The Messy Bun Podcast

Latest Episodes:

019 - Girls and Porn Sep 24, 2020

Show notes

We interview Brittney all about teenage girls and porn in this episode. As a teenager, Brittney secretly watched porn. She talks about how she got started, why she kept watching, and why she thinks it's important that moms talk with their teen girls about this subject.

Brittney's story

Brittney shares her story - it's a GREAT story to share with your daughter

How to prevent problems with porn

You can't necessarily prevent your daughter from seeing porn
You can keep an open dialogue about sex and porn so she knows she can talk with you
Share with your daughter stupid things you did as a teenager

What to do if your daughter has a problem with porn

Make sure she knows you love her no matter what
Do not shame her at all
Put her in the driver's seat of finding a solution and let her know you're there to support her and be with her, but let her be the driver of what she needs

Resources

Laura M. Padilla-Walker, Dean M. Busby, Chelom Eastwood Leavitt, Jason S. Carroll “A Better Way to Teach Kids about Sex” https://www.amazon.com/dp/1629723738/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_btf_t1_Z.KrFb3ARTNF0 Kristen A Jenson and Debbie Fox, "Good Pictures Bad Pictures" https://www.amazon.com/dp/0997318732/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_btf_t1_4aLrFbXKNJA45 Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, http://www.Finlayson-Fife.com Jennifer Finlayson Fife, Podcast she did about teaching kids about sexuality, https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dr-finlayson-fifes-podcast-archive/id1479472319?i=1000457586553 Protect Young Eyes, https://protectyoungeyes.com

018 - Period Basics Sep 17, 2020

Show notes

The goal of this conversation is to help normalize and educate our daughters all about periods. They hate it, but it’s really important they know what’s happening with their bodies, and that there’s nothing gross or wrong with it.

Helping your daughter know her body

Body parts inside and out
What are hormones?
The 4 phases of the menstrual cycle

Knowing the signs that something is wrong

The signs to be concerned about

Finding gratitude and beauty in our menstruating bodies

Scientific reasons periods are necessary
Using the seasons of our menstrual cycle to become more in tune with ourselves

Resources

Teen Health Source, Period Basics, http://teenhealthsource.com/puberty/periods/#:~:text=The%20average%20length%20between%20periods,your%20period%20to%20become%20regular.

Reviewed by Robyn R. Miller, MD, Kids Health, Talk About Menstruation, https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/talk-about-menstruation.html

Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD, Web MD, All About Menstruation, https://teens.webmd.com/girls/all-about-menstruation#1

Stephanie Watson, Reviewed by Holly Ernst, PA-C, Stages of Menstrual Cycle, https://www.healthline.com/health/womens-health/stages-of-menstrual-cycle#menstrual

Period Podcast with Kate Clancy Episode 2 Monkey Trainers and Tampon Squeezers, https://periodpodcast2.libsyn.com/episode-2-monkey-trainers-and-tampon-squeezers

Period Podcast with Kate Clancy Episode 4 I think it’s sort of like pee or poop, https://periodpodcast2.libsyn.com/episode-4-i-think-its-sort-of-like-pee-or-poop

Period Podcast with Kate Clancy Episode 5 Teaching Periods, https://periodpodcast2.libsyn.com/episode-5-teaching-periods

Anthea Levi, 6 Things Your Period Can Reveal About Your Health, https://www.health.com/condition/menstruation/period-symptoms-explained?slide=97afac9f-c2c1-41f5-922a-642555569bb7#97afac9f-c2c1-41f5-922a-642555569bb7

@wombsisters (periods highlight reel)

@teenhealthdoc (specializes in endometriosis in teen girls)

017 - Why Teens are More Prone to Addiction Sep 10, 2020

Show notes

Addiction is something that is near and dear to Penny's heart because it has affected people that she loves. Teens are especially prone to addiction, so it is vital to talk to our daughters about this to help them know how to prevent future problems.

Teen Brains are especially susceptible to addiction
- Risk Factors: Biology, Environment, Immature Brain development
- Teen Brain uses emotional center and is hardwired to learn. It’s better at learning addiction than an adult brain.
Teens are addicted to a lot of different things
- Drugs, alcohol, smoking, vaping, pornography, exercise, shopping, gambling, smartphones, and the internet
Effects of Addiction are long-lasting
- Harder to unlearn
- Missed opportunities
- Can cause brain to stay in the emotional part and not mature to use the frontal lobe.
- Inability to pay attention and focus.
Signs of addiction to watch for
- Most addictions share signs
  - Depression and anxiety
  - Withdrawl
  - Changes in sleep/eating patterns
  - Irritability
  - Dropping Grades
What to do if you suspect your teen has a problem
- Talk!
- Offer unconditional love
- Validate
- Find better ways to fill their needs
- Find treatment if necessary

Resources:

- OHEL, Addictions in Children and Adolescents, https://www.ohelfamily.org/?q=mental_health/addiction_children_and_adolescents
- SlickText, Smartphone Addiction Statistics, https://www.slicktext.com/blog/2019/10/smartphone-addiction-statistics/
- Tech Jury, Smartphone Addiction Statistics, https://techjury.net/blog/smartphone-addiction-statistics/#gref
- Sarah Karnasiewicz, 7 Scary Things You Never Knew About Cell Phone Addiction, https://www.health.com/condition/anxiety/cell-phone-addiction
- SOS Safety Magazine, 7 Signs of a Porn Addicted Child, https://sossafetymagazine.com/internet-safety/7-signs-of-a-porn-addicted-child/
- Walden Behavioral Care, https://www.waldeneatingdisorders.com/blog/9-warning-signs-of-exercise-addiction/
- National Institute on Drug Abuse, https://www.drugabuse.gov/drug-topics/trends-statistics/infographics/monitoring-future-2019-survey-results-overall-findings
- Sophie Scott and Rebecca Armitage, ABC, Teenagers Porn Use on the Rise, https://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-06-30/teenagers-porn-use-on-the-rise-research-says/8664842
- Eating Disorder Hope, https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/information/statistics-studies#General-Statistics-on-Eating-Disorders
- John Lee, What are Some Warning Signs of Teenage Gambling Problem, https://www.choosehelp.com/topics/gambling-addiction/teen-gambling-and-teen-problem-gambling/what-are-some-warning-signs-of-a-teen-gambling-problem
- Good Therapy, Compulsive Shopping, https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/compulsive-shopping
- Heather Hatfield, Web-MD, Shopping Spree or Addiction?, https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/features/shopping-spree-addiction#1
- NCP Gambling, High School Gambling Fact Sheet, https://www.ncpgambling.org/files/HS_Fact_Sheet.pdf
- Frances Jensen, The Power of the Adolescent Brain: A TAG Talk, https://youth.gov/sites/default/files/TAG-Talk_Adolescent-Brain-Power_Segment-3.pdf

016 - Racism - A Follow-Up Sep 03, 2020

Show notes

We don’t want to fail to follow up on what we talked about in episode 3. We said then that it was just a beginning, and we have continued to learn and try to act. Racism in the news comes and goes, but that doesn’t mean we can become apathetic. We need to continue talking with our daughters.

Becoming better allies
- Becoming an anti-racist growth chart (see on The Messy Bun website)
- What an ally looks like
- Rallies, BLM signs
- Supporting POC businesses
- Conversations with friends
Noticing how we think.
- How we see POC
  - IG accounts showing how black kids feel in a majority white school (see below)
- How we view issues all around us.
Continuing to educate ourselves
- Books we've read
- Other resources
  - YouTube (see below)
  - Examples of Microaggressions (see on The Messy Bun website)
- Diversifying our feed
  - @privtoprog
  - @ohhappydani
  - @savethechildren
  - @teenhealthdoc
  - @equalitylabs (Indian culture right now)

RESOURCES:

Bond Voice, https://bondprojectcypher.wordpress.com/
@blackatbcc, @blackatwhitman, @blackatwooton
Michele Benoit-Wilson, MD, To White Parents Who Wants to Be Allies at This Time, https://www.huffpost.com/entry/white-parents-allies-black-lives-matter-movement_n_5edc0ed8c5b64a0af20f1f14
John Blake, How Good White People Derail Racial Progress, https://www.cnn.com/2020/08/01/us/white-liberals-hypocrisy-race-blake/index.html
Time Magazine, 12 Movies to Watch About Racism, https://time.com/5847912/movies-to-watch-about-racism-protests/
Redlining, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8zeecPN35g

015 - Budgeting and Teens Aug 27, 2020

Show notes

It may be a boring topic, but it is vital! This episode covers how to get your teens motivated to do a budget, and how to help them stick with it.

Start with dreams about their financial goals (then insert some reality)
- Ask her to dream about the next 5, 10, 20, and 50 years. Where does she want to be?
- Share your goals and dreams
- Inject reality (housing and college costs)
Show them how to do a budget, and help them stick to it.
- Decide ahead of time what she will pay for (gas? team fees? insurance?)
- Make sure the budget is HERS
- Find a good app or program to do her budget on
- Get her involved in your budget as much as you feel comfortable
- Teach her budgeting basics (projecting income, categories, tracking, savings)
- Make her stick with it
Help them figure out how to earn money
- For younger teens, this might be neighborhood jobs - dog walking, babysitting, kids camps, etc.
- For older teens, try and help them find a skill they can use to make more money (swimming, tutoring, graphic design, etc.)
Encourage them to do their own research - make sure to send them to the right resources
- Encourage researching - try to help them find excitement in certain financial areas (investing?)
- Find out who they admire financially. Encourage them to interview them, perhaps even go out to lunch.

RESOURCES:

Dave Ramsey, Teaching Teenagers About Money, https://www.daveramsey.com/blog/teach-teenagers-about-money
Rachel Morgan Cautero, How to Teach Your Teen About Budgeting https://www.thebalance.com/how-to-teach-your-teen-about-budgeting-4160105
(Budgeting with Percentages) Jacob, 10 Tips on Budgeting for Teens, https://teenfinancialfreedom.com/10-tips-on-budgeting-for-teens/
(Fun to watch your daughter - so funny!) Bliss Bean, Budgeting and Savings, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfdZDmgXP14
Jo Franco, The Realest Financial Advice I Wish Someone Told Me, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ioNPBHUBlk
(Budgeting with Quadrants/Matrices), Sophia Amoruso - GirlBoss, How To Make Budgeting Fun" Teen Vogue, https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-make-budgeting-fun
(Great websites for learning more) https://www.moneyunder30.com, https://www.notquiteanadult.com/
Great Instagram Accounts to follow: @_teenfinancialfreedom_⁠ @daveramsey⁠ @wisewomanwallet⁠ @rachelcruze⁠ @anthonyoneal⁠ @thefinancialdiet

014 - Conflict Resolution Aug 20, 2020

Show notes

In this episode, we discuss strategies to teach your teen about conflict. This is an important life skill that will help your daughter be successful in all aspects of life.

Conflict is a necessary part of life.
- There are many ways we deal with conflict poorly, which often end with negative consequences.
- Conflict CAN be positive and improve relationships.
Come Prepared.
- Don't make it personal.
- Tell the story from the other person's perspective.
- Decide if you're willing to negotiate.
- Answer 3 questions:
  - What do I want for myself?
  - What do I want for others?
  - What do I want for this relationship?
Follow the Steps
- Schedule ahead of time.
- Establish respectful language.
- Concisely retell the story.
- Stay in the present.
- Let them talk.
- Restate the problem with both points of view.
- Admit your part and apologize.
- Negotiate
- If necessary, reevaluate the relationship.

RESOURCES:

Instagram account @lms.consultant, Dr. Steve Bonner, Conflict Mediator and Facilitator
Crucial Conversations: Tools For Talking When Stakes Are High, Patterson, Kerry https://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-Second/dp/0071771328/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2D1OZCZ0TEXU2&dchild=1&keywords=crucial+conversations&qid=1596947256&sprefix=crucial+conv%2Caps%2C193&sr=8-1
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFaXx3pgaxM
Cultures of Dignity: Putting Feelings to Words- A Conflict Management Strategy. https://culturesofdignity.com/putting-feelings-to-words-a-conflict-management-strategy/
NY Times: How to Help Tweens and Teens Manage Social Conflict https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/16/well/family/how-to-help-tweens-and-teens-manage-social-conflict.html
PBS.org: 5 Strategies to Help Kids Resolve Conflict https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/5-strategies-to-help-kids-resolve-conflict
Mom Junction: Important Conflict Resolution Skills for Teenagers https://www.momjunction.com/articles/important-conflict-resolution-skills-for-teenagers_00106119/
Raising Children.au: Conflict Management with Teens https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/communicating-relationships/communicating/conflict-management-with-teens

013 - Nutrition in Teen Athletes Aug 13, 2020

Show notes

This episode is all about talking to your teen athlete about what she eats. We both have teen athletes and are passionate about helping our daughters fuel their bodies so they can perform their best.

Say no to diets.
- What happens when teen athletes don't eat enough
  - Female Athlete Triad Syndrome
- Tips to make sure your teen athlete gets enough food

Eat to fuel your body.
- Carbs, Fats, Proteins - all necessary, all good.
- Fueling before and after a workout

Be cautious of supplements.
- Risks of different supplements

RESOURCES:

Eat Right: Teen Nutrition for All Sports https://www.eatright.org/fitness/sports-and-performance/fueling-your-workout/teen-nutrition-for-fall-sports
Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program that Works, Evelyn Tribole, MS, RD, and Elyse Resch, MS, RD, FADA, CEDRD, https://www.amazon.com/Intuitive-Eating-Revolutionary-Program-Works/dp/B009LB5MFM/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=intuitive+eating&qid=1588472151&sr=8-3
Web MD: Teen Athletes Often Use Creatine https://www.webmd.com/children/news/20010807/teen-athletes-often-use-creatine#2
Kids Health: A Guide to Eating for Sports (for teens) https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/eatnrun.html?ref=search
Mayo Clinic: Performance-Enhancing Drugs and Teen Athletes https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/tween-and-teen-health/in-depth/performance-enhancing-drugs/art-20046620
URMC: Amenorrhea in Teens https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=90&ContentID=p01579
NPR: To Thrive, Many Young Female Athletes Need a Lot More Food https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/08/31/435294539/to-thrive-many-young-female-athletes-need-a-lot-more-food

012 - Interview with a Recently-Graduated Teen Aug 06, 2020

Show notes

For this episode, we interviewed a very impressive, recently-graduated teen named Mia. She shares with us advice she would give to younger teens, and gives great ideas for conversations moms can have with their daughters. The relationship Mia has with her mom is exactly what Penny and Steph are aiming for with their daughters, and they ended the interview feeling encouraged to talk with and support their daughters the way Mia's mom has talked with and supported her. The talking points include:

Don't care what other people think of you
- You can't change your face or other things about you, so love yourself as you are
- You can get through embarrassing times
Do the things you love
- Make sure things you love aren't taking you away from the important things
- Don't be afraid to switch things up
- Finding the balance between all of the things you balance as a teen
Don't judge others
- Ideas to steer clear from gossiping
- Remember you don't know what others are going through
Stand out and be different
- Doing things that are scary can help you get to know people you wouldn't otherwise reach out to
- Don't be afraid to be vulnerable and let people know about the good and the hard in your life

011 - Why Sleep Matters Jul 30, 2020

Show notes

Penny & Steph talk in this episode about how to talk to your daughter about why sleep matters. This is a hard one for teens!

Teens are chronically sleep deprived.
- Only 15% of teens get enough sleep
- Teen biological clock

Why we need sleep.
- Sleep literally washes your brain-new research
- Benefits of getting enough sleep.

What good sleep hygiene looks like.
- Habits and practices that are conducive to sleeping well on a regular basis
Avoid sleep aids.
- Doesn't allow you to go into the deep sleep cycles that your brain needs.

RESOURCES:

Sleep Foundation: Sleep for Teenagers https://www.sleepfoundation.org/articles/teens-and-sleep
Stanford: Among teens, sleep deprivation an epidemic https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2015/10/among-teens-sleep-deprivation-an-epidemic.html
CNBC: Olympic hero Michael Phelps Says This is the Secret to His Success https://www.cnbc.com/2017/02/14/olympic-hero-michael-phelps-says-this-is-the-secret-to-his-success.html
Science Daily: Lack of Sleep Affects Fat Metabolism https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/09/190916114020.htm

010 - Saying Sorry Part II Jul 23, 2020

Show notes

In this second part of a two-part series, we talk all about the sticky parts of saying sorry. These things can make us feel uncomfortable, but they're reality, so we need to discuss them. We can help our daughters know how to cope with the difficult parts of apologizing.

What to do when your apology isn't accepted
- Don't take your apology back
- Don't get defensive
- Give them space
- Show you're sorry with your actions

When saying sorry can backfire
- When you don't change
- They can use your apology against you
- They might feel pressured to forgive before they're ready
- They might lose respect for you

How to live without over apologizing.
- Re-phrase instead of saying sorry (i.e. Thanks for being patient)
- Know what you should and shouldn't apologize for
- Don't apologize for who you are - if you've given conscious thought, you don't need to apologize for what you think or do.

RESOURCES:

Dr Allison, What to Do When Someone Doesn't Accept Your Apology, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oh3yGV9B50
Elizabeth Scott, MS, Why It's Important to Apologize, https://www.verywellmind.com/the-importance-of-apologizing-3144986
Leon Seltzer, MD, What Can Go Wrong When You Say You're Sorry, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/202002/apologizing-what-can-go-wrong-when-you-say-you-re-sorry
John Hall, Stop Saying Sorry, https://www.cnbc.com/2019/04/16/saying-im-sorry-can-make-people-think-poorly-of-you-research-heres-what-successful-people-do-instead.html
Gili Freedman, Erin M. Burgoon, Jason D. Ferrell, James W. Pennebaker, Jennifer S. Beer, When Saying Sorry May Not Help, https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01375/full
Megan Olcholski, No Apology Living, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NchKTTN-Hg8

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected