The Jayson Gaddis Podcast

Latest Episodes:

SC 138 - How Having Expectations Can Hurt Your Relationship - Christine Hassler Jul 06, 2017

Show notes

There are two giant ways we screw up our relationships. One is by breaking agreements. The other is by never having agreements to begin with. Broken agreements can be great opportunities to open a dialogue with our partner about our needs, renegotiate our agreements if they no longer make sense, or even draw a hard boundary around what we will and won’t tolerate. But what happens when we never have agreements to begin with? Expecting our partner to do, be and act a certain way without clearly communicating is a recipe for an almost certain 'sh*t hitting the fan’ fight.

In this conversation with Christine Hassler, we dive into the world of agreements, communication and what she calls ‘expectation hangovers’.

Make sure to listen carefully for the three ways that we fall prey to toxic (and easily preventable) expectations that can blow up in our faces when left unchecked - in our relationships and in our lives.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

Christine’s story [7:00]
How beliefs ingrained early in childhood can show up as physiological symptoms later [10:00]
What depression can tell us about suppressed or repressed emotions [10:00]
What Christine calls “Journey Mates” (and why not all break-ups are a bad thing) [12:00]
Exercises for self-compassion and self-awareness [17:00]
The difference between Agreements and Expectations [23:00]
How to handle broken agreements in relationship [25:00]
How to handle it when your partner doesn’t meet your expectations [25:00]
What is an “Expectation Hangover”? [26:00]
What we DON’T want to do when dealing with an Expectation Hangover [28:00]

SC 137 - How to Re-Parent A Triggered Partner Jul 03, 2017

Show notes

Dealing with a partner who is triggered can be difficult - especially if they respond negatively to your help.

Maybe you’ve been here before: your partner is upset about something, you do your best to give them some encouraging words or to calm them down, but no matter what you do, your partner’s gets more and more upset (or worse... now upset with you for trying to help).

If you’ve ever been in this situation before and want to know how to prevent it, this episode is for you.

QUESTION:
How do we re-parent our partner, and meet them in regressive child-like states when they are triggered without infantilizing them? I find when I go into nurturing mode when my partner is triggered, he often responds with aggression, I think in part because it feels emasculating or patronizing, or possibly because he doesn’t feel lovable in those moments.
- Caitlin

SHOWNOTES

Caitlin’s question [4:00]
Why do men get triggered when you try to help them? [5:00]
How to take care of your man without him feeling emasculated [6:00]
Learning how to help each other when you’re triggered [7:00]
What to do when your partner responds to your support with aggression [10:00]

SC 136 - Why Self Awareness & Digging Into Your Past Helps You Get A Great Relationship - Alexandra Solomon Jun 28, 2017

Show notes

A major shift is happening with the way we educate young adults about relationships and sex. Despite what we hear in the media about the 'hookup culture,' the majority of young adults are very interested in learning about relationships and long-term partnerships.

Alexandra Solomon is paving the way in the academic world, educating both students and adults in the all-important long-term relationship game. If you're a parent or a teacher, this is a great episode to listen to. You'll get a sense of what the important topics, conversations and areas that young adults are wanting to know about when it comes to relationships.

SHOWNOTES

Alexandra's story [3:00]
Exploring the lessons you learned in childhood [13:00]
How to talk to students about sex and relationships [18:00]
Teaching young adults to shift from 'performance-based' sex to connection-based sex [20:00]

SC 135 - If Your Partner Made You Listen To This Podcast Jun 27, 2017

Show notes

Do you have a friend or partner telling you to listen to this podcast? Don't know where to start and feel pressured to get 'up to speed'? This episode is for you.

SHOWNOTES

Should you listen to this podcast? [1:00]
Why you SHOULD be skeptical [2:00]
How to show your partner that you care about the relationship in your own way [5:00]

SC 134 - Ayahuasca, Trauma & Relationships - Dr Gabor Maté Jun 21, 2017

Show notes

There’s been a surge in alternative, traditional methods to healing our deepest wounds. One of the main approaches that has gained popularity here in America is the use of the traditional South American brew, Ayahuasca, in guided ceremonies.

Dr Gabor Maté, renowned addiction expert, and writer, is back for a second conversation to discuss the benefits & cautions to using Ayahuasca. In this conversation, we also discuss many natural (non-medicinal) methods to healing trauma through the power of present-moment awareness practices, safe relationships and creating space for healing.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

Where Western medicine succeeds & fails [11:00]
What traditional rituals can teach us about healing [13:00]
How Ayahuasca works and why it’s used [16:00]
Finding the roots of our trauma [29:00]
Dealing with trauma using present-moment awareness [32:00]
Why we need to create space in our lives for healing and rest [38:00]

SC 133 - Asking For What You Need Without Making Threats Jun 19, 2017

Show notes

How often do you find yourself wanting to ask for something in your relationship - more communication, more time & attention, more touch - only to find yourself holding back out of fear?
Expressing (or confessing) our needs can feel scary and edgy. If it's a 'non-negotiable need' it's easy to feel like you're threatening the relationship with an ultimatum: "I need this or I'm out".

S0 do you hold back, hoping your partner will come around on their own (and getting more resentful when they don't)? Or do you bring your needs to the table and cross your fingers, hoping it all goes well?

This episode will teach you how to get your needs met, without feeling you're making a threat to the relationship.

QUESTION
You speak of stating and sticking by your Non-Negotiable Needs, but you also say to never threaten to walk away from the relationship. So how do you stick up for yourself and your NNN's without the threat of walking away hanging around in the background -- isn't it implied that you'll be leaving if your NNN's aren't met? I am missing how to do this properly.
THANK YOU for your help and for clearing this up!
-Jessica

SHOWNOTES

Does having needs make you ‘needy’? [1:00]
Communicating your needs to your partner in a non-threatening way [3:00]
When your needs aren’t compatible with your partner’s [6:00]
Getting your needs met without threatening the relationship [7:00]
When you have a need for more communication and connection than he can give you [8:00]
Your action step [9:30]

SC 132 - 70% of Teens Want More Guidance About Romantic Relationships - Richard Weissbourd Jun 14, 2017

Show notes

Finally about the real research that backs up the mission of The Relationship School®. Not only are teens NOT being educated about romantic relationships, but 70% of teens and young adults are WANTING more help and guidance around their love relationships. This is outstanding news because it's been a major void. In this episode, I speak with lead researcher Richard Weissbourd about his 5-year study with over 3000 teens and young adults on romantic relationships. If you are a parent, or want to be one, this is a must listen.

SHOWNOTES

How love evolves over the course of a relationship (and why that’s a good thing) [9:00]
Why relationships aren’t being taught in school [14:00]
The truth about teen hookup culture [20:00]
Learning to talk about relationships and sex with our kids [23:00]
Why it’s important to challenge misconceptions about romantic love [25:00]

SC 131 - When You Refuse To Accept Your Husband's Parenting Style Jun 14, 2017

Show notes

QUESTION
My husband’s parents have told me in the past (to them it’s funny) about how harsh they were with him as a baby and as a young child. This might explain why when our newborn has meltdowns he sometimes gets frustrated to the point of telling her to 'shut up' and at times handling her a little rougher than I feel comfortable with. I understand where my husband is coming from, given his past, but I refuse to allow my daughter to grow up with that kind of treatment or to allow her to be his experiment as he learns how to manage his hurt and frustration.

How can I approach my husband with concerns about how he treats our child?
- Christina in South Florida

SHOWNOTES

When your partner crosses the ‘safety’ line with your child [1:00]
The tricky game of setting boundaries in parenting [3:00]
If your partner is unwilling to change their parenting style [5:00]
What to do when you’ve reached your emotional limit with persistent tantrums [6:00]

SC 130 - Why Male Entrepreneurs Fail in Relationships, & What To Do About It - Jordan Gray Jun 08, 2017

Show notes

This episode is for the male entrepreneur, a guy who is likely to have a hard time in romantic relationships. If you are dating or married to an entrepreneur, this podcast will help you. My guest Jordan Gray covers some of the main reasons why high-achieving male entrepreneurs struggle to find the same success in partnership as they might find in their businesses. From sexual dysfunction to relationships ending, Jordan will challenge you to take a few simple steps to earn your way into a great intimate partnership and it's not about accomplishing more. You'll have to think differently on this one...

SHOWNOTES

Jordan’s story [10:00]
The connection between sensitivity and self-awareness 21:00]
Can too much ‘self-reflection’ time cause depression and anxiety? [16:00]
The hidden reason we use the excuse that ‘there are no good men left’ [18:00]
‘Maximizing’ vs ‘Satisficing’ in relationship (and which one is better) [20:00]
How success-driven guys can develop sexual dysfunctions… and what to do about it [21:00]
Can you work 70 hours/week and still have a good relationship? [22:00]
How performance and achievement mindsets can block intimacy [24:00]
Overcoming limiting beliefs that kill your connection [28:00]
What to do if you’re feeling neglected by a busy, career-driven man [33:00]
How to get a super-busy man to unplug, reconnect and spend time together [34:00]
Why our libido is the first thing to shut down when we’re stressed [39:00]

SC 129 - The Danger of Over-Burdening Your Partner With Your Problems Jun 05, 2017

Show notes

How do we not burn out our partner with our problems? Is it okay to have them be the only support system for us? What is a better set up? In this episode you'll hear some feedback on why it's important to c0-support each other and not just have it be one way.
Erica's question:

Can you speak about dealing with a partner’s emotions during high stress and emotional times so that we can be both fulfilled?

Erica's question [2:00]
How to help your partner in a way that works for you [5:00]
When you should be seeking support outside of the relationship [5:00]
How to avoid burning your partner out with your problems [6:00]
What you can do to take the pressure off the relationship in high-stress times [7:00]

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