Stop Wanting Him Back & Find Someone Better

Latest Episodes:

Allowing Traumatic Thoughts Oct 12, 2020

Show notes

I was recently watching the HBO documentary series called The Vow, and I found it fascinating because some of the principles used are ones I use in my coaching and on myself. In the documentary, something that really stuck with me was when someone said, “The mind can heal the body, but the body never forgets”, and that’s what I want to share with you today. We have all been through traumas and heartbreak. Even in relationships, traumas from previous exes may still come up. In this episode, I share with you when that has happened for me, what it may look like for you, and how to move through it.

Right now I’m also in the midst of creating my course, Stop Wanting Him Back and Find Someone better. I am an expert when it comes to healing a broken heart and I want to provide you with a very affordable option to help you stop wanting Mr. Wrong back, fall in love with yourself, and find someone better. To sure you don’t miss the official launch date and for all information, join my mailing list.

Topics in this episode

The weight of your words
Feeling emotions in your body
Being grateful for my rock bottom relationship
The work is to accept the situation as it unfolds and show up and do the work to grow and heal.
Moving through past traumas while dating
A big misconception in coaching and thought work
The thoughts that you think to attract your ideal person

Resources

My Heartbreak Story: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/podcast/2019/4/1/my-heartbreak-story
Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/clairetheheartbreakcoach/

Why Can't We Be Friends? Oct 05, 2020

Show notes

I am back for another conversation with my bestie Jamie McKeown, an incredible health and wellness coach. She has previously been on the podcast before to talk about what to eat on a broken heart and to answer your listener questions. In this episode, we talk about cutting off contact with your exes, which I think it’s safe to say, Jamie and I don’t agree on. She shares why she holds onto friendships with people she has previously dated, and I point out why I coach my clients on ending those friendships and why they don’t serve you if your goal is to find your person.

In our conversation, we also touched on some of the topics that I cover in my upcoming course, How to Stop Wanting Him Back and Find Someone Better. As of recording this episode, I am in LA shooting over 50 videos teaching you how to stop wanting Mr. or Ms. Wrong back and how to fall the fuck in love with you, authentically, before you call in someone better. The course launches this November. To learn more and stay updated on the course, subscribe at https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/

Topics in this episode

The harm in being friends with your ex
You didn’t go on the dating apps to find a friend. You went looking for a partner.
There’s a difference between someone you went on a few dates with a few months ago, versus exes from years back where the relationship is now entirely platonic
Ask yourself as the woman in her ideal relationship if you would continue these friendships when you are with your ideal partner.
“I don’t have time to date” is just a thought
The lingering physical connection with exes
Using your energy and time to invest in finding your ideal partner, instead of collecting friends

Resources

What to Eat On A Broken Heart: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/podcast/2019/8/12/what-to-eat-on-a-broken-heart
Subscribe to my website for the free video, How to Stop Wanting Him Back in 3 Steps: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/
Poosh article - Are You A Romantic Or Realist? https://poosh.com/are-you-a-romantic-or-realist/
Jamie’s website: https://www.wholelifejems.com/

Work With Claire
https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/work-with-me

Editing and show notes by Roth Media

Bad Reasons To Date Sep 28, 2020

Show notes

“I’m over being single.” This is something I have heard again and again from clients that are looking to date and are trying to call in Mr. or Ms. Right. Let’s dive into some of the bad reasons to date and find out why they aren’t serving you. Stop giving your energy to what isn’t working. It’s all about your thoughts which create your results. Do the thought work, love your singledom, and love the fuck out of yourself. If you truly believe your ideal person is out there, you will be able to date for the right reasons, and call love in.

I’m currently working on creating my course, How to Stop Wanting Him Back and Find Someone Better. I am so excited about creating this affordable option for you! It has over 50 videos, teaching you how to stop wanting Mr. or Ms. Wrong back and how to fall the fuck in love with you, authentically, before you call in someone better. The course launches this November. To learn more and stay updated on the course, subscribe at https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/

Topics in this episode:

Bad reasons to date:
- Looking for a rebound
- When you don’t have your shit together
- Frustration with your singledom
- Dating now, before it becomes more difficult in the winter
- Dating for the sake of dating
The difference between a rebound relationship versus an intentional evening out
Taking a break from dating to uplevel your life in other areas, but also, not turning down opportunities for Mr. Right
Being single isn’t a problem
Your ideal partner is an added bonus, not a void filler
Look for all the ways that being single is amazing, while you go out and date

Resources:

My Heartbreak Story: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/podcast/2019/4/1/my-heartbreak-story
Brene Brown: https://brenebrown.com/

Work With Claire

https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/work-with-me

Editing and show notes by

Roth Media

Your Rejection Story Sep 21, 2020

Show notes

“He rejected me.” This is something I have heard clients say to me before, and is a story we so often believe about our situations as though they are a fact. However, the situation is neutral, and rejection is just a thought you have. In this episode, I dive into ways in which you may be rejecting yourself, putting this into the thought model, and how to create space for Mr. or Ms. Right to enter. I hope this episode helps you know that you are not someone who is rejected. You are loved unconditionally and deserve the best love life beyond your wildest dreams. It starts with believing it is possible, and with that belief, you can create the result.

I am currently working on creating a course coming this November called Stop Wanting Him Back and Find Someone Better. I covered a bit about the course in this episode. To learn more, sign up for my email newsletter at: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/

Topics in this episode

How you are in one area of your life is how you are in all areas of your life
What it looks like to work with me as your coach
Get the information you need
If you are willing to settle for less, then that is what you’re going to get
We are mirror images of what we see happening to us by someone else. So if you feel like he rejected you, how did you reject him? And how are you rejecting yourself?

Resources

Brooke Castillo, Self Coaching 101: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Coaching-101-Brooke-Castillo/dp/0977853993
Byron Katie, Loving What Is: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0082PQ3G0
My Heartbreak Story: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/podcast/2019/4/1/my-heartbreak-story
Your Emotional Unavailability: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/podcast/2020/8/23/your-emotional-unavailability
Poosh Article, Are You a Romantic or Realist? https://poosh.com/are-you-a-romantic-or-realist/

Work With Claire

https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/work-with-me

Editing and show notes by Roth Media

Setting The Bar Too Low Aug 31, 2020

Show notes

This episode is inspired by the work that I have been doing with a client recently. She was dating this guy and said that she was falling in love with him, but also recognized that he wasn’t emotionally available and showing up for her in ways that were very important. When I asked her why she was falling in love, it really boiled down to the fact that he was doing small gestures for her. Ladies. A sweet gesture is not enough of a reason to be in love with someone who is not showing up for you emotionally. I’m sure many of you listeners can relate to her experience, and in this episode, I dive deep into what it looks like when you’re setting the bar too low, how to establish the values that are important to you, and calling in love in your ideal relationship.

Topics in this episode

The 5 love languages:
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Gifts
Attachment styles
You should never have to guess your partner’s level of interest
The small things are added bonuses.
Important qualities to look for
What values are actually important to you?

Resources

My Heartbreak Story: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/podcast/2019/4/1/my-heartbreak-story
More information on dismissive-avoidant attachment disorder: https://flowpsychology.com/dismissive-avoidant-attachment-disorder-style/

I have a course coming out in November that is going to be so much more affordable and accessible to you guys, teaching you exactly how to stop wanting him back through videos and modules, teaching exactly how to call in the right person. It’s a guided map so that you can’t not create these results you are looking for.

Work With Claire

https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/work-with-me

Editing and show notes by Roth Media

Let's Talk About Vulnerability Aug 03, 2020

Show notes

In this episode, I want to discuss vulnerability and the vulnerability in your dating life. This topic was inspired by some of my clients, and coaching them to realize that getting what you desire, getting to that ideal relationship, requires us to be vulnerable. We have to lean into the suck, lean into the pain, and know that what’s on the other side, and being in our ideal relationship with Mr. or Ms. Right is worth it.

In this episode, I share with you some personal experiences with vulnerability, especially in my current relationship, as well as sharing some of the coachings I have done to help my clients have difficult conversations with the people they are dating, in order to get them the results they want. By the end of this episode, I want you to know that when you are vulnerable, and when you choose you, you win.

Topics in this episode

Defining vulnerability
Your two choices:
Stay small and safe, out of fear
Step into your vulnerability and get results
You can create anything you want
Fear and discomfort won’t go away
Tell people who are you and what you’re looking for. Be unapologetic about it.
You deserve what you want.
Your ideal person is out there. Focus your thoughts on the possibility that he/she is out there.

Resources

Simone Grace Seol: https://www.simonegraceseol.com/
Gay Hendricks, The Big Leap: https://www.amazon.com/Big-Leap-Conquer-Hidden-Level/dp/0061735361
My heartbreak story: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/podcast/2019/4/1/my-heartbreak-story
Brene Brown: https://brenebrown.com/
How Committed Are You? https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/podcast/2020/7/6/how-committed-are-you

It's Not Your Fault Jul 20, 2020

Show notes

I received a message from a listener of the podcast, and she said that listening to this podcast inspired her to leave a partner who was not treating her well. She’s been really picking up what I’ve been putting down about how our thoughts create our results. She was nursing the wounds of someone else not treating her well, and so when she entered into a new relationship, she had fears that he would fuck her over. She thought that those thoughts created him to not treat her well. And that isn’t true. In this episode, I share from my personal and coaching experiences how to shift your thoughts, take responsibility for what we can control, and heal from our relationships in order to find Mr. or Ms. Right.

The topic of this episode is an example of needing a coach to help you see your blind spots. I hope that anyone that is listening is wanting to lead an intentional life filled with love and integrity. That love starts with you. If you’re listening to this podcast, in need of a coach, and think we may be a great fit, apply to start taking your love life to the next level at: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/work-with-me

Topics in this episode

It’s very easy to shame ourselves when we start believing the concept of how your thoughts create your reality
You don’t have the power to make someone cheat on you.
Brooke castillo’s thought model:
You have a neutral circumstance.
You have thought about that circumstance,
It makes you feel a certain way, that drives an action
Which yields you a result.
The upper limit problem
What are the ways that you are not acting healthy in your life?
The thought, “it’s my fault” doesn’t serve you
Forgiving yourself is key to growth

Resources

Brooke Castillo podcast, The Lifecoach School: https://thelifecoachschool.com/podcasts/
Gay Hendricks, The Big Leap: https://www.amazon.com/Big-Leap-Conquer-Hidden-Level/dp/0061735361
EFT Practitioner, Lena George: https://www.unplug.com/teachers-new/lena-george
Poosh Heartbreak Q&A Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFVmfonSiGU
My heartbreak story: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/podcast/2019/4/1/my-heartbreak-story
Brooke Castillo, Self Coaching 101: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Coaching-101-Brooke-Castillo/dp/0977853993

Work With Claire

https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/work-with-me
Editing and show notes by Roth Media

Seeking External Validation Jun 22, 2020

Show notes

Validating who we are from the people we love is normal, and it's okay. We need to allow ourselves that sense of relief, regardless if that relationship will work or if the guy will show interest in you or not. It stings, but the only guarantee that you have is to show up as yourself. Be aware, be committed to check yourselves and the facts, and not judge your brain if it gets too excited. For example, let's say you go on a first date and the guy calls you and you get excited. This is the fun part! You deserve to feel good about it. And lastly, you also have to be ready to go to a place of worst scenarios. As Byron Katie said, "turn around the automatic painful thoughts."

It's hard to let you see that vulnerable side of me seeking external validation, but I love showing what's possible and being an example of that. Be with the discomfort, love yourself, be compassionate. You owe it to yourself. And, who knows, someone who's a better fit for you will come your way, in the most unexpected time and place. Just like it happened for me.

Topics in this episode

External validation

Why we seek validation from people?

Why we get affected from scrutinize and criticisms from others

My relationship is about myself and my relationship with myself

What’s the healthy way to handle external validation?

Being attached to someone is normal

Resources

Single, happy, and fulfilled: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/podcast/2019/6/3/single-happy-and-fulfilled

Learning from your mistakes: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/podcast/2020/5/18/learning-from-your-mistakes

Heartbreak in your ideal relationship: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/podcast/2020/6/14/heartbreak-in-your-ideal-relationship

Jamie McKeowen: https://www.wholelifejems.com/

Stacey Boehman: https://staceyboehman.com/

Brooke Castillo: https://thelifecoachschool.com/

Byron Katie: https://thework.com/

Kaitlyn Bristowe: https://kaitlynbristowe.com/

Abraham Hicks: https://www.abraham-hickslawofattraction.com/

Work With Claire

https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/work-with-me

Editing and show notes by Roth Media

Heartbreak For Black Lives Jun 08, 2020

Show notes

Welcome to a very special episode, Heartbreak for Black Lives. I am bringing on one of my nearest and dearest friends, Aisha Kabia. We met 11 years ago when I moved to LA. She embraced me with open arms, and it was the beginning of one of the most treasured and beautiful friendships that I have in my life. We’ve had many conversations over the years about so many different topics, but the one thing we’ve never really talked about is what it’s like to be a black woman in the United States.

I wanted to talk about this topic because this is a heartbreaking matter, and I am a heartbreak coach. I am a coach who continues to get coached because I never want to stop learning. I never want to stop growing and contributing to being someone who can facilitate the healing of hearts, and having this dialogue is how we heal.

You can feel your shame and feel your guilt. Understand the thinking behind it that created it, and then go do something about it. There are so many options. You can donate. You can educate yourself. There are so many podcasts. Don’t be passive anymore. Show up and keep taking action.

Topics in this episode

As white-privileged people, we are inherently racist based on systemic racism.

We contribute to the problem when we don’t want to discuss it, or assume it must not be that bad

The work is hard. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it.

The difference between empathy and compassion

Performative ally-ship: being an ally, but doing it for the sake of other people seeing you do it

When you do something wrong, take ownership of it

Committing to awareness and continuing these conversations

Resources

Trevor Noah video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4amCfVbA_c

Podcast 1619: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/23/podcasts/1619-podcast.html

Goop Podcast Episodes:

Stepping Out Of Privilege: https://goop.com/the-goop-podcast/stepping-out-of-privilege-with-layla-saad/

Dismantling White Fragility: https://goop.com/the-goop-podcast/robin-diangelo-on-dismantling-white-fragility/

White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/566247/white-fragility-by-robin-diangelo/

Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria by Beverly Daniel Tatum https://www.amazon.com/Black-Kids-Sitting-Together-Cafeteria/dp/0465083617

Me and White Supremacy by https://www.meandwhitesupremacybook.com/

Children’s books on racism: https://www.embracerace.org/resources/26-childrens-books-to-support-conversations-on-race-racism-resistance

Meditation classes from Dr. Christiane Wolf: https://insightla.org/teacher/christiane-wolf/

Donate

Black Lives Matter: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019

The Loveland Foundation: https://www.flipcause.com/secure/cause_pdetails/NzU4MzM=

https://www.changethenypd.org/issue

Work With Claire

https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/work-with-me

Editing and show notes by Roth Media

Let's Talk About Sex With Danielle Savory Apr 13, 2020

Show notes

A conversation with my bestie, and sex coach, Danielle Savory provides more light to what women are unaware of: their sexual pleasure. We discussed why pleasure is important.

What's keeping us from focusing on ourselves is whatever we're keeping in our minds. This mind-body-connection is vital to how we deal with ourselves and our relationships. When you have the thought that you're not good enough, it becomes the fuel to feelings of being ashamed or unwanted. When you're thinking a thought, this thought is creating something in your body, which can provoke a different emotion, such as tension, the is opposite of pleasure.

Becoming a pleasurable sexual woman is a solo journey where we have to develop the sense of pleasure within ourselves, the sense of worthiness, and to learn to direct our mind to our body, without involving a partner.