You're Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale - TopPodcast.com

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You’re Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale — Society & Culture
You’re Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale

You’re Welcome is a satirical improv comedy show whose goal is to find and share peoples stories, from all over the world.

Each episode is unique and can range from 5 minutes to an hour, and will feature a brand new topic usually with someone Zoe has just met. This podcast is not for the faint of heart, buckle up.

ABOUT YOU’RE WELCOME

Like most brilliant ideas, this show was started over a molotov concoction of alcohol and various illicit substances. Zoe had given up on her life long dream, of being the female Howard Stern years ago but finally set out armed with a folding table, a couple lawn chairs, and a foam board sign that read “Free Sex Advice.” One by one strangers stopped what they were doing and sat down to talk to them about their lives.

We’d like to take this moment to thank you for coming to our site and leave you with the eternal words of Oscar Wilde:

“I was under the impression that inordinate joviality can atone for an entire lack of class”

This show is done for one reason only, to bring laughter and remind you that we are all the same.

Copyright: © All rights reserved

Latest Episodes:

Money For Nothin' and Your Chicks for Free Aug 11, 2015

Show notes

I snuck into the Voice Auditions using one of my many fake business cards, and dove head first into the nightmare that is the audition process for a reality T.V show. This was a really hard podcast to do because it was a Philippe Petit style tight rope walk between supporting people's creative dreams, and also feeling the need to be a realistic barometer so perhaps I could shave years of poverty and disappointment off their lives. Everyone reminded me of the kids from the movie Fame..full of hope and ambition, all with completely unrealistic dreams and a future full of uncertainty and rejection. On what planet is being judged by a revolving cast of hasbeens from the 90's a good idea? Christina Agrilera used to wipe cum off her face in her music videos while wearing ass less chaps and a bad weave. MAROON 5? That whiney little bitch is so fucking lucky he isn't some sad sack bar mitzvah singer in Staten Island. I don't know whose dick he sucked to get famous, but it was the right one. Blake who? Usher? Come on. These judges don't give a shit about anything besides adding a tiny bit of flame to their diminishing relevance. Voice is NOT the way to realize your dreams. Why do we all feel like our lives only matter if it's projected onto a screen so millions of people (who have ZERO relevance to your actual life) can judge us instantly and then go back to scratching their balls and eating microwavable dinners? My heart hurts for them all. Lined up like cattle, casting agents checking off little boxes trying to come up with a dynamic formula for a show that hasn't produced not one Kelly Clarkson. NOT ONE! Also, I met NO people of color who made it through. NONE. The only people I met who got through were medium hot mid twenties white girls. I am not joking. I hope one day we shut these programs off. Turn to the people around us, and play charades. We as a collective society are turning into the most boring bunch of lemmings of Orwellian proportions that even the literary masters of the early 20th century couldn't have predicted. TURN OFF YOUR SCREENS. SING IN THE STREETS. Don't let anyone ever tell you you can't pursue your creative dreams. BUT do not be led by the pied piper of talent based reality television. Start a sound cloud page, use free social media tools to spread your music. Make cute, cheap Youtube videos with your friends, let your personality shine. Listen to Field of Dreams, If you build it, they will come.

Express Yourself Don't Repress Yourself Aug 03, 2015

Show notes

Greetings Friends! As I piece together my new podcast I thought I would repost an interview I did with Alan Lewis for a podcast called Speak Into This. I was a little grumpy when we did this interview, and it was super late due to his time zone in Australia and I get a little preachy and sanctimonious towards the end. Sorry about that...I have just been so overwhelmed with the state of the world, I keep getting up on these little invisible soap boxes. Apologies in advance. Either way I wish you THE BEST WEEK EVER. Go make out, hold hands, dance in the sun, get lost, get drunk, eat mushrooms and play in the woods, just attack the day. It's an awesome time to be ALIVE. https://soundcloud.com/speak-into-this - Listen to all his stuff here!

You Are The Best Mistake I Ever Made Jul 30, 2015

Show notes

Countdown is ON! One more day until I begin to describe myself as "in my early 30's" and start saying things like, " that was a such a great soul cycle class." I wanted to post this episode because as I'm getting older, my girlfriends become more and more vicious about their critical opinions about their bodies and by proxy mine. IT SUCKS. Just because I LOVE carbs, and would rather drink a glass of wine and play charades than spend an hour of my precious time looking like a menopausal hamster sweating on a spinning wheel, whose stuck in time, going actually nowhere at the gym. I HATE THE GYM. Who are these freaks who like being in these places? I always feel like i'm in Gattaca, when I'm on the treadmill (RARE) and everyone is a bunch of mindless robots. Anyway so this last year was BRUTAL. It's possible I gained some weight..give or take 30 pounds. But to be fair my look before could have been described as methtastic. I was really thin, and apparently accordingly to most of my girlfriends, that was the better look for me. Anyway this made me laugh, so on this, the day that my mother went to the hospital and I was born with 30 minutes, I send my love to all of you...I am in a barn in the middle of nowhere with the people I love and I AM SO GRATEFUL. Thank you Kathy Jane for your constant love, devotion, sacrifice and wisdom. Without you I would be literally NOTHING. I LOVE YOU

The Crossroads Jul 27, 2015

Show notes

I met this lovely girl on the steps outside Union Square who was holding a sign that said "Homeless, Pregnant, Please Help" so I helped the only way I know how..She is brilliantly funny, resilient and warm. It's a story I've heard many times, religious parents and a daughter who gets into normal teenage trouble, and the lack of acceptance drives them to the streets. This is major issue in the LGBT community as well and it breaks me every time. I just realized I should have used the Bone Thugs and Harmony song she reminded me of for my intro. Dammit. Next time. Their are so many girls standing at this fork, and with a little bit of help and love, they could get right back up on their feet, it's up to us as a society to figure out ways that work to help kids who want to hump each other all day deal with the very real repercussions of their pituitary gland. This was a tough one for me, and a very delicate situation, and I am aware that my approach may ruffle some feathers. But I feel strongly that we need to talk more openly about abortion as a community to help reduce the stigma and shame that is still attached to it. Either way, you will never look at Whole Foods the same way, I promise you. Lastly, I have been a strugglesarus rex with the work/life/passion project thing. However, finally I have something to show for the countless hours of recording i've been doing all over the summer streets. More to come. Thank you all for your words of love and support, it fills my whole body with the energy I need to do this after a long day of work. LOVE Zoe

Where the Women are All Strong, the Men Are All Good Looking and the Children Are All Above Average Jul 13, 2015

Show notes

I have been working on a new podcast for the last couple weeks and I promise that I'm almost done. You know when you are trying to balance your professional life and your creative life and you just suck balls at it? Well that's where I'm at. In the Mean time, Jake Sasseville, called me a couple weeks ago, and asked if he could flip the script on me, and give me a taste of my own medicine. I met jake years ago, and we shared a common love, radio. Jake had started his own show, basically in his basement as a young tween. So after a really long day at work I went home, had almost a bottle of Rose and tried to explain to him all the failures and decisions that have shaped me into the person I am today. It's been amazing to receive so much love and hate recently, and I guess this is a bit of explanation of what i'm trying to do? I don't know. You can listen to all his beautiful interviews ProfoundlyHuman.com and on Sticher http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-jake-sasseville-show

Brooklyn's Smallest Penis Pagent Jul 04, 2015

Show notes

Hi everyone! I present to you, my latest serious hard hitting journalism piece, "Brooklyn's Smallest Penis Pagent." I want to preface by saying I went to this with my four best/worst girlfriends, and we were drinking...heavily....the event dragged on forever...and we kept drinking Penis Coladas..and my voice got...let's just say a bit aggressive. I want to also explain that this event, that was in DEEP bushwick (obvi) was packed with drop dead sexy black men, which I found really hilarious. So please forgive my repetitive yelling of show us your dick.

Good Thing I Don't Have any Hair Below My Eyelashes - Audition Reel for Howard Stern Jun 10, 2015

Show notes

So i recently auditioned for my idol Howard Stern.They made me make him a reel of the highlights of my radio show from the last year. So i spent days and days pulling out funny bits to try and make my hero laugh. I then played my selections for my friends, who all said that I sounded like I had the charisma of a cardboard box. So I scrapped it and went with a crowd selected bunch of mini clips that people seemed to like. Either way, wish me luck! *Update. I was quote "too smart and too long" for their show. Oh well guess I gotta keep schlepping along.

Zoe, I Read the Huffington Post, I Know What Fisting Is Jun 03, 2015

Show notes

Sorry i've been Mia. I have two full time jobs and a super sick pup who destroyed my already invisible saving's account. Suffice it to say I haven't had a lot of extra time and money to travel around talking to strangers. HOWEVER i've established a routine, my pup's nose is cold and wet and i'm ready to go back into my favorite world of talking to strangers about their penile dysfunction. Here's a quick, short, sweet secret recording of my parents...how I love them so. I didn't include my dad kvetching about not wanting to pay for something even when it wasn't him paying. Priceless.

That Spider Gag Reminds me of my Dentist Feb 02, 2015

Show notes

I recently got a hidden microphone. I had to, because in order to record myself embarrassing my amazing mother I had to be more discreet, she's "on to me" so she thinks! So after a beautiful night walking through the wintery streets of the West Village, red wine, laughter, and PG fun at the Barrow Theatre I tricked my mom and aunt into checking out "Fantasy World" the 24 hour full on sex store on West 4th. She just kept picking stuff up and showing them to me like a cat that presents a dead mouse on your doorstep, with equal amounts sheepishness and pride. She literally couldn't believe the pandoras box available to pleasure seekers. As she's recently on the dating scene, I thought it would be a good idea to get her equipped for her next J date. I love my mom, and once again I'm sorry. I promised I wasn't recording. I was lying. I love you. I'm getting you that penis jello mold for passover.

You Get Me Closer to God, Otherwise Known As My Prostate Jan 27, 2015

Show notes

I met Pablo McFagFace, Bobby Pin, Jane Fondler and Lady Diamond at the Weribee National Park/Zoo in Melbourne Australia. I was with my friend Grant who desperately wanted to know more about how he could get to know his prostate. This one gets a little graphic I must say. All in all I ended up having quite a night with these four ladies, We were staying at the same hotel and I helped them get into their evening pool looks which may I say were exceptional. Hope to see you soon ladies, thanks for all the advice!

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