The Best of You

Latest Episodes:

Episode 46: People Pleasing as Survival, How Jesus Regulated Emotions & the Problem With Toxic Positivity and Spiritual Bypassing with Aundi Kolber Mar 23, 2023

Show notes

Phew! Buckle up. Part 2 of my conversation with Aundi Kolber is out today, and it is absolute 🔥🔥🔥! We set aside the script and got real about our own experiences , including. . .

1. How people pleasing becomes a survival response

2. The shame we feel when we start to change

3. Alison's unexpected experience of comfort in a crisis

4. Jesus and the Nervous System

5. Did Jesus ever get "activated"?

6. The problem with toxic positivity & spiritual bypassing

Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here.

Check out Aundi Kolber's new book, Strong Like Water anywhere books are sold!

Listen to Part 1 of our conversation: Episode 45

More about the Fawn Response: Episode 14

More about Trauma: Episode 4

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Thanks to our sponsors:

Go to ⁠www.organifi.com/bestofyou⁠ today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.

Order Dr. Amen's new book, Change Your Brain Every Day today!

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self.

Get 46% off Boundaries for Your Soul & The Best of You.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

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Episode 45: Strong like Water—Finding the Freedom, Safety, & Compassion to Move through Hard Things & Experience True Flourishing with Aundi Kolber Mar 16, 2023

Show notes

What an honor to have my friend and fellow therapist, Aundi Kolber on the podcast today! You do not want to miss Part 1 of our two-part conversation on her brand new book, Strong like Water: Finding the Freedom, Safety, and Compassion to Move through Hard Things--and Experience True Flourishing

Aundi and I connected through social media, and she has become the dearest real life friend. It was my absolute honor to have this conversation with her about her personal story and her new book, Strong Like Water, available for pre-order now. Here's what we cover. . .

1. Why it's unsustainable to always be the "strong one"

2. The brave decision that led to her to reimagine strength

3. 3 different types of strength and how to move between them

4. How to find safety when you need it the most

5. The difference between information and whole body transformation

6. How Aundi has come to understand strength now

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.

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Related Episodes:

Episode 15: CPTSD—The Pain of A Million Paper Cuts
Episode 4: What Do I Need To Know About Trauma?

Thanks to our sponsors:

Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.

Visit hiyahealth.com/BESTOFYOU and get your kids the full-body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

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Episode 44: Why Anger is a Surprising Friend, What Happens When You Avoid It, and How to Create Space for Healthy Expression of Anger in Your Family Mar 09, 2023

Show notes

Today's episode is all about anger. It's an emotion that can do great harm and one that also has great benefits.

Whether you thrive on anger or try your best to bury it, one thing's for sure—we all have to reckon with it. When you learn to work with your anger, it can become a powerful force for good in your life and in the lives of the people you love. Today, my friend Rowena Day (see Episode 31) returns to the podcast as we discuss how we've learned to create space for healthy anger in our lives.

Here's what we cover:

1. Practical strategies to befriend and build trust with anger

2. The guilt and fear we feel about having anger

3. How to manage anger while parenting

4. Examples of speaking on behalf of anger vs. from it

5. The problem with comparing our pain to the pain of others

6. Jesus and anger

Be sure to pick up your 3 free Boundaries for Your Soul resources.

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.

Thanks to our sponsors:

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self.

Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.

Visit Brooklinen.com today and use code BESTOFYOU to save.

Get 46% off Boundaries for Your Soul & The Best of You.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

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Episode 43: How to Tame Your Inner Critic, Why All Parts are Welcome, and How to Resolve Conflict in Your Relationships Mar 02, 2023

Show notes

Today, I am joined by my friend and co-author of Boundaries for Your Soul, Kimberly Miller, to discuss the almighty inner critic, how to get space from it, and how to bring this work into your relationships. Kim describes how she first encountered Internal Family Systems (IFS) and how combining it with Christian faith and practice changed her life.

We discuss:

1. How Kim finally healed the ache in her heart

2. The most ubiquitous part of the soul

3. Why self-acceptance is better than self-condemnation

4. How to differentiate from painful emotions

5. A real-time exercise for quieting your inner critic

6. How this work translates into marriage

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.

Connect with Kimberly Miller at kimberlyjunemiller.com or on Insight Timer

Be sure to pick up your 3 free Boundaries for Your Soul resources here.

Thanks to our sponsors:

Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.

Get 46% off Boundaries for Your Soul & The Best of You here.

Other Episodes in this Series:

Episode 39: Boundaries for Your Soul—How to Navigate Your Overwhelming Thoughts & Feelings
Episode 40: 5 Steps to Healing Painful Emotions & Why Parts of Us Get Stuck in the Past
Episode 41: Boundaries With Fear And Anxiety—How to Calm the Chaos Within and the Joy of Internal Boundaries
Episode 42: How to Honor Sadness, Set Boundaries with Loneliness, and What to Do When You Don’t Have Time for this Work

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

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Episode 42: How to Honor Sadness, Set Boundaries with Loneliness, and What to Do When You Don't Have Time for this Work Feb 23, 2023

Show notes

You need your pain. Grief makes you real, and disappointment can inspire creativity, change, and growth.

Sadness brings texture to the joys we experience. And yet, it's also not wise to let sadness take us over.

In today's episode, we discuss how to set healthy boundaries with emotions like sadness and loneliness.

Here's what we cover:

—The surprising benefits of sadness

—3 types of grief

—The science of tears and how they help us

—What loneliness needs to heal

—Childhood play and how it informs your adult dreams

—What to do when you just don't have the time for the pain

Be sure to pick up your 3 free Boundaries for Your Soul resources here.

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.

Thanks to our sponsors:

Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.

Listen & subscribe to The Snack Show - https://tinyurl.com/TheSnackShowPodcast

Get 46% off Boundaries for Your Soul & The Best of You here.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 41: Boundaries With Fear And Anxiety—How to Calm the Chaos Within and the Joy of Internal Boundaries Feb 16, 2023

Show notes

So many of us live at war with ourselves. We hate our anxiety or battle with fear.

We beat ourselves up or try to get rid of these parts of us. But this approach only makes things worse.

One of the most surprising ways to calm your anxiety is to stop waging war against it.

In today's episode we discuss how to honor your fear and soothe your anxiety so that you are in charge of them, not the other way around. Here's what we cover:

1. A picture of healthy internal boundaries

2. How anxiety tries to protect us

3. The surprising truth about fear

4. How to establish healthy boundaries with both fear and anxiety

5. Fear and the Bible

6. 5 Steps to work through fear and anxiety

Be sure to pick up your 3 free Boundaries for Your Soul resources here.

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.

Thanks to our sponsors:

Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.

Hiya Health—Visit hiyahealth.com/BESTOFYOU and get your kids the full-body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults.

Get 46% off Boundaries for Your Soul & The Best of You here.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 40: 5 Steps to Healing Painful Emotions & Why Parts of Us Get Stuck in the Past Feb 09, 2023

Show notes

Do you ever feel like a part of your soul is trapped in the past, holding you back from fully embracing the present and moving forward? Pain, fear, worry, or even bitterness can weigh heavy on our hearts and minds. This is a common experience for all of us at times.

In today's episode, I guide you through a 5 step process of healing and growth. We'll discuss how to mend the parts of your soul that are causing you distress.

Here's what we cover:

1. 5 Steps to healing painful emotions

2. How to overcome criticism, shame, and judgment

3. 4 Questions to grow in self-discovery

4. A surprising way to pray throughout the day

5. Why parts of us struggle to experience God's love

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.

Get 46% off Boundaries for Your Soul & The Best of You here.

Remember, this journey is a process, not a one-time event. With the right tools and guidance, you can learn to make peace with the parts of yourself.

Be sure to pick up your 3 free Boundaries for Your Soul resources here.

Thanks to our sponsors:

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp-- Go to www.betterhelp.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 10% off your first month!

Organifi- Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.

Brooklinen-- Go to Brooklinen.com today and use code BESTOFYOU to save!

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 39: Boundaries for Your Soul—How to Navigate Your Overwhelming Thoughts & Feelings Feb 02, 2023

Show notes

We all need a map to our soul.

A way to understand the emotions, the wounds, the areas that feel broken.

That's what I love about the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model of therapy—it provides a map that everybody can incorporate into their daily spiritual practice.

It's your guide to navigating overwhelming thoughts and feelings.

Today on the podcast, I'm walking you through this map, including the following:

1. A picture of wholeness

2. The cost of not tending your inner life

3. A map of the parts of your soul

4. The 3 types of parts we all have

5. How Jesus relates to each part

6. What it means to have healthy boundaries inside your soul

Get your 3 free Boundaries for Your Soul resources here.

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.

Thanks to our sponsors:

Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!

Hiya Health—Visit hiyahealth.com/BESTOFYOU and get your kids the full-body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults.

Have questions you want me to address on our next podcast series? Leave them here.

Get 46% off Boundaries for Your Soul & The Best of You here.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 38: Taking a Risk on God—How to Stay Standing with Alli Patterson Jan 26, 2023

Show notes

Today on the podcast, I'm talking with my friend and teaching pastor at Crossroads Church in Cincinnati, Alli Patterson, about her new book, How to Stay Standing.

In this powerful and practical episode, Alli shares her own story of hitting rock bottom when the scaffolding of her life collapsed, and how she rebuilt the foundation from the ground up. We discuss the following:

1. How tiny decisions can lead us toward devastating realities

2. What kept Alli from making eye contact for over 6 months

3. How shame sneaks in, even when you know you’ve been forgiven by God

4. The power of telling your story in safe places

5. 3 practical ways to build a strong foundation

6. How to take risks on God

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.

Thanks to our sponsors:

Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!

Hiya Health— Visit hiyahealth.com/BESTOFYOU and get your kids the full-body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults.

Get 46% off Boundaries for Your Soul & The Best of You here.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 37: The Problem With Toxic Thinking & How to Name, Tame, and Transform the Messages You Tell Yourself Jan 19, 2023

Show notes

Today, we're discussing how to detox from the false beliefs that keep us stuck in unhealthy patterns of relating to other people.

These hidden messages are sneaky. They might sound true in the moment, but they keep us from the healthy two-way relationships we need.

Here's what we discuss:

1. Examples of toxic thinking

2. How it contaminates our relationships

3. An example of toxic thinking from the Bible

4. How to re-frame toxic thoughts

Plus, I answer your questions:

—How do I communicate with other people about what I'm going through?

—Can spiritual bypassing become a form of numbing?

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.

Thanks to our sponsor:

Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.

Resources in this episode:

For more on The 7 Red Flags of Friendship and Spiritual Bypassing, see Chapters 8 and 10 of The Best of You, by Dr. Alison Cook
Episode 1: What Is Narcissism Really?
Episode 2: What Should I Know About Gaslighting?
Episode 35: Change is Hard–Why We All Need to Detox From Unhealthy Dependencies From Time to Time
Episode 36: An Update on My Social Media Detox & How to Create Boundaries With Toxic Distractions, Numbing, & Unhealthy Coping Tactics

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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