You're Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale - TopPodcast.com

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You’re Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale — Society & Culture
You’re Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale

You’re Welcome is a satirical improv comedy show whose goal is to find and share peoples stories, from all over the world.

Each episode is unique and can range from 5 minutes to an hour, and will feature a brand new topic usually with someone Zoe has just met. This podcast is not for the faint of heart, buckle up.

ABOUT YOU’RE WELCOME

Like most brilliant ideas, this show was started over a molotov concoction of alcohol and various illicit substances. Zoe had given up on her life long dream, of being the female Howard Stern years ago but finally set out armed with a folding table, a couple lawn chairs, and a foam board sign that read “Free Sex Advice.” One by one strangers stopped what they were doing and sat down to talk to them about their lives.

We’d like to take this moment to thank you for coming to our site and leave you with the eternal words of Oscar Wilde:

“I was under the impression that inordinate joviality can atone for an entire lack of class”

This show is done for one reason only, to bring laughter and remind you that we are all the same.

Copyright: © All rights reserved

Latest Episodes:

I Don't Wanna Be a Freak But I Can't Help Myself Jan 27, 2016

Show notes

I GOT A SPONSOR!!! Whoo hooooooooo!!! Finally. Who better then the lovely people behind Adam and Eve Toys! Until Valentines Day you can enter my name "ZOE" into the check out box at www.adamandeve.com and you'll get 50 percent off whatever dastardly object your foul little mind can think up! YOU'RE WELCOME!! Also they'll ship it for free and it comes with a Zoe approved bag including but not limited a vibrator, a "special" gift for him and a mystery DVD!! I swear, those are still a thing! So dust off your DVD players, turn up the Barry White and get to town. I need ALL of you to do this so they know my listeners are perverts who will buy their wares and they'll keep sponsoring me and I can keep making podcasts HUZZAH! sidenote. I did not make the god aweful imagine obvi, they did.

Love & Radio: The Adventures of Zoe Nightingale Jan 20, 2016

Show notes

It's been 6 whole months since my episode debuted on Love & Radio, Nick Van Der Kolk and Brenden Baker's incredible, inspiring Podcast. I had been trying to become a guest reporter for them and make less hardcore, more substantive stories for them when they called me and said you have three hours to get your life together, we're taking three of your old episodes and they're premiering today. I didn't have a functioning website, I didn't have twitter. I wasn't prepared for the overflowing of love and hate I would get almost instantaneously from their rabid fans. For the first time ever, I had people listening to me, and my sisyphus like task seemed more realistic. Suffice it to say, I am not their usual kind of story teller. I don't use wind chimes, I am not precious, and I consistently use words that make people spit up their coffee. I was so honored and delighted to be included in their amazing roster of gorgeous stories, (and quite frankly shocked). Either way, this is the episode they made by squishing three interviews I made in the infancy of my podcast's life. THANK YOU NICK AND BRENDEN I OWE YOU FOREVER. Eternally grateful. Check out all their stuff at http://loveandradio.org/

Are Our Soles Are More Valuable Than Our Souls? Jan 20, 2016

Show notes

If I had a dollar for everytime someone who loved god told me he wished I had never been born I would be diving in Scrooge Mc Duck style vaults of gold coins, and doing back strokes through rubies. I don't know why I do it. Why do I always want to talk to men standing on bible soapboxes? So there I was minding my own business on an epic date to see the best musical of all actual time, Hamilton, with my favorite person ever Navin. He is a gorgeous caramel colored Indian man, which obviously angered our lord and savior because out of nowhere this very angry man was yelling that particular blend of hypocritical diametrically opposed hooey of love and hate that ONLY religious zealots can master. Why do I always stop? What is actually wrong with me? I can't help it. They are my meth, the flame to my moth antennae, and I cannot keep away from their glittery hot white light. I just want once, just once to have an articulate conversation with someone about Jesus. I Challenge you internet universe, to send me someone with heart and wit who I can talk to me about why the laws of science don't apply to them, why it's ok to preach love and acceptance but marginalize those who are different and vilify woman for stepping out of the June Cleaver box they'd like to put all our Vaj's in. Come on. One intelligent debate. It must be possible. Until then, pray for my cursed soul and maybe send me some new shoes? Honestly, because if my soles look more valuable than my soul, my soul IS SO SO CHEAP, flat and used.

Do I have To Say Yes to The Dress? Jan 10, 2016

Show notes

As I watch those around me voluntarily march down the road most travelled, my feelings towards marriage and procreation have not changed. I avoid them like the bubonic plague. I know that there are many wonderfully happy couples who have found ways to use the foundation you build with another human to grow and learn etc....but I definitely would rather have sex with a chainsaw....to put it more kindly, it just simply isn't my brew of macha. I know I run the risk of actually becoming a discount bin version of Sarah Jessica Parker, wistfully waxing poetically about the wonders of being a single gal in New York City, except I am aware that she only made it look cool because she had 40,000 in heels and a sexy rent controlled one bedroom in a brown stone and I still live in a tiny crumbly apt with two other people while simultaneously wearing the same style of flat Steve Madden suede knee high boots I first got in 7th grade.. no savings, no investments, no property, no children, no foundational anything....I wonder is getting married the only way for me to actually grow up and create an infrastructure for a meaningful life for my older years? I spent my life building my business and collecting beautiful humans....cultivating what I thought would be life-long friendships with charismatic hooligans who I poured all my love and energy into but one by one they are vanishing like the Truffla Trees, leaving me, the sad little Lorax standing on the last stump wondering why a S'need is something that everyone needs. I'm rambling but seriously, my best friend from college had a baby today. TODAY. I am a god mother. Hell hath frozen right over. Things are changing, now I can't get Stevie Nicks lyrics in Landslide out of my head these days... "I've been afraid of changing, because I built my life around you. Time makes you bolder, even children get older, and I'm getting older too." Anyway wish me luck, I want to make my mom happy, so it looks like I'm going to have to suck it up, and join the parade and say yes to some dress.....Well maybe a peacock colored mardi gras dress that's designed by a drag queen but I think at this point my mom will take what she can get. If you know ANYONE that should go on a date with my amazing mother please send all relevant info to my email genuinelyfalse@gmail.com. That's her on her wedding day Love love love Z Edited by: Jordan Reisman White Wedding: Billy Idol Chapel of Love: The Shirelles

Rock Star Lines Jan 08, 2016

Show notes

Drug addiction has affected my life since I was a wee lass and ever since I can remember I have always been a glowing lamp post attracting a cornucopia of moth like addicts who represent the full spectrum of human sadness. It's rare that I post serious interviews like this, and I have done tons in the past, because to me, they simply aren't funny. However I am posting this now because I hope to show people like him that their lives are worth fighting for even if the path they have taken is full of crazy straw twists and turns. I met him on Christmas day and I instantly found his quiet honesty immensely likable and he also was one of the best first time Charade players I have ever seen. This is a very small segment of what was a very long interview, but I'm pretty sure he was jacked out of his mind and he kept bobbing and weaving like cassius clay around his life details and it was hard to keep a flow going so this is the beginning of what I hope will be many interviews that i'll do in the future because he has just had the most wonderfully rich life. You never really know who listens to your podcast, but I want to say if anyone out there is dealing with life's capriciousness with copious amounts of substances or has someone in their life they feel is in trouble and needs a friend (someone to talk to, off the record of course) i'm here send them my way. "The face of "evil" is always the face of total need. A dope fiend is a man in total need of dope. Beyond a certain frequency need knows absolutely no limit or control. In the words of total need: "Wouldn't you?" Yes you would. You would lie, cheat, inform on your friends, steal, do anything to satisfy total need. Because you would be in a state of total sickness, total possession, and not in a position to act in any other way. Dope fiends are sick people who cannot act other than they do. A rabid dog cannot choose but bite." - William S. Burroughs

