You're Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale

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Trans Tea Time Oct 13, 2017

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Transgender issues are something I don't take lightly and try to approach with as much love and understanding as I have in my body. I cannot imagine the bravery it would take to stand up for the gender you know you are but do not match physically and hormonally. There are over 700,000 people who identify as transgender in the U.S and as people feel more support from the culture at large that number grows and grows. This is the first person I have ever interviewed on this subject but it's one I've always been fascinated with and am going to keep exploring. What makes up gender. Who decides what constitutes masculine and feminine. Why do we have such rigid and defined ideas of what people should look like and why does it bother people so much when people confront those definitions with their own new blended ones? For some reason when I think about this, it makes me imagine goddess's in their celestial kitchen, whipping up new humans and breathing little soul balls into babies and getting distracted by a unicorn, blowing the wrong soul into the wrong tiny little body. This is obviously not a medically accurate description of what happens but until I get a better one this is what I am sure happens. This one was a hard one because it's the first first my mother and I ever got into a fight during a recording. I had a very clear vision of my mother and the way she thought about most things and her questions to MJ really upset me and made me SO UNCOMFORTABLE... but I realize now that my mother was simply practicing radical honesty, and she did it in a way that wasn't malicious. She was merely curious and had the balls to ask the questions most couldn't. Anyway... we worked through it and I am really proud of her for being so open and causing dialogue that FINALLY me me squirm. I like to believe and pretend that everyone is full of love for the LGBQT community even though I know it's not true. I hate acknowledging that the gender switching could cause internal conflict but it does. So I'm sending all my love to anyone coming out of their cocoon and emerging into their beautiful butterfly self. THANK YOU MJ!

Welcome to the Jungle Oct 06, 2017

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I just love old dudes at the burn. They always have one weird accessory, some kind of military jacket, hiking boots and a shit eating grin on their face. I found this lovely, beautiful man waiting to get his photo taken by my mothers BOYFRIEND. Yes. My mother has a boyfriend, and they met online (common interest, burning man) and then had their first date on PLAYA. I mean come on. He has his on golf cart. I love him. Nick King, or the Soul Doctor, has been taking photos at center camp for the last 7 years. He always has a line waiting to have their photo taken so I posted up with my mom and stuck my microphone to the next up in line and this is what I found! A simply lovely, 80 year old retired Ranger (not BS burning man ranger, i mean knife in teeth, gilly suit ranger) who had been a land mine installer in three round of Vietnam. Heavy stuff. I'll let him speak for himself, but this man had the most jovial voice and a twinkle in his eye. If he can do it, so can you. No more excuses everyone. Come see for yourself what all the fuss is about ALSO i am having a fund raiser next Friday for diasterrelief.org please come. 20 dollar donation at the door and I'll be doing stand up and MC a live auction, FUN! Got a couple of comedians and three all star DJ's including Wolf and Lamb. YAY! https://www.facebook.com/events/1968121960113532/ Music: Vietnam - Jimmy Cliff Harder They Come - Jimmy Cliff Edited by Emily Brodtman - www.emilybrodtman.com

A 747 Sized Black Rubber Dildo Makes More Sense to ME Sep 29, 2017

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Burning man episodes start now! First up the minds behind Big Imagination try to explain to me why they thought it was a good idea to chop up a giant 1977 air bus, and close down roads from the Mohave Desert to Black Rock city...so they could put half the cock pit of a plane on the ground. The thing is so massive, so heavy, so unimaginably large...and I know most things at the burn are just for the fuck of it, but never has it been this expensive, and this much of an undertaking with such medium results. I would rather them bring a 747 sized black rubber cock down the road. Who wants to be in a plane? I hate being in planes. I'll tell you what's an impressive art car. It's a giant purple and pink piñata, built on a fucking crane, that has lollipops that rise up out of it's belly with a platform disco ball candy dance floor. It cost 20k all in. But I wanted to put my judgements away and give them a chance to explain to me exactly what kind of Peyote they must have been smoking when they decided...hey! I know, lets show the playa gods how big our collective dicks are and take on this Herculean feat! I'll let them answer for themselves. Remember I'll be posting an episode EVERY THURSDAY! Yes I have a schedule CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! FYI It costs them 500k to get the plane back and forth from storage, EVERY YEAR. Music: MIA Paper Planes Simon & Garfunkel: Only Living Boy In New York

Prepare Thyself For Merriment Sep 21, 2017

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I love Rennaissance festivals. Why? Because it's full of people who usually are hiding behind a 4chan handle or on Reddit chat threads arguing about whether the Hobbit is a better movie than Starwars. It's just fabulous. People are happy, full of turkey legs, and have a commitment to costuming and role playing that I admire. It's probably my 11 years of circus/theatre camp and my years of playing Dungeons and Dragons that allows me to to blend seamlessly with these kind of people. It's neat. It's a wonderful escape from the actual reality of the 4 headless horsemen who are disguised as Hurricanes, earthquakes and orange man babies. This episode won't really teach you anything new, but it will maybe remind you that behind any facade, there is a heart that is searching to connect with the world around it. We are all in this together, we all just use different tools to shield us from the world. Edited by Emily Brodtman

Only Jews Would Return Bulk Bunk Drugs to the Mob Sep 16, 2017

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I learn something new about my family every time we have dinner. The question of nature vs. nurture is always buzzing around my head anytime i'm with home because growing up I always felt like I was the fly in their ointment, But with age I have had the pleasure of being able to see how not only am I their genetic copy but how deep the connective tissue is that ties us together. This year has been a series of brutally challenging lessons for me. I lost two people who I felt were the building blocks of my life. People I loved with every cell of my body. To say I've struggled with accepting this, would be an understatement. I am at my core a little hermit crab (who hates finding a new shell) and when it comes to the people and things I love, I just want to grab them and pull them into my shell and keep them there with me forever, even if we've both outgrown it. The struggle has been real and after this burning man I felt like that fire engine haired girl in Run Lola Run...like i'd been sprinting my entire life against an invisible clock...and STILL arrived one second to late. So a couple mornings ago....I had a mildly serious, completely terrifying panic attack....where it felt like I'm handcuffed to a clock work orange chair with my eyes taped open watching on repeat a slide show of my fears about the future ...all while the room is simultaneously folding into itself, turning into a smaller and smaller oragami crane...the air draining from the room and making my face look like Arnold S at the end of Total Recall. So what does one do in these times of worry and woe? DUH! Breathe and call your mom. So I poured my body into a train and got into my mothers bed so I could watch antiques roadshow with her, and argue about what the hypothetical cost of a tiffany's lamp shade from 1920 would be. This is my happy place. And why am I writing this this? Trust me, I don't want to. But because I'm hoping that if their are others that get this feeling...that they know they're not alone. To offer up some very humble thoughts around loss and change. Life, regardless of who you are, how much you learn, what you have, and what you don't have...is challenging. I assume at some point the struggle to find purpose and meaning with why our consciousness was paired with this particular body in this particular time, is a universal one. I only know one thing. If you are lucky enough to have family, big or small, go to them when things feel upside down. Because people come and go, but your families love (as challenging as they maybe) is forever. Anyway, my uncle Robby was in DC because my father and him live in MIami and Irma had forced them to flee back up north and hide out in D.C. with my mother. I recorded this story as I record all my family stories, with my cell phone in the middle of the dining room table just listening to the tennis match like stories that fly around the air. I have nothing but endless gratitude for them. I have a shell I can always go two, when I feel naked and alone in this world. I am a lucky little crab. Music: Golden Earring: Twilight Zone (extended remix) Beatles: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds Edited: Emily Brodtman www.emilybrodtman.com @drznightingale: instagram @genuinelyfalse: twitter www.zoenightingale.com

Wizards and Dragons and Trump Supporters OH MY: Zoe vs. Ren Fair Round ONE Aug 31, 2017

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I feel like Ahab lost in a sea of hatred looking for a great white whale to give my life meaning again. I literally don't know what to do or say anymore. The hate is so deep, the ideology is so wrong. I left this country to get away from this and the moment I'm back I literally trip and land on the laps of two actual real life trump voting, grand wizard loving men. These two were gems. Fathers, business owners, best friends, hard working Americans..and the are the reason Trump got elected. The insane thing is what they don't understand is that the golden orange cow they put into office is the actual palpable representation of why the were born into a cycle of poverty in the first place. Capitalism, lack of education, corporate rights over human rights, money over decency, greed over community...the irony is simply lost on them that the man they put in power is their actual arch nemesis. We are fucked fucked fucked fucked fucked fucked fucked. I won't spoil it, but they literally contradict themselves at every turn. I couldn't believe he could say things so diametrically opposed to one another. It was like watching trump himself twirl around chasing his own hair piece. We are so fucked. That's all there is to it. Dudes like this are deciding our future, and honestly I liked them both. This isn't black and white, this is a prism of butt fuckery, and Trump doesn't even have the decency to use lube. GET ANGRY EVERYONE. Get up off your ass. Do something, anything please for the love of god. That's assuming we will have a world to try to save in four years at the rate were going...honestly I'm going to camp outside Tesla's head quarters and wait for the rocket ships to mars. HOST NOTE Due to copious drinking of beer in horns, I of course fucked up the sound AGAIN, I am the least pro journalist of all actual time. One day I'm going to have like a team of well dressed men with boom mikes and fancy monitors...but until then, it's just me and my medium audio skills so deepest apologies, I had to cut a lot of it due to sheer sloppy sound quality. Music: Good Ole Boys: Randy Newman Mary Don't You Weep - Aretha Franklin Edited by Emily Brodtman: Check her out at emilybrodtman.com

Cuba: Por La Izquierda Parte DOS Aug 24, 2017

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This lovely man, who I'll call Juan Doe, had skin like fresh caramel glowing behind full moon eyes and a smile you needed sunglasses to look directly at. Juan lived and breathed dignity and danced like summer twister. Hot n furious, body twisting and contorting to match the frantic beats of the African drums that surrounded us at the sweaty dance halls he would take me to. Pure machismo was wafting out of every pore while the men (dripping in gold chains) twirled bright lipped women in sky high heels. There was a moment where my mother, who was being spun around by a coke can shaped man dressed in all silk, yelled out to me, " this is heaven!" I LOVE CUBA. I want to eat it and keep a little piece of it inside my body at all times so I can remember one very important thing, THERE IS NO WRONG TIME TO DANCE. There is nothing more fun that watching men and women of all shapes, ages and sizes, blaze across a restaurant floor at 3 pm. He became my city guide. Showing me the nooks and crevices of the crumbling city center of Old Havana. I got a crash course in Santeria, a mix of the West African religion Yoruba, with elements of Roman Catholic and Native American traditions. It is often misinterpreted as a 'voodoo' religion as it involves trance, animal sacrifice, deity worship and sacred drumming and dancing. He took me too hole in the wall lunch spots where 3 dollars would buy you the best fried fish in a heaping steaming pots of rice and beans with tons of smish smashed golden plantains, sweet and salty, crispy and soft. The best! I remembered, that above all, people who work hard at something they love, with a higher purpose than pursuing their own vanity projects (ego) are always the happiest. He worked as a tour guide at Cajellon de Hamel. A landmark made by Salvador Gonzalez who saw an opportunity to turn a destroyed landscape into a raw panoramic feast of the African history of slavery in Cuba. It celebrates all things Santeria, robust shapely women dance along the walls, their colors celebrating all things human, taunting me with their wonderful eyes and wicked feminine wiles. He convinced the government by pitching it as school for street kids that would teaching them how to play drums and make art. It's such a wholesome, wonderful musical place. I had my interview interrupted by 100 middle schoolers all in fresh crisp mustard and crimson uniforms. Is there anything cuter than 12 year olds in knee socks? NO! Honestly, every single kid could have been a gap kid. I don't know what it is about the mix of Caribbean and African that produces this unreal color of golden skin, sky high cheek bones and gazelle like bodies. It's so brutally unfair that I come from potato shaped humans. These kids still have my heart. So powerful, so articulate, so wise, so sure of themselves. They were cooler than I will EVER be. I didn't translate them for you because I wanted you to hear the power in their voice. These girls basically told me that they have dreams of being policemen, teachers, mothers, and judges, all for the purpose of cleaning up all the bad guys. They told me that they want the embargo between the U.S. and Cuba to stop. They love all things American, especially Skrillex, Rhianna, Bieber, and Vin Diesel (they shot a faster more furious more fastest the 10th in Cuba and Vin came and hung out with these kids) They told me the reason that trump was president was because Americans hate immigrants and are racist (FACT!) and that they hoped we would stop seeing immigrants as pests but as people. Go to Cuba. Invest in her people. Donate to people who help them. Fight against that stupid man baby's new embargo's. The people there deserve nothing less than all the love and support the world can offer. It'll take time, but I want Sunshine to grow up in a world of choice. http://www.aidtocuba.org http://firsthandaid.org/ Music : Killing Me Softly With His Song (cuba version)Omararo Portuondo Let Me Be Him: Hot Chip

