Absolute Worst Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Episode 25: Ron Geren (A Male Perspective) Oct 28, 2017

Show notes

In several of our previous episodes we reference a listener who clocked us for not including “the male perspective.” We finally invite this listener, Ron Geren, to be a guest on AWP and help us navigate the world of men. Ron is an actor, director, and photographer based in Venice, CA. He just recently wrapped the independent film "Dreamer" Written and directed by Nick Miller and Johnny Zwick. Ron is currently in rehearsal for the upcoming PRT production of "True West" by Sam Shepard. You can check out his photography at www.geren.photography. Ron expresses his concern that we’re therapizing our listeners and asks how we deal with the pressure. We then point out that our listeners are therapists too (literally, none of us are therapists) and we then read an email and article from a listener who was very upset that I said I had “mommy brain.” You can read the article in its entirety here: https://medium.com/@jennyhopkinsatx/working-for-two-c0513f07dcdb. Afterwards, we get some feedback from a listener who we can’t stop thinking about and of course this leads to Alison crying…again. In the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we hear from a man who wants to know how to get his wife to have anal. We then help another listener decide when enough is enough. Ron ends this episode with an epic Absolute Yourst which requires not only an apology to Neva, but also an apology to Ron’s mom. SORRY, MOM! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 24: Our Sassy Gay Friend (Brian Gallivan) Oct 21, 2017

Show notes

Our guest today is Brian Gallivan! Brian has written for shows like Happy Endings and the upcoming Future Man on Hulu. He also created The McCarthys for CBS as well as the Sassy Gay Friend YouTube videos. They talk about Roseanne, therapy, improv and what is means to be successful. Brian also shares a beautiful story of how he met his boyfriend by following the advice of his therapist! He then helps us answer some listener questions! We start by weighing the pros and cons of attending one’s high school reunion. We also answer a question about working and commuting and Alison reconfirms her hatred of roommates. Afterwards, we meet yet another AWP people-pleaser and try to determine how she can escape her relationship. And finally we try to figure out if there’s life after 50. Episode 24 ends with some incredible Absolute Yoursts brought to us by Brian, ONE OF WHICH INVOLVES OPRAH!!! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 23: Fancy Chickens & Poop Wind Oct 14, 2017

Show notes

Episode 23 is just another journey towards finding out if Oprah knows about us or not. We’re pretty sure she Tweeted at us but it’s hard to tell for sure. We kick this episode off by listening to some listener feedback which results in Alison yelling at everyone and then fangirling over Tim Gunn. We also read a specific question about Dana’s peculiar beauty regiment. As usual, the Absolute Worst Therapy segment is riddled with more questions about how we can trick our partners into having sex with us. We also meet a horrible boss and try to figure out what her problem is. Finally, we tap into a very serious subject (why do we always do this?) and try to help a listener navigate a relationship with a friend who is dealing with some very scary issues. We end this episode with an Absolute Yourst about a horrible first date. The story sends Dana into such a tizzy that she gives a passionate speech about her most strong and heartfelt convictions. She gets so upset that we pop over to Neva’s Corner (this is when Dana makes us apologize to her grandma) and try to make the matter right. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 22: Disney, Tits, & Dildos Oct 07, 2017

Show notes

We kick Episode 22 off with incredible feedback from the guy whose wife wouldn’t have sex with him. We’re basically best friends with him now. We also get some ghosting advice followed by a compliment that results in Dana impersonating Alison…again. During the Absolute Worst Therapy segment, we try to help a listener get out of his strip-club obligations. We then continue on the Titty-Train and discuss when big ole boobies are too much!!! Afterwards, we hear from a woman who’s trapped in a loveless marriage with a bad-boy and while this is concerning, Alison and Dana spend most of their response time trying to figure out the Oprah saying that perfectly sums up this behavior. We finish this episode by reading some Absolute Yoursts (these are YOUR absolute worst stories). We begin with an X-rated story that starts with Disney and ends with a dildo. Since we were already discussing the horrors of Disney, we follow that up with two more stories of childhood vacations gone horribly awry. Finally, we meet a poor man who describes himself as “not a bright person.” At first we feel bad for him but after hearing his story it’s pretty obvious that he his def dumb. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 21: Buckle Up For The Rollercoaster Sep 30, 2017

Show notes

September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month so we kick off Episode 21 with a heartbreaking and heartwarming story by UCB teacher and Los Angeles comedian Julie Brister (Twitter: @bristahsouljah). You can find the article in its entirety here: https://medium.com/@bristahsouljah/laurie-cbc634aaf8d9. We also read some feedback from a listener who confirms that we are actually helping people!!! This leads to Dana saying nice things to Alison and Alison freaks out. During our Absolute Worst Therapy segment, we talk about money…and how mother fucking dumb it is. But as always, we have a solution: https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/. We then meet yet another spouse who asks her partner for an open relationship, STOP DOING THAT! We read her question and try to get to the crux of the problem. Afterwards Dana regales us with an Absolute Yourst wherein she inappropriately touches a stranger and gets something off her chest. After all the malarkey, we are forced to once again apologize to Dana’s grandma, Neva. SORRY, NEVA! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 20: This One's For The Boys Sep 23, 2017

