The Messy Bun Podcast

Latest Episodes:

039 - Skin Care Feb 22, 2021

Show notes

Teens and acne. It's a universal issue! Today we discuss what we learned from dermatologist, Dr. Jason Mathis, as well as our own research on everything related to skin care.

How to keep skin clean
- Gentle cleansers
- Benzoyl Peroxide
- Salicylic Acid
How and why to moisturize
- Repairs the skin barrier
- Helps skin avoid premature aging
- Suggested moisturizers
How and why to protect skin from the sun
- Why to protect
- How to help convince your teen to protect
What to do for specific problems
- Retinoids
- Prescribed medications (Accutane, etc.)
- Hormonal Acne
Things not to do
- Don't pick
- Don't use magnified mirrors
- Don't have unrealistic expectations

Resources:

Jason Mathis, MD, University of Utah Health, https://healthcare.utah.edu/fad/mddetail.php?physicianID=u0415270&name=jason-g-mathis
How to Treat Acne with Benzoyl Peroxide, https://www.healthline.com/health/benzoyl-peroxide-for-acne
What is Cystic Acne https://www.healthline.com/health/beauty-skin-care/cystic-acne#TOC_TITLE_HDR_1
Salicylic Acid vs. Benzoyl Peroxide: Which Is Better for Acne? https://www.healthline.com/health/beauty-skin-care/salicylic-acid-vs-benzoyl-peroxide
Teens and Acne Treatment https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/Pages/Teens-and-Acne.aspx
Tips for Getting Kids and Teens to Wear Sunscreen https://www.dermadoctor.com/blog/tips-for-getting-kids-teens-to-wear-sunscreen/
Hormonal Acne, https://www.self.com/story/hormonal-acne

038 - Strong Black Women Our Daughters Should Know Feb 15, 2021

Show notes

Today's episode is a little different format than our usual episodes. This month in the States we are celebrating Black History Month, so we wanted to take time to talk about strong black women that we want our daughters to know and emulate. We have chosen 5 women, each with a specific trait that we want to teach our daughters about to help them become strong, confident, and influential!

Misty Copeland - It's never too late to start
- First black principal dancer with American Ballet Theatre
Billie Holiday - Do what's right no matter what
- Jazz singer
Claudette Colvin - You don't have to be an adult to make a difference
- Civil rights activist
Bessie Coleman - Don't be afraid to be the first
- First Black and Native American woman to hold a pilot's license
Sojourner Truth - Stand up for yourself
- Slave turned speaker and civil and women's rights activist

Resources:

The Economist: Misty Copeland - Why ballet has so few black dancers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qLJCkNqnYg
www.mistycopeland.com
Pop Sugar: Misty Copeland Dancing at 2019 AMA, https://www.popsugar.com/fitness/misty-copeland-dancing-at-2019-american-music-awards-46943817
Billie Holiday: Strange Fruit, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DGY9HvChXk
https://billieholiday.com/bio/
Inside Out Tours, Billie Holiday's "Strange Fruit": The First Great Song of the Civil Rights Movement, https://insideouttours.com/2019/02/25/billie-holidays-strange-fruit-the-first-great-protest-song-of-the-civil-rights-movement/
NPR, Before Rosa Parks There was Claudette Colvin, https://www.npr.org/2009/03/15/101719889/before-rosa-parks-there-was-claudette-colvin
Biography - Claudette Colvin, https://www.biography.com/news/claudette-colvin-rosa-parks-bus-boycott
History Chicks Podcast, Episode 26, http://thehistorychicks.com/episode-26-rosa-parks-2/rp-claudette-colvin/
NY Times, Overlooked No More: Bessie Coleman, https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/11/obituaries/bessie-coleman-overlooked.html
Women's History, Biographies: Bessie Coleman, https://www.womenshistory.org/education-resources/biographies/bessie-coleman
Women's History, Biographies: Sojourner Truth, https://www.womenshistory.org/education-resources/biographies/sojourner-truth

037 - Online Safety with Lauren Davis Feb 08, 2021

Show notes

We are so excited to share our interview with abuse-prevention specialist, Lauren Davis. She shares with us how help our teens avoid the pitfalls that come with technology. We learned so much!

