The Jayson Gaddis Podcast

Latest Episodes:

SC 148 - Past Trauma in Present Relationships - Pat Ogden Aug 09, 2017

Show notes

Pat Ogden PhD is a pioneer when it comes to somatic trauma therapy. Her work has touched many people including me. Even if you don't think you have any trauma, you likely have some living in your body that your partner will activate. In this episode, Pat has some great guidance to normalize and assist you in taking small steps that will greatly benefit you and your partner as you wade through the daily triggers of long-term relationship.

SHOWNOTES

What got Pat into studying human beings and trauma [10:00]
How Pat helped women who had difficulty experiencing sexual pleasure [13:00]
What is trauma? [17:00]
Why we see the ‘freeze response’ in people who were abused as children [19:00]
How childhood neglect can show up as trauma in adults [20:00]
What’s happening in the bodies of a couple who fights all the time? [22:00]
The pursuer and withdrawer dynamic in relationship [26:00]
Can we rewire our nervous systems together as a couple? [28:00]
The significance of the therapist-client bond [33:00]
What couples can do at home to work with their automatic nervous system responses [37:00]
Is there harm in retelling a traumatic story? [43:00]
Pat’s advice on embodying the self [49:00]

SC 147 - Is It Okay To Go To Bed Angry? Aug 07, 2017

Show notes

QUESTION:
What are your thoughts on the ‘Don’t go to bed angry’ rule?

SHOWNOTES

This episode's question [1:00]
When taking a time-out overnight is the best thing you can do [3:00]
Rigid rules vs agreements [6:00]
How you can make agreements with your partner that leave room for flexibility [8:00]

SC 146 - The Trap of Becoming Your Partner's Therapist - Danielle LaPorte Aug 02, 2017

Show notes

Ever feel like you're tolerating shitty behavior, shouldering the burden of being the ‘therapist’ in the relationship, or constantly giving to others (and talking yourself out of your own needs)?

Valuing ourselves and having confidence in our boundaries is key to getting more of what you want and less of what you don’t want - especially in relationship.

Danielle Laporte is an expert at helping women find their ‘white hot truth'. She’s got a gift for translating spirituality, self-help and ‘new age’ thinking into something more palatable for women who are growth-oriented and wanting more in their lives.

In this episode, we cover why it's a bad idea to be the therapist in the relationship, boundaries, feeling inadequate (and the lies that the 'new age' world sell us), thinking that we’re asking ‘too much,’ how to value yourself and much more.

SHOWNOTES

Danielle's story [11:00]
The difference between someone who learns from their pain vs someone who stays stuck [18:00]
How encouragement through childhood shapes who we grow into [19:00]
The trap of believing you’re ‘not enough’ and what Danielle calls the ‘Lie of Inadequacy’ [29:00]
The issue of inadequacy in relationship and what to do to counter feeling ‘not enough’ [36:00]
What is the “Spiritual Woman Trap”? [38:00]
Working with the inner-child to move toward wholeness [46:00]
Why boundaries matter to the growth-oriented person [47:00]
The ‘Poly movement’ - do open relationships work? [60:00]
Advice for men, women, and parents [66:00]

SC 145 - I'm Sorry You Feel That Way Jul 31, 2017

Show notes

QUESTION:
I feel like I’m doing my part setting boundaries, communicating my needs and asking for what I want. What else can I try?
I’ve done the work to learn how to express and articulate my needs, how I want to be treated, what’s not ok with me, behaviour that’s hurtful (very clearly with specific behaviours) and setting clear boundaries. Some of the behaviours continue even though I’ve clearly told him I won’t tolerate it anymore. When I tell him how this specific behaviour impacts me, I often get a sarcastic “I’m sorry you feel this way” and he just doesn’t listen to me.

SHOWNOTES

This episode's question [1:00]
How does it feel to get 'I'm sorry you feel that way' from your partner? [2:00]
How to diffuse the anger in a heated conversation [4:00]
Training your partner to really listen to you [5:00]

SC 144 - Finding His Wife & Creating His Dream Relationship - Dan Doty Jul 27, 2017

Show notes

Want to know one man's approach to calling in the one? How did he find his dream relationship? What exactly did he do? Then, how did he create the dream relationship even after it got really dark? Find out how to find and create a solid relationship through one man's inspiring story. Once again we learn a lesson from a man who was willing to face himself and go work on what he needed to.

SHOWNOTES

Dan’s story [4:00]
Tools Dan and his wife use when they’re facing challenges in relationship [13:00]
When to get help with relationship-trouble outside of the relationship [14:00]
How getting clear on what you want on an online dating site can help you meet your dream man or woman [19:00]
What Dan did to get himself prepared for marriage [20:00]
The danger of pushing your own values onto your partner [29:00]
What prevented Dan from bailing after two weeks of non-stop conflict with his wife [34:00]
How Dan got into personal growth and men’s work [39:00]
Dealing with stigma around men’s work [47:00]
How to bring spirituality to men’s work [51:00]
How a traditional ‘man’s man’ can relate to the more ‘feeling-centered’ side of men’s work [53:00]
The shift in men’s culture and the rise of personal-growth for men [57:00]

SC 143 - Boundaries & Needs Jul 24, 2017

Show notes

QUESTION:
Since a boundary of mine is about to be breached - again - does that spell the end of this particular partnership?
I've been lying to myself and my partner about my ok-ness with her quarterly 7+ day adventures with a supposedly platonic friend of hers. It took almost a year to figure that out and come to a place of acceptance with it. Last night during a semi-routine check-in conversation I was finally able to be honest with myself and with her that these trips, which started after she and I began seeing each other just over a year ago, are not ok with me - to the point of being non-negotiable. It turns out that I need my partner to have me as their primary adventure person.
In less than two weeks, my partner and this friend of hers are scheduled to embark on a 9 day climbing journey together.
- Alex, CA

SHOWNOTES

Alex’s question [1:00]
When people use spirituality as an excuse for not standing up for their needs [2:00]
How to find win-win when making requests with your partner [4:00]
The difference between setting setting boundaries with your partner and controlling them [6:00]
When is it best to take what we’ve learnt from this relationship as practice for the next? [9:00]

SC 142 - Heal Your Past Through Self-Acceptance & Community - Christian Pankhurst Jul 19, 2017

Show notes

Imagine you're 12 years old, at home watching tv, ears pricked up as you hear your dad pulling into the driveway. Every part of your nervous system listening to the revving of the engine, the slam of the car door, the keys in the front door.

All these things might be the difference between being greeted cheerfully, being ignored, or being beaten. It doesn't take long to become an expert at knowing what's coming.

The levels of sensitivity we develop to these dynamics as kids has a direct impact on what we get triggered by, how we get triggered, whether we fight, run or freeze.

Sadly, many people never get the chance to undo & heal the hurt of abuse and neglect from their childhood, so many of us suffer with emotional blocks, blindspots and triggers for the rest of our lives.

Christian Pankhurst is doing the work to help us heal those wounds.

In this episode, we talk about some practical steps to help you take control of the emotional triggers & untangle our shame through, what Christian calls 'Heart Intelligence' (or Heart IQ™)
Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

Christian’s story [8:00]
Growing up with a violent father [17:00]
How to accelerate your self-awareness with ‘circle work’ [19:00]
The dangers of the dysfunctional, disconnected masculine [21:00]
A tip for men on tracking their experience for increased self awareness [25:00]
The critical difference between ‘Triggered’ and ‘Non-Triggered’ energy [30:00]
A reframing question that can turn your pain into productive forward motion [34:00]

SC 141 - No Sex. What Do I Do? Jul 17, 2017

Show notes

QUESTION:
Going into my 10th month of a relationship. 2 week break up (his initiation), came back back asking to work it out, showing up strong, committed and communicative. There is only one problem..no sex. He got distant before the break up (last few weeks)...and I asked about it then. He said it was a "him" thing. I realize we need a conversation....but before I do..I need objective insight.
He does not touch me in any sexual ways. He holds my hand...and snuggles with me at night, even in his sleep.
I am fairly attractive...so don't chalk it up to that. But...this feels so bad and awkward. Has anyone else had this?
He has never been aggressive or overly sexual with me, but now it is non existent. I feel like this is an NNN but I do not want to leave a relationship over sex....but...have considered.
Any suggestions or thoughts?

SHOWNOTES

Can you be in long-term, fulfilling relationship without sex? [4:00]
How can having kids change your sex-life for the better? [5:00]
Why some couples choose a sex-less marriage [6:00]
The most common reason couples don't have sex [8:00]

SC 140 - The 4 Freedoms That Develop Masculine Depth & Purpose - Satyen Raja Jul 12, 2017

Show notes

The feeling of being lost and purposeless in life has a big impact on our relationships. Men and women have a deep need to not only connect with each other, but connect to a bigger meaning in their life.

Satyen Raja is an expert at helping us develop the higher levels of purpose & evolution in our lives - and this affects everything from our work, our relationships with our partners & kids, our fitness and our level of satisfaction with our lives.

His '4 freedoms' is an extremely useful exercise to helping you keep your eye on your highest self - especially if we're suffering in feeling lost and without direction.

This episode, largely geared toward the men, will challenge you and give you a toolkit that dramatically increase your relationship and life satisfaction if you apply them - listen carefully for the exercises and grab a notebook, because these ones are important.
SHOW NOTES

How to create a relationship where both partners are learning from and inspiring one another [13:00]
Satyen's number one thing he's learned as a man in relationship to his wife [15:00]
Men & women triggering each other & how to deal with both [17:00]
How men can listen better in conflict without being a 'doormat' [18:00]
A martial arts technique to calm down when you're triggered [19:00]
The "4 freedoms" for accelerated evolution and higher purpose [22:00]
A 10min exercise men can do to bring more presence to their partner [30:00]
How to move toward more meaning in life [43:00]
Satyen's "Accelerated Evolution" trauma-release technique [49:00]
Satyen's advice for men who are stuck or lost in life [61:00]

SC 139 - Therapy Vs Coaching Jul 10, 2017

Show notes

Is there a difference between therapy and coaching? In this episode, I explore the main differences and what matters more than anything else when trying to find a good therapist or coach to help you through your relationship challenges.

SHOWNOTES

Where should you go for relationship advice? [2:00]
The difference between a psychiatrist, a psychologist, and a psychotherapist [4:00]
Why do some coaches charge more than therapists? [10:00]
Good coaching vs bad coaching [11:00]
How bad therapy can keep you stuck [13:00]
When should you go to a therapist and when should you go to a coach? [16:00]

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