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    Kids & Family

    Your Parenting Mojo – Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

    Parenting is hard…but does it have to be this hard?

    Wouldn’t it be better if your kids would stop pressing your buttons quite as often, and if there was a little more of you to go around (with maybe even some left over for yourself)?

    On the Your Parenting Mojo podcast, Jen Lumanlan M.S., M.Ed explores academic research on parenting and child development. But she doesn’t just tell you the results of the latest study – she interviews researchers at the top of their fields, and puts current information in the context of the decades of work that have come before it. An average episode reviews ~30 peer-reviewed sources, and analyzes how the research fits into our culture and values – she does all the work, so you don’t have to!

    Jen is the author of Parenting Beyond Power: How to Use Connection & Collaboration to Transform Your Family – and the World (Sasquatch/Penguin Random House). The podcast draws on the ideas from the book to give you practical, realistic strategies to get beyond today’s whack-a-mole of issues. Your Parenting Mojo also offers workshops and memberships to give you more support in implementing the ideas you hear on the show.

    The single idea that underlies all of the episodes is that our behavior is our best attempt to meet our needs. Your Parenting Mojo will help you to see through the confusing messages your child’s behavior is sending so you can parent with confidence: You’ll go from: “I don’t want to yell at you!” to “I’ve got a plan.”

    New episodes are released every other week – there’s content for parents who have a baby on the way through kids of middle school age. Start listening now by exploring the rich library of episodes on meltdowns, sibling conflicts, parental burnout, screen time, eating vegetables, communication with your child – and your partner… and much much more!

    Advertise

    Copyright: © Jen Lumanlan - M.S. Psychology focused on Child Development

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    Latest Episodes:
    096: How to prevent sexual abuse Aug 06, 2019
    Show notes

    This is another of those topics I really wish I didn’t have to do. In this interview with Dr. Jennie Noll of Pennsylvania State University, we discuss the impacts that sexual abuse can have on a child (even many years after the event itself!), and we talk extensively about what parents can do to prevent abuse from happening in the first place. If you want to be sure to remember this info, there’s a FREE one-page cheat sheet of the 5 Key Steps Parents Can Take to Prevent Sexual Abuse available here:

    Get the FREE Guide!

    Jump to highlights 01:26 Introduction to the topic, inspired by the USA gymnastics abuse scandal 02:52 Introduction to Dr. Jennie Noll, researcher on child maltreatment and abuse prevention 03:58 Mental and emotional health impacts of sexual abuse: PTSD, anxiety, depression, attachment difficulties 06:13 Does it matter if abuse happens once versus chronically? Why the boundary violation itself matters most 08:53 How life transitions like marriage or having a child can bring old trauma back to the surface 13:06 What real support looks like: believing the child, then ongoing support through every developmental stage 15:28 How common is child sexual abuse really, and why reported numbers undercount it 18:18 Why children struggle to recognize abuse from people their family trusts 23:18 Why using correct anatomical terms can itself be a protective signal to would-be abusers 32:51 Recognizing grooming behavior and talking with kids about secrets versus surprises 40:15 Behavioral and physical signs that might indicate abuse has occurred 43:16 Telling the difference between normal childhood sexual curiosity and exploitation 45:03 What to do if you suspect abuse 47:56 Anonymous hotlines where you can ask questions before deciding whether to report 50:47 Children's Advocacy Centers (CACs) and how they improve conviction rates References: Bolen, R.M., & Scannapieco, M. (1999). Prevalence of child sexual abuse: A corrective metaanalysis. Social Service Review 73(3), 281-313. Clark, D.B., Thatcher, D.L., & Martin, C.S. (2010). Child abuse and other traumatic experiences, alcohol use disorders, and health problems in adolescence and young adulthood. Journal of Pediatric Psychology 35(5), 499-510. Dion, J., Matte-Gagne, C., Daigneault, I., Blackburn, M-E., Hebert, M., McDuff, P., Auclair, J., Veillette, S., & Perron, M. (2016). Journal of affective disorders 189, 336-343. Domhardt, M., Munzer, A., Fegert, J.M., & Goldbeck, L. (2015). Resilience in survivors of child sexual abuse: A systematic review of the literature. Trauma, Violence, and Abuse 16(4), 476-493. Holloway, J.L., & Pulido, M.L. (2018). Sexual abuse prevention concept knowledge: Low income children are learning but still lagging. Journal of Child Sexual Abuse 27(6), 642-662. Irish, L., Kobayashi, I., & Delahanty, D.L. (2009). Long-term physical health consequences of childhood sexual abuse: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Pediatric Psychology 35(5), 450-461. Kenny, M.C., & Wurtele, S.K. (2010). Children’s abilities to recognize a “good” person as a potential perpetrator of childhood sexual abuse. Child Abuse & Neglect 34, 490-495. LaPook, J. (2018, September 9). Aly Raisman speaks out about sexual abuse. 60 Minutes. Retrieved from https://www.cbsnews.com/news/aly-raisman-60-minutes-us-olympic-gold-medal-gymnast-i-am-a-victim-of-sexual-abuse/ Lewy, J., Cyr, M., & Dion, J. (2015). Impact of interviewers’ supportive comments and children’s reluctance to cooperate during sexual abuse disclosure. Child Abuse & Neglect 43, 112-122. Noll, J.G., Haralson, K.J., Butler, E.M., & Shenk, C.E. (2011). Child maltreatment, physiological dysregulation, and risky sexual behaviors in female adolescents. Journal of Pediatric Psychology 36(7), 743-752. Noll, J.G., Trickett, P.K., Long, J.D., Negriff, S. Susamn, E.J. Shalev, I., Li, J.C., & Putnam, F.W. (2017). Childhood sexual abuse and early timing of puberty. Journal of Adolescent Health 60, 65-71. Noll, J.G., Zeller, M.H., Trickett, P.K., & Putnam, F.W. (2007). Obesity risk for female victims of childhood sexual abuse: A prospective study. Pediatrics 120(1), e61-e67. Noll, J.G., & Grych, J.H. (2011). Read-React-Respond: An integrative model for understanding sexual revictimization. Psychology of Violence 1(3), 202-215. Noll, J.G., Shenk, C.E., Yeh, M.T., Ji, J., Putnam, F.W., & Trickett, P.K. (2010). Receptive language and educational attainment for sexually abused females. Pediatrics 126(3), e6150-e622. Noll, J.G. (2008). Sexual abuse of children – unique in its effects on development? Child Abuse & Neglect 32, 603-605. Noll, J.G., & Shenk, C.E. (2013). Teen birth rates in sexually abused and neglected females. Pediatrics 131(4), e1181-e1187. Noll, J.G., Trickett, P.K., Harris, W.W., & Putnam, F.W. (2009). The cumulative burden borne by offspring whose mothers were sexually abused as children: Descriptive results from a multigenerational study. Journal of Interpersonal Violence 24(3), 424-449. Rheingold, A.A., Zajac, J.E., Patton, M., de Arellano, M., Saunders, B., & Kilpatrick, D. (2015). Child sexual abuse prevention training for childcare professionals: An independent multi-site randomized controlled trial of Stewards of Children. Prevention Science 16(3), 374-385. Wurtele, S.K., & Kenny, M.C. (2011). Normative sexuality development in childhood: Implications for developmental guidance and prevention of childhood sexual abuse. Counseling and Human Development 43(9), 1-24. Wurtele, S.K. (2012). Preventing the sexual exploitation of minors in youth-serving organizations. Children and Youth Services Review 34, 2442-2453.

