Absolute Worst Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Episode 44: Eric Stonestreet Mar 10, 2018

Show notes

EPISODE 44 – ERIC STONESTREET Today’s guest is Emmy-award-winning actor Eric Stonestreet! Eric is best known for his role as Cam on Modern Family. In this episode, we discuss the difference between hillbillies and rednecks. We also ruminate about the best types of apples and when it’s appropriate to eat them. Also,TRAINS HEAL THE WORLD!!! During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we start Eric off with a softball and find out that Dana knows literally everything about bird penises. We then try to decide if a woman needs to get a new dog or divorce her husband. Also, when’s the best time to have sex and how can we articulate this to our partners without having to speak to them? At one point, Eric stop therapizing and turns to Alison and Dana for some Oprah-level advice. And, finally, we try to help a woman decide if she’s a city-girl or a country-girl. Eric ends this episode with an Absolute Yourst that proves drunk Irish people ruin everything. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to- someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800- 273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types- symptoms-eating- disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims- and-survivors/

Episode 43: Can I Get An Amen? Mar 03, 2018

Show notes

EPISODE 43 – CAN I GET AN AMEN? In Episode 43, Alison begs Dana to go to couples counseling. We also read lots of listener feedback about Jesus and also Dana’s deep desire to fuck a horse. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we meet a lovely girl who puked on a dude and wonders if he’s “the one.” We also attempt to single-handedly fix the bullying issue. We also read an Absolute Yourst from a woman who teaches us a lot…mostly about what a Canadian Milk Bag is. We end this episode with the Lord’s Prayer…we don’t…but we try to talk to God and shit gets weird. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 42: Lucy Madeline Feb 24, 2018

Show notes

EPISODE 42 – LUCY MADELINE This week’s guest therapist is Lucy Madeline! Lucy is a sexual health educator and social practice artist. As a Planned Parenthood educator, she taught sex ed in over 41 schools and organizations in Santa Fe, New Mexico, working with families, teens and adults. In 2013, she co-taught Psychology of Women at Santa Fe University and continues to lecture on topics including the anthropology of menstruation and the politics of birth control. She is currently earning a Master of Social Work in Violence and Injury Prevention at the Brown School of Social Work at Washington University in St. Louis. www.lucymadelinestudio.com This episode is largely inspired by Episode 29 (We’re Not Qualified) and we kick this episode off with some feedback from the woman we heard from in Episode 29. In Episode 42 we discuss consent, sexual health, community accountability and what type of meatball sub you should shove into your vagina if you think you have a yeast infection. We also answer some listener questions about appropriate genital grooming, embarrassing medical issues, how to get improviser men to act reasonably and what a microaggression is. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 41: Phone Sex & Factory Workers Feb 17, 2018

Show notes

Don’t worry! Our intern rejected her firing so we’re stuck with her. In Episode 41 we read listener feedback about lazy Christmas gifts, corn dog lovers, and website tips that we will never be able to implement. We also meet a listener who is kind of a psychic but with accents. Afterwards we try to determine if tickling equals cheating and then Dana spends 40 minutes talking about phone sex. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section we discuss the best way to save for the future if you make zero dollars. We also try to help one woman stop dating weirdos and another woman decide if she should stand up in her best friend’s wedding. We end this episode with an Absolute Yourst from a woman who composes the best Top Ten list we’ve literally ever seen. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 40: We're Looking For An Intern! Feb 10, 2018

Show notes

EPISODE 40 – WE’RE LOOKING FOR AN INTERN! We kick Episode 40 off with discussions of celebrity sightings and the power of RuPaul. During the feedback section we meet a listener who thinks we sound dumb and as a result we start a swear jar. We then hear from listeners who say we’re single-handedly responsible for making their lives better, telling them what they already know, and lying to them about what marriage is like. We then get advice from a listener who offers some amazing tips on how to make new friends as an adult! During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we send a secret message to an anonymous listener. We then try to determine if love should always feel like a rollercoaster and how many kids is too many. Finally, we try to keep a listener from ruining her engagement. We end the show reading an Absolute Yourst from a man who is medicating himself and getting great results. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 39: Jess Rona Feb 03, 2018

Show notes

Our guest this week is Jess Rona!!! Rona is an actor, comedian and dog groomer based in LA who famously shoots music videos using slow-mo shots of her doggy clients. Her ingenuity has garnered over 100K followers on Instagram (jessronagrooming) and she has been featured in the LA Times, Marie Claire and InStyle magazine. Her ability to turn everyday pups into overnight sensations has attracted a slew of famous puppy owners and Rona’s Instagram is peppered with celebrity dog-owners like Katy Perry, Tegan and Sara and Taylor Schilling. In Episode 39 we discuss LA auditions, following our dreams and anal glands. During the Absolute Worst Therapy segment, Jess helps us answer some listener questions! We start with a softball question and Jess is already very upset. We then help a listener navigate her relationship with a real-life 30-year-old Virgin! Finally, we try to figure out why it’s always so difficult to stop banging our co-workers. Jess ends this episode with an Absolute Yourst that makes Alison very uncomfortable. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 38: Dana's Angry: Part II Jan 28, 2018

Show notes

EPISODE 38 – DANA’S ANGRY: PART II In honor of the Women’s March, Alison begins Episode 38 by pointing out AWP’s accomplishments and then compliments Dana incessantly. Unfortunately, Dana is too tired to reciprocate and claims to be “dead inside.” It’s all very inspiring. This week we hear from a few listeners who are very upset about our website and we also hear from a male listener who wants to clarify a few things regarding “duck butter.” By some miracle, another listener agrees with some of our recent advice! She then goes on to point out the things we missed. THANK YOU! After reading some feedback about Dana’s doppelganger, we end the feedback section by making a copy laugh! During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we try to help a woman determine whether or not she should move. Afterwards we meet an incredible woman who has come a long way but needs a little advice on how to make the next leap to relationship health. We end this episode with an Alison Absolute Yourst that pretty much solidifies her place in history as the “Worst Roommate Ever.” Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 37: Jewish Farmers Only Jan 20, 2018

Show notes

I’m not sure why but this episode begins with Dana begging listeners to invite her to watch them give birth. This is followed by some listener feedback and we meet a listener who claims she can tell which part of Chicago Alison’s from based solely on her accent. We also learn about a woman’s experience with an eggplant-sized dildo. Then we meet our new bestfriend and celebrate the fact that we’re keeping the youth away from threesomes. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we try to figure out if a woman is using a man exclusively to fulfill her dreams of becoming farmer. We meet another woman who is trying to figure out if ditching her stalker makes her a bad person. And why can’t one listener get her husband to put down his God damn phone?! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?! Finally, Dana tries to convince Alison that there are certain places where drinking isn’t appropriate. NOT BUYIN’ IT, DANA! Fittingly, we end with a story about a woman whose drinking is making her think Jesus doesn’t love her. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 36: We Have an Intern! Jan 13, 2018

Show notes

EPISODE 36 – WE HAVE AN INTERN! Episode 36 is all about New Year’s Resolutions and Accountability. We decide to start by reading an email from a listener who teaches us about domestic violence and how we can see the warning signs and not victim blame. THANK YOU FOR TEACHING US A NEW LESSON! Our listener is referencing an email we received and did our best to navigate but it’s always so helpful to hear listeners offer a different perspective. We will now be including the National Domestic Violence Hotline information in all of our show notes along with the links to the Suicide Prevention hotline and National Eating Disorder Association which we have already been including. We also read an email from a listener who wants to help Dana with her Monkey Brain. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we decide to settle something once and for all: “Why does Dana call Dan Tipton by his first and last name?!” We also try to help a woman ditch her stalker mother-in-law and we get honest about what having a baby does to a marriage. We end this episode with an incredible creepy clown Absolute Yourst that’s going to make it pretty hard to top in 2018…BUT WE KNOW YOU SICKOS CAN DO IT! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/ "

Episode 35: Ben Jamison! Jan 06, 2018

Show notes

EPISODE 35 – BEN JAMISON! Episode 35 is the spirituality episode! Our guest this week is Ben Jamison, author of the book: Church-Free Spirituality: How to Craft a Spiritual Practice Beyond the Bounds of Religion. Ben is a licensed spiritual counselor through Centers for Spiritual Living and has a Masters degree in Spiritual Psychology. You can read more about him at his website: http://www.benjamison.com/. Ben helps us answer some Absolute Worst Therapy questions about love, religion and spirituality. We begin by learning why all marriages need agreements and why anal should potentially not be on that list. We also try to figure out how sex and religion mix. Do they? Or are we all going to hell? Finally we try to keep a woman from murdering her priest. Despite being a spiritual guru, Ben asks us to help him with some perfection issues and Alison answers while cooking bread and cleaning the toilet. NO PROBLEMS HERE!!! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders.

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