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You’re Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale — Society & Culture
You’re Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale

You’re Welcome is a satirical improv comedy show whose goal is to find and share peoples stories, from all over the world.

Each episode is unique and can range from 5 minutes to an hour, and will feature a brand new topic usually with someone Zoe has just met. This podcast is not for the faint of heart, buckle up.

ABOUT YOU’RE WELCOME

Like most brilliant ideas, this show was started over a molotov concoction of alcohol and various illicit substances. Zoe had given up on her life long dream, of being the female Howard Stern years ago but finally set out armed with a folding table, a couple lawn chairs, and a foam board sign that read “Free Sex Advice.” One by one strangers stopped what they were doing and sat down to talk to them about their lives.

We’d like to take this moment to thank you for coming to our site and leave you with the eternal words of Oscar Wilde:

“I was under the impression that inordinate joviality can atone for an entire lack of class”

This show is done for one reason only, to bring laughter and remind you that we are all the same.

Copyright: © All rights reserved

Latest Episodes:

Go to Art Basel so Russian Prostitutes Can See How Your Dictates Jan 21, 2015

Show notes

I don't get it. I consider myself to be a relatively educated human. I have strong opinions, I went to a bunch of schools i've read a bunch of books...BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND the art world. But then again, who am I to judge? It seems to me to be a big fixed operation where a bunch of jerk off rich assholes decide what art should be valuable just like they do in the stock market, call each other up on the iPhone 7's they already have from 43,000 feet while they eat seal carpaccio in their gulf streams and laugh like Mortimer and Randolph Duke dreaming of their Scrooge Mcduck vaults of gold and riches. All the art I loved was cheap, all the art I hated was so expensive I kept thinking it was a joke. Piles of garbage, literal animal carcasses, stuff that looked like it was made by a serial killer in an insane asylum with his own excrement. I found it really challenging. So I spent most of my art basel asking people why and how this has happened. Here's what I've learned - NOTHING. It's all just a big circle jerk of short rich guys and their ballon lipped girlfriends/prostitutes However I did manage to talk to some really funny people and ruffle the feathers of quite a few gallerists and I may have found Miami's next great rap superstar.

"Music Is Actually The Least Important Part of What A Band Does" - Fancy Bitch Jan 13, 2015

Show notes

So I found myself in Melbourne Australia in the middle of a music festival at a Koala reserve because even though I recently turned thirty, I am still an overgrown child clinging on to my eucalyptus tree of youth. To make matters worse I was wandering around in a neon animal print onesie talking to Ozzy's totally munted youth (new world! means chewing face!)I saw a giant inflatable igloo with a man named Lucky Toby gaurding the door in a matching floral suit. No one was allowed to go in. It was this amazing VIIIIP igloo and all these stoned festival goers kept wanting to know what it was and the answer was invariably, you can't come. The people inside are too famous. They granted me an exclusive interview, which I was very greatful for at 7 which was three hours from when I recorded the first part of this. He was guarding Melboune's most famous unheard of supergroup, Expen$$$ive who was doing an exclusive VIP meet and greet in said bubble for their "fans." When you walked into the bubble there were three girls dressed in almost nothing sort of like Britney Spears in the Lucky Video, all frills and fluff and pink with barbie perfume and blank CD's, troll dolls and high heels and pink feathers. Usually I would get along famously with people like this, but from the moment I stepped in, I felt the Hindenberg start to catch fire. To be clear, the didn't like me. One bit. Not one bit. And I for the first time EVER ended up apologizing to an interviewee because I was trapped in this bubble with three very hormonal women who all looked like they could beat the shit out of me, who also possibly could have had some gender identity issues. They looked like the girls who did backstage at theatre camp, and were ready to put my head into a wood chipper. I also have gotten into a fair amount of trouble with lesbians in my life, they usually have a shit sense of humor. So even though I am NEVER sorry for being offensive OR talking about other peoples cervii I bowed down to their power and got the fuck out of igloo (dodge)I still don't know whether this was all a practical joke. Which is what makes it so genius. Keep turning it up to 11 ladies.

She Was Real Nice Until All My Drugs and Money Was Gone Part 2 Dec 23, 2014

Show notes

Ok, part 2 of my back ally exploration of Hastings street which is one of the most dangerous, notorious streets for homeless heroin addicts in the world! So I basically draped my microphones around my shoulders and walked around and waited for the fates to guide me.

During the holidays, I always find people who care to be depressed and stressed out. Running around buying scarves for family members they see once a year and have no ability to connect to anymore in a substantive way. So on today, the day before Christmas, I want to give thanks. Serious deep hardcore pray to a golden calf bloodletting thanks, to my mother. For being the most beautiful, patient, loving, thoughtful and brilliant woman I could ever imagine. How it happened that I came out of the cosmos and had the absolute luck to be transported through her magical body into this world is beyond me. Secondly to my father, whose brilliant comedic mind is a thing of real beauty. I always tell people I come from a long line of punsters and jokesters, I can almost feel your wordsmithery running through my veins. Happy Holidays Everyone, the people that you meet on this tape and really gorgeous, really homeless, and full of the kind of dignity most people will never know.

She Was Real Nice Until All My Drugs and Vodka Was Gone...part 1 Dec 08, 2014

Show notes

I don't know what it is about crack allies that i love so much. Doesn't bode well for my future or speak well of my past. More and more I am just eternally grateful for my life. It's been a really challenging year for me personally and I lost someone I love very much. Through it all, there is so much to be thankful for. My mothers smile, my dogs wet nose, moments of pure joy and deep laughter, so this holiday thanksgiving weird time where we give thanks and remember history that was blood soaked and rape infested I hope we can all take a second put down our god damn iphones and think how lucky we are to be able for just one day to live in this amazing earth.

Help Me Rabbi! My Husband Has A Micro Penis... Nov 04, 2014

Show notes

I met these two turtleneck enthusiasts during one of my "Free Sex Advice" booths in Washington Square Park. They were two little pokemon balls of positivity and had so much jewish wool over their eyes i'm not sure if they could even see. They made me want to call my mom immidiately and apologize for being such a wayward sheep. Then subsequently have another bat mitzvah for learning so early what a bunch of absolute hooey it all is. We talked about many things but mainly their supposed "virginity" this "hymen" thing i had totally forgotten about and what would they do when this sex they waited their whole pious lives for came around and their little Larry David wanna be would cum in four seconds with his tiny little circumcised weenie. Yuck. They really made me laugh though. ENJOY

What Kind Of Sub Do You Eat in a Dungeon? Sep 10, 2014

Show notes

goodness gracious great balls of fire. I knew it would be a good idea to call and secretly record my mother learning that I was about to go to the Kink.com armory building home of such enterprises as boundgangbang, everything butt, public disgrace, sex and submission the list goes on and on, generally totally vicious, ferocious, feral, wild fetish world where there are literally no limits. I had met the vivacious and totally terrifying Princess Donna with my sister back at the AVN (adult video awards) in vegas last year. She is gorgeous, well educated, eloquent and a sex positive, lioness who wears her sexuality like a badge of honor. She invited me to check out behind the scenes of her directed shoot "Public Disgrace," where one woman was literally swarmed like termites on soft wet pine by a cross section of rando san fran riff raff who is able to touch, and interact with said model. It's absolutely overwhelming. I literally had to leave as soon as i was done with my interviews and they started filming. After I went, I called my mom again to share my experiences with her. i hope it makes you laugh as much as it made my sister.

The Only Mystery is What Your Asshole Is Going to Look Like at The End of the Night May 29, 2014

Show notes

There's nothing like a festival to make you feel awesome about what you look and sound like. Fields of furry hobbit drug monsters sucking on pacifiers, pupils blown, futures questionable. Don't get me wrong, I love raving, I just can't believe what it actually looks like now...I can't tell if it's because i'm older or it's just that much more horrible. The main difference is the music was good! I also don't remember this PLUR shit (the peace love unity respect movement) at all. The music when I was a rave monster back in the day...was good! (or maybe the drugs were better? who knows) This "music" was so awful it felt like Athena was sprouting fully formed out of my head. Reporting live from Mystery Land music festival on the harrowed Woodstock Grounds in Monticello NYC. So I want to preface by saying that I had eaten some chocolate mushrooms and i spent the whole time trying not to sink into the ground. I had much, much funnier interviews but I bungled them somehow which is not surprising. But here's the best of the worst, hope you enjoy!

If You Can't Buy it At Wal Mart You Don't Need It May 20, 2014

Show notes

This is an old episode I never published, but since I actually have a day job that's kicking my ass right now, i'm having a use old material. Never fear, I will be spending the whole weekend searching out the globe for weird characters to share with you! Anyway I loved this women, she looked like a bootleg Joan Jett and had the voice of mike myers in S.N.L Coffee Talk. the title says it all. All you need in life is a big dog, a pair a hose, a saint john's suit and a can of hairspray.

Episode 33: If you ever want to know how famous I Think I am Just Ask Me, An Update with J.R.L Apr 30, 2014

Show notes

OH BOY OH BOY! Justin Ross Lee has graced us with his pretentious prick once more! This time this big fat dick has a voluntary muzzle on it because the Great Tin Man himself, this heartless charicature of modern jewishness has gone to Oz and found a heart in the ample bosom of one Kate Nardi queen of the Shiksas. It's actually really cute. I know everyone hates him, but the truth is he's merely a moderately clever person whose turned minimal talent into maximum profits and exposure. As a rule I never hate the player, I merely hate the world we live in in where these kinds of bullshit antics begat attention and money. He talks to us about what has happened since his time on Millionaire Matchmaker, his impending law suits, and of course his favorite topic his penis.

Episode 31: I Would Not Feel So All Alone, Everybody Must Get Stoned. Apr 21, 2014

Show notes

Happy 4/20 ya'll! This very short episode comes from a cannibus enthusiast drum circle at Venice Beach where people were just getting silly. I spoke to this seemingly yoga mom hippie dippie type who was waxing poetic about trees and hugging and incense or something but then launched into some a typical sponge bob crazy pants rants that were really confusing considering how high I was. Editors note: not my most attractive face. Also please excuse the horrible shrieking quality of my voice I was…really really stoned and it was the first time i had worn shorts in 6 months, i was a little excited.

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