Absolute Worst Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Episode 64: Murderers & Shitty Sisters Jul 28, 2018

Show notes

OMG we got gifts!!! Thank you to Sweet & Salty Stiches for our incredible embroidered wall hangings! Go get your own on https://www.facebook.com/sweetandsaltystitch/ and be sure to follow her on Instagram @sweetsaltystiches. We start by reading some listener feedback and no big deal but we have a brand new Bolivian friend! We also continue to bring people together by facilitating a conversation between “Ugh” and “3am.” And obvs the bra recommendations keep rolling in! We also hear from a male listener that’s def not cheating on his wife and another male listener who enjoys eavesdropping but in like a totally normal way. Finally, we get an update from the woman who keeps forgetting to have sex with her husband. During our Absolute Worst Therapy section, we meet a beautifully strong woman who lost her husband to cancer and also wants to see our vaginas. We also meet a shrew-woman who can’t stop being mean to her sister and another listener who we have to talk out of stalking a murderer. We end Episode 64 with an Absolute Yourst that teaches us about the multiples uses for tampons. We also hear a great drunk story revolving around homeless tendencies. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 63: Richie Moriarty Jul 21, 2018

Show notes

Our guest this week is Richie Moriarty. Richie is something called a, “working actor.” You can check him out on his website: https://www.richiemoriarty.com/. Since Richie is an OG listener, we kick things off with some listener feedback. As usual, we got some feedback regarding Episode 45’s problem about whether or not to reach out to one’s secret sibling. AWP Listener, Half Brother, thinks you should go for it! Staying on the theme of brothers, another listener writes in response to Episode 51’s brother issues and we all feel reassured that we’re not the only ones dealing with family issues. We also hear from a listener who has some words to say about Ryan Gaul. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we discuss man-boobs and urinal etiquette...obviously. We also convince a woman to stop furthering her education. YOU’RE WELCOME! We end episode 63 with an Absolute Yourst that makes Richie look like a real asshole. Let’s give him a hand!!! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 62: Different Strokes for Different Folks Jul 14, 2018

Show notes

EPISODE 62 – DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS SO MUCH IS HAPPENING! We have a new website (https://www.absoluteworstpodcast.com/), Sarah has a new microphone and AWP has stickers!!! We start Episode 62 with a birthday message to an anonymous listener who is going through a lot. You can see the full message on our Instagram! We kick off the Absolute Worst Feedback section with an email from Alison’s former boss who is still telling her what to do. We then get the 500th email asking why Dana calls her husband by his full name. We literally built a brand-new website solely to address this question. Please click on the FAQ section and find out for yourself! Afterwards, the feedback continues and we finally receive some positive reinforcement — first, from a Dana fan and then from a woman mere moments away from having a baby! We then get an update from a listener who originally submitted a question in Episode 51. Her original question about her brother garnered a lot of feedback so after her update, we hear from another listener who has words to say. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section we answer the age-old question, “will a man marry you after he’s fucked you?” We also meet a woman whose mother is ruining her relationship. Dana and Alison wildly disagree on how to handle this situation. We end with an Absolute Yourst from one of our favorite listeners, The Milk Bag Intern. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 61: Homophobia & Daddy Issues Jul 07, 2018

Show notes

During the Absolute Worst Feedback section of Episode 61, we hear from a woman who is proud to call herself our stalker! Keep up the good work, sister! We also meet a hairy babe and a woman who wants to offer her condolences to another listener who got some gel stuck in the wrong hallway. We then get additional bra suggestions and in our biggest moment of glory to date, we help a woman orgasm…literally. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section we try to help a listener combat bigotry. Pretty sure we solved homophobia! We then hear from a woman who is having legit daddy issues. Finally, we visit a dual-uterus household trying to determine whether or not to have a second child. EASY! We fix this super simple problem as well. We end Episode 61 with an Absolute Yourst that proves true love exists in the form of a leftover bag of coke. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 60: Why Not Me? Jun 30, 2018

