Absolute Worst Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Episode 15: Drug Addicts Have Feelings Too Aug 19, 2017

Show notes

In Episode 15, we start by celebrating our spot in the New & Noteworthy section of iTunes!!! Alison is convinced this placement will get Oprah’s attention and in true Dana fashion, she immediately shuts Alison down thereby crushing her dreams. They then read some listener feedback and become enraged on behalf of a couple who met a wretched douchebag at a party. During the Absolute Worst Therapy session, we hear a problem that ends up being a cautionary tale for Alison. We also meet a woman who is trying to be friends with other women and we discuss whether or not something like that is even possible. Finally, we discuss problematic roommates and, as usual, Alison manages to whittle this down to a life-lesson about drugs. We end this episode listening to an Absolute Yourst about a St. Patrick’s Day Parade that pretty much ends the same way all St. Patrick’s Day Parades ends. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 14: Who Is Floyd Collins??? Aug 12, 2017

Show notes

The moment has come when Alison’s in-laws find out about her podcast. We discuss their reactions in Episode 14. We also once again address Alison’s inability to live her life successfully. During the Absolute Worst Therapy segment, we try to fix a listener’s joblem. Alison takes the lead on answering since Dana is literally terrible at jobs. Conversely, Dana takes the lead when answering a question about a listener’s living situation since Alison is terrible at roommates. In the Absolute Yourst portion of the show, we start with smart-girl porn gone horribly wrong. We also discuss fat bridesmaids and how being labeled as one is often unjust. Finally, we review the horrific injuries that occur during great sex and we learn who Floyd Collins is!!! Finally, we scurry over to Neva’s Corner. This is where Dana forces Alison to apologize to her grandma but today — Dana is in the hot-seat. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 13: Absolute Worst Therapy Part 2 Aug 05, 2017

Show notes

The number 13 is historically unlucky so it makes sense that this episode starts with Alison telling on Dana to Oprah for misspellings and not understanding basic math. We also read some listener feedback and give a shout-out to our show’s mascot. Episode 13 is dedicated exclusively to a segment in our show called Absolute Worst Therapy wherein we try to solve listener problems. Our first question leads to a discussion about appropriate bagel store attire and we try to understand if it’s ok to be objectified. Afterwards we try to fix one of the most difficult issues we face in society — a bad haircut. Then we meet a man who is in love with two siblings but is forced to choose just one. I HATE WHEN THIS HAPPENS!!! We also once again discuss dildos and what you should do if you don’t have one in your immediate vicinity. Finally, we answer a question about Jamaica and weed smoking and find the solution in a Selena Gomez lyric. And then Dana blows Alison’s mind by reasonably answering a question about perfume allergies. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 12: Love & Other Diseases Jul 29, 2017

Show notes

Episode 12 starts with a moment of triumph when Dana and Alison realize they’re inadvertently following Queen Oprah’s advice! All they want in the world is to learn from her teachings. We kick this episode off with some Absolute Therapy questions and try to determine if exercise can actually ruin a marriage. We also talk about people-pleasing and confrontation. Unsurprisingly, Dana chooses people-pleasing and once Alison realizes that doesn’t mean blow jobs, she picks confrontation. Finally, we ruin yet another relationship. During the Absolute Yourst segment, we hear about some fun listener diseases and Alison starts to feel moderately better about her spine fusing together! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 11: Sob Story Jul 22, 2017

Show notes

In this week’s episode we do a quick catch-up and meet a listener who owns a bridal boutique and wants us all to learn the etiquette of trying on wedding dresses. We also address the age-old question — when is it ok to make a comment about somebody’s body? Also, if you’re not pregnant but someone asks you if you are, is it ok to murder them? In the Absolute Yourst segment, we hear some horrific war stories from women who have had babies ripped out of them. From there things devolve and Dana and Alison have an emotional experience that no one was prepared for. Buckle up! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them anonymously through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 10: Weddings, Ukuleles, and Monocles Jul 15, 2017

