The Messy Bun Podcast

Latest Episodes:

049 - What We Learned From Our Moms May 03, 2021

Show notes

This week's episode is a little different format. With Mother's Day coming up, we wanted to recognize the lessons our own mothers have taught us.⁠ ⁠ Take some time today and think of what your mom taught you. Maybe send her a note or a text thanking her. ⁠ ⁠ We also recognize that not all moms were wonderful and many are gone. We want to be conscious of those who struggle on Mother's Day. We see you. We love you. And we want to remind you that you can choose what you want your daughters to learn from you.

What Penny Learned from Her Mom:
- Don't judge
- The joy of giving
- Don't take yourself to seriously
What Steph Learned from Her Mom:
- The importance of a body-image safe environment
- The power of faith and hope
- She loved me for me and didn't expect perfection

048 - Addiction-Proof Teens (with Kriya Lendzion) Apr 26, 2021

Show notes

Don't skip this episode just because you think your kid goes to a "good school," or because your kid would "never do that." EVERY parent needs to hear what Kriya Lendzion, an addiction specialist, has to say about addictions. We were BLOWN away. In fact, this interview is longer than we typically run our episodes, but it's worth EVERY minute!

Scary Facts about Addictions
- Substances are getting stronger, more addictive, more dangerous, and use is increasingly easier to conceal from parents, school staff etc.
Why Teens are Especially Prone to Addictions
- Our kids need accurate science-based intel on substances and all the addictive things
- They also need an understanding of how their young, malleable brains are particularly wired for addiction
What Teens can do to Help Avoid Addictions
- They need to have 101 alternatives to use that fulfill every teen's needs for belonging, confidence, fun, and coping.
- They need to develop an inner compass based in their own values, goals and knowledge.
Why Parent-Teen Relationships Matter So Much
- To have a positive influence on their decision-development we need to earn their trust and respect
- We also need to know what's going on in their inner and outer worlds.
- Improving Conversations

Resources:

Instagram: @kriyacounselor and @legitdruged
Email kriyacounselor@gmail.com
kriyalendzion.com
Facebook: Raising Kids in Reality, Kriya Lendzion

047 - Job Interview Dos and Don'ts Apr 19, 2021

Show notes

“Job interviews are a lot like first dates. Good impressions count, awkwardness can occur and outcomes are always unpredictable" (Raising Teens Today).

Interviewing for jobs, especially those first few interviews, can be extremely nerve-racking! In today's episode we discuss dos and don'ts you can teach your teen to help make the interviewing process as smooth as possible.

Getting Your Resume Ready
- Start with a header
- Add a short summary
- Think about the qualities your future employer will want
- Emphasize school and extracurricular activities
- Keep things professional
- Proofread, proofread, proofread
Preparing for a Job Interview
- Research the company
- Prepare a portfolio
- Look up the address and know where you're going
- Practice (STAR Method)
Things TO DO during a job interview
- First impressions matter
  - Be on time
  - Look professional
  - Make eye contact
- Be yourself
- Be honest
- Get contact information so you can write a thank you
Things NOT to do in a job interview
- Don't look at your phone
- Don't be late
- Don't be overly familiar
- Don't mumble
- Don't just talk about yourself
- Don't wing it
- Don't get discouraged if you don't get the job

Resources

Anthony ONeal “Job Interview Tips for Teens”, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88Mwb2bnOMk
Anthony ONeal “6 Tips for Your First Job Interview” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTHAZhxT4gg
Raising Teens Today, @raisingteenstoday, https://raisingteenstoday.com/8-tips-for-teens-to-ace-job-interview/
Practice Job Interview Questions, https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/teens-tweens/first-jobs/job-interview-questions-to-practice-with-your-teen
Jacob Share, Resume for Teenagers: 8 Resume Writing Tips https://www.livecareer.com/resources/resumes/how-to/write/resume-tips-for-teenagers
Mike Simpson, How to Master the STAR Method, https://theinterviewguys.com/star-method/

046 - Humor Apr 12, 2021

Show notes

We love to laugh! Both of our families joke around a lot. But humor done wrong can do a lot of damage. We want to make sure our teens understand why humor is helpful, but also how to use it in the right way.

