The Jayson Gaddis Podcast

Latest Episodes:

SC 158 - Interpersonal Neurobiology - Dan Siegel Sep 14, 2017

Show notes

If you want to understand the long term cost of not repairing a rupture, Dan Siegel, who coined the term interpersonal neurobiology, is about to illuminate your mind.

We discuss how we human beings operate when our "minds" and hearts come together, trauma, and how to fight off disease with presence.

This episode is powerful.

It's for the science nerds and relationship geeks who want to better understand the human nervous system, mindfulness, and even trauma.
SHOWNOTES

The 3 facets of the mind [15:00]
Where does the mind live? [18:00]
What do relationships and the body share in common? [20:00]
How you can strengthen your mind through "monitoring and modifying" [27:00]
Hyperarousal vs hypo-arousal [31:00]
The 4 F’s of a reactive state [32:00]
Coming back from reactivity [37:00]
What are the long-term costs of not repairing ruptures to relationship? [42:00]
How presence helps fight off disease [48:00]
The importance of developing an "internal compass" [60:00]

SC 157 - Outgrowing Your Friends Sep 11, 2017

Show notes

Quote from the Smart Couple Quote Book
Stop wasting time with people who don’t support your fullness. Stop apologizing for who you are. Do not spend another day dimming your light because someone’s uncomfortable. Some people you know will always be uncomfortable with your way and will always judge you. Let them go and keep being you as you are.

SHOWNOTES

A quote from The Smart Couple Quote Book [7:00]
Outgrowing people on your path to growth and development [8:00]
Surrounding yourself by growth-oriented people [10:00]

SC 156 - Setting Boundaries with Ease, Grace and Love - Terri Cole Sep 06, 2017

Show notes

Boundaries are essential in a partnership and Terri Cole knows a lot about them. We talk about getting sober, parenting her inner child, what it takes to have your marriage as a top priority and what women can do to balance being independently strong with interdependently connected. This podcast interview is fun and full of gems.

SHOWNOTES

Terri’s story [10:00]
The 3 questions you need to ask yourself when you get triggered [21:00]
What is ‘transference’ and how to we ‘repeat realities’? [23:00]
How you can become more knowledgeable about your internal experience [26:00]
Why is it important to do inner-child work? [27:00]
What is a ‘Downloaded Love Blue-Print’, and how does it affect every relationship we have? [32:00]
Examples of language you can use to support your partner when they’re triggered [42:00]
1 simple boundary everybody needs [49:00]
Consequences vs threats [55:00]

SC 155 - Asking Your Partner To Change Sep 05, 2017

Show notes

QUESTION:
It seems like my husband wants me to change things, and that there are things I want him to change...
Is that the same things as wanting him to grow, just in different terms? I’ve heard you say that people can’t change their partners, but you have said that the goal should be to grow. I’m wondering what the difference is.
How do you accept that your partner isn’t going to change, but then strive or agree to grow?
- Natalie, Denver

SHOWNOTES

Is it okay to want your partner to change? [2:00]
Reasonable vs. unreasonable requests [3:00]
Reframing change from a growth-oriented mindset [4:00]
Requests that make your partner feel judged [6:00]
When is it better to move on than to try to change someone? [8:00]

SC 154 - A Couple's Journey of Getting Stronger Through Postpartum Depression and Conflict - TJ & Denise Aug 31, 2017

Show notes

This couple learned how to get stronger through postpartum depression and conflict. Listen how they navigated a big personal crisis and how they helped each other get through it.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

Denise & TJ's story [11:00]
Experiencing spirituality through your partner [13:00]
What happens when both partners in a relationship tend to 'take charge'? [18:00]
Challenges that come up when you move in together [20:00]
Dealing with constant conflict with no resolution [24:00]
Dropping the story of 'I don't need anyone else' and finding value in relationship [33:00]
How to use experience to be more resourced each time you're in conflict with your partner [37:00]
How exploring plant medicines helped Denise & TJ on their journey [38:00]
1 lesson Denise & TJ learnt through The Relationship School ® that impacted them the most [45:00]
How to use conflict to understand your partner better [50:00]

SC 153 - When One Of You Values The Relationship More Than The Other Aug 28, 2017