Can We Hold Hands...? It's My First time... Dec 23, 2015

Show notes

Directly after burning man, I found myself visiting my friend Princess Donna at the San Francisco Armory which is the gigantic mega massive terrifying Moorish Castle built in 1912 to hold arms for the U.S. National Guard. This Castle was turned into the home for the world's largest Kink and fetish website Kink.com (mostly extreme bondage and non consent fantasies) in 2006 and now serves the world up with piping hot servings of the literal filthiest devious most insane porn you're fucked up brain could ever dream up. There's a Four Chan saying that if you can think of it, it exists in the porn world and let me tell you that this place is like Mecca for innovative ways to push the boundaries of what I personally am comfortable with. I am not one to judge, ever what turns people on or how they want to consensually get their rocks off. But I must say, that I left this shoot needing a super hot shower and a lot of snuggles. It's hard for me to know what I think about rape fantasy culture, and hardcore pain/humiliation porn and whether it propagates a culture of sexual violence against women and what it actually means for the future of our sexual fabric as a society. Either way, it was a really cool thing to see and do just from a Jane Goodall platform in a tree far away from the throbbing mob of humans shouting for the anal destruction of these nice young women. As always I called my parents before and after I went there for moral grounding. All my dad cared about was what food and supplements the male porn stars use to keep hard. I mean...sometimes I wonder what is actually wrong with my family. NSFW. to the max. Love, Zoe

When We Laugh - They Lose. Come Fall in Love with Dr. Bassem Youssef Dec 12, 2015

Show notes

What can I even say, he is my hero. A brilliant, soft spoken, lightening rod who used his comedic genius to stand up to his government and military and effect real actual change. A man whose beliefs lead him to be exiled from his home, and forced to uproot his life and family to the US. He is perfectly set up to be a uniting force and a white light of knowledge in the US during these incredibly scary times where hate and xenophobia has people frothing at the mouth like rabid racoons. I feel lucky and honored to call myself his friend and I cannot wait to see what the future has in store for him. Get ready all you ignorant fucks who want to close our borders and brew hatred in a country that was founded to protect our prism of differences. I am ashamed and embarrassed to read the kind of vitriolic hate mongering that's going on. I'm going to get louder, and I'm going to try to counter this shameful hooey with my own blend of medicine, using story telling with warm hearted, big brained, lovely people of all walks, colors and creeds to combat this fucking nazii minded right wing garbage. I'm ready to fight. Are you?

There is No Algorithm For Love Nov 23, 2015

Show notes

I spent last weekend on the Summit at Sea boat party and this is one of the many amazing people I met there. I will preface it by saying the quality of my voice is akin to a 432 pound women named Bertha who works at 1-900-sex hotline. I hadn't slept much and had been yelling and singing alot, so as always, i'll promise to do better next time.

What Do Caitlin Jenner and Hare Krishna Have in Common? Nov 11, 2015

Show notes

Introducing Sundanataidas! (Magic Spelling) Head of some section of the Hare Krishnas, I spent an afternoon with him trying to understand why I should buy an orange pashmina, give myself one of those top knot Los Angeles hair cuts and start dancing around like a spastic Capuchin monkey trying to attract a female. He actually was really wonderful. I assumed immidiately that he had a life like a boon dock saint, and had fled to Krishna for salvation and I WAS RIGHT. Either way, he was so bloody happy. Dancing around doing version of the electric slide with his buddies all dressed in orange Fanta colored clothes, it's really just so much fun. Anyway I learned a lot, mostly that Karmically, I'm in big big trouble, and I need to do some serious critical thinking about what I want my soul's destiny to be. This episode was edited and recorded by Barry Jive, my wonderful accomplice in recording crime.

She's Gonna Find Your Clit Like A Heat Seeking Missle Nov 06, 2015

Show notes

Greets and Salutations my friends and enemies alike! I will begin exclusively premiering shows on a new platform, called ACAST, which will allow me, due to small ads, to do this show full time without becoming a freegan who dumpster dives at whole foods, uses a moon cup and takes up ulkelele as a hobby. So hurray for creative freedom, boo for selling out but girls gotta brunch, ya know? So I spent a sun soaked day in Washington Sq Park with my trusty beat up toe up from the flo up free sex advice sign, adjacent to a baby grand piano that sits and waits for wayward musicians to stroke it's keys, and waited for the world to open it's oyster shell. Three wonderful humans discussing a sundry of life's most topical issues, mostly centered around anal sex, as always. LOVE ZOE

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