Humor can teach important life skills
- Helps us see things from a different perspective
- Helps us grasp unconventional ideas
- Helps us enjoy the playful side of life
- Helps us not take ourselves too seriously
- Helps us get through hard times
Benefits of laughing
- Stimulates muscles
- Releases endorphins
- Soothes tension
- Improves mood
- Enhances memory
- Relieves Pain
- Improves immune system
- Helps us bond
How to find more humor in life
- Don't take yourself so seriously
- Spend time with people that make you laugh
- Hang up things and text things that make you laugh
- Cultivate family quotes
Where to draw the line
- Boundaries when it comes to jokes
- Avoid inside jokes in front of others
- Take into consideration context (who the target of the joke is, who is your audience, what is the occasion)
- Apologize if you offend AND speak up if a joke offends you

Resources:

Brandon M. Savage, Heidi L. Lujan, Raghavendar R. Thipparthi, and Stephen E. DiCarlo Humor, laughter, learning, and health! A brief review, https://journals.physiology.org/doi/full/10.1152/advan.00030.2017
Kids Health, Encouraging Your Child’s Sense of Humor, https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/child-humor.html
Donna Wolter, The Benefits of Laughter, https://youthfirstinc.org/the-benefits-of-laughter/
Skills You Need, Developing Humour, https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/developing-humour.html
Stress Relief from Laughter, https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456
Maia Szalavitz, It’s No Joke: Why Laughter Kills Physical Pain, https://healthland.time.com/2011/09/14/its-no-joke-why-laughter-kills-physical-pain/
Health Benefits of Humor and Laughter, https://www.verywellmind.com/health-benefits-of-humor-and-laughter-5101137
How Laughter Affects Our Health, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DB_cSy0IIOg
@thejohnsonfiles
The Bad Broad Cast Podcast, Episode 32, The V Word
Marjorie Hinckley, https://history.churchofjesuschrist.org/event/marjorie-pay-hinckley?lang=eng
Joseph B. Wirthlin, Come Way May and Love It, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2008/10/come-what-may-and-love-it?lang=eng

045 - Study Skills for Academic Success with Ashley Clay Apr 05, 2021

Show notes

Ashley Clay is a middle school teacher, counselor, and success coach, and we get to talk to her this week all about study skills to help our teens with academic success. Ashley is not only very knowledgeable, she is also really fun! Her only flaw is that she doesn't like chocolate. (But don't worry, she makes up for that with the rest of her stunning awesomeness!)

Why Teens Procrastinate
- It’s not because they’re lazy
Helping Teens Focus
- Remove distractions
- Set timers
- Pomodoro Technique
- Big 3 for the day
Study Ideas and tips
- Gretchen Wegner - Study Cycle
- Spaced Retrieval
- Active Study > Passive Study

Resources:

@itsashleyclay
Gretchen Wegner, The Study Cycle, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDjWrwT2yfQ

044 - Puberty Mar 29, 2021

Show notes

Puberty! Every teens favorite topic (insert classic teen eye roll). They might not like talking about it, but we sure do! This week we dive into all things about puberty.