Not All Who Wander Are Lost...Unless They End Up In IBIZA Aug 15, 2017

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IBIZA. I have always viewed this tiny Baleric Island as the Ft Lauderdale of Europe. With hordes of sun burnt Brittish lads looking like candy canes draped in matching neon on Stag Do tank tops followed by hordes of marshmallow lipped mega ho's stumbling around in their Chinese foot binding shoes, shit faced and looking for their next semen injection. Not my cup of tea. When I travel I like to either go somewhere and get lost with people I love, OR I go core, I go cheap, dirty and local and alone. I don't do 40 dollar California rolls, (Sunset Ashram are you fucking serious? Some of the prices made me literally want to bitch slap the bartender...like are we both witnessing and actively participating in agreeing that the total sum cost of rum, mint, ice, sugar and some Italian surfer to crush it half harzardly, put a spring of mint in it then do a line of coke off the fake tits of a waitresses under the bartop....is 25 EUROS! Makes me want to kill someone) I don't travel to speak english. I travel to learn, to grow or to celebrate life with loved ones...but somehow, regardless of my hatred of all things Ibiza....the capricious winds of fate used my Judiasm against me this summer when one of my best friends said some combination of "fancy" "villa" and "free," and I said fuck it why not see what all the fuss is about. The truth is I was also fleeing my sick bi polar semi abusive relationship with New York City.... It's like i'm in high-school in a tiny mid west town, and New York is my hot older boyfriend in college who has a Jeep wrangler and picks me up and drives me to all these horizon expending places (like the MALL!) Only problem is... he's physically abusive, hot and cold, steals my money and is jealous of others cities I visit. Even though I've vowed to leave him, he warms up a little bit and gives me flowers... and I get lured back with promises that he'll change, often dazzling me with his live music or improv comedy skills...i'm weak. I love him so. Anyway, very simply the lack of nature is inhumane and shuts my consciousness down. I need air, i need trees, I need flowers bursting with color and mountains looming above me, their size and power allowing me to feel the presence of mother earth all around me. I need water over my head, drowning me in it's infinite wisdom rocking me back into baseline...all these components the base to my acid. I need my phone to shut the fuck up. I needed to leave the US and stop reading headlines about that orange fascist man baby whose diaper needs to be changed, I need billions of colors, cultures, tastes, foods, sounds, animals, currencies and languages. Living in NYC denies me access to the fundamental life force I need to feel whole. So I booked a one way ticket with one of my best friends Quinton and got lost. I had a love hate relationship with Ibiza. I relearned the ultimate lesson which is you will find what you seek. Ibiza is full of nature and beauty so resplendent you actually can't look directly at it, she's like a medusa of sorts, and can turn your nose and heart to stone if you're not careful. I stayed away however from the nightclub scene except for one night when I went to go see NYC favorites Bedouin at this big fuck off bordello like mega night called "Story". I was instantly hungry for actual human connection, watching the k'd out swaying masses so I went wandering and ended up I meeting this shockingly beautiful boy who was dressed so elegantly I literally took his hand sat him down and said, "Tell me everything." Dripping in hope, basking in his complete freedom with a brain that spoke 5 languages and shoulders who wore kimono's like pimp wears fur, gliding about the earth as if he had a cloud hovercraft. Ah young love. Is there anything better. I wish you luck young Philip. I hope you find her again...there's nothing better in this world than impossible love that works out. Music: This is IBIZA - Sander Kleinenburg La Dispute - Yan Tiersen

What Would The Dude Do? (I Kissed A girl and I... Part 4) Jun 03, 2017

Show notes

Parents are tricky, you can't pick them, you cannot change them, all you can do is bask in the glory of the two bodies your soul chose to enter the world through. I don't know what amorphous sentient spaghetti monsters in the sky to thank for giving me these two vessels...but thank you thank you thank you. Music: Heart of Gold: Neil Young

I Kissed A Girl and I......? Part 3 - What Will My Mom Think? Jun 02, 2017

Show notes

Kathy Jane, my mother and my guide through this earth is always the first person I call after I do something outrageous. She is my North Star, and always allows me to process my failures in a thoughtful way. There is no better person to help me navigate my hearts ups and downs and it is my honor to be able to share her laughter and words of wisdom with you. Mom, I LOVE YOU. Music: Neil Diamond: Heart of gold Adele: Send My Love Check out Skirt Club for updates on their next parties!

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