Show notes

By some miracle, Dana and Alison start this episode by BEING NICE TO EACH OTHER! It’s shocking but it feels good. In Episode 10, we discuss the horror of weddings and contemplate why they are unreasonably expensive. Also, why do no clothes fit literally anyone?! This week, we read a lot of Absolute Yoursts! Our first one involves dentistry — literally the worst — and our second involves a tibia aka a shinbone. The tibia story unravels to such a degree that we’re still not even really sure what happened. We also get to hear Dana’s arm-scar story!!! It involves a ukulele and a doorknob. And most importantly, we get a whole new introduction to Dana’s grandma, Neva. This episode ends with a very special Neva’s Corner (this is where Dana makes Alison apologize to her grandma). Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 9: Filling the Hole Jul 08, 2017

Show notes

In Episode 9, Dana and Alison once again plead with Oprah to help them on their journey of fixing people’s problems. It’s unclear whether or not Oprah will intervene but Alison continues to stalk her on Twitter in the interim. Also, they elect one of their listeners to become their official mascot!!! In this week’s Absolute Yourst, we meet a modern-day hero who has to fight against the urge to pee. We then discuss Alison’s sexcapades and try to force Dana The Prude to tell hers. Turns out Alison has dated a couple? Unclear if that’s even a thing. Please listen and decide. During Absolute Worst Therapy, we continue to fix the world’s relationship issues and discuss dating married men, thinking about our exes, and deciding which one is “The One.” Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 8: Absolute Worst Therapy Part 1 Jul 01, 2017

Show notes

Episode 8 is entirely dedicated to a segment of our show called Absolute Worst Therapy! This is where we read your questions and try our very best to offer meaningful and reasonable solutions. Our first listener is having an internal struggle in regards to her career and Dana and Alison are split on the solution. And, as usual, Alison has a million more questions. Also, the first question brings up some pretty serious P.T.S.D. from an experience Dana’s sister had and Dana basically unravels. We also ONCE AGAIN help a woman with her love life and try to determine if smiling/waving is the same as cheating. And in an unprecedented move, Alison offers what Dana calls the worst advice she’s ever given…which is saying a lot. To wrap things up, Alison and Dana debunk some theories from a list called “28 of the best pieces of advice that you’ll ever read.” Overall, someone made a list of things that might help society but Alison and Dana end up tearing it to shreds. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 7: Success: F**k the stairs. Take the Elevator Jun 24, 2017

Show notes

It’s launch day!!! On May 27, 2017, Dana and Alison finally release their podcast and in an attempt to celebrate, they try to conjure things they’re grateful for so that they can revel in their success. As usual, things devolve, Alison realizes she’ll never be able to buy a house and Dana suffers PTSD from a childhood experience that involves bathing suits grouped by color. Overall, they try to figure out what the fuck it means to be successful. In the Absolute Worst Therapy session, Dana continues to act demure while simultaneously describing a vagina in horrific detail and Alison questions her therapist skills but then finds vindication while answering a listeners problem in regards to going back to college. During the Absolute Yourst segment, we realize why alcoholics shouldn’t have jobs and another listener reveals the worst birthday present ever. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. NOTE: Suicide is very serious and we do not take it lightly. Please seek out help if you are feeling suicidal, depressed, or even contemplating taking your life. *****National Suicide Prevention Lifeline****** We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. 1-800-273-8255

Episode 6: Reject Yourself Jun 17, 2017

Show notes

Each week on the Absolute Worst Podcast, Dana Powell (Successful Comedian/Actor/Writer, Adequate Mom) and Alison Royer (Fledgling Comedian/Actor/Writer, Terrible Wife) seek and give free therapy by telling you their problems, asking you to tell them your problems, and then they just pray to God that any of it works out. They're basically the opposite of Oprah. In this week’s episode Alison and Dana explore the hilarious topic of stone-cold rejection and Alison teaches Dana what “ghosting” is. In the Absolute Worst Therapy session, Dana one-ups the first problem and Alison realizes she should start drinking again. When another listener gripes about turning 30, Alison reveals that she’s actually 65 and Dana talks about her golden years. Also, in this episode, Dana and Alison give themselves license to start prescribing drugs. Unclear whether this is legal but it feels right. During the Absolute Yourst segment, we talk about poop and Dana one-ups everyone again. Ugh…typical Dana. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

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