How to make the conversation as comfortable as possible
- Get comfortable with the words before you talk with your daughter
- Make it a normal part of your home conversations
- Watch YouTube videos and read books with her (we give great resources below!)
Signs and stages of puberty
- Physical Stages
- Emotional Stages
- Mental Stages
What older girls should know
- Teens think about sex!
- Bodies change all throughout our life
What girls should know about boys
- Why girls should know about boys' puberty
- Similarities between girls and boys
- Differences between girls and boys

Resources:

Jennifer O’Donnell, Signs of Puberty in Preteen Girls, https://www.verywellfamily.com/the-signs-of-puberty-in-tween-girls-3288390
Stanford Children’s Health, https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=puberty-adolescent-female-90-P01635
Kids Health: Everything You Wanted To Know About Puberty: https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/puberty.html
Origin of the word Puberty: https://www.etymonline.com/word/puberty
Good YouTube videos
- Well Cast, Inside Puberty: (Great intro - fun!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Dg2eMCx9TE
- Well Cast, Puberty for Girls, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_mFJ2d0qxQ
- Well Cast, Puberty for Boys, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDmTeU6H40s
- Infographics Show: Signs of Puberty (both boys and girls, focused on the evolutionary reasons for puberty, talks about other animals also), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0sK5JeTla0
- WTF is Puberty (I liked this one but it's a more liberal approach - possibly not for everyone), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_879HMK_Nc
For good book ideas you check out @kristinbhodson on Instagram. She has tons of good resources.
KidsHealth.org: Talking to your child about puberty, https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/talk-about-puberty.html
School District Maturation for 5th grade boys: Becoming a Man (See Utah Sex Ed Curriculum for this resource)
Mental Help, The Development of Adolescent Sexuality, https://www.mentalhelp.net/adolescent-development/sexuality/
Sexual Resource Center for Parents, http://www.srcp.org/for_all_parents/development.html
Bridget Blackburn, Oral Sex, www.parentmap.com

043 - How to Help Our Teens Be Happier Mar 22, 2021

Show notes

We are worried about our teens. We see all of the horrible stories of suicide and school shootings and gangs and teen pregnancy and poverty and all the bad things - and they are terrible! ⁠ ⁠ This week we’re going to focus on what we can do to help our teens be happier - not that fake kind of happiness that leads to singing and dancing in the hallways like in High School Musical - but we're talking real, deep happiness. AND we’re going to tell you some of the good news about teens and happiness. ⁠

What happiness looks like
- Happiness vs. Well-being
- No one feels happy all the time
Factors that affect happiness
- Connection
- Gratitude and Optimism
- Focus on a growth mindset
- Healthy and Well-balanced

Resources

Raising Children, Happy Teens, https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/mental-health-physical-health/about-mental-health/happy-teens
Blythe Gossberth, Live About, Happiness and Teens, https://www.liveabout.com/happy-teens-not-a-myth-2774102
Jean M. Twenge, The Atlantic, Teens Did Surprisingly Well During Quarantine, https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/10/how-teens-handled-quarantine/616695/
Eric Barker, Time, How to Raise Happy Kids https://time.com/35496/how-to-raise-happy-kids-10-steps-backed-by-science/
Russ Harris, The Happiness Trap
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kv6HkipQcfA&t=3s
- Website: https://thehappinesstrap.com/
- Book: The Happiness Trap (buy on Amazon or in any bookstore)

042 - Sexual Harassment Mar 15, 2021

Show notes

This is SO not a fun topic to talk about.

It's messy. And that's what we're all about here at The Messy Bun!

So, let's dive into this topic with our teens and learn all about sexual harassment - what it is, how to respond to it, and how to report it. ⁠ ⁠ Making Caring Common, a project lead at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, conducted a national survey of 18- to 25-year-olds in which 87% of respondents reported they had been the victim of at least one form of sexual harassment.

Yet, 76% of survey respondents reported that they never had a conversation with parents about how to avoid sexually harassing others or being harassed themselves.

"As parents, we need to do better. We need have specific conversations with our teens about what misogyny and sexual harassment mean, why they are so harmful, and how to combat them." (Alison Cashin and Richard Weissbourd)

Definitions and Examples
- Misogyny
- Sexual Bullying
- Sexual Harassment
- Sexual Harassment vs. Flirting
- Sexual Harassment vs. Sexual Assault
How to respond
- How parents should respond
- How your daughter can respond if she is harassed
- How your daughter can respond if she sees harassment
How to report
- Steps to take in reporting harassment
- Resources given below if you need to take legal action

Resources:

Katie Hurley, LCSW,How to Talk to Teens about Sex and Sexual Harrasment, https://www.psycom.net/talk-to-teens-about-sexual-harassment

Kids Health, Sexual Harassment and Sexual Bullying, https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/harassment.html

Richard Weissbourd and Alison Cashin, Sexual Harassment Among Teens, https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2017/10/16/sexual-harassment-among-teens-is-pervasive-heres-how-parents-can-help-change-it/

Richard Weissbourd with Trisha Ross Anderson, Alison Cashin, and Joe McIntyre, Making Caring Common, Harvard Grad School, https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/reports/the-talk,

Full Study (Making Caring Common from above): https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5b7c56e255b02c683659fe43/t/5bd51a0324a69425bd079b59/1540692500558/mcc_the_talk_final.pdf

Lauren Holter, Bustle, Don't Conflate Flirting With Sexual Harassment — Women Know The Difference, https://www.bustle.com/p/flirting-sexual-harassment-are-two-entirely-different-things-women-know-that-do-men-6746759

What to Do if Your Child is Being Bullied and Resources, https://www.stompoutbullying.org/what-do-if-your-child-being-bullied-and-resources

Notice of Harassment Kit, http://www.documatica-forms.com/bullying.php

Jeremy V. Jones, Teens and Sexual Harassment, https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/teens-and-sexual-harassment/

Understanding Harassment - definitions, your rights, and how to report and take legal action, https://www.equalrights.org/issue/equality-in-schools-universities/sexual-harassment/

What to Do When Sexual Harassment Target Teenagers, https://www.eandblaw.com/employment-discrimination-blog/2019/09/12/sexual-harassment-targets-teenage-workers/

Reporting Resources, https://www.brandeis.edu/investigate/teen-sexual-harassment/resources.html

041 - Living a Bold Life with Jessica Frew Mar 08, 2021

Show notes

In today's episode, we interview Jessica Frew. She has a successful podcast called “Husband in Law” that she records with her husband, Matt, and her ex-husband, Steve. They also co-own The BOLD Logic, a company devoted to helping people go from living in an “I should” mindset to taking bold action towards keeping and reclaiming their sense of self. Jessica helps us know how to talk with our daughters about living a bold life.

Take Control of Your Life
- Recognize what you can control and own those things
- Take control of your decisions and attitudes
- You get to decide what your boldness looks like
Find Your Joy
- Figure out what brings you joy right now
- What do you find yourself doing for hours on end?
- Protect what brings you joy
- Don't do things just because they "should" bring you joy
Silence the Noise
- Help your daughter listen to her inner voice
- As your inner voice gets louder, the outside voices and influences grow quieter

Resources:

040 - Kindness Mar 01, 2021

Show notes

We all agree that kindness is important. We all want our teen daughters to be kind. But what does that really mean? And how do we really live a life of kindness without getting burned out or taken advantage of?

The difference between being nice and being kind
Being kind in your own unique way
Kindness is powerful

Resources:

Harvard Health, The Heart and Science of Kindness, https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-heart-and-science-of-kindness-2019041816447
Project Happiness, The Difference Between Being Nice and Being Kind, https://shop.projecthappiness.org/blogs/project-happiness/the-difference-between-being-nice-and-being-kind
Fatherly, Nice vs Kind, https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/nice-vs-kind-big-difference-why-it-matters/#:~:text=Being%20nice%20is%20easy.,Being%20kind%20takes%20work.&text=The%20way%20that%20we%20think,%2C%20you're%20being%20nice.
PBS, The Science of Kindness: It's Not Easy Being Nice, https://www.pbs.org/independentlens/blog/the-science-of-kindness-its-not-easy-being-nice/
Louder Minds, Michele Connolly, Stop Being So Damn Nice, https://louderminds.com/kind-introvert-nice/
Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected