You're Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale - TopPodcast.com

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You’re Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale — Society & Culture
You’re Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale

You’re Welcome is a satirical improv comedy show whose goal is to find and share peoples stories, from all over the world.

Each episode is unique and can range from 5 minutes to an hour, and will feature a brand new topic usually with someone Zoe has just met. This podcast is not for the faint of heart, buckle up.

ABOUT YOU’RE WELCOME

Like most brilliant ideas, this show was started over a molotov concoction of alcohol and various illicit substances. Zoe had given up on her life long dream, of being the female Howard Stern years ago but finally set out armed with a folding table, a couple lawn chairs, and a foam board sign that read “Free Sex Advice.” One by one strangers stopped what they were doing and sat down to talk to them about their lives.

We’d like to take this moment to thank you for coming to our site and leave you with the eternal words of Oscar Wilde:

“I was under the impression that inordinate joviality can atone for an entire lack of class”

This show is done for one reason only, to bring laughter and remind you that we are all the same.

Copyright: © All rights reserved

Latest Episodes:

In Vino Veritas Oct 05, 2016

Show notes

Host warning - One of these stories is gross. Really truely stomach curdling gross. However, burning man is GROSS. Don't believe the Instagram filters. It's not all Victoria Secret models in custom feather mohawks and thigh high moon boots. 80 percent of burners are normal artists, west coast hippies, who save all year for the opportunity, old party professionals, astrologers, sex freaks, engineers, lost souls, comedians, shamans, rabble rousers, homeless festival kids, who rely on the kindness and donations of the rest of the community and a whole gaggle of bro burners who heard that burning man is fun and show up with zero clue about how to comport themselves in this martian environment. Really crazy things happen there, every second. Strange things, scary things, wonderful things, sexy things, disgusting things. You can have moments where you get down on your knees and pray to the playa gods to take pity on you for you cannot take any more. Your body cracks, your mind shrivels, your skin splits, and yet you keep going back for more. It's literally like being in a abusive relationship...people can get really hurt. These stories are not for the faint of heart. Here's three examples of some of the people you'll meet randomly in the burning man co system.

Long Live El Pulpo Mechanico: The King of the Art Cars Sep 15, 2016

Show notes

It's hard to explain what happens to your brain the first time you see the playa, or the flat deep expanse of land where the art cars roam and spit fire into the sky and the deep dark LED light installations dance beneath the stars. God forbid you thought it was a good idea to eat hallucinogens because it's possible your brain can just give up and walk away in confusion. It's bonkers, bananas, wild, beautiful awe inspiring and has the capability of reducing all your bones to Bisquick batter. Every year it just about blows my mind to little pieces. Anyway every year this is my FAVORITE art car. A big giant mean sci fi all metal octopus that screams fire from every angle. It's loud and big and mean and fucking MESMERIZING. Finally finally finally I was able to get the creator Duane Flatmo, a literal leaving genius to talk to me about how where when and why of his big bad baby. As burning man moves and breathes and changes, one thing will remain constant. There are inventors, scientists and artists holding down the fort and keeping the place honest with big bad tanks of propane and human ingenuity.