Show notes

Immediately prior to Episode 60, Dana Tommy-boyed a stranger’s car, left a note, and we then fled the scene. We’re clearly great examples of strong, capable women who should be helping you with your problems! During the feedback section we get even more responses re Canadian milkbags, central vacs, and wanting to know if we have long-lost relatives. Despite an overwhelming lack of evidence that we’re not qualified, we then answer some listener questions during our Absolute Worst Therapy section. We begin by determining the best form of exercise for pregnant women who have to pee all the time. We also try to figure out the most effective way to cultivate rich friends. WHERE ARE ALL THE RICH PEOPLE?! Episode 60 inexplicably ends with a lot of talk about plastic surgery. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 59: Fortune Feimster Jun 23, 2018

Show notes

This week’s guest is Fortune Feimster! You may recognize Fortune from Last Comic Standing, Chelsea Lately, and The Mindy Project. She is also a hilarious stand-up! Check out her website for tour dates! http://www.fortunefeimster.com/ In Episode 59 we discuss being a failure, coming out, and CraigsList murders. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we try to figure out the best way to ditch a family member. We also discuss lust versus love and try to determine if it’s ok for our friends to date our siblings. Finally, Alison fixes all of Fortune’s problems in the form of Scottsdale, AZ. Fortune ends Episode 59 with an Absolute Yourst that reminds us why exercising is dumb. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 58: Water Skiing & White Weddings Jun 16, 2018

Show notes

In Episode 58, Alison and Dana continue with their attempts to solve the world’s problems despite their own inabilities to successfully take a pregnancy test and/or not gnaw through a mouthguard. We kick off this episode with a throwback to Alison’s pooslution that involves a driver’s seat with a toilet on it. #brilliant. We also hear from a woman whose life we changed? We then get a suggestion about how to keep our tits out of our laps and then another listener demands that we break her anonymity. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we answer some questions about what one should wear to a wedding…DEFINITELY NOT WHITE, YOU DUMB MORONS!!! We also try to figure out if it’s appropriate to take a family vacation without your husband and then we try to decide if another listener is in love with her alcoholic stalker. We end this episode with an Absolute Yourst that’s either pornographic or murderous. We can’t decide! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 57: Absolute Yoursts (Part II) Jun 09, 2018

Show notes

Episode 57 is entirely dedicated to Absolute Yoursts and we being by discussing Alison’s inability to send appropriate gifts. We then hear back from a woman who thought she was in love but turns out she narrowly avoided death. We also hear from several people who, like Dana, have puking problems and then we realize we ruined some nice woman’s vacation. Halfway through the episode we meet an incredible woman whose drinking is spiraling out of control…but in like a fun way. This is followed by a heartfelt Yourst that doesn’t include alcoholism. We also hear back from our favorite Canadian and her grammar is worse than ever! We end Episode 57 with an Australian adventure with an x-rated twist. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 56: A Pulley System Of Gratitude Jun 02, 2018

Show notes

We begin Episode 56 by attempting to be kind to one another by showing our gratitude. We also hear back from a listener who is making her dreams come true! She had a deep desire to start a dog rescue and NOW SHE’S DOING IT! Find out more about Scout’s Sanctuary here: https://www.facebook.com/scoutssanctuary/. She is looking for fosters in the bay area and in the central valley as well as anyone who is interested in donating land! Please reach out to her here: steph@haddadtraining.com. Afterwards, Dana and Alison argue over who’s a better best friend (it’s Alison). During the Absolute Worst Therapy segment we try to figure out who it’s appropriate to have sex in front of. We also discuss the downside of being “one of the guys.” We end this episode with an Absolute Worst from a surprisingly chipper woman who’s suffering some pretty confusing medical issues. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 55: Jillian Bell May 26, 2018

Show notes

This week our guest is Jillian Bell! You may recognize Jillian from her role alongside Scarlett Johansson in Rough Night or Jonah Hill in 22 Jump Street or maybe you noticed her in Curb Your Enthusiasm or perhaps you remember when she was a writer on SNL. Most importantly, you may have heard of her company, Neon Witch which creates t-shirts for girls and guys who want to own their anxiety or depression. Go get a shirt at neonwitch.com and don’t forget to use your promo code (AWP20) to receive 20% off!!! In Episode 55 we discuss dating, freezing our eggs, naming frogs after our friends and a love of scary movies. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section we meet a woman who’s trapped in her house and another woman who wants to know what’s so bad about having kids. Episode 55 ends with a Jillian Bell Absolute Yourst that’s tearin’ up our hearts. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

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