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You’re Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale — Society & Culture
You’re Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale

You’re Welcome is a satirical improv comedy show whose goal is to find and share peoples stories, from all over the world.

Each episode is unique and can range from 5 minutes to an hour, and will feature a brand new topic usually with someone Zoe has just met. This podcast is not for the faint of heart, buckle up.

ABOUT YOU’RE WELCOME

Like most brilliant ideas, this show was started over a molotov concoction of alcohol and various illicit substances. Zoe had given up on her life long dream, of being the female Howard Stern years ago but finally set out armed with a folding table, a couple lawn chairs, and a foam board sign that read “Free Sex Advice.” One by one strangers stopped what they were doing and sat down to talk to them about their lives.

We’d like to take this moment to thank you for coming to our site and leave you with the eternal words of Oscar Wilde:

“I was under the impression that inordinate joviality can atone for an entire lack of class”

This show is done for one reason only, to bring laughter and remind you that we are all the same.

Copyright: © All rights reserved

Latest Episodes:

Some Background Apr 08, 2016

Show notes

Lets get some background on our upcoming interviewee, the one and only Michael Alig. Reviled by some, worshiped by others, he's like the trump of 90's. . He created a movement that swept over the nation like a virtual pied piper calling small town rejects and societal misfits to join he's legion of worshippers. As someone who itimately knows the New York Party scene, let me tell you the kind of charisma and raw unique creativity this takes is a once and a lifetime human. Every single person I know whose above 35 got their party flippers wet at Limelight, or Tunnel. HE was god. For years. And then he fell, like icarus, into the abyss not be be seen or heard for 17 years. He's back. Part 3 is up tomorrow.

So What Do We Think? Apr 07, 2016

Show notes

So I will admit to you all that I have been struggling. I have created and destroyed about 4 different versions of my interactions with Michael Alig. I am struggling because this is a story that could be told a million ways, and I ultimately am left trapped by the enormity of it. I have been talking to Michael, pretty much every day, about his past, present and future for a month, and one of my main problems is that we have a similar kind of dark humor that ends up feeling really icky when the context of his crime is constantly hovering like his personal albatross. White, huge, it's wingspan covers my eyes and plugs my ears and I cannot see my way around it. So i cut, and i re insert and i sit and I stare at the window and I wonder about what forgiveness means as a society. According to our Judicial system he is a man absolved. He has done his time, he has been rehabilitated and the rest of us should view him as such. But he is a man marked, forever by his past and I've had a hard time climbing out from under the weight of his crime. Does one crime overshadow all the good in your life? How long should someone be held accountable for a crime committed in your drug soaked youth? More importantly is the question, how do you forgive yourself? How does one sleep at night when you've done a great wrong does it get duller every day...? After 20 years how deeply does this crime still affect him? So i continue to work on this episode, and it hopefully will be done tonight, but here's a conversation I had with my mother after the live show about it. Sorry for the delay as always I'm doing my best, which is never enough. love, Zoe

If You Must Live Surrounded By Jews...I've Heard Florida Is Nice This Time of Year? Mar 16, 2016

