literally never heard before!!! We are blown away and hope so much that we can help our favorite new listener, Desperately Seeking Dick. We also help a woman determine if she should travel internationally, while pregnant, and with a skittish husband. Afterwards, Dana and Alison are torn apart by a question about where to spend the holidays. As usual, Alison continues to be right about literally everything. Alison then answers a pretty basic question because one of our listeners is too lazy to look it up themselves. Somehow this devolves into a pretty intense conversation about how we’re all living in the matrix. In the Absolute Yourst section, we meet a sweet woman whose vagina is broken. She takes us on an incredible journey and in the end, our vaginas end up hurting too. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 26: Absolute Yoursts: Part 1 Nov 04, 2017

Show notes

As usual, we kick off this episode with some listener feedback! We discuss small victories and opulent wedding cakes. We get to hear if our advice worked on a woman who was shacking up with her boyfriend in Vegas as well as a girl who is determined to start a pants company with Dana! We also discuss monster cats, weed oil, and songs that help people. We fully dedicate this episode to Absolute Yoursts and kick it off with The Royer Trilogy. We then follow-up with a very comprehensive list of how to approach the homeless population. We also hear about a woman’s disastrous trip to Lowe’s, a terrible technique to get a guy’s attention, and a mom’s tortured journey to a child’s birthday party. Finally we hear the most terrifying catfishing story and Dana loses her shit. This episode culminates in a heartfelt apology to Neva. We love you, grandma! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

*Bonus Episode* LIVE at the Westside Comedy Festival Oct 31, 2017

Show notes

We did our first LIVE show at the Westside Comedy Festival and decided to release it today as a treat for Halloween! Be safe and eat as much candy as you can!!! Happy Halloween!! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

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