Show notes

Episode 20 includes a lot of input from our male listeners and is then sprinkled with a little bit of breastfeeding talk by Alison. Alison and Dana continue to worry about the male perspective so they kick off the show by reading some listener feedback…FROM A MAN!!! Afterwards Alison gets some feedback about her “baby brain” FROM ANOTHER MAN!!! Also, we hear from a woman who has concerns about Dana…obviously. During the Absolute Worst Therapy session Alison continues to struggle with her emotional instability and Dana offers some support. They then read a problem FROM A MAN about some family issues coupled with anger issues. As usual, Dana and Alison are real divided on the solution to this one. Afterwards, we hear from ANOTHER MAN, NO BIG DEAL MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!! This poor guy got real bamboozled over a dick pic and we try like hell to lead him in the right direction. Finally, we try to figure out how many dates you have to wait until you sleep WITH A MAN! We end this episode with a few Absolute Yoursts (these are YOUR absolute worst stories) and we meet Dana’s spirit animal!!! Alison then goes on a non sequitur about eating disorders and Dana tries to decide if she has one. Our final Yourst is about peeing in the wrong places. It happens! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 19: Birthday Girls Sep 16, 2017

Show notes

We start Episode 19 with some listener feedback and we discuss what an “apple body” is. We then end up on the subject of pants and it causes Dana so much anxiety that she starts double-fisting peanut butter. We also hear about another listener sex injury and then a guy writes in with advice for a previous listener’s problem and it’s obviously better than the advice that Dana and Alison came up with cause they’re basically the opposite of Oprah. Alison and Dana recently celebrated their birthdays. Alison is depressed and Dana tries to lift her up by listing all the things she’ll never be able to accomplish now that she’s almost 40. Helpful… We continue the Absolute Therapy session by helping a woman figure out why she hates all other women and also why she dreads dressing up. Basically she’s a Dana/Alison hybrid. Afterwards we meet another woman who is pregnant, angry and freaking the fuck out! During the Absolute Yourst segment of our show we learn a valuable lesson about when it’s appropriate to eat freezer caramels. We then meet a fun-loving gay man who recounts the horrific consequences of dating apps. This episode ends with a Neva’s Corner. This is where Dana makes Alison apologize to her grandma, Neva. Ultimately, Alison can’t remember what she’s apologizing for but they get there eventually. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 18: Alison's Mentor (Jeremy Brothers) Sep 09, 2017

Show notes

In Episode 18 we welcome AWP’s 2nd guest ever! This week it’s Alison’s mentor aka Jeremy Brothers. Jeremy is the Artistic Director of Improv Asylum in Boston. We start by answering a “light and polite” question from an actor who wants to know when it’s ok to lie. Then we try to figure out how we can all support one another which results in Dana and Jeremy having to support Alison since she continues to be a literal mess. Afterwards, we try to help a listener navigate political conversations with horrible family members. And finally we try to figure out if you’re allowed to live with someone, even if you weren’t invited. Jeremy completely takes over the Absolute Yourst segment of our show and things get pretty dark. First he teaches us a great lesson about things you should not do while in jail. Afterwards we get to hear how he’s bad at haunted houses. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 17: Daddy Issues, Open Marriage, & A Hearse Sep 02, 2017

Show notes

EPISODE 17 (DADDY ISSUES, OPEN MARRIAGE AND A HEARSE) Episode 17 begins with some listener feedback which reveals that we are mostly helping people except for one girl who is not impressed. Also, Dana gets yelled at for reading our emails which she has been forbidden from doing. We also get to revisit the concept of ghosting and try to determine how to avoid that shit. While answering the same question we get to delve into everybody’s favorite topic…Daddy Issues!!! We then try to help a husband get his wife to have sex with him again after a pretty severe draught. WE ARE SO ROOTING FOR THIS GUY!!! Dana kicks off the Absolute Yours segment (this is when we read YOUR absolute worst stories) by recounting a story about yet another bumbled car incident. We then hear another listener Yourst that involves a spicy chicken sandwich gone wrong. Finally, we hear about a listener’s crazy job and even Dana thinks it sounds insane which is saying a lot seeing as she is the crazy job queen. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 16: Cindy Walsh!!!! Aug 26, 2017

Show notes

In Episode 16, we welcome our very first guest to the show!!! Alison gets so excited she forgets how to use her microphone. In our first episode ever, Alison revealed that her first therapist turned out to be Cindy Walsh from the hit 90’s show, Beverly Hills 90210. In this episode we welcome Carol Potter aka Cindy Walsh aka All Of Alison’s Heros Combined Into One Person. Cindy Walsh completely blows our minds in this episode. We discuss celebrity, sex, aging, marriage, adoption…the list goes on and on. Cindy Walsh also graciously answers some listener questions! We meet a woman who wants to know why she’s such a jerk and a man who wants to know when enough is enough. Finally, Alison and Dana take a crack at solving one of Cindy Walsh’s problems! Shockingly, they fall short but it ends up being worth it as Dana and Carol basically realize they’re the same person. THANK YOU CINDY WALSH!!! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

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