Show notes

Ok so I voluntarily jumped off a cliff into the never-ending rabbit hole that is the Iraeli/Palestinian Conflict. Fun! Let me apologize ahead of time for the sound on this one, blame alcohol as always and not setting up microphones in a stationary way. So first up, the Israeli soldier I fell for when I was forced to go on birthright by my mother about 5 years ago. When he walked into the charter bus a bunch of chomosomally challenged Jewish Americans and I were sharing I left a actual puddle on the seat. You should have seen his giant gun and uniform! Unreal. For a girl who grew up with men that couldn't connect a V.C.R, this was really a novel sight. He was part of the Sheldags, a hyper elite squadron that was in charge of the most difficult secret sniper missions. He trained for years, was tortured and tested by his leaders to make sure he could have handled capture or torture from the other side. He was the toughest boy I had ever met. He was 21 at the time, but he wore the weight of the whole world on this hunched shoulders. When I left he gave me his pin, a parachute with wings, which was apparently like the highest form of compliment i could have gotten from him. I still have it. I stayed in Israel afterwards in this little hut on his Kibbutz picking avocados and passion fruit from trees, learning how to milk cows and plant tomatoes...chain smoking cigarettes and downing thick dark bottled ales. He was an amazing guitarist, but unfortunately obsessed with Dave Matthews, so he'd play crash into me (HATE that song) and we would sit in grass and peel fruit and watch shooting stars and discuss politics in his medium english. The good news was we always had a way of understand one another. I feel in love with him, his country, his pride, and his entire way of life. Ive always kept in touch with him and thought he's be the perfect person to shed some light on this on going mess. What have I learned...? That I still love Israel. That I don't agree with sanctions, that I don't believe that anyone should be forced form their home and made to live like an outsider, that is FUCKING COMPLEX, that I hate that people make you choose, that it's this seemingly black or white equation when it's really a prism of a 100 fucked up shades of silence and despair and fear and hope and death and perseverance. That I love human resilience, that I am in awe of the fabric we have woven together as a jewish people and how amazing it is that a tiny itty bitty military complex could ward off every surrounding land that is it's actual enemy. That I think that Palestinians should have representations and a place to call their own home. Mostly though, that everyone is wrong, and everyone is right and it makes no difference because people are starving and dying and life is brutally unfair . Edited by Katherine Ray Mondo & Emily Brodtman

Would I Lie To You? OH YEAH....!! Mar 10, 2016

Show notes

Jeepers Creepers Kathy Jane is gonna hop aboard the angry train after this one. Sorry mom. For the millionth time. My B. All systems point to this is your fault somehow. So this is a quick mini episode to tide you over under my 2nd iteration of my live show this time on March 11th from 8/10 pm EST. It will be broadcast live from the Marcy Hotel North which is a legendary underground Brooklyn party ware house that houses the whole Wolf and Lamb (Crew Love) posse. I had some of my very best youth filled nights of debauchery and chaos in their squash court lined walls. This very special episode will focus on what happens when the party is over...How do you rebuild your life from the ground up after trauma, sickness or incarceration? First up Michael Alig - the original party monster, creator of "club kids" when Limelight wasn't a shopping mall. He has just been released from jail after 17 years in max security prison for brutally killing and dismembering his friend and roommate, Angel. Second - Zev Eisenberg, creator of Wolf and Lamb, underground Brooklyn Party superstar, international DJ and producer who has used food and lifestyle changes to survive cancer. I am so nervous. Wish me luck. I just had a beautiful Brittish girl rub my whole body in coconut oil and align my chakras to combat my nerves. Life is GOOD. Just wanted to remind you all that if you put "ZOE" into the discount box at www.adamandeve.com you will get 10 free legit gifts with any purchase, discounts, and free shipping. It comes with so many fun games and toys and oils and vibrators...you don't even need a partner to enjoy it...trust me! Anything you buy here helps convince them I'm worthwhile to sponsor and helps me shake more shekels out of them in the future when we renegotiate my contract so..be a pal...and buy yourself a large strap on...because you won't just be helping yourself...you'll be helping a young (ish) woman's dream stay alive I LOVE YOU MOM!!!! You're my best friend. Embarrassed face emoticon. Music: Would I Lie To You - Annie Lennox Your MY best friend - Queen Follow me! Review me! Rate me! Love me! Tweet Me! Facebook me. Um...periscope me...ooh that sounds DIRTY

What Happens When You Accidentally Uberpool with A Hassid? Mar 01, 2016

Show notes

A couple rainy days ago I called an Uberpool to take me to work, I opened up the door, and who was sitting snug as a bug in a rug? A real life curly q Heimish! Now, even though I live with and see them almost every day, it's almost like we are living in two separate universes. They usually seem to look right through me, and almost never smile, nod, wave, or make casual conversation at the post office, grocery store, the M train whenever our paths my cross. I once was sent to live with a Hasidic family when I was 12, it left a vicious mark on my memory. It was like stepping into a time portal into the literal past, no electronics, no books, no color, all business. They had 12 children, I slept in the room with the littlest one was was 3 who had hair to his shoulders and I kept confusing him for a girl which made me super unpopular with the rest of the house especially the Mother who basically took all my clothes the first day and threw them out replacing them with drab cement colored wool numbers that erased any body silhouette and left you looking like a cylinder block. ANYWAY I've been thinking a lot about happiness, community, religion and my own personal relationship with the culture and beliefs on which I was raised. As I continue to force myself to mature, I'm trying to lay to rest my childish anger towards the sadness and judgement I felt coming from my fathers very religious parents who consistently would tell me things like "You'll never understand our sacrifice or the true meaning of family..." and were consistently disgusted by my appearance, clothing, and zest for exploration outside what I felt to be prison like walls Judism erected around sexuality, freedom and choice. I used to argue with her, for hours, about the existence of God. I never believed and because of that, she thought I was a disrespectful spoiled Americanized disgrace. One of the last things she ever told me before erasing me from her will and life (when I was 14) was that I would never understand what love meant. The thing is, I've always been able to feel her blood running through my veins and guiding me through life especially when I was first building my business. She was a Gorgeous brilliant and unstoppable Entrepreneur. The mastermind behind the huge businesses that my family built from scratch out of nothing. She came to Pittsburgh via Poland in the beginning of the 20th century as one of 8 siblings with a couple gold watches and acted like she was a incensed Spanish bull and the whole world was red. While she made me miserable, and deeply envious of my friends who had smiling grandparents who baked cookies and taught them how to ride bikes etc, I always was secretly proud of her calculator brain and razor sharp wit. I hope that if she could see me now she would feel the same for me....but either way, I'm going to try to delve deeper into my history and find some peace within it's mangrove roots. Because regardless, it is who I am, there's no use running from it or yelling at people who believe in it. Going to try to embrace it and move on.

The Wonderful World of Soraya Doolbaz - World Famous Dick Pick Photographer Feb 19, 2016

Show notes

God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time - robin williams Good golly miss Molly I feel in love with this woman. DROP DEAD GORGEOUS. I mean I spent most of the interview mesmerized by her face and her perfect round belly (SUPER preggo) I would never let my boyfriend's penis anywhere near this soon to be MILF. I could go on forever about how lovely it is to see a sex positive Iranian immigrant create a empire out of dick picks. You just can't make this stuff up. She gave me a ton of free swag, a t-shirt with a little trump dick, fridge magnets, and my FAVORITE the gift wrapping paper. I'm going to buy anything and everything she makes. Thank you for inviting me into your home and allowing me to bask in your glow. Check out all her work at http://www.dicturegallery.com Follow her on twitter&Insta @dickturegallery Check out ALL my work www.zoenightingale.com Follow me @genuinelyfalse (twitter) @drznightingale (insta)

What Does One Do With A Tiny Microphone?...An Update With Dr. Bassem Youssef Feb 17, 2016

Show notes

My favorite tango dancing heart surgeon is back and more anxious than ever. He's landed a TV show where hell be traversing the states talking to Americans about our beloved democracy. He's eyes are bright and sad, he seems worried and sleepy because he's been hustling and rebuilding his career one interview at a time. Good luck Bassem! I'll be here every couple months to check in on your impending success. Music: Coming to America (Soundtrack) God Bless the USA - Lee Greenwood Edited by Violet Ikonomova

Donde Hay amor, Hay Dolor Feb 08, 2016

Show notes

Bonus track from my live show last week that has been helping me personally deal with how to look at the loss of love. My friend Anthony is an expert in love and matters of the heart, and had consoled me many times in my life where it had become impossible to pry my heart broken body off my shag rug when my bones had liquefied into powder and I became a puddle of human on the floor. I have spent my life chasing giggles and avoiding pain. I leave it I hide from it, I douse it in alcohol or try to smoke different plants to make it fuzzy. But there comes a point where this hide and seek you're playing with life's obstacles leaves you an empty robot shell you barely recognize and you have to strip it all back and look in the mirror and face it. It is a process. To anyone in love, losing love, devestated by love, and despairing that they will never recover... Check out Anthony's Love Card game he created. It's so dope. Guaranteed to help you and your partner fall deeper in love or for newly dating couples to get to know each other WAY better. www.playthelovegame.com Music: In the Name of Love Thompson Twins

What is LOVE? Feb 06, 2016

Show notes

MY FIRST LIVE SHOW! I will explain more about this later, but my head is killing me and I have to go to a David Bowie dance party with my mom so brb ! Music by Love Hangover: Diana Ross What Is Love: Deelite Can't Buy Love: Aquarius Heaven

When You Don't Wear Pants You Don't Need Tinder Jan 28, 2016

Show notes

You know, it takes alot of confidence to strut around with ya junk and ya trunk out walking around a city with some of the most hot to trot lads and lasses in all the lands. Where do they find the time I always wonder as the breeze from their slickly coiffed pony tail whips by my face, the faint glow of their perfectly coordinated neon outfit leaving acid like trails in my eyes. Even when I do put down the bloody mary's and go to the gym IF I can find a sports bra, non thigh high socks AND a hair tie that didn't come off a banana, I consider it a feat akin to stealing fire from the gods. Perhaps these uber manicured people don't have four jobs and an elderly dog that walks about as fast as a sea turtle defiantly crawling up a sand dune to lay it's eggs. It is also possible that they don't have a gaggle of oscar worthy actresses as bff's having Fukashima style life meltdowns every other day.... ..Because somehow, everyone is buff and on their 12th day of a cleanse that consists of a combination of sheer determination, a murder forgiving level of insanity and cold pressed, gluten free, sugar free, kosher, vegan rabbit pellets. OR they're all on enough adderall to power all the vibrators of all the housewives in the mid west... I DON'T KNOW how people do it. What was my point again? OH YES. No pants Subway ride. Put on every year by the wonderful mischief makers at Improv Everywhere Now, I like my tuchus, it's warm and friendly and easy to talk too... BUT I am NOT an instagram girl with a instant Miami toe, and practiced selfie pout, who likes to be naked in public. I get really nervous, anytime I have to put out or get it high school style, I'm all talk. I don't like being anything close to in my under roos around strangers. It also does not help that I've gained a soaking wet pre schooler in weight this year and yet despite that I live in a hamster cage sized apartment with less closet space than John Malcovich's head, I still have a LARGE section of clothes in my closet I refer to lovingly as "the way we were...." or "yeah right," for short. I can't decide whether it's my cheap Jewey Lewis and the News mentality of never throwing anything out that doesn't have mice actively living inside of it OR my Ozymandias like insistence that once day I'll have Bridget Jones Moment where I throw all my sins in a garbage bin and obsessively go to soul cycle classes whatever the hell that is, and finally fit into my club gear from 09'. Sadly, I've finally come to the conclusion that unless I actually amputate a leg or ALL my ribs disappear magically, this is not going to happen. So I guess I wanted to do this event because I thought it would be good practice for me to walk out with my cock out in New York Fucking City and....It was just wonderful. So what is the point? I walked around pretty much naked and black guys said i had that "Coco." This is apparently a good thing. Hurray! Until Valentines day you can put my name into Adamandevetoys.com 's discount box and they'll give you 50% off anything in their online store, ship it to you for free and there will be a Zoe approved gift bag containing a vibrator, a special gift for him AND a mystery adult DVD yes yes i know they still make those!!

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