The Topical

Latest Episodes:

Online Activists Raise $5 Million To Create New Martin Luther King Jr. Quote Jun 15, 2020

Show notes

Plus, a troubling new report has found nearly 80% of all car accidents occur inside the home. We’ve got the latest on how to keep you and your family safe while burning rubber in your living room.

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Giant Pandas Finally Mate After Being Married In Catholic Ceremony Jun 12, 2020

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For the past decade, Ying Ying and Le Le had refused to mate, until now. Hear how the two love bears managed to stay true to their Lord and Savior.

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New Guidelines Allow Gyms To Reopen For Weak Little Bitches Who Just Diddle Around And Don’t Break A Real Sweat Anyway Jun 11, 2020

Show notes

More states are beginning to reopen, but not without some precautions. Hear how the latest phase will aim to reduce overcrowding in gyms by only admitting members who pose no threat of physically exerting themselves at all.

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NASA Launches Vengeance Rover To Pay Back Mars For Killing Opportunity Back In 2018 Jun 10, 2020

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Two years ago to the day, NASA’s Opportunity was swallowed up by the red planet in what has since been deemed an unprovoked attack. And now, NASA is seeking its revenge.

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Panicked White Woman Calls Police On Statue Of Martin Luther King Jr. Jun 09, 2020

Show notes

Cell phone footage of the incident has gone viral on social media, but many are now asking if the statue of Dr. King actually did anything wrong.

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New LinkedIn Feature Lets Job-Seekers Add Most Humiliating Things They Willing To Endure Jun 08, 2020

Show notes

It’s tough competition for those out there seeking employment. We’ve got the latest on how you can use the new feature to make yourself seem weak and easy to manipulate so you can finally land that dream job you so desperately crave.

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Health Experts Warn Protests Could Set Off Second Wave Of Police Brutality Jun 05, 2020

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Top U.S. health officials are worried the massive in-person demonstrations could be a fertile breeding ground for excessive force that may stretch the nation’s healthcare system to its limits.

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Mental Health Experts Recommend Bed Only Be Used For Shooting Amateur Pornography Jun 04, 2020

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Many Americans are guilty of working, eating, and browsing the internet in bed from time to time, but those bad habits could be hurting your chances of getting in a good night of DIY adult filmmaking.

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Botanists Concerned By What Returning To Work Will Do To Nation’s House Plants Jun 03, 2020

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Many botanists across the country are worried the sudden change in routine could send house plants into an emotional spiral, and even lead some to lash out at their owners. Hear how you can help ease your plant back into normalcy.

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Study: Dolphins Not So Intelligent On Land Jun 02, 2020

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Scientists are constantly clamoring on about the mammal’s complex language and problem-solving ability, but according to a new study from the University of Florida, flapping around on the ground isn’t much to brag about for these supposedly smart marine creatures.

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