    095: Ask the American Academy of Pediatrics! Jul 21, 2019
    Show notes

    A couple of months ago, when I was interviewing listener Rose Hoberman for her Sharing Your Parenting Mojo episode, she casually mentioned after we got off air that her father in law – Dr. Benard Dreyer – is the immediate past president of the American Academy of Pediatrics, and would I like her to make a connection? I almost coughed up my water as I said yes, please, I very much would like her to make a connection if he would be interested in answering listener questions about the AAP’s policies and work. Dr. Dreyer gamely agreed to chat, and in this wide-ranging conversation we cover the AAP’s stance on sleep practices, screen time, discipline, respect among physicians, and what happens when the organization reverses itself… Jump to highlights 01:37 Introduction to Dr. Benard Dreyer, past president of the American Academy of Pediatrics 03:03 How AAP recommendations get made: choosing topics, reviewing the literature 12:44 Why the AAP revised its screen time guidelines, and what actually changed 17:43 Safe sleep recommendations: firm surface, same room, no bed sharing for six months 22:06 Why AAP sleep recommendations focus specifically on the first year 25:30 How poverty and crowding intersect with SIDS risk 29:43 The Rock 'n Play recall: why the AAP is often reacting to safety data rather than generating it 37:23 Why the AAP's organic food guidance centers on the child 44:17 How much training pediatricians actually get in child development and behavior 47:19 Why the AAP softened, then hardened, its stance against spanking over time 53:26 Advocating for a child's own agency and consent during pediatric visits

    References

    American Academy of Pediatrics (2018, May 2). How to protect your children during a measles outbreak. HealthyChildren.org. Retrieved from https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/immunizations/Pages/How-to-Protect-Your-Children-During-A-Measles-Outbreak.aspx

    Burke Harris, N. (2019). Keynote speech; Virginia summit on childhood trauma and resilience. Retrieved from https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1988933761235822&hc_location=ufi

    Council on Communications and Media (2016). Media and young minds. Pediatrics 138(5), 1-6. Retrieved from https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/pediatrics/138/5/e20162591.full.pdf

    Forman, J., & Silverstein, J. (2012). Organic foods: Health and environmental advantages and disadvantages. Pediatrics 130(5), e1406-e1415. Retrieved from https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/pediatrics/130/5/e1406.full.pdf

    Hsu, T. (2019, April 19). Before Fisher-Price’s Rock’n Play recall, safety fears and dubious marketing. The New York Times. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/19/business/fisher-price-recall.html

    Moon, R.Y. (2019, April 15). How to keep your sleeping baby safe: AAP policy explained. HealthyChildren.org. Retrieved from https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/sleep/Pages/A-Parents-Guide-to-Safe-Sleep.aspx?fbclid=IwAR28XjzG1G3ERk3KhQFwnFOZuudOHiuY1Yb0gILUtB1XXoYAzUju2zfzgcY

    Public Health England, The Lullaby Trust, & UNICEF. Safer sleep: Saving babies lives: A guide for professionals. Authors. Retrieved from https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/Safer-sleep-saving-babies-lives-a-guide-for-professionals.pdf

    Red Nose (2018, February 27). Sharing a sleep surface with a baby. Author. Retrieved from https://rednose.org.au/article/sharing-a-sleep-surface-with-a-baby?fbclid=IwAR2wdmhbfMGK30m4MVZvZYop3-E8ERLAiwYufPilry7uUZePX26e45iyfkg

    Sege, R.D., & Siegel, B.S. (2018). Effective discipline to raise healthy children. Pediatrics 142(6), 1-10. Retrieved from https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/pediatrics/142/6/e20183112.full.pdf

    Sicherer, S.H. (2017, January 5). New guidelines detail use of ‘infant-safe’ peanut to prevent allergy. American Academy of Pediatrics. Retrieved from https://www.aappublications.org/news/2017/01/05/PeanutAllergy010517

    Task Force on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (2016). SIDS and other sleep-related infant deaths: Updated 2016 recommendations for a safe infant sleeping environment. Pediatrics 138(5), 1-12. https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/pediatrics/138/5/e20162938.full.pdf

    U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (2019, April 12). Fisher-Price recalls Rock’n Play sleepers due to reports of deaths. Author. Retrieved from https://www.cpsc.gov/Recalls/2019/fisher-price-recalls-rock-n-play-sleepers-due-to-reports-of-deaths#


    SYPM 004: Conflicting cultures! with Dovilė Šafranauskė Jul 14, 2019
    Show notes

    My guest on today’s episode in the Sharing Your Parenting Mojo series is Dovilė Šafranauskė, who joins us from Lithuania. Dovilė has discovered respectful parenting and her husband is on board, but many of the central tenets of RIE go very much against how children are raised in Lithuanian culture. Dovilė wonders how she can work with her parents – who look after her children regularly – to help them feel more comfortable with RIE, as well as what to do with Aunty Mavis whom her toddler twins see a couple of times a year and who insists on a kiss as a greeting. Dovilė is also a sensitive sleep coach with focus on following natural baby sleep paterns, advocating for gentle sleep interventions and finding tairored solutions that fit best with the needs of the whole family. Her business is called Miego Pelytes, which means Sleep Mice in Lithuanian, and refers to her twin daughters. Click here to learn about Sleep Mice

    Parenting Membership

    If parenting feels really hard, and it seems like you’ve read all the books and you’ve asked for advice in free communities and you’re tired of having to weed through all the stuff that isn’t aligned with your values to get to the few good nuggets, then the Parenting Membership will help you out. The Parenting Membership is now open for immediate enrollment. Sign up now! Jump to highlights 00:59 Introduction to the episode and guest Dovilė from Lithuania 02:53 How Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting changed Dovilė's approach 05:01 Navigating conflict with grandparents over parenting style 08:15 The trigger: children who don't want to be touched or picked up 10:18 Dovilė's own childhood memory of discomfort with kissing relatives 17:09 What shifted the grandparents: modeling and calm conversations 19:40 Connecting body autonomy to the wider MeToo conversation 22:43 Addressing an incident later, instead of in the heated moment 24:20 A practical idea: physically shielding kids during greetings 26:09 Making a firm decision together as parents to hold a boundary

    094: Using nonviolent communication to parent more peacefully Jul 07, 2019
    Show notes

    Today’s episode pulls together a lot of threads from previous shows, and will also give you some really concrete new tools using what’s called Nonviolent Communication to support you in your parenting. It’s not like these are concepts that we’ve never discussed before, but sometimes hearing them in a different framework can be the key to making them ‘click’ for you. Our guest Christine King has been teaching these techniques to college students, teachers, and parents for over 17 years. And I’m releasing this particular interview today because these tools are ones we’re learning how to use in the free online workshop. In the workshop we’re going to spend a couple of weeks learning why our children trigger us so much and how to stop being triggered, and how we can move beyond the power struggles we get caught up in with our children so we can have the kind of relationship with them where their true needs as people are respected and met – and so are ours.

    Parenting Membership

    If parenting feels really hard, and it seems like you’ve read all the books and you’ve asked for advice in free communities and you’re tired of having to weed through all the stuff that isn’t aligned with your values to get to the few good nuggets, then the Parenting Membership will help you out. The Parenting Membership is now open for immediate enrollment. Sign up now! Things we discussed in the show: We now have feelings and needs lists available to support you in using the tools described in this episode! Click here to access the list of feelings Click here to access the list of needs Christine’s game for kids can be found here Videos of Christine’s giraffe and jackal puppet shows are here Inbal Kashtan’s book Parenting From Your Heart The No-Fault Zone game Marshall Rosenberg’s book Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life Jump to highlights 02:30 Introduction to the episode and guest Christine King 04:06 What nonviolent communication means 07:57 Sharing power between parent and child 10:57 How self-determination theory connects to NVC 13:05 Observations versus evaluations 16:11 True feelings versus false feelings 18:23 Protecting children from feelings versus building emotional literacy 22:52 Needs versus strategies 27:32 Demands versus requests 31:03 Jen's dishwasher story: a demand instead of a request 36:19 Four ways to respond when a child does something we don't like 57:03 Games and tools for building a feelings and needs vocabulary References: Baesler, E.J., & Lauricella, S. (2014). Teach peace: Assessing instruction of the nonviolent communication and peace course. Journal of Peace Education 11(1), 46-63. Juncadella, C.M. (October 2013). What is the impact of the application of the Nonviolent Communication model on the development of empathy? Overview of research and outcomes. Unpublished Master’s Thesis. University of Sheffield. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/sites/default/files/NVC_Research_Files/Carme_Mampel_Juncadella.pdf Kashtan, I. (2005). Parenting from your heart: Sharing the gifts of compassion, connection, and choice. Encinitas, CA: PuddleDancer Press. Marlow, E., Nyamathi, A., Grajeda, W.T., Bailey, N., Weber, A., & Younger, J. (2012). Nonviolent communication training and empathy in male parolees. Journal of Correctional health Care 18(1), 8-19. Rose, M.B. (2003). The heart of parenting: Nonviolent Communication in action. PuddleDancer Press. Retrieved from https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/pdf_files/parenting_communication_mrose.pdf Rosenberg, M.B. (2005). Raising children compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication way. Encinitas, CA: PuddleDancer Press. Rosenberg, M.B. (2015). Nonviolent Communication (3rd Ed). Encinitas, CA: PuddleDancer Press. Suarez, A., Lee, D.Y., Rowe, C., Gomez, A.A., Murowchick, E., & Linn, P.L. (2014). Freedom project: Nonviolent communication and mindfulness training in prison. SAGE open January-March 2014, 1-10.

