Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

Latest Episodes:

105: How to pass on mental wealth to your child Feb 09, 2020

Show notes

Think about your parents. Now think about money. What kinds of ideas, images, and feelings come to mind? Do you recall any discussions about money - or were these hidden from you? Was there always enough to go around - or were you ever-conscious of its absence? What little incidents do you recall that ended up becoming defining 'money scripts' of your life? Perhaps it won't be a shock to learn that just as we learned how to raise children from our parents, we also learned how to think about money from them. And as we will raise our children the way we were raised unless we choose a different path, we will also pass on our ideas about money - unless we decide differently. Today we hear from Dr. Brad Klontz, co-author of the book Mind over Money: Overcoming the Money Disorders That Threaten Our Financial Health (Affiliate link), who helps us to think through the money scripts we want to pass on to our children - and how to adjust course if we decide we need to do this. Find more information from Dr. Klontz on his YouTube channel. Other episodes in this series This episode is the first in a series on the intersection of parenting and money. You can find other episodes in this series: 038: The Opposite of Spoiled 107: The impact of consumerism on children 112: How to Set up a Play Room 115: Reducing the Impact of Advertising to Children 118: Are You Raising Materialistic Kids? Jump to highlights 01:36 Introduction to Dr. Brad Klontz, financial psychologist and co-author of Mind Over Money 03:11 What money scripts are, and why they get passed down through generations 07:07 Why money only buys happiness up to a point 12:11 How shame and stress shape our earliest money scripts 18:26 Why money conversations work best as an ongoing series instead of one big talk 20:29 Twelve money disorders in three categories: avoidance, worship, and relational 24:14 Financial enabling, financial dependence, and the trap of rescuing kids from every problem 27:07 Using allowance to teach values, and letting kids feel the sting of not having enough 32:22 What financial wellness actually looks like 40:42 How race, culture, and socioeconomic background shape money scripts differently 43:58 The "do-it-yourself-itis" trap, and learning to outsource as you move up economically 46:41 The privilege built into minimalism, and what it looks like from a different economic vantage point 50:00 Where to turn for help: financial therapists, couples therapy, and self-study resources References

Joo, S-H., & Grable, J. (2004). An exploratory framework of the determinants of financial satisfaction. Journal of Family and Economic Issues 25(1), 25-50. Klontz, B.T., Zabek, F., Taylor, C.D., Bivens, A., Horwitz, E., Klontz, P.T., Tharp, D.T., & Lurz, M. (2019). The sentimental savings study: Using financial psychology to increase personal savings. Journal of Financial Planning 32(10), 44-55. Klontz, B.T., Sullivan, P., Seay, M.C., & Canale, A. (2015). The wealthy: A financial psychological profile. Counseling Psychology Journal: Practice and Research 67(2), 127-143. Klontz, B., & Klontz, T. (2009). Mind over money: Overcoming the money disorders that threaten our financial health. New York, NY: Broadway. Klontz, B.T., & Britt, S.L. (2012). How clients’ money scripts predict their financial behaviors. Journal of Financial Planning 25(11), 33-43. Klontz, B.T., Britt, S.L., & Archuleta, K.L. (2014). Financial therapy: Theory, research, and practice. Cham, Switzerland: Springer. Shiv, B., & Fedorikhin, A. (1999). Heart and mind in conflict: The interplay of affect and cognition in consumer decision making. The Journal of Consumer Research 26(3), 278-292.

104: How to help a child to overcome anxiety Jan 26, 2020

Show notes

Listeners have been asking me for an episode on supporting anxious children for a loooooong time, but I was really struggling to find anyone who didn't take a behaviorist-based approach (where behaviors are reinforced using the parent's attention (or stickers) or the withdrawal of the parent's attention or other 'privileges.'). Long-time listeners will see that these approaches don't really fit with how we usually view behavior on the show, which is an expression of a need - if you just focus on extinguishing 'undesirable' behavior, you haven't really done anything about the child's need and - even worse - you've sent a message to the child that they can't express their true feelings and needs to you. Listener Jamie sent me a link a book called Beyond Behaviors written by today's guest, Dr. Mona Delahooke, and I immediately knew that Dr. Delahooke was the right person to guide us through this. Listener Jamie comes onto the show for the first time as well to co-interview Dr. Delahooke so we can really deeply understand our children's feelings and support them in meeting their true needs - and overcome their anxiety as well. Dr. Mona Delahooke's Books

Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challenges

Beyond Behaviors Flip Chart: A Psychoeducational Tool to Help Therapists & Teachers Understand and Support Children with Behavioral Changes (Affiliate links).