Show notes

QUESTION:
I understand that men generally will put career and providing at the top of their priority list, while relationships might hover near the bottom. Relationship is a top priority for me, so how do I get to the place where i’m ok with not being at the top of the list for my guy?
How do I not take it personally? Do I need to be looking for someone who’ll put our relationship at the top of their list and make me a priority - or is that a childhood fantasy?
- Vanessa from Santa Monica

SHOWNOTES

Vanessa's question [1:00]
Understanding what it takes for a fulfilling relationship [2:00]
When two people in a relationship have different values [3:00]
How you can express your hurt to your partner without getting 'blamey' [4:00]
Should you learn to be okay with not being a priority to your partner? [5:00]

SC 152 - Ellen Boeder - My Wife On How To Repair After A Ruptured Connection Aug 24, 2017

Show notes

Fighting and emotional upset is just part of the program in a committed relationship over many years. But what separates the smart couple from people who really struggle is being able to repair well. In this episode, my wife Ellen Boeder covers why "the repair" is so critical in a strong partnership. It's essential as a parent, so why would it be any different with your partner. Listen in to get a few tips on how to do this fundamental skill and learn from Ellen and me as we share from our own marriage.

SHOWNOTES

What does a good relationship look and feel like? [7:00]
Why feeling ‘safe’ is essential for a good relationship [8:00]
Why ‘I’m sorry’ is a bad repair-strategy [18:00]
What Ellen calls the ‘micro-repair’[20:00]
How to really listen to your partner after conflict without getting triggered [23:00]
What are some quick ways to reset the nervous system when words aren’t working? [30:00]
Ellen’s advice on conflict and repair for couples [34:00]

SC 151 - Vetting a Future Partner Aug 21, 2017

Show notes

QUESTION:
I’m single and broken up with four months ago and have decided to take time out of the dating pool to get to know myself more, reflect on my last relationship and to enjoy my own company.
The thing is, i know that in the near future, I want a partner. What is your advice on choosing a partner?
To be more specific, I’m aware of the relationship process of the honeymoon phase, then the real partnership where you get to know the real person… Since in the honeymoon phase usually people try to be their best selves and not always their authentic selves, how can you identify these characteristics of growth and development mindsets, self-awareness, kindness, trustworthiness?
- Mariana from Mexico

SHOWNOTES

Mariana’s question [1:00]
What you can do to really get to know someone you’re dating [2:00]
Why do we hide parts of ourselves from the person we're dating? [4:00]
How do you get a great relationship? [7:00]

SC 150 - Advice For Single Women Prepping For A Partnership - Marni Battista Aug 17, 2017

Show notes

Here at The Relationship School®, we focus on the long-term relationship game.

But what if you're ready for a relationship but can't find one?

This week, I invited Marni Battista to help shed some light on how single women can break out of their comfort zones, start dating and find a quality guy (without repeating the same patterns over and over again).

Make sure to listen for her advice on how to get past the last 10% of unconscious patterns that keep most single women stuck in their comfort zone.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

How Marni became a dating coach [9:00]
Learning from mistakes and ‘bad dates’ [15:00]
How people get stuck in blame and attract bad dates [16:00]
How dating can reveal where you have unfinished self-work [24:00]
What Marni calls the ‘love shield’ and how it can keep you stuck [26:00]
The danger of quick-fix dating solutions [32:00]
Baby-steps for women who need to leave a bad relationship [44:00]
Does it matter how you date in the modern world? [36:00]
The trap of binge-dating and burning out [38:00]
The most common mistake people make in their dating profiles [40:00]
Should you tell your date your non-negotiables on the first date? [43:00]
Advice for singles who are dating [45:00]

SC 149 - Fear of Abandonment Aug 14, 2017

Show notes

QUESTION:
I keep running away from relationships with the opposite sex when they start to get close or use the ‘L word’, basically because I think I’m not good enough for them or they’d end up leaving me. I also find it difficult to initiate talks with other people - what do I do?
- Elias

SHOWNOTES

This episode's question [1:00]
The irony in running away because you're scared of being left [2:00]
Fear of being alone is human. Here's how you can use it to build intimacy [3:00]
Working on your triggers around abandonment [4:00]
Owning your fear [6:00]
Dealing with self-worth issues [8:00]

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