Technology and the Teenage Brain
- What fluctuations of dopamine do to the brain (especially strong in teenagers)
- Dopamine vs. Serotonin
- Using technology to create connections
What teens should know about cyberbullying
- What cyberbullying is
- What to do if you or someone you know is involved in cyberbullying
- How to help prevent cyberbullying
What teens should know about online predators
- What are the patterns of an online predator that teens should watch out for?
  - Isolation
  - Flattery

Resources:

-Lauren Davis, Utah Valley Family Support and Treatment Center, http://www.utahvalleyfamilysupport.org/about-us/our-team/attachment/lauren-davis/

036 - Teach Your Teens to Be Their Own Hero Feb 01, 2021

Show notes

Today we’re going to talk about heroes! Specifically, what makes a hero and how your teen can be their own hero. They don’t have to wait for someone to save them. They don't have to wait for someone else to make a difference. They can do it themselves.

What is a hero?
- Ask your teen who their heroes are
- Heroes are people who are admired for great deeds
Recognize real heroes around us
- Frontline workers, teachers, point out characteristics of people in TV shows or book
- Help them see heroes around them
- Role model gratitude
- Encourage them to be involved
- Point out their heroic traits
Help your teen see how they can be their own heroes
- Foster Heroic imaginations
- Help them see things that aren’t right
- Teach them they can resolve a conflict
- Help them develop confidence
- Model care and empathy
- Express expectation that kids will act heroically

Resources:

Parasiliti, B. (2017, February 06). Understanding the difference between idols and heroes. https://www.heraldmailmedia.com/sports/understanding-the-difference-between-idols-and-heroes/article_ab556cee-ebed-11e6-a734-a36f3bbfa6d6.html#:~:text=Right%20there%20is%20the%20difference,sets%20athletes%20like%20Brady%20apart.
Pontz, E. (2020, May 29). 3 Ways to Help Teens Recognize Personal Heroes During the Pandemic. https://parentandteen.com/heroes/
Zafar, S. (n.d.). Be Your Own Hero. https://www.ted.com/talks/samra_zafar_be_your_own_hero
Franco, Z., & Zimbardo, P. (n.d.). The Banality of Heroism. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_banality_of_heroism
Burton, K., & https://www.dummies.com/health/mental-health/confidence-for-dummies-cheat-sheet/

035 - Self-compassion Jan 25, 2021

Show notes

Self-compassion is something we feel strongly that we want our teen daughters to understand, but it's also SO HARD. In this episode we try and break down more about what self-compassion is and why it matters so much.

The definition of self-compassion
- Self-compassion and self-esteem are not the same thing
- Compassion means to "suffer with" so self-compassion literally means to "suffer with" ourselves
- When we suffer with ourselves, we are doing more than just feeling sorry for ourselves.
Why teens (and all of us!) should care about self-compassion
- Self-compassion encourages teens to adopt a growth mindset
- Self-compassion allows teens to step out of the comparison race
- Self-compassion is the key to overcoming setbacks (big ones and small ones!)

Resources:

Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, Buy Here
Kristin Neff's website - www.self-compassion.org
Serena Chen, Give Yourself a Break: The Power of Self-Compassion, Harvard Business Review: https://hbr.org/2018/09/give-yourself-a-break-the-power-of-self-compassion
Kristin Neff, Ted Talk: The 3 Components of Self-Compassion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11U0h0DPu7k

034 - The Importance of Failure Jan 18, 2021

Show notes

"I love you too much to deny you the privilege of making mistakes." This was said by Kathie Lee Gifford's Dad, and we love it! Failure is hard, but it's essential! Today we talk all about the importance of failure.

Failure is about learning
- It's essential! - Mistakes are for learning
- 5 Things Failure Teaches Us (Forbes):
  1. Keeps your ego in check
  2. Inspires positive change
  3. Gives you a new perspective
  4. Teaches resilience
  5. Teaches you want you want (and don't want)
- Let your teen fail while they're still with you and you can help them
How to allow failure and still be supportive
- Make risk-taking a family value
- Teach your teen to expect failure as part of the process
- Don't solve your teens problems for them
- Support your student by letting go
  - Give her tools. Give her resources. But let her use them.
Final thoughts about failure
- "A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor" - Franklin D. Roosevelt
- "In the long run, our biggest regrets are not our actions, but our inactions." -Adam Grant
- Les Brown's "ghost" analogy

Resources:

Let Your Teen Fail, https://parentandteen.com/let-your-teen-fail
Should I Let My Kids Fail, https://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/parenting/should-i-let-my-kids-fail
The Value of Failing, https://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2018/04/the-value-of-failing/558848/
Failure Found to be an Essential Prerequisite for Success, https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/failure-found-to-be-an-essential-prerequisite-for-success/
Forbes, Why Failure Leads to Career Success, https://www.forbes.com/sites/carolinecastrillon/2019/11/20/why-failure-leads-to-career-success/?sh=f0f489575780
Adam Grant, The Surprising Habits of Original Thinkers, https://www.ted.com/talks/adam_grant_the_surprising_habits_of_original_thinkers?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare
Are Helicopter Parents Ruining a Generation? https://youtu.be/CeltnroSGco
Denzel Washington Fall Forward Speech https://www.characteractionmedia.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/D-Washington-Speech-Transcript.pdf

033 - Good Friendships Jan 11, 2021

Show notes

It's here! The thing teens care most about - FRIENDS! ⁠ This week we decided to focus on good friendships - why they matter, the difference between healthy and toxic friendships, and what character traits your daughter can develop to become a better friend. ⁠

Why having a good friend matters

Good friends teach us how to interact with all different people
Good friends they teach patience and forgiveness
Good friends they help us move past our comfort zones
Good friends keep our minds healthy
Good friends help us endure the hard things in life

What’s the difference between a good friendship and a toxic friendship

BLAME: Toxic friendships often leave you feeling responsible for things that aren’t your fault
LISTENING: If you find that your friend doesn’t ever listen to you - sometimes quite literally- you may be in a toxic friendship. Only one person is getting their needs met.
TIME SPENT: In a toxic friendship, one might get left out/not invited. Or, opposite, you can’t spend anytime apart.
RESPECT: Toxic friendships don’t take you seriously. They put pressure on your values and boundaries.
VULNERABILITY: Toxic friendship are not a safe place where we aren't comfortable sharing vulnerabilities or our full self.

What character traits your daughter can develop to become a better friend

Leadership
Reciprocity
Empathy
Kindness
Respect for boundaries
Loyalty
Trust

Resources

Sissy Goff, Focus on the Family, https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/friendship-factor-making-and-keeping-friends/
LifeAbout.com, Why Friendship is Important, https://www.liveabout.com/why-friendship-is-important-1385655
Tara Parker-Pope, What are Friends For? https://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/21/health/21well.html?_r=0
Mallory Grimste, LCSW, 5 Warning Signs of a Toxic Friendship, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcEkeyt05Nc
Mallory Grimste, LCSW, Other Resource: www.mallorygrimste.com, @mallorygrimste
Life As Mama, Teach Your Teen How to be a Good Friend, https://lifeasmama.com/teach-your-teen-how-to-be-a-good-friend/

032 - Bra Fittings and Teens with Courtney Jan 04, 2021

Show notes

Today's episode is all about bras! We are so excited we had the opportunity to interview bra fitting professional Courtney Killpack. Listen in to learn all about how to talk with your daughter about all things bra.

Talking Point #1: Why having a properly fitting bra matters (even when you're young and developing!)

Bra fits are generational - we learn from our moms who learned from their moms, but a lot has changed in the last 20 years, especially sizes available
It’s important to start out young understanding how bras should fit so they can take care of themselves better - it will help them have better self-awareness and self-confidence
Bras are very highly-technical garments, so when they’re not fitting right it can cause a lot of problems

Talking Point #2: Tips to make sure a bra fits correctly

One of the biggest problem is usually too big of band size. You want it to fit snugly on the tightest setting.
Bras are like teeter-totters. You want them low in the back so they pull up the front.
You want the gore (where the underwires meet) to lay flat and separate the breasts.
You also don't want to be coming out the top of the cups or the cups to gap.

Talking Point #3: How to adapt as breasts change

First, before your daughter even develops, talk about bodies and what to expect as they change.
Once your daughter starts budding, it’s time to get a little bralette to get used to it.
Once they start developing breast tissue, they’re ready to go get fitted and wear a full bra.
As they’re growing, get them 1-2 bras with 1-2 sport bras. When they’re fully developed, 3-4 daily bras is ideal.
If they get professionally fitted, they’ll be taught when their bra isn’t fitting them correctly anymore.

Talking Point #4: How to care for a bra

Avoid Tide and Woolite
Best to use lingerie soap
Hand wash is best (helps the bra last longer)
Gently use a toothbrush to help scrub clean
Bras only last about 1 year

Resources:

Courtney's Website: www.bosombesties.com
Courtney's IG Account: @brafittingsbycourt

031 - Teens and Goals Dec 14, 2020

Show notes

“There is no passion to be found playing small and settling for a life that’s less than the one you’re capable of living” -Nelson Mandela. Talking about goals can be boring, but it doesn't have to be! By focusing on dreams and passions, you can get even unmotivated teens a little more excited about goal-setting.

Why goals matter
- Setting goals helps you become who you want to become
- Goals help organize us and keep us focused
- Goal-setting is important for mental health
- Setting and achieving goals give you qualities and skills that set you apart from those who don’t
Tips for talking with your teen about goals
- Talking with an unmotivated teen
- Talking with an overly-motivated, perfectionist teen
- General tips
How to set effective goals
- Write down the goal
- SMART
- Choose a “goal buddy”
- Name potential challenges and setbacks
- Schedule revisiting and revising dates

Resources:

Julie Nairman, Big Life Journal, How to Help Teens Set Effective Goals, https://biglifejournal.com/blogs/blog/guide-effective-goal-setting-teens-template-worksheet
Leslie Riopel MsC, Positive Psychology, The Importance, Benefits, and Value of Goal Setting, https://positivepsychology.com/benefits-goal-setting/#:~:text=Setting%20goals%20helps%20trigger%20new,you%20don't%20properly%20manage
SMART Teen App, https://www.teensmartgoals.com/goal-setting-for-teens
The boring YouTube video on SMART goals https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCRSVRD2EAk
Motivating YouTube videos for you and your teen
- Michelle Obama graduation speech https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxW5D5VPg_0
- What Are Your Goals https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNITe9snHqA
- Denzel Washington graduation speech https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbnzAVRZ9Xc

030 - Boundaries, Part 2 Dec 07, 2020

Show notes

Boundaries are so important. And can be so hard! Because boundaries are so vital, we have split this topic into a 2-part series. Part 1 will focus on how parents can set boundaries with their teen. Part 2 will focus on how teens can set boundaries in their own life.

Unhealthy vs. Healthy Boundaries

Unhealthy Boundaries
- Porous Boundaries
- Rigid Boundaries
Healthy Boundaries
- Open, honest communication
- Flexible
- Able to protect yourself
- Help us respect others

Application practice through examples

Examples to give your daughter so she can practice applying healthy vs unhealthy boundaries

How to get help in dangerous situations

What to do if someone threatens harm to themselves or others if boundary requirements not met
- SafeUT (or similar app in other states)
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
  - 800-273-8255
  - Suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Resources:

@unapologeticallysurviving
@kristendukechats
Barbara Greenburg, USN, 5 Ways to Help Teens Set Boundaries with Friends, https://health.usnews.com/wellness/for-parents/articles/2018-02-13/5-ways-to-help-teens-set-boundaries-with-friends
Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, https://www.amazon.com/
Heather Senior Monroe, Newport Academy, Why Boundaries Matter for Teens, https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/mental-health/teens-health-boundaries/

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected