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    Comedy

    The Topical

    The Topical is the daily podcast from The Onion and Onion Public Radio, and the only podcast brave enough to ask: What if the news had sound effects? Join host Leslie Price each day as he barely scratches the surface of all the day’s top news stories. Journalism isn’t dead. It’s using its dying breath to beg you to listen to The Topical. New episodes published every weekday by 5 a.m. Eastern time.

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    Copyright: © The Onion

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    Latest Episodes:
    Victoria’s Secret Shutters Operations After Concluding Women Were Never Hot Enough To Wear Their Underwear In First Place Jul 06, 2020
    Show notes

    The popular women’s beauty brand is closing for good and apologizing today for ever thinking a woman could be hot enough to pull off their lacey boy shorts or see-through nighttime slips.

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

    Mental Health Experts Warn Veterans’ PTSD Can Be Triggered By Sound Of Neighbors Shooting Off Fourth Of July RPGs Jun 26, 2020
    Show notes

    We’ve got the latest tips on how you can celebrate more considerately while still taking part in the annual holiday tradition of shooting off high-caliber war weaponry.

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

    Tide Accused Of Over-Inflating Number Of Children Who Roll Around In Mud Puddles Before Running Into House Jun 25, 2020
    Show notes

    FCC regulators are cracking down on the popular detergent brand after years of lying to the American public. Hear how Tide is responding to allegations that they tricked consumers into purchasing their product by wildly over-inflating the number of instances huge jugs of cranberry juice were spilled by children onto their perfectly white jumpers.



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    IBM Condemns Use Of Facial Recognition Software For Anything Other Than Matching People With Their Celebrity Doppelganger Jun 24, 2020
    Show notes

    Plus, life in New York City is returning to normal, but not without some precautions for commuters. We’ve got the latest on the best ways to disinfect that subway pole before you lick it.

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

    Red Cross Announces It’s Fine Not To Perform Life-Saving Mouth-To- Mouth On Someone Who’s Not Your Type Jun 23, 2020
    Show notes

    Knowing how to properly administer CPR could mean the difference between life and death. But what if the person lying unconscious isn’t really the type of person you would normally go for? We’ve got the latest on how to best peel back a person’s unresponsive eyelids to check for sparks.

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

    Congress Announces Willingness To Give Black Lives Matters Protestors Statue Or Holiday Jun 22, 2020
    Show notes

    Lawmakers are finally taking action amid waves of police brutality, announcing their commitment to offer members of the BLM movement a nice memorial or plaque or day off work or something.

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

    Mental Health Experts Advise On Best Ways To Combat Intrusive Thoughts Of Your Father Naked Jun 19, 2020
    Show notes

    It’s an affliction many don’t like to talk about, but one that more and more people are suffering from each day, especially around this time of year. Hear how you can keep the image of your father’s nude and weathered body out of your psyche most effectively.

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

    Jimmy Carter Checks Into Rehab For Debilitating House-Building Addiction Jun 18, 2020
    Show notes

    Hear how an apparent three-day house-building bender led the former president to finally seek help, and just what it will take for him to kick the habit for good.

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    Congress Moving Toward Safer Vote-By-Paper-Airplane Option Jun 17, 2020
    Show notes

    The proposed $2 trillion coronavirus relief bill includes provisions for quality printer paper Americans can use to construct a plane that’s sturdy but lightweight; simple but ingenious. Plus, we take a closer look at candy bars: Could America’s favorite vegetable be making you fat?

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    NRA Receives Massive Funding Increase From Donors Held At Gunpoint Jun 16, 2020
    Show notes

    Lackluster fundraising efforts have led to serious financial struggles for the gun-rights advocacy group, but that might be about to change. Hear how the NRA is convincing more people than ever before to donate to their cause, and how you might be next.

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