Jump to highlights 01:28 Introduction to Dr. Mona Delahooke, author of Beyond Behaviors 02:45 Introduction to listener Jamie, joining as co-interviewer 05:13 How most psychologists define anxiety, and the shift away from strict DSM labels 08:04 Why cognitive behavioral therapy and medication only help about a third to half of children 09:39 A look at a Yale study on parent-led anxiety treatment, and what it may have missed 23:33 Does responding to a child's "non-preferred" behavior just reinforce it? 27:09 Why we give autism a "pass" but hold other kids to a stricter standard 30:22 Why social engagement, not stickers or candy, is the most powerful reinforcer 33:52 Two different ways to reassure a frightened child, and why tone of voice matters more than words 36:57 What co-regulation actually means, and why pulling it away too soon backfires 40:10 Building hardiness in children by tending to our own emotional regulation first 44:33 Supporting a child whose anxiety seems built into their temperament 49:29 Book recommendations for helping children understand their bodies and emotions References Beesdo, K., Knappe, S., & Pine, D.S. (2009). Anxiety and anxiety disorders in children and adolescents: Developmental issues and implications for DSM-V. Psychiatric Clinics of North America 32, 483-524. Delahooke, M. (2019). Beyond Behaviors: Using brain science and compassion to understand and solve children’s behavioral challenges. Eau Claire, WI: PESI. Lebowitz, E.R., Marin, C., Martino, A., Shimshoni, Y., & Silverman, W.K. (2019). Parent-based treatment as efficacious as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for childhood anxiety: A randomized noninferiority study of supportive parenting for anxious childhood emotions. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. Porges, S.W. (2007). The polyvagal perspective. Biological Psychology 74(2), 116-143. Wood, J.J. (2006). Parental intrusiveness and children’s separation anxiety in a clinical sample. Child Psychiatry & Human Development 37, 73-87.

103: How to raise a child who uses their uniqueness to create happiness Jan 12, 2020

Show notes

Dr. Rose defines a Dark Horse as someone who uses a variety of unusual strategies like understanding their 'micromotives' and not worrying about their overall destination and to focus instead on more immediate goals to create a fulfilled life. In his book he focuses on the paths adults have followed to become Dark Horses, which is almost invariably one of either:

Child is successful in school, attends an elite university, achieves financial stability, realizes they feel unfilled, and switches direction mid-life
Child flounders in school and barely graduates or doesn't graduate; gets married and has children or works a series of low-level jobs before discovering their path

But I wondered: rather than following either of these (highly frustrating!) paths, could we instead support our children much earlier in life to discover how their passions can lead them toward a fulfilling life, rather than forcing them through a standardized system and then making them figure it out on their own later? Dr. Rose agreed that this would indeed be the preferable path, and we also talked about how to do this. Dark Horse: Achieving Success Through the Pursuit of Fulfillment can be purchased in your local bookstore or on Amazon. (Affiliate link)

Learning Membership

Want to know what skills YOU need to raise a dark horse? The Learning Membership is here to help you. Make learning a fun adventure that not only strengthens your bond, but also nurtures your child’s intrinsic love of learning—an essential foundation for success in an AI-driven world. Get tools and strategies to support your child’s love of learning and future-proof their success in navigating whatever comes their way. No special skills needed—just a willingness to explore alongside them. When you join before the end of day, August 8, you'll also get free access to Mind Your Own Business: For Kids, the course Carys and I built after she started her own pet-sitting business. It walks kids through testing an idea with real clients, then growing it if it works. You'll also get the You Are Your Child's Best Teacher Masterclass, 60 minutes on spotting the learning your child is already doing and starting a learning journal to track it. Click the banner to learn more! Here is Dr. Rose's interview on The Art of Manliness, where you can learn more about how his approach could help you as an adult to become more of a Dark Horse Jump to highlights 01:25 Introduction to the episode and guest Dr. Todd Rose 07:45 What is a "dark horse"? 08:43 Pursuing personal fulfillment over standardized success 09:48 What actually makes for good learning: engagement, relevance, autonomy 11:53 Who should decide curriculum: bureaucrats or communities 15:18 Pervasive individuality: why the "average" learner doesn't exist 16:17 A personalized nutrition example that reveals the flaw in group averages 19:34 Three different pathways children take to learn to read 26:02 Todd's story: how his dad's advice got him through the GRE 32:13 What standardization means for children of non-dominant cultures 34:09 The hidden trade-off schools make: sameness over self-knowledge 40:48 Micro motives: the small, specific things that truly drive us 49:56 Two common dark horse paths, and a third one we could choose instead 57:40 Why children need real agency, not just small choices 01:03:39 Rethinking meritocracy: equal chance versus equal fit 01:07:18 Why change should start with the most marginalized communities References Cantor, P., Osher, D., Berg, J., Steyer, L., & Rose, T. (2019). Malleability, plasticity, and individuality: How children learn and develop in context. Applied Developmental Science 23(4), 307-337. Mischel, W. (2004). Toward an integrative science of the person. Annual Review of Psychology 55, 1-22. Osher, D., Cantor, P., Berg, J., Steyer, L., & Rose, T. (2018). Drivers of human development: How relationships and context shape learning and development. Applied Developmental Science, 1-31. Osher, D., Cantor, P., Berg, J., Steyer, L., & Rose, T. (January 2017). Science of learning and development: A synthesis. American Institutes for Research. Downloaded from: https://www.air.org/sites/default/files/downloads/report/Science-of-Learning-and-Development-Synthesis-Osher-January-2017.pdf Rose, T., & Ogas, O. (2018). Dark Horse: Achieving success through the pursuit of fulfillment. New York, NY: HarperCollins. Rose, T., McMahon, G.T., Saxberg, B., & Christensen, U.J. (2018). Learning in the 21^st Century: Concepts and tools. Clinical Chemistry 64(10), 1423-1429. Rose, T. (2015). The end of average: How we succeed in a world that values sameness. New York, NY: HarperCollins. Rose, L.T., Rouhani, P., & Fischer, K.W. (2013). The science of the individual. Mind, Brain, and Education 7(3), 152-158.

[Taking a Break] Nov 10, 2019

Show notes

I’m taking a hiatus from the show; in this episode I explain why and what you can do to help make sure it comes back strong in 2020!

Here’s the form to complete if you’re interested in learning more about the yet-to-be-named pilot membership to support children’s interest-led learning at home: https://forms.gle/GGKgdwaLkEfNfMA27

a mom and her daughter lying in the grass looking at each other — **102: From confusion and conflict to confident parenting** Oct 28, 2019
Show notes

Do you ever feel ‘lost’ in your parenting? Like you’ve read all the books (and even listened to the podcast episodes!) and you’ve agreed with them in principle, but somehow nothing ever seems to change? Your family feels directionless; you just muddle along having the same old fights with your partner about the same old things:
Should you praise your child when they do what you ask, so they’ll do it again next time? Or punish them for disobeying you?
Should you worry about (quality or quantity of) screen time?
Does it matter if you and your partner have completely different parenting styles?

In this episode I interviewed Kathryn, and discussed:
The cultural differences between living in the U.K. and Canada (saying “please!” and certain differences in directness of humor)
How to begin to approach differences in opinion about parenting with your spouse in a way that doesn’t get their back up, but instead focuses on your (and their) values
The value of interacting with parents who are a little ahead of you and who can give you advice, as well as parents with younger children so you can see how far you’ve come and offer some support to them
How to align your daily interactions with your child with your overall values
The importance of bringing fun and playfulness to your parenting in a way that feels relaxed to you (and the positive impact this can have on your child)
How to problem solve with a child in a way that encourages them to bring their own solutions to the table

**Parenting Membership**
If parenting feels really hard, and it seems like you’ve read all the books and you’ve asked for advice in free communities and you’re tired of having to weed through all the stuff that isn’t aligned with your values to get to the few good nuggets, then the Parenting Membership will help you out. The Parenting Membership is now open for immediate enrollment. Sign up now! **Jump to highlights** 01:39 Introducing the guest 07:25 Differences in parenting between the English and the Canadian 15:43 Particular areas that were attractive to Kathryn in terms of the focus of the group 23:48 Transformations that she experienced in her family once she joined the group 32:08 What might have happened if she hadn’t joined the group 36:03 Final thought of Kathryn

101: What happens after divorce – and how it impacts children Oct 13, 2019

Show notes

This is the third episode in our series on parental relationships – and the lack thereof… We started with episode 35, which was called “All Joy and No Fun,” where we learned how children can be one of the greatest joys of a parent’s life – but that all the daily chores and struggles can get on top of us and make parenting – both in terms of our relationship with our child and our spouse – something that isn’t necessarily much fun in the moment. And if you missed that episode you might want to go back and check it out, because I walked you through a research-based idea I’ve been using to increase the amount of fun I have while I’m hanging out with my daughter, who was a toddler when I recorded that episode.

Then we took a turn for the worse in episode 36 and looked at the impact of divorce on children’s development, and we learned that it can have some negative impacts for some children, although the majority are pretty resilient and do make it through a divorce OK. For the last episode in the long-delayed conclusion to this mini-series we’re going to take a look at what happens after divorce – things like single parenting and remarriage and stepfamilies, that can also have large impacts on children’s lives. We’ll spend a good chunk of the show looking at things that stepfamilies can do to be more successful.

Jump to highlights 01:01 Introduction of episode 02:15 The things we don’t understand well 06:37 30% of the children live with their unmarried parent 14:36 Impacts of remarriage on a child’s development 15:55 Lists of common areas where stepfather encounters problem after remarriage 17:21 What can we learn from the research 19:05 Definition of authoritative parenting 24:34 Models of blended family 35:44 2 different schools of thought 36:38 Dr. William Jeynes' conclusion of remarriage 38:38 Conclusion of the episode References Braithwaite, D.O., Olson, L.N., Golish, T.D., Soukup, C., & Turman, P. 001). “Becoming a family”: Developmental processes represented in blended family discourse. Journal of Applied Communication Research 29(3), 221-247. Choi, J-K, & Pyun, H-S. (2014). Nonresident fathers’ financial support, informal instrumental support, mothers’ parenting, and child development in single-mother families with low income. Journal of Family Issues 35(4), 526-546. DOI: 10.1177/0192513X13478403 Coleman, M., & Ganong, L.H. (1997). Stepfamilies from the stepfamily’s perspective. Marriage & Family Review 26(1-2), 107-121. Fine, M.A., Coleman, M., & Ganong, L.H. (1998). Consistency in perceptions of the step-parent role among step-parents, parents and stepchildren. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 15(6), 810-828. Fine, M.A., & Kurdek, L.A. (1995). Relation between marital quality and (step)parent-child relationship quality for parents and stepparents in stepfamilies. Journal of Family Psychology 9(2), 216-223. Furstenberg, Jr., F.F. (1988). Child care after divorce and remarriage. In E.M. Hetherington & J.D. Arasteh (Eds.), Impact of divorce, single parenting, and stepparenting on children. Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum. Ganong, L.H., Coleman, M., & Jamison, T. (2011). Patterns of stepchild – stepparent relationship development. Journal of Marriage and Family 73(2), 396-413. Hequembourg, A. (2004). Unscripted motherhood: Lesbian mothers negotiating incompletely institutionalized family relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 21(6), 739-762. DOI: 10.1177/0265407504047834 Hetherington, E.M. (1993). An overview of the Virginia longitudinal study of divorce and remarriage with a focus on early adolescence. Journal of Family Psychology 7(1), 39056. Jackson, A.P., & Scheines, R. (2005). Single mothers’ self-efficacy, parenting in the home environment, and children’s development in a two-wave study. Social Work Research 29(1), 7-20. Jeyes, W.H. (2006). The impact of parental remarriage on children. Marriage & Family Review 40(4), 75-102. Kumar, K. (2017). The blended family life cycle. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage 58(2), 110-125. Livingston, G. (2014, December 22). Fewer than half of U.S. kids today live in a ‘traditional’ family. Pew Research Center. Retrieved from: http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/12/22/less-than-half-of-u-s-kids-today-live-in-a-traditional-family/ Livingston, G. (2014, November 14). Four-in-ten couples are saying “I Do,” again: Growing number of adults have remarried. Pew Research Center. Retrieved from: http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2014/11/14/four-in-ten-couples-are-saying-i-do-again/ Lucas, N., Nicholson, J.M., & Erban, B. (2013). Child mental health after parental separation: The impact of resident/nonresident parenting, parent mental health, conflict and socioeconomics. Journal of Family Studies 19(1), 53-69. DOI: 10.5172/jfs.2013.19.1.53 Maccoby, E.E., Buchanan, C.M., Mnookin, R.H., & Dornbush, S.M. (1993). Postdivorce roles of mothers and fathers in the lives of their children. Journal of Family Psychology 7(1), 24-38. Papernow, P.L. (1993). Becoming a stepfamily: Patterns of development in remarried families. Cleveland, OH: Gestalt Press. Papenow, P.L. (2017). Blended family. In J.L. Lebow et al. (Eds.), Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy. Cham, Switzerland: Springer. The Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation (2015). Poverty Rate by Race/Ethnicity: Timeframe: 2015. Retrieved from: http://kff.org/other/state-indicator/poverty-rate-by-raceethnicity/?currentTimeframe=0&sortModel=%7B%22colId%22:%22Location%22,%22sort%22:%22asc%22%7D Twaite, J.A., Silitsky, D., & Luchow, A.K. (1988). Children of divorce: Adjustment, parental conflict, custody, remarriage, and recommendations for clinicians. Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson. Weaver, S.E., & Coleman, M. (2010). Caught in the middle: Mothers in stepfamilies. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 27(3), 305-326. DOI: 10.1177/0265407510361729

100! Sep 30, 2019

Show notes

I can hardly believe we made it to this point: the 100th episode of the Your Parenting Mojo podcast! Join me for a special celebration of the show, featuring questions (from you!) and answers (from me!), clips of some of my favorite episodes, some fun at NPR interviewer Terry Gross’ expense, the occasional Monty Python reference, a story about how Carys got her name that you won’t want to miss. Jump to highlights 00:01 Introduction and welcome to episode 100 04:36 Looking back to summer 2016 and how the podcast got started 07:55 Thanking early supporters: Dr. Tarr Hallahan and the origins of the research process 09:03 Reaching out to Drs. Roberta Golinkoff and Kathy Hirsh-Pasek for episode 10 10:18 Where the name "Your Parenting Mojo" actually came from 11:27 Voicemail from listener Megan on why she loves the research-based approach 13:46 How episode topics get chosen, and how listeners can help speed up the process 15:58 Voicemail from listener Michelle, and a request to cover parents' relationships with each other 19:13 Resources for strengthening the parenting partnership: episodes on marriage, NVC, and Dr. Laura Froyen 20:36 Favorite moment: Dr. Renee Engeln on what to say when a daughter asks "am I pretty?" 24:50 Favorite moment: Dr. Allison Roda on opportunity hoarding and White privilege in school admissions 29:30 The story behind the mysterious audio cutout in the picky-eating episode with Dr. Dina Rose 32:26 Favorite moment: interviewing Alfie Kohn about rewards and unconditional parenting 38:31 Listener April's question about helping a toddler work through fear of ocean waves 42:26 Listener Virginia's questions: Carys's name, homeschooling, and school readiness 52:45 Voicemail from Dr. Kim Rybacki on the show's scientific rigor and cultural sensitivity 55:53 Two contrasting listener emails: one asking for more, one pushing for deeper investigative questions 01:00:50 Listener Anne's voicemail on how the podcast helped her through a panic attack and anxious start to parenting 01:06:36 Voicemail from listener Talie in South Africa asking about ideal family size

099: How to parent highly sensitive children Sep 15, 2019

Show notes

Is your child Highly Sensitive? Does it sometimes feel as though you don’t understand them, and struggle to support them in the ways it seems they need to be supported? Or does your child experience and process things more deeply than other children, but this is the first time you’re hearing about High Sensitivity? In this episode Dr. Michael Pluess helps us to understand how we can know whether our child is highly sensitive, and how to parent these children effectively so they can reach their full potential. Jump to highlights 01:39 Introduction to Dr. Michael Pluess, researcher on environmental sensitivity 03:13 Defining sensitivity: sensing and processing what happens around us 06:43 Common traits in highly sensitive children, from caution to empathy to overstimulation 08:38 The four components of sensitivity from Elaine Aron's research 13:36 Three main theories of sensitivity: sensory processing sensitivity, differential susceptibility, and biological sensitivity to context 20:00 Why sensitivity is about half genetic, half shaped by experience 25:37 Introducing "vantage sensitivity": the positive side of being highly sensitive 35:58 Defining maternal sensitivity and its link to attachment 42:20 The impact of sensitive parenting on internalizing problems like anxiety 46:20 Practical ways to support a highly sensitive child day to day 50:25 Why childcare quality matters more for sensitive children, though parenting matters most of all 55:42 Helping sensitive children see their sensitivity as a strength References Aron, E. N., Aron, A., & Jagiellowicz, J. (2012). Sensory processing sensitivity: A review in the light of the evolution of biological responsivity. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 16, 262–282.

Aron, E. N., Aron, A., & Davies, K. M. (2005). Adult shyness: the interaction of temperamental sensitivity and an adverse childhood environment. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 31, 181-197. Aron, E.N. (2002). The highly sensitive child: Helping our children thrive when the world overwhelms them. New York, NY: Harmony. Aron, E. N., & Aron, A. (1997). Sensory-processing sensitivity and its relation to introversion and emotionality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 73, 345-368. Bakermans-Kranenburg, M. J., & van IJzendoorn, M. H. (2011). Differential susceptibility to rearing environment depending on dopamine-related genes: New evidence and a meta-analysis. Development and Psychopathology, 23, 39–52. Bakermans-Kranenburg, M. J., Van IJzendoorn, M. H., Pijlman, F. T., Mesman, J., & Juffer, F. (2008). Experimental evidence for differential susceptibility: dopamine D4 receptor polymorphism (DRD4 VNTR) moderates intervention effects on toddlers' externalizing behavior in a randomized controlled trial. Developmental Psychology, 44, 293-300. Belsky, J., & Puess, M. (2013). Beyond risk, resilience, and dysregulation: Phenotypic plasticity and human development. Development and Psychopathology 25, 1243-1261. Belsky, J., Bakermans-Kranenburg, M. J., & Van IJzendoorn, M. H. (2007). For better and for worse: Differential Susceptibility to environmental influences. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 16, 300-304. Bouvette-Turcot, A-A., Pluess, M., Bernier, A., Pennestri, M-H., Levitan, R., Skolowski, M.B., Kennedy, J.L., Minde, K., Steiner, M., Pokhvisneva, I., Meaney, M.J., & Gaudreau, H. (2015). Effects of genotype and sleep on temperament. Pediatrics 136(4), e914-e921. Pluess, M. (2015). Vantage sensitivity: Environmental sensitivity to positive experiences as a function of genetic differences. Journal of Personality 85(1), 38-50. Pluess, M. (2015). Individual differences in environmental sensitivity. Child Development Perspectives 9(3), 138-143. Pluess, M., & Boniwell, I. (2015). Sensory processing sensitivity predicts treatment response to a school-based depression prevention program Evidence of Vantage Sensitivity. Personality and Individual Differences 82, 40-45. Pluess, M., & Belsky, J. (2013). Vantage sensitivity: Individual differences in response to positive experiences. Psychological Bulletin 139(4), 901-916. Pluess, M., & Belsky, J. (2011). Differential susceptibility to maternal sensitivity. Maternal Sensitivity: A critical review for practitioners, 95-107. Retrieved from http://philosonic.com/michaelpluess_construction/Files/PluessBelsky_2010_Differential%20Susceptibility%20to%20Maternal%20Sensitivity.pdf Pluess, M. & Belsky, J. (2010). Differential susceptibility to parenting and quality child care. Developmental Psychology 46(2), 379-390.

098: Do school shooter trainings help (or hurt) children? Sep 01, 2019

Show notes

A few months ago a listener in my own home town reached out because a potentially incendiary device had been found on the elementary school property, and many parents were demanding disaster drill training in response. The listener wanted to know whether there is any research on whether these drills are actually effective in preparing children for these situations, and whether it’s possible that they might actually cause psychological damage. In this episode we review the (scant) evidence available on drills themselves, and also take a broader look at the kinds of measures used in schools in the name of keeping our children safe – but which may actually have the opposite from intended effect. Jump to highlights 01:21 Introduction to the topic and Dr. Ben Fisher, researcher on school safety, security, and discipline 02:47 Acknowledging the recent mass shootings before starting the conversation 04:26 Putting school violence in context: schools have gotten safer over the past two decades 07:20 Parental fear versus student fear: why the two groups respond so differently 10:19 The Gun-Free Schools Act of 1994 and the start of zero-tolerance policies 13:56 A study of 850 schools found security cameras had zero effect on crime outcomes 18:49 What research on SROs shows: null to negative effects, especially for low-income students and students of color 21:07 The academic cost: schools with SROs show worse academic outcomes for students 28:07 Diving into lockdown drills, and how thin the research really is 37:55 "Leakage": how averted school shootings usually come down to a student telling a trusted adult 39:22 Social Bond Theory and why strong relationships in school reduce violence and misbehavior 41:08 How security personnel can weaken teacher-student relationships 43:32 Authoritative school climate: fair discipline plus strong relationships lowers fear and victimization 46:03 How zero-tolerance policies disproportionately push out students of color and boost school stats 48:39 Restorative justice: promising in principle, but easy to implement poorly 52:19 Why restorative justice needs to be locally driven

References Addington, L.A. (2003). Students’ fear after Columbine: Findings from a randomized experiment. Journal of Quantitative Criminology 19(4), 367-387. Addington, L.A. (2019). Black girls doing time for White boys’ crime? Considering Columbine’s security legacy through an intersectional lens. Journal of Contemporary Criminal Justice 35(3), 296-314. Addington, L. (2018). The Use of Visible Security Measures in Public Schools: A Review to Summarize Current Literature and Guide Future Research. American University School of Public Affairs Research Paper, (3240204). American Psychological Association Zero Tolerance Task Force (2008). Are zero tolerance policies effective in the schools? An evidentiary review and recommendations. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/pubs/info/reports/zero-tolerance.pdf Borum, R., Cornell, D.G., Modzeleski, W., & Jimerson, S.R. (2010). What can be done about school shootings? A review of the evidence. Educational Researcher 39(1), 27-37. Bradshaw, C.P., Mitchell, M.M., & Leaf, P.J. (2009). Examining the effects of schoolwide positive behavioral intervention supports on student outcomes: Results from a randomized controlled effectiveness trial in elementary schools. Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions 12(3), 133-148. Daly, M. (2018, February 15). Florida shooter made sick use of school’s active shooter drill. The Daily Beast. Retrieved from https://www.thedailybeast.com/florida-shooter-made-sick-use-of-schools-active-shooter-drill Dickson, M.J., & Vargo, K.K. (2017). Training kindergarten students lockdown drill procedures using behavioral skills training. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis 50, 407-412. Dorn, M.S., & Satterly Jr., S. (n.d.). Fight, flight, or lockdown – Teaching students and staff to attack active shooters could result in decreased casualties or needless deaths. Safe Havens International. Retrieved from https://safehavensinternational.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Fight_Flight_or_Lockdown-Dorn-Satterly.pdf Fisher, B.W., & Hennessy, E.A. (2016). School Resource Officers and exclusionary discipline in U.S. high schools: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Adolescent Research Review 1, 217-233. Fisher B.W., Mowen, T.J., & Boman IV, J.H. (2018). School security measures in longitudinal trends in adolescents’ experiences of victimization. Journal of Youth and Adolescence 47(6), 1221-1237. Fisher, B.W., Gardella, J.H., & Tanner-Smith, E.E. (2018). Social control in schools: The relationships between school security measures and informal social control mechanisms. Journal of School Violence 18(3), 347-361. Fisher, B. W., Viano, S., Curran, F. C., Pearman, F. A., & Gardella, J. H. (2018). Students’ Feelings of Safety, Exposure to Violence and Victimization, and Authoritative School Climate. American Journal of Criminal Justice 43(1), 6-25. Fisher, B.W., Nation M., Nixon, C.T., & McIlroy, S. (2017). Students’ perceptions of safety at school after Sandy Hook. Journal of School Violence 16(4), 349-360. Fox, J.A., & Fridel, E.E. (2018). The menace of school shootings in America: Panic and overresponse. In H. Shaprio (Ed.), The Wiley Handbook of Violence in Education: Forms, Factors, and Preventions (p.15-35). Hoboken NJ: Wiley. Hollander, J.A. (2004). “I can take care of myself”: The impact of self-defense training on women’s lives. Violence Against Women 10(3), 205-235. Jonson, C.L., Moon, M.M., & Hendry, J.A. (2018). One size does not fit all: Traditional lockdown versus multioption responses to school shootings. Journal of School Violence, 1-13. Jonson, C.L. (2017). Preventing school shootings: The effectiveness of safety measures. Victims & Offenders 12(6), 956-973. King, S., & Bracy, N.L. (2019). School security in the post-Columbine era: Trends, consequences, and future directions. Journal of Contemporary Criminal Justice, 1-22. Kupchik, A. (2010). Homeroom security: School discipline in the age of fear. New York, NY: New York University Press. Lankford, A., Adkins, K.G., & Madfis, E. (2019). Are the deadliest mass shootings preventable? An assessment of leakage, information reported to law enforcement, and firearms acquisition prior to attacks in the United States. Journal of Contemporary Criminal Justice 1-27. Levin, J., & Madfis, E. (2009). Mass murder at school and cumulative strain: A sequential model. American Behavioral Scientist 52(9), 1227-1245. McCoy, D.C., Raver, C.C., & Sharkey, P. (2015). Children’s cognitive performance and selective attention following recent community violence. Journal of Health and Social Behavior 56(1), 19-36. Na, C., & Gottfredson, D.C. (2013). Police officers in schools: Effects on school crime and the processing of offending behaviors. Justice Quarterly 30(4), 619-650. National Association of School Psychologists, National Association of School Resource Officers (2014, updated 2017). Best practice considerations for schools in active shooter and other armed assailant drills. Retrieved from https://www.nasponline.org/resources-and-publications/resources-and-podcasts/school-climate-safety-and-crisis/systems-level-prevention/best-practice-considerations-for-schools-in-active-shooter-and-other-armed-assailant-drills Noguera, P. (2018). In pursuit of our common humanity: The role of education in overcoming the empathy gap and the crisis of connection. In N. Way, A. Ali, C. Gilligan, & P. Noguera (Eds)., The Crisis of Connection: Roots, Consequences, and Solutions (p. 151-172). New York, NY: New York University Press. Peterson, J., Sackrison, E., & Pollard, a. (2015). Training students to respond to shootings on campus: Is it worth it? Journal of Threat Assessment and Management 2(2), 127-138. Rider, C.F. (2015). Teachers’ perceptions of their ability to respond to active shooter incidents. Unpublished doctoral dissertation. Retrieved from https://aquila.usm.edu/dissertations/62/ Rygg, L. (2015). School shooting simulations: At what point does preparation become more harmful than helpful? Children’s Legal Rights Journal 35(3), 215-228. Retrieved from http://lawecommons.luc.edu/clrj/vol35/iss3/3 Safe Havens International (2014). Twenty simple strategies to safer and more effective schools. Author. Retrieved from https://safehavensinternational.org/resources/articles/mainereport/ Satterly Jr., S.C. (2014). Report of relative risks of death in U.S. K-12 schools. Safe Havens International. Retrieved from https://safehavensinternational.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Relative_Risks_of_Death_in_US_K-12_Schools.pdf Tanner-Smith, E.E., Fisher, B.W., Addington, L.A., & Gardella, J.H. (2018). Adding security, but subtracting safety? Exploring schools’ use of multiple visible security measures. American Journal of Criminal Justice 43, 102-119. Tanner-Smith, E. E., & Fisher, B. W. (2015). Visible school security measures and student academic performance, attendance, and postsecondary aspirations. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, in press, 1-16. Trump, K.S. (2019, April). In support of lockdown. Best’s Review. Retrieved from http://news.ambest.com/ArticleContent.aspx?pc=1009&altsrc=158&refnum=283685 Weisburst, E.K. (2019). Patrolling public schools: The impact of funding for school police on student discipline and long-term education outcomes. Journal of Policy Analysis and Management 38(2), 338-365.

097: How to support gender-creative children Aug 18, 2019

Show notes

Recently a listener posted a question in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group asking about research related to children who are assigned to one gender at birth, but later realize that this assigned gender doesn’t match the gender they experience. Another listener recommended Dr. Diane Ehrensaft’s book The Gender-Creative Child, and we are fortunate that Dr. Ehrensaft quickly agreed to speak. Listener Elizabeth co-interviews with me as we learn how to truly listen to our children when they tell us about their gender, and what we can do to help them navigate a world full of people who may know very little about – and even fear – children whose gender does not conform to expectations. While we didn’t get a chance to discuss it (too many other topics to cover!), you might also be interested to learn about the “They-by” movement, which advocates for allowing children to choose their own gender when they feel the time is right, rather than the parents assigning a gender at birth based on the child’s genetalia. Here are some especially recommended resources: Human Rights Campaign’s Guide on supporting transgender children: https://assets2.hrc.org/files/documents/SupportingCaringforTransChildren.pdf?_ga=2.156922811.1499059672.1559845994-1938179427.1559845994 Recommended books for children – for ALL children, not just those actively exploring their gender identity (note: these are affiliate links): 10,000 Dresses The Adventures of Tulip, Birthday Wish Fairy My Princess Boy The Paperbag Princess Mama, Mommy, and Me Daddy, Papa, and Me Who Are You? The Kid’s Guide to Gender Identity I am Jazz Julian is a Mermaid Introducing Teddy Jump to highlights 01:21 Introduction to Dr. Diane Ehrensaft, author of The Gender Creative Child 02:52 Introduction to listener Elizabeth and her four-year-old, John 04:00 Defining terms: sex assigned at birth, gender identity, gender expression, and sexuality 07:08 Cisgender, transgender, and gender-expansive, explained 09:26 The history of gender diagnoses in the DSM, and why Dr. Ehrensaft wants it removed 19:01 What the data shows about children who are supported versus those who aren't 22:12 The "gender galaxy," and why living with not-knowing is so hard for parents 29:43 Elizabeth shares how this began for her family, from the dress to the questions to pushback from other adults 33:13 The double standard: why cisgender kids are believed but gender-expansive kids get dismissed as "too young" 36:54 Practical day-to-day support: checking in without interrogating, following the child's lead 39:15 Building "gender literacy" at school and with extended family 44:17 What parents go through emotionally, including grief for the vision they had of their child 50:32 When and how to seek professional support, for the child and for the parents 53:51 The HAPPINESS framework begins: being heard and truly listened to 58:24 Access to age-appropriate information, including a note on avoiding too much too soon 01:06:07 Freedom of expression, safety, and support as the final pieces