The Best of You

Latest Episodes:

Episode 36: An Update on My Social Media Detox & How to Create Boundaries With Toxic Distractions, Numbing, & Unhealthy Coping Tactics Jan 12, 2023

Show notes

Today's episode is a real-time update on my own social media detox and how what started as a pause revealed a deeper need.

I also lay out a practical framework for you to use in identifying the distractions, numbing, or unhealthy coping tactics in your life and how to replace them with the life-giving, soul-nourishing things you actually crave.

We cover:

1. What my own detox revealed about my use of social media

2. A roadmap for how to pinpoint areas in your own life that might need a detox

3. Healthy ways to escape, soothe, or find comfort

4. What is the difference between a fast and a detox?

5. Can I find a healthy balance with certain "distractions"?

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here

Thanks to our sponsors:

Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.

Brooklinen—Visit Brooklinen.com today and use code BESTOFYOU to save.

Hiya Health—Visit hiyahealth.com/BESTOFYOU and get your kids the full-body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults.

Also in this series: Episode 35: Change is Hard–Why We All Need to Detox From Unhealthy Dependencies From Time to Time

For more on how to "Start with Yes" see Chapter 6 of The Best of You, by Dr. Alison Cook

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

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Episode 35: Change is Hard: Why We All Need to Detox From Unhealthy Dependencies From Time to Time Jan 05, 2023

Show notes

Today, we're digging into the hidden dependencies that creep in and keep us from the good things we need. The New Year tends to be a time of hope. We sense the possibility of change and are energized to set goals. But so often we move forward without first addressing the hidden dependencies that thwart our best efforts.

Here's what we discuss in today's episode:

1. Why we all need to “detox” from time to time

2. Examples of “good things” we can start to depend on in unhealthy ways

3. The role of pleasure, comfort, and healthy escape

4. The essential question to ask yourself before you consider introducing any change

5. What I learned by going offline for 6 weeks

Thanks to our sponsors:

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp —Go to www.betterhelp.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 10% off your first month!

Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!

Get 2 books free + free shipping when you buy 3.

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

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Trailer: 3 Ways to Detox Your Heart, Soul, and Mind: How to Stop Numbing and Start Coming Alive to the Good Things You Need Dec 29, 2022

Show notes

This New Year, I'm trying something new: I'm going to respond to your questions as we move through a series.

Check out Episode 3: What Is Self-Love And Should I Really Love Myself? for the MEPS exercise referenced in this trailer.

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Episode 34: Why We Avoid Our Own Power & How God Calls Us to Step Into It Dec 22, 2022

Show notes

So many of us have had negative experiences with power. It feels like something to fear, something bad, or something to avoid all together.

But what if God wants us to step into our power in a healthy way? And what if understanding the power we have is at the core of building healthy connections with other people?

Today's episode is straight from my heart and from my own tenuous relationship with power.

Here's what I cover:

1. What is power?

2. Why we think of power as bad

3. What healthy power looks like

4. The problems that arise when we do not claim our own power

5. Different ways power is abused

6. Why women in particular tend to avoid their own power

7. The paradigm-shattering example of power in the birth of Jesus

Thanks to our sponsors:

Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!

Download Abide Sleep and Pray Meditation and text my promo code BESTOFYOU to 22433 today to get 25% off!

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Learn more about 6 Painful Parenting Patterns and 7 Friendship Red Flags in The Best of You, by Dr. Alison Cook

To learn more about the parts of your soul, check out my book with Kimberly Miller, Boundaries for Your Soul

Power - "the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events." (Oxford Language Dictionaries)

Podcast episodes referenced:

Episode 1: What Is Narcissism Really?

Episode 2: What Should I Know About Gaslighting?

Episode 24: Boundaries, the Spectrum of Toxicity, and a Note About Evil

Episode 25: Types of No Part 1—How to Say “No” in Healthy Relationships

Episode 26: Types of "No" Part 2—How to Say "No" to Toxicity, The Real Meaning of Turn the Other Cheek & How to Form a Boundaries Committee

Scriptures referenced:

* Philippians 2:1-11

* Matthew 7:6

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Episode 33: People Pleasing & Developing Your Own Inner Compass: Thoughts on Depression, Mental Health & the Church, and Finding Hope in Dark Places Dec 15, 2022

Show notes

Were you subtly conditioned to please others at the expense of yourself? I loved talking with my friend and fellow therapist, Dr. Monique Gadson, on today's episode of the podcast. We met through an IG Live prayer session! She's since become the best sort of real-life friend—someone whose wisdom, empathy, and realness breathes life into weary souls.

If you've struggled with depression or felt overlooked—even as you constantly show up for others—please lean in close. Dr. Monique is candid about her own journey through depression and how she lost herself in all the voices around her. In a powerful turn of events, Monique began to bring mental health directly to the center of the church, where she's practiced as a counselor for decades.

We cover so much in today's episode, including:

1. A key moment from childhood when she learned to please others

2. Monique’s experience as a PK

3. The burden of always attuning to others when you're disconnected from your own self

4. Monique’s early experience with depression and how she got help

5. Practical tips if you struggle with feeling “joy” at the holidays

6. Finding your own way as a parent amidst all of the voices

7. Monique's call to bring mental health *into* the church

8. Jesus and people pleasing

9. The power of friendship to bring hope in dark places

Check out Dr. Monique's brand new book with Clarence Shuler, Finding Hope in A Dark Place: Facing Loneliness, Depression, and Anxiety with the Power of Grace.

Connect with Dr. Monique at drmoniquesmithgadson.com or on Instagram @drmoniquesmithgadson

If you are struggling with depression, please find resources for support on my website.

Thanks to our sponsors:

Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp —Go to www.betterhelp.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 10% off your first month!

Download Abide Sleep and Pray Meditation and text my promo code BESTOFYOU to 22433 today to get 25% off!

Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold.

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 32: Productivity and the Never Ending To Do List: How to Stop Hustling & Embrace the Joy of Enough Dec 08, 2022

Show notes

Are you that person who gets the job done, no matter the cost to yourself? You're productive, you bring the results. But sometimes you don't realize how exhausted you are—you just know there's still work to be done.

If your inner task manager tends to take you (or someone you love) over, do not miss this episode with my friend and fellow therapist, Rebecca Ching. It's all about the blessing and the cost of being a highly productive, can-do person.

Rebeca speaks candidly about managing childhood trauma through becoming extremely productive—a survival skill she took with her deep into her adult life. You'll also hear more about our friendship, including the opposite ways we operate in order to protect ourselves.

1. The moment Rebecca, as a young girl, walked out on a family therapy session

2. The story of being mugged together in our early 20’s

3. How to re-org your inner circle to protect the health of your family

4. The shaming voice that surfaces when you give yourself permission to down-shift

5. The problem with the word “busy”

6. Key questions to ask in order to simplify your life.

7. Surprising ways you can start to rest & play

8. How faith messages can intensify productivity in not-so helpful ways

Connect with Rebecca at The Unburdened Leader Podcast or www.rebeccaching.com

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.

Thanks to our sponsors:

Organifi —Go to Organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!

Check out the Raising Boys and Girls Podcast at raisingboysandgirls.com/podcast.

Learn more about Fight / Flight / Freeze / Fawn Responses and The 7 P's of Managing Perceptions in my new book, The Best of You

To learn more about Unburdening and the Internal Family Systems model, check out my book with Kimberly Miller, Boundaries for Your Soul

Rebecca mentions The Daring Way certification program with Brené Brown

Verses referenced:

Mark 1:11 “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.”
Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 31: Peace-Keeping, Anger Avoidance, and How to Start Using Your Voice Dec 01, 2022

Show notes

You want to keep the peace at all costs. The problem is sometimes anger is warranted. Sometimes conflict is needed. What do you do when everything in you does not want to be the one to speak up?

On today’s episode, I am joined by my dear friend Rowena Day. This is a powerful conversation for anyone who has struggled with conflict, avoided anger, or stayed quiet to get along.

The second half of this episode is a WHOLE WORD. Listen in for deep wisdom on how to come out of that protective peacekeeping shell and start using your voice. Do not miss the end, when Rowena describes what she’s learning about finding her voice from parenting 4 young children. And check out the shownotes on my website where we have listed all of the amazing books, videos, music, and devotionals mentioned in this episode!

Here’s what we touch on:

1. Why it’s normal to talk to yourself and how to pay attention to that inner dialogue

2. The power of attunement—and why interrupting and fixing each other doesn’t work

3. Why we learn to mute our voices

4. The power of generational messages

5. Why we push anger aside, especially as women

6. Why it’s important for peacekeepers to make friends with anger

7. Rowena’s experience of speaking up about toxic behavior she was witnessing

8. Blame shifting and scapegoating in faith communities

9. Embracing the wildness of your soul

10. The double bind culture puts women in when it comes to using your voice

11. What we can learn from our children

Thanks to our sponsors:

Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!

Download Abide Sleep and Pray Meditation and text my promo code BESTOFYOU to 22433 today to get 25% off!

Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold.

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 30: Protecting What's Good Without Denying What's Hard at the Holidays Nov 24, 2022

Show notes

Today's episode of The Best of You Podcast is in honor of the Thanksgiving holiday, and the holiday season in general. If you're dealing with a mixture of emotions today, this episode is for you.

Holidays are complicated, and in today’s episode, I walk you through how to honor what’s hard, even as you give thanks for what’s good.

We'll discuss:

1. Why it's normal for mixed emotions to show up on a holiday

2. How old ways of managing kick in—and leave us exhausted

3. How to take brave steps to honor vs. manage hard emotions

4. The myth of the perfect family, the perfect holiday, or the perfect experience of gratitude

5. What we can learn from 5 characters in my favorite children's book

Thanks to our sponsors:

Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp —Go to www.betterhelp.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 10% off your first month!

Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold.

Find a full transcript of the episode and a list of resources mentioned here.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 29: Perfectionism and Proving Your Worth: How to Stop Chasing Approval and Start Living the Life You Actually Want Nov 17, 2022

Show notes

OK, buckle up, today's conversation on The Best of You podcast goes deep, and we both get really honest about own struggles. I could have talked with Mary for hours about how to get off the treadmill of perfecting and proving your worth—and start claiming the life you actually want.

You do not want to miss the end where we get into social media, the curse of comparison, and the approval chain from which no one is immune.

We touch on so much in this episode including:

1. The hidden fears that drive us to perfect and prove our way into belonging

2. If we let go of working to earn the approval of others, then what?

3. The moment Mary discovered that chasing gold stars was not leading her to what she actually wanted

4. The pitfalls and perils of social media

5. How to get out of comparison traps

6. The voice in our heads that keeps us running in circles

7. The real mark of emotional health (and it’s *not* never failing or never feeling hurt)

8. 3 questions to ask yourself as you stop chasing approval

Connect with Mary at www.marymarantz.com/quiz

Thanks to our sponsors:

Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!

Download Abide Sleep and Pray Meditation and text my promo code BESTOFYOU to 22433 today to get 25% off!

Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold.

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 28: The Pain of Performing For Others and How to Claw Your Way Out with Toni Collier Nov 10, 2022

Show notes

On today’s episode of The Best of You podcast, I’m talking with the wonderful and wise Toni Collier who shares bravely about finding herself stuck in the performance trap, and how she clawed her way out.

Toni's capability & high capacity helped her survive, but she also wound up exhausted, broken, and numbing.

As Toni says, “I had a source, which is God, but the resources I did not have.” And she had to learn to discover a more authentic, wholehearted way.

Here's what we discuss:

1. How capability, strength, and achievement can turn into survival strategies

2. Why we turn toward numbing as a way to cope with pain

3. What finally drove her to get help

4. How she started to find healthy relationships and find her way out of the pain

5. Practical ways she keeps the performer part of her in check now

6. What she would say to her young performer's heart now

(Be ready for some tears on this one. . .)

Check out Toni’s new book, Brave Enough to be Broken anywhere books are sold.

Thanks to our sponsor: Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!