    SYPM 003: Responding Mindfully with Seanna Mallon Jul 01, 2019
    Show notes

    Today we talk with listener Seanna Mallon about her struggles to be mindful when responding to her two spirited young sons (and I can confirm from direct experience that they are indeed spirited – we actually had to re-record the episode after we simply couldn’t continue the first interview due to her children’s continual interruptions!). I share some basic tools for staying calm in difficult moments; for a deeper dive on this topic, do join the Tame Your Triggers workshop! Enrollment is now open. We’ll help you to:

    • Understand the real causes of your triggered feelings, and begin to heal the hurts that cause them
    • Use new tools like the ones Katie describes to find ways to meet both her and her children’s needs
    • Effectively repair with your children on the fewer instances when you are still triggered

    It’s a 10-week workshop with one module delivered every week, an amazing community of like-minded parents, a match with an AccountaBuddy to help you complete the workshop, and mini-mindfulness practices to re-ground yourself repeatedly during your days, so you’re less reactive and more able to collaborate with your children. Click the image below to learn more.

    Parenting Membership

    If parenting feels really hard, and it seems like you’ve read all the books and you’ve asked for advice in free communities and you’re tired of having to weed through all the stuff that isn’t aligned with your values to get to the few good nuggets, then the Parenting Membership will help you out. The Parenting Membership is now open for immediate enrollment. Sign up now! a mom and her daughter lying in the grass looking at each other Jump to highlights 02:00 Introduction to the episode and guest Seanna 02:23 About Seanna's family and busy life 04:39 What Seanna learned from Raising Your Spirited Child 07:29 A slow-to-adapt son and difficult morning transitions 10:34 Connecting Seanna's own childhood to her triggered reactions 12:58 How the morning cycle spirals once frustration takes over 13:25 Finding the underlying need behind a reaction 16:11 Introducing needs and Nonviolent Communication as a tool 16:54 The "toe monster" game: turning mornings into connection 19:02 Why obedience isn't the goal 21:14 What the Parenting Membership helped with most 23:16 The power of apology and repair

    093: Parenting children of non-dominant cultures Jun 23, 2019
    Show notes This episode is part of a series on understanding the intersection of race, privilege, and parenting. Click here to view all the items in this series. We’ve done a LOT of episodes specifically for White parents by now:
    • White privilege in parenting: What it is and what to do about it
    • White privilege in schools
    • Talking with children about race
    • Teaching children about topics like slavery and the Civil Rights Movement
    • Do I have privilege?

    In this episode we turn the tables: listener Dr. Elisa Celis joins me to interview Dr. Ciara Smalls Glover, whose work focuses on building the cultural strengths of youth of non-dominant cultures and their families. We discuss the ways that culture is transferred to children through parenting, how parents of non-dominant cultures can teach their children about race and racism, and how to balance this with messages of racial pride. The Parenting Membership is now open for immediate enrollment. Sign up now! Click the button on the right with the microphone on it to leave me a voicemail for the 100th episode!>>> Jump to highlights 06:25 Introduction to the episode and guests Dr. Celis and Dr. Glover 07:29 Parenting styles and how they're perceived across cultures 12:04 Parenting in line with your culture versus what the research says 15:10 TV examples of a parenting style clashing with a new context 18:42 Delivering hard messages within a warm, democratic family 23:38 The different kinds of messages parents give about race and culture 28:36 Timing: preparing children before an incident versus after 31:36 Modeling how to respond to prejudice in the moment 36:22 Why talking about racism can be hard for parents of any background 41:10 Rethinking "you're beautiful" for children of color 48:26 Three takeaways for balancing hard truths with hope References Anderson, R.E., Hussain, S.B., Wilson, M.N., Shaw, D.S., Dishion, T.J., & Williams, J.L. (2015). Pathways to pain: Racial discrimination and relations between parental functioning and child psychosocial well-being. Journal of Back Psychology 41(6), 491-512. Brody, G.H., Chen, Y-F, Kogan S.M., Murray, V.M., Logan, P., & Luo, Z. (2008). Linking perceived discrimination to longitudinal changes in African American mothers’ parenting practices. Journal of Marriage and Family 70(2), 319-331. Coard, S.I., Wallace, S.A., Stevenson Jr., H.C., & Brotman, L.M. (2004). Towards culturally relevant preventive interventions: The consideration of racial socialization in parent training with African American families. Journal of Child and Family Studies 13(3), 277-293. Grills, C., Cooke, D., Douglas, J., Subica, A., Villanueva, S., & Hudson, B. (2016). Culture, racial socialization, and positive African American Youth Development. Journal of Blak Psychology 42(4), 343-373. Harris-Britt, A., Valrie, C.R., & Kurtz-Costes, B. (2007). Perceived racial discrimination and self-esteem in African American youth: Racial socialization as a protective factor. Journal of Research on Adolescence 1794), 669-682. Lesane-Brown, C.L., A review of race socialization within Black families. Developmental review 26, 400-426. Scottham, K.M., & Smalls, C.P. (2009). Unpacking racial socialization: Considering female African American primary caregivers’ racial identity. Journal of Marriage and Family 71(4), 807-818. Smalls, C. (2009). African American adolescent engagement in the classroom and beyond: The roles of mother’s racial socialization and democratic-involved parenting. Journal of Youth and Adolescence 38(2), 204-213. Smalls-Glover, C., Williams, J.L., Zuckerman, A., & Thomas, D. (2013). Parental socialization in response to racism: Implications for family health. In M.S. Harris (Ed.), African American perspectives: Family dynamics, health care issues, and the role of ethnic identity. New York, NY: Nova. Williams, J.L., & Smalls-Glover, C. (2013). Content and attributions of caregiver racial socialization as predictors of African American adolescents’ private racial regard. Journal of Black Psychology 40(1), 69-80.

    092: Fathers’ unique role in parenting Jun 09, 2019
    Show notes

    This episode began out of a query that I see repeated endlessly in online parenting groups: “My child has a really strong preference for me. They get on great with the other parent (usually the father, in a heterosexual relationship) when I’m not around, but when I’m there it’s all “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!” This is destroying my partner; how can we get through this stage?” So that’s where I began the research on this question, and it led me down quite a rabbit hole – I’d never thought too much about whether mothers and fathers fulfill unique roles in a child’s development and while it isn’t necessarily as prescriptive as “the mother provides… and the father provides… ,” in many families these roles do occur and this helps to explain why children prefer one parent over another. (we also touch on how this plays out in families where both parents are of the same gender). My guest for this episode is Dr. Diana Coyl-Shepheard, Professor at California State University Chico, whose research focuses on children’s social and emotional development and relationships with their fathers.

    Parenting Membership

    If parenting feels really hard, and it seems like you’ve read all the books and you’ve asked for advice in free communities and you’re tired of having to weed through all the stuff that isn’t aligned with your values to get to the few good nuggets, then the Parenting Membership will help you out. The Parenting Membership is now open for immediate enrollment. Sign up now! Click the “Send Voicemail” button on the right >>> to record your message for the 100th episode: it can be a question, a comment, or anything else you like! Jump to highlights 10:17 Introduction to the episode and guest Dr. Diana Coyl-Shepherd 11:07 Richard Bowlby's model of dual attachment: safe haven versus secure exploration 17:22 The purpose of rough and tumble play 21:38 Why "60 to 70% secure attachment" is more alarming than reassuring 23:06 What attunement and reflective functioning mean 27:10 Why attachment patterns transmit more strongly through mothers than fathers 31:05 What happens when only one parent engages in reflective functioning 33:56 Attachment hierarchies: why children often prefer one parent 44:07 Earned security: how attachment patterns can shift in adulthood 47:19 Maternal gatekeeping and its effect on father involvement 52:14 Why some fathers become "just transportation" by adolescence References Benbassat, N., & Priel, B. (2015). Why is father’s reflective function important? Psyhoanalytic Psychology 32(1) 1-22. Benoit, D. & Parker, K.C .H. (1994). Stability and Transmission of Attachment across Three Generations. Child Development, 65 (5), 1444-1456. Bretherton, I., Lambert, J.D., & Golby, B. (2005). Involved fathers of preschool children as seen by themselves and their wives: Accounts of attachment, socialization, and companionship. Attachment & Human Development 7(3), 229-251. Coyl-Shepherd, D.D., & Hanlon, C. (2013). Family play and leisure activities: Correlates of parents’ and children’s socio-emotional well-being. International Journal of Play 2(3), 254-272. Coyl-Shepherd, D.D., & Newland, L.A. (2013). Mothers’ and fathers’ couple and family contextual influences, parent involvement, and school-age child attachment. Early Childhood Development and Care 183(3-4), 553-569. Dumont, C., & Paquette, D. (2013). What about the child’s tie to the father? A new insight into fathering, father-child attachment, children’s socio-emotional development and the activation relationship theory. Early Child Development and Care 183(3-4), 430-446. Fletcher, R. (2011). The Dad factor: How father-baby bonding helps a child for life. Mona Vale, New South Wales: Finch. Freeman, H., Coyl-Shepherd, D.D., & Newland, L.A. (2008). Father beliefs as a mediator between contextual barriers and father involvement. Early Child Development and Care 178(7), 803-819. Freeman, H. (2010). Mapping young adults’ use of fathers for attachment support: implications on romantic relationship experiences. Early Child Development and Care 180(1), 227-248. Freeman, H., Newland, L.A., & Coyl, D.D. (2010). New directions in father involvement. Early Child Development and Care 180(1-2), 1-8. Gaumon, S., & Paquette, D. (2013). The father-child activation relationship and internalizing disorders at preschool age. Early Child Development and Care 183(3-4), 447-463. George, M.R.W., Cummings, E.M., & Davies, P.T. (2010). Positive aspects of fathering and mothering, and children’s attachment in kindergarten. Early Child Development and Care 180(1-2), 107-119. Goldberg, A.E., Downing, J.B., & Sauck, C.C. (2008). Perceptions of children’s parental preferences in lesbian two-mother households. Journal of Marriage and Family 70, 419-434. Grossman, K., Grossman, K.E., Kindler, H., & Zimmerman, P. (2008). A wider view of attachment and exploration: The influences of mothers and fathers on the development of psychological security from infancy to young adulthood. In J. Cassidy & P. R. Shaver (Eds.). Handbooks of attachment: Theory, research, and clinical applications (2nd. ed.) (pp. 552-598)). New York, NY: Guildford Press. Newland, L.A., & Coyl, D.D. (2010). Fathers’ role as attachment figures: An interview with Sir Richard Bowlby. Early Child Development and Care 180(1-2), 25-32. Newland, L.A., Chen, H-H., Coyl-Shepherd, D.D., Liang, Y-C., Carr, E.R., Dykstra, E., & Gapp, S.C. (2013). Parent and child perspectives on mothering and fathering: The influence of ecocultural niches. Early Child Development and Care 183(3-4), 534-552. Pluke, R.H. (2014). Men’s experiences of fathering sons: Encountering difference and disappointment. Unpublished doctoral thesis. University of KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa. Retrieved from https://researchspace.ukzn.ac.za/xmlui/bitstream/handle/10413/13939/Pluke_Robert_Hay_2014.pdf?sequence=1&isAllowed=y Umemura, T., Jacobvitz, D., Messina, S., & Hazen, N. (2013). Do toddlers prefer the primary caregiver or the parent with whom they feel more secure? The role of toddler emotion. Infant Behavior and Development 36(1), 102-114.

    091: Do I have privilege? May 26, 2019
    Show notes This episode is part of a series on understanding the intersection of race, privilege, and parenting. Click here to view all the items in this series. Each time I think I’m done with this series on the intersection of race and parenting, another great topic pops up! Listener Ann reached out to me after she heard the beginning of the series to let me know about her own journey of learning about her White privilege. Ann and her husband were a ‘normal’ White couple who were vaguely aware of some of the things they could do to help others (Ann works at a nonprofit) and saw politics as an interesting hobby. Then they adopted a Black daughter and had a (surprise!) biological daughter within a few months, and Ann found that she needed to learn about her privilege – and quickly. She’s had to learn about things like the features of a ‘high quality’ daycare for both of her daughters, how to keep them safe, and we get some feedback from Dr. Renee Engeln about how to help Black girls to see and be confident in their beauty. Ann is openly not an expert on this topic, and does not speak for adoptive Black children, or even for all White adopting parents. But she finds herself far further along this journey of discovering her privilege than the vast majority of us – myself included, until I began researching this series of episodes. Jump to highlights 01:24 Introduction to this episode and how the series on race and parenting grew 03:35 Introduction to listener Ann, mom to Alice (Black) and Audrey (White) through adoption and birth 06:33 How not having to think about race shows up as privilege in daily interactions 09:15 Visiting predominantly White areas: strangers touching Alice's hair and "othering" through over attention 13:29 How the search for schools has shifted from test scores toward diversity as the top priority 16:50 The discomfort of being the only White family in the room, and what that teaches 20:54 Rethinking books, clothing, and toys so Alice sees herself represented 28:14 Why parenting advice about discipline and behavior needs different consideration for a Black child 30:42 Beauty and body image: Ann's approach so far, and deferring to Black mothers' expertise 40:23 How the research on beauty and "mom beautiful" shaped Ann's thinking going forward 46:36 Closing thought: White privilege hurts White people too, in the form of missed connection and diversity References Bates, K.G. (2014, March 10). Stokely Carmichael: A philosopher behind the Black Power movement. National Public Radio. Retrieved from https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/03/10/287320160/stokely-carmichael-a-philosopher-behind-the-black-power-movement Cafri, G., Yamamiya, Y., Brannick, M., & Thompson, J. K. (2005). The influence of sociocultural factors on body image: A meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 12, 421–433. Cheng, Z.H., Perko, V.L., Fuller-Marashi, L., Gau, J.M., & Stice, E. (2019). Ethnic differences in eating disorder prevalence, risk factors, and predictive effects of risk factors among young women. Eating Behaviors 32, 23-30. Cotter, E. W., Kelly, N. R., Mitchell, K. S., & Mazzeo, S. E. (2015). An investigation of body appreciation, ethnic identity, and eating disorder symptoms in Black women. Journal of Black Psychology, 41, 3–25. Crocker J., Luhtanen, R., Blaine, B., & Broadnax, S. (1994). Collective self-esteem and psychological well-being among White, Black and Asian college students. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 20, 503-513. Fredrickson, B.L., & Roberts, T-A. (1997). Toward understanding women’s lived experiences and mental health risks. Psychology of Women Quarterly 21, 173-206. Future Market Insights (2017, December 28). Skin lightening products market: Increasing demand for lotions and creams to be observed in the coming decade: Global industry analysis 2012-2016 and opportunity assessment 2017-2027. Author. Retrieved from https://www.futuremarketinsights.com/reports/skin-lightening-products-market Gay, R. (2018, January). Fifty years ago, protesters took on the Miss America pageant and electrified the feminist movement. Smithsonian Magazine. Retrieved from https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/fifty-years-ago-protestors-took-on-miss-america-pageant-electrified-feminist-movement-180967504/ Grabe, S., & Shibley Hyde, J. (2006). Ethnicity and body dissatisfaction among women in the United States: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin 132(4), 622-640. Parker, S., Nichter, M., Nichter, M., Vuckovic, N., Sims, C., & Ritenbaugh, C. (1995). Body image and weight concerns amongAfricanAmerican and White adolescent females: Differences that make a difference. Human Organization, 54, 103–114. Miller, K.J., Gleaves, D.H., Hirsch, T.G., Green, B.A., Snow, A.C., & Corbett, C.C. (2000). Comparisons of body image dimensions by race/ethnicity and gender in a university population. International Journal of Eating Disorders 27(3), 310-316. Root, M.P.P. (1990). Disordered eating in women of color. Sex Roles 22, 5250536. Swami, V., Airs, N., Chouhan, B., Leon, M. A. P., & Towell, T. (2009). Are there ethnic differences in positive body image among female British undergraduates? European Psychologist, 14, 288–296. Tiggeann, M. (2015). Considerations of positive body image across various social identities and special populatioons. Body Image 14, 168-176. Wood-Barcalow, N. L., Tylka, T. L., & Augustus-Horvath, C. L. (2010). “But I like my body”: Positive body image characteristics and a holistic model for young-adult women. Body Image, 7, 106–116 Zhou, V. (2017, May 15). Why double eyelid surgery is on the rise in Asia: Rising incomes and acceptance, and star power of Fan Bingbing, Angelababy. South China Morning Post. Retrieved from https://www.scmp.com/lifestyle/health-beauty/article/2093921/why-double-eyelid-surgery-rise-asia-rising-incomes-and Future Market Insights (2017, December 28). Skin lightening products market: Increasing demand for lotions and creams to be observed in the coming decade: Global industry analysis 2012-2016 and opportunity assessment 2017-2027. Author. Retrieved from https://www.futuremarketinsights.com/reports/skin-lightening-products-market

    090: Sensory processing disorder May 12, 2019
    Show notes

    This episode comes to us courtesy of my friend Jess, whose daughter has Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and who is on a mission to make sure that as many parents as possible learn about it. She says that every time she describes it to a parent they realize that they know someone who exhibits behavior that looks like SPD that warrants following up. I have to say that I was highly ambivalent about doing this episode, because I don’t usually deal with topics that result in medical diagnoses as I’m (obviously) not a doctor. But the more I looked into this the more I realized that helping parents to understand the mess of research on this topic is exactly the kind of thing that I usually do on this show, and that an episode on this topic could probably be useful to a number of you. And here’s the love letter to John McPhee that I mention in the episode Jump to highlights 01:21 The story behind this episode: a listener's daughter and her path to an SPD diagnosis 03:19 Origins of the field: Dr. A. Jean Ayres and her book Sensory Integration and the Child 05:33 Dr. Lucy Jane Miller's three main pattern types and subtypes of SPD 08:16 Where SPD is thought to come from, and why parents shouldn't blame themselves 09:37 Distinguishing SPD from Dr. Elaine Aron's highly sensitive person concept, and a note on unintegrated reflexes 12:19 SPD and autism comorbidity 12:36 Why SPD isn't in the DSM-5, and problems with Dr. Ayers' own diagnostic test 20:11 What SPD treatment looks like in practice: hammocks, brushing, weighted play, "heavy work" 26:57 A 2014 meta-analysis of 27 studies: some positive signals, but hampered by small samples and weak methods 28:57 A meta-analysis narrowing 11,619 citations down to just four studies on the Wilbarger protocol 35:19 Why insurance companies like Aetna classify sensory integration therapy as experimental 38:50 Practical guidance: how to approach treatment like a scientific study if you decide to proceed References Aetna. (2018). Sensory and auditory integration therapy. Author. Retrieved from http://www.aetna.com/cpb/medical/data/200_299/0256.html

    American Academy of Pediatrics (2012). Sensory integration therapies for children with developmental and behavioral disorders. Pediatrics 129, 1186-1189. Anderson, S. (2017, September 28). The mind of John McPhee: A deeply private writer reveals his obsessive process. The New York Times Magazine. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/28/magazine/the-mind-of-john-mcphee.html Aron, E.N., Aron, A., & Jagiellowicz, J. (2012). Sensory processing sensitivity: A review in the light of the evolution of biological responsivity. Personality and Social Psychology Review 16(3),262-282. Aron, E.N. (2002). The highly sensitive child: Helping our children thrive when the world overwhelms them. New York, NY: Three Rivers. Ayres, A.J. (2005). Sensory integration and the child: Understanding hidden sensory challenges. Los Angeles, CA: Western Psychological Services. Bhopti, A., & Brown, T. 92013). Examining the Wilbargers’ deep pressure and proprioceptive technique for treating children with sensory defensiveness using a multiple-single-case study approach. Journal of Occuaptional Therapy, Schools, & Eaerly Intervention 6(2), 108-130. Bodison, S.C., & Parham, L.D. (2018). Specific sensory techniques and sensory environmental modifications for children and youth with sensory integration difficulties: A systematic review. The American Journal of Occupational Therapy 72(1), 1-7. Gieysztor, E.Z., Choinska A.M., & Paprocka-Borowicz, M. (2018). Persistence of primitive reflexes and associated motor problems in healthy preschool children. Archives of Medical Science 14(1), 167-173. Hall, L., & Case-Smith, J. (2007). The effect of sound-based intervention on children with sensory processing disorders and visual-motor delays. The American Journal of Occupational Therapy 61(2), 209-215. Hebb, D.O. (1955). Drives and the C.N.S. The Psychological Review 62(4), 243-254. Hoehn, T.P., & Baumesiter, A.A. (1994). A critique of the application of sensory integration therapy to children with learning disabilities. Journal of Learning Disabilities 27, 338-351. May-Benson, T.A., & Koomar, J.A. (2010). Systematic review of the research evidence examining the effectiveness of interventions using a sensory integrative approach for children. The American Journal of Occupational Therapy 64(3), 403-414. James, K., Miller, L.J., Schaaf, R. Nielsen, D.M., & Schoen, S.A. (2011). Phenotypes within sensory modulation dysfunction. Comprehensive Psychiatry 52, 715-724. Konicaraova, J., & Bob, P. (2013). Asymmetric tonic neck reflex and symptoms of attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder in children. International Journal of Neuroscience 123(11), 766-769. Konicarova, J., Bob, P., & Raboch, J. (2013). Persisting primitive reflexes in medication-naïve girls with attention-deficit and hyperactivity disorder. Neuropsychiatric Disease and Treatment 9, 1457-1461. Koziol, L.F., Budding, D.E., & Chidekel, D. (2011). Sensory integration, sensory processing, and sensory modulation disorders: Putative functional neuroanatomic underpinnings. The Cerebellum 10(4), 770-792. Lane, S.J., & Schaaf, R.C. (2010). Examining the neuroscience evidence for sensory-driven neuroplasticity: Implications for sensory-based occupational therapy for children and adults. The American Journal of Occupational therapy 64(3), 375-390. Mailloux, Z., May-Benson, T.A., Summers, C.A., Miller, L.J., Brett-Green, B., Burke, J.P., Cohn, E.S., Koomar, J.A., Parham, L.D., Roley, S.S., Schaaf, R.C., & Schoen, S.A. (2007). Goal attainment scaling as a measure of meaningful outcomes for children with sensory integration disorders. The American Journal of Occupational Therapy 61(2), 254-259. Masgutova, S., Akhmatova, N., Sadowska, L., Shackleford, P., & Akhmatov, E. (2016). Progress with neurosensorimotor reflex integration for children with autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Neurology and Psychology 4(2), 14. McPhee, J. (1993). Assembling California. New York, NY: Farrar, Straus and Giroux. McPhillips, M., Hepper, P.G., & Mulhern, G. (2000). Effects of replicating primary-reflex movements on specific reading difficulties in children: A randomized, double-blind, controlled trial. The Lancet 355, 537-541. McPhillips, M., & Sheehy, N. (2004). Prevalence of persistent primary reflexes and motor problems in children with reading difficulties. Dyslexia 10, 316-338. Miller, L.J. (2006). Sensational kids: Hope and help for children with sensory processing disorder (SPD). New York, NY: Putnam. Miller, L.J., Anzalone, M.E., Lane, S.J., Cermak, S.A., & Osten, E.T. (2007). Concept evolution in sensory integration: A proposed nosology for diagnosis. The American Journal of Occupational Therapy 61(2), 135-140. Miller, L.J., Nielsen, D.M., Schoen, S.A., & Brett-Green, B.A. (2009). Perspectives on sensory processing disorder: A call for translational research. Frontiers in integrative neuroscience. Volume 3(22), 1-12. Miller, L.J., Coll, J.R., & Schoen, S.A. (2007). A randomized controlled pilot study of the effectiveness of occupational therapy for children with sensory modulation disorder. The American Journal of Occupationoal Therapy 61, 228-238. Schaaf, R.C., Dumont, R.L., Arbesman, M., & May-Benson, T.A. (2018). Efficacy of occupational therapy using Ayres Sensory Integration®: A systematic Review. The American Journal of Occupational Therapy 71(1), 1-10. Schaaf, R.C., & Lane, A.E. (2015). Toward a best-practice protocol for assessment of sensory features in ASD. Journal of Autism and Development Disorders 45, 1380-1395. Schoen, S.A., Miller, L.J., & Sullivan, J.C. (2014). Measurement in sensory modulation: The Sensory Processing Scale Assessment. The American Journal of Occupational Therapy 68(5), 522-530. Smith, T., Mruzek, D.W., & Mozingo, D. (2015). Sensory integration therapy. In R.M. Foxx & J.A. Mulick (Eds). Controversial Therapies for Autism and Intellectual Disabilities (2nd Ed.) (pp.247-269). New York, NY: Routledge. Taylor, M., Houghton, S., & Chapman, E. (2004). Primitive reflexes and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: Developmental origins of classroom dysfunction. International Journal of Special Education 19(1), 23-37. Walbam, K.M. (2013). The relevance of sensory processing disorder to social work practice: An interdisciplinary approach. Child & Adolescent Social Work Journal 31, 61-70. Weeks, S., Boshoff, K., & Stewart, H. (2012). Systematic review of the effectiveness of the Wilbarger Protocol with children. Pediatric Health, Medicine and Therapeutics 3, 79-89. Wisconsin Department of Health Services (2015, April 24). Treatment intervention advisory committee review and determination: Determination of Masgutova Method or Masgutova Neurosensorymotor Reflex Integration as a proven and effective treatment for individuals with autism spectrum disorder and/or other developmental disabilities. Author. Retrieved from https://www.dhs.wisconsin.gov/tiac/masgutovanri.pdf

    SYPM002: Sugar! with Rose Amanda May 05, 2019
    Show notes

    In this second episode of Sharing Your Parenting Mojo we talk with Rose, who is American but lives in Germany, about discussing math with girls – as well as with managing her daughter’s sugar intake. Here’s Rose’s blog, where she discusses what she thought of my Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue episode. If you’d like to be interviewed for Sharing Your Parenting Mojo, please complete the form located here and I’ll be in touch if there’s a fit… Jump to highlights 00:56 Introduction to the "Sharing Your Parenting Mojo" segment and listener Rose 05:39 The episode that stuck with Rose: talking with girls about numbers and math 07:20 Practical ways Rose builds math into daily life, from stair-counting to odd-and-even dishwasher moments 10:41 Introducing the real topic: struggling with sugar and dessert limits 14:48 Moving to a one-sweet-a-day rule, and why it's led to sneaking and feeling restricted 19:10 How daycare food (and constipation) factors into the bigger picture at home 21:23 Starting problem-solving practice on lower-stakes issues before tackling sweets 24:29 Clarifying: deciding together through conversation, not just announcing a new rule 26:38 Whether sugar highs and crashes are the right framing when Rose hasn't actually observed them 28:13 Revisiting the Alfie Kohn rewards conversation and what building real autonomy looks like over time


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