If You Liked it Then You Should Have Put a Leash on It Sep 09, 2016

Show notes

So begins another series of burning man episodes. We will tie up loose ends from last years burn as my mother continues her quest down the rabbit hole to find love. We finally spend some time with my big sis Rosalind and watch as she takes off her teacher and parent disguise and leaves it all on the dance floor, We meet new friends and catch up with old foes and continue to answer the question, why in gods green earth would seemingly intelligent people save up money all year, spend months planning every detail.. just so they can spend 7 days in a barren desert wasteland devoid of all the comforts of home? I have been waiting for this moment for years. I finally sat down with the wonderful people from the Fur community and got to learn all about their wonderful intricate and complex world that is like a Russian doll when you start to peel back the fur. Dant's Inferno is a camp for Furries (which was one of 5 Fur camps) built by two super MacGyvers from Vancouver that featured a giant chandelier in the center of the room lit up by 10 fantasy dildos representing every kind of dragon, unicorn, and tentacle dick a furry heart could desire. (Dragon dicks have SCALES!) I really loved these guys. What was the most shocking was that I always assumed that Furries would be extra fugly. I WAS WRONG. These guys were all adorable, lovely cute gay guys that just so happen to like to dress up like big fluffy outfits and jerk off to Dragon butthole...shockingly (NOT) they are mostly from the Bay Area and work in tech and at super successful startups. Life is so great #progress. At least they are inclusive, kind, and compassionate and have a community that's about "radical inclusion" all year round and not just once a week. I only have one main problem with burning man over the years. The fact that more and more camps think it's ok to act like 13 year old mean girls and create an aura of exclusivity and a holier than thou attitude which is the antithesis of the core spirit of Burning Man. I get it. You're hotter, richer, cooler and spent way more of your custom gear than some of the hippie dippie furry armpitted spirit hooded burners, but you don't need to put all these barriers around yourselves to keep them out. As this will most definitely be my last year for a while, I want to thank the burning man god's for protecting my family and I for another year and allowing us to really fall in love with the people we are, not the people we were.

A Little Baby Wipe Went a LONG WAY Aug 26, 2016

Show notes

Ladies and gentleman it's that time of the year again. The time where every single asshole you knows packs up their tutu's and you can finally stop hearing about burning man...for 1 week. My mother and I will be doing interviews the entire time so expect a ton of fun content upon our return. I took some old interviews that maybe you haven't heard and some brand new ones and packaged them together to make a little mini episode - ENJOY If you're going you can find us at Mystopia, at 7 and F. See in in the dust bunnies. Love ZOE

Milana Vayntrub: A Force For Good Aug 09, 2016

Show notes

I met the marvelous Milana Vayntrub at dawn outside a secret pirate ship party Bushwick in 2009. This day changed my life because this was the day I met her boyfriend at the time Brandon Eaves who looked exactly like a brunette Johnny Bravo, This man would then become my best friend and roommate and inspire me to move to NYC shortly afterwards. So it's safe to say I've always had a big warm spot in my heart for this lil' lady. Since that day I have watched her blossom into a wunderkind trifecta of talents including but not limited to, actress, director, stand up comedian, entrepreneur, and philanthropist. You've probably seen her cherub face a million times but not known it as she's on literally every At$T commercial as a sweet helpful phone salesman or on cult favorite Silicon Vally. As a Russian immigrant herself, when she saw the devastating effects of the Refugee crisis while on vacation in Greece, instead of turning off the television and going to sleep like the rest of us, she flew to Lesbos to help. Can we talk about the expression "Netflix and Chill!?" Why is this something to aspire to??! Get off your tuchus you collective American lazy lima beans. Power down your computers. Jerk off two times less a week. Post less photos. Do something with your time, money and and privilege. No excuses. Her website gives you simple ways that you can help. www.cantdonothing.org twitter: mintmilana THANK YOU MILANA.

Surely You Cannot Charge Ketamine to Your Amex? Jul 27, 2016

Show notes

Cocaine and Ketamine. At first its a warm blanket that covers your insecurities and warms your empty soul with the confidence you've craved you're entire life but somehow never found.... Then slowly, it eats away at your flesh like white hot maggots destroying everything you've ever known and held dear to your heart. NYC is drenched with drugs. Truly there is no where to run and hide, even at the fanciest parties you can hear the faint sniff of a endless array of models and artists drowning their brains in fresh powder. The things i've seen people use to shovel misc. white powder into their nostrils you cannot imagine. People can be so inventive! Necklace charms, rings, straws, little metal (this is pro) shovels/spoons, keys of every shape, ripped up folded pieces of paper, backs of hands, thumb nails, pen caps...the list goes on and on....If only we as a collective group of 1 percent of rich educated humans could dedicate the same amount of time we spent buying and huffing drugs to quell our restless souls we could literally solve all the worlds problems. I'm about to have another birthday, and I realized with absolute horror that this will mark 10 years of me slaying dance floors around the world. Shit i think this is it, one last hurrah to say goodbye to my youth with my degenerate friends. It was a good long road while it lasted. Time to make babies and move to Connecticut. SIKE

Constant Craving Jul 22, 2016

Show notes

I recently found myself at a upstate "play" party and boy did I learn lot. I still don't get orgies, or "cuddle puddles " (which is a sugarcoated word that describes a place that should be super comfy, and full of teddy ruxbins but instead but reeks of old dick soup and sadness. I literally cannot get away from this fucking fad (HA!I pun) I bet it was fun in the 70s when people had real drugs being carried in briefcases by bad ass Pan AM stewardess and good music and no cellphones but these days where the cocaine smells like nail polish remover (i only smelled i did not inhale) and everyone has a secret stash of valtrex in their bathroom cabinet what's the fucking point. A couple of my main issues: 1. I Hate sharing 2. think that watching other people have sex is absolutely gnarly. No one has a pink porn hairless asshole. The dicks are weird and misshapen, like carrots grown in Chernobyl, and I can't imagine the the V's of swinger chicks could resemble anything other than a Katz's Pastrami sandwich (RIP) the guttural primal noises coming out of peoples mouths literally makes my vagina wither. 3.I also must be the center center of attention at all times and would probably set a bitch on fire that was getting more attention than me form my chosen love partner. HOW DO PEOPLE WATCH THEIR BOYFRIENDS FUCK ANOTHER GIRL. how.? HOW. I would CUT A BITCH. so fast. End up in jail all alone singing johnny cash to myself. I'm getting tired of people telling me that I am not "open" that I couldn't possibly understand who wonderful it is to hold your boyfriends hand and look him in the eyes while you're ramming some strangers foreskin down your tonsils. They're almost like a cult, and they are amazingly good at tricking you into thinking you're missing something from your life, and that you shouldn't be so "rigid" and defined by social norms. I'm sorry but just because i don't want to be a pig on a spit roast for 10 people to feast on of that doesn't mean I am not sexually enlightened. I mean fine, maybe i'm a jewy worry wort who is terrified of STDs and hates the idea of bros who are not buying me dinner and rubbing my toes after a long night of dancing being able to see my ovaries. YOU HAVE TO EARN THAT. Am i prude. Maybe...i've been told i'm all talk. I Met this beautiful Russian girl there and i was thinking fuck it. Why not. I can do this. I could have sex with this gorgeous girl in a fuck pile of other humans....right? WRONG. I swear to you the moment i sort of let her know I was interested she immediately whisked me off to this quiet tree lined yoga place and sat in front of taking my hands in hers and started swaying, like someone who was speaking in tongues at one of those cray town bible thumpy places telling me to "relax" in a super thick russian accent which literally made me the MOST NERVOUS. She came behind me and wrapped her tiny limbs around me around me like a koala bear monkey but it felt honestly so odd to have a small person hold me from behind...suffice it to say, I didn't get any pussy. So anyway on the way home from this weekend I interviewed a friend of mine who would like to remain anonymous who is well versed with these "play" community.She cracks me up. She's so young and hot and innocent sort or while living inside the body of a full grown fucking woman. I never had big boobs so I can't imagine it's easy to be a little girl in a grown ups body. I think it's fucked up that swingers have coopted the word "Play" and now anytime I hear something that used to remind me of playgrounds, and recess and hopscotch and riding bikes to get ice cream I now associate with 45 year old white furried bellied investment bankers and CEO's and their 22 year old Russian blow up doll girlfriends with their puffy pouty lips and slightly Asiatic eyes and a penchant for glaring around the room without making eye contact with other females.

A Tender Heart Jul 11, 2016

Show notes

This is one of the hardest podcast's i've ever made public. But the truth is that I have really gone through a transformative process recently. Someone took a flame thrower to my body and reduced me a bunch of glittery ashes and it's taken me just a second to million dollar man myself back into existence. So, in the face of me having everything, I was afraid. Deep cold fear invaded my body and had to work desperately hard to dethaw my bones so I could go forth and continue to create the life I have been manifesting for a decade. It's so easy in the instagram era to want to hide behind filters, To smooth over lifes wrinkles, to cover up your insecurities. #killingit it's all total bullshit. I never knew what the fear of failure would feel like because I was never concerned with success. So for a short while anytime I would stand up it would feel like my bones were made of bisquick batter and I would crumble back into my bed. So where does that leave me. It's taken months of talking to my mother, of holding my dogs really tight, of laughing with friends and doing meaningful work, to re light the fire that's inside my demon belly. But I did it. I have cast off the shackles of self doubt and insecurity and am ready to face the fire. Well. For now. Wish me luck. Shit's gonna get super intense soon kiddos. I've donned a full yellow rubber outfit and hat like that guy on the gordon's fisherman box to prepare.

Damian Lazurus - The Wonderful Wizard of Techno Jul 08, 2016

Show notes

I met an amazing man, (if memory serves me correctly) in 2008. I was a two dimensional professional partier who spent my youth traveling the world and chasing the wonderful white rabbit that is the world of electronic music scene. The literal only good thing that came out of this amorphous murky period of my life was some amazing friends and memories. Today I bring you the one and only Damien Lazarus a pillar of the underground music scene. Truly one of the most original, charismatic way finders i've ever met. Once again please excuse the sound quality in this episode. I had just come back from a three day upstate party interviewing a "play" community (swingers) and I was sleepy from trying not to slip and fall into a fuck pile of humans and end up pregnant with the antichrist. I gotta tell you, these play people may be onto something. They are so freaking happy. Either way I was beyond sleepy. So I stuck the microphone under him and then lay back and drank rose..which obviously does not make for my best work and afterwards I had to muck with the levels so you could even hear me so suffice it to say, I am the least pro journalist of all actual time. ANYWAY I've been trying to interview this man for literally years because he is a beacon of light and truth in this dark scary world full of posers. I love him because he has found a way to live deep in the underbelly of the underground techno music scene for years, but yet has a really healthy second life, on a Tuscan Farm with his beautiful wife and brand new baby daughter. It gives me hope that the rest of us degenerate heathens can find our way to the promised land. So I'm sure this isn't the normal stuff you would imagine the wizard of techno to be talking about but honestly he is at his core a big fucking soft teddy bear who has KILLED LIFE. He's partied harder probably than anyone you know, and he hasn't aged a day since i've met him. I can't wait to meet his beautiful new daughter and frolic through his wine vineyard and meet shonky and wonky he's new donkey's. Please check out all of Damians music and upcoming events www.damianlazurus.com He's new album with the Ancient Moons is so fucking cool and weird and trip. Music: Stevie Wonder Isn't She Lovely Damian Lazarus and the Ancient Moons - Tangled Web

Trouble Ahead Trouble Behind Jul 01, 2016

Show notes

I recently went to a dead concert in NYC specifically to meet old school dead heads with endless stories of life following the dead but instead I kept meeting homeless kids. This ones name was Solar, and he's 16 years old. He was orphaned at 8 and abandoned to fend for himself against the world. Because he was born on a "hippie bus" still unclear what that is, he has no documentation or records so he's literally invisible to the system. He has nothing. Literally except the giant pin stripe suit on his back that was ripped and tattered but he was still so beautiful. Huge crystal clear blue eyes, glowing skin, with ragged and cracked white teeth underneath a huge smile. His hands were beat up and cut up and covered in a thick black tar like paste that seemed like it could never wash off. Pretty sure he had track marks on his arm but he kept trying to convince me they were ant bites. He was beautiful inside and out. He's eyes broke my heart but his spirit was unwavering. He was happy and grateful and ready for his next adventure. He looks just like my nephews.

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