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Episode 066: SIX Tips to Help You Survive Summer Break Jun 04, 2018

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This whole month we get to talk about behaviors that drive us nuts. It was hard to pick just four. We get to start out with our kids driving us crazy during the summer. If you’ve ever felt like your kids want you to entertain them all summer, then you’ll want to check out this episode. Laura Tesch, mom of six and Child & Family studies major, teaches us SIX tips for surviving your child’s summer break! These tips have already helped us a ton at our house. Happy learning! LISTEN ABOVE OR READ THE SUMMARY BELOW Laura Tesch I want to make it clear, that a perfect summer isn’t really attainable. It’s better just to try to find ways to have this summer be better than the last and shoot for the same goal next summer. But keep your expectations at the right level so you’re less likely to be disappointed. Tip #1 Provide some structure Research shows that kids do a lot better in an environment with structure. Kids need to know what will be happening each day and what times during the day things will be happening. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU NEED TO SCHEDULE EVERY MINUTE OF THE SUMMER. In fact, I suggest not scheduling every minute. Our kids have a really rigorous schedule during the school year and it’s nice for them to get to slow down during the summer. Rather, I am suggesting that you decide which things need to be done each day and when they need to be done by. For example: You could have a morning routine. Wake up Eat breakfast Get dressed Get dressed Make bed Do one chore Read for thirty minutes Math for ten minutes Outside/creative time before any electronics You could also have an evening routine. Friends leave by 8:00 pm Shower Read Bedtime You get to decide which structure and routine works best for your kids and family. I personally like to have the mornings pretty structured and the afternoons pretty flexible. But you know your family and what will work for them. Just make sure to find some structure for each day. It will help your kids feel more at ease and behave better. Tip #2 Read, read, read There is SO much research on the positive effects of reading for a child that it MUST be included in each day. Here are some of the positive effects of reading: Reading develops language skills Reading is exercise for your child’s brain Reading enhances your child’s ability to concentrate Reading make your kids thirsty for more knowledge Reading a variety of books can expose your kids to broader horizons Reading develops a child's imagination and creativity Reading helps develop empathy Reading with a child helps create a positive bond Readers perform better in school And so much more! I like to have my kids read for one hour each day. I don’t mind if they break the reading up into smaller chunks. I also encourage my older children to read to my younger children. I just think that reading is so beneficial, that we really make it a priority. What about kids who don’t like to read? I have one son that genuinely does not enjoy reading. He’s tried a lot of different kinds of books, but still hasn’t found anything he enjoys. However, he does enjoy AUDIO BOOKS. Audio books are my son’s go to. He can listen while he does something with his hands or he can follow along in a printed version of the story. Either way, he stills gets to enjoy a lot of the benefits of reading without having to do something he really doesn’t like. Tip #3 Create a “Boredom Buster” jar First, research has shown that it is GOOD to be bored. Boredom allows the brain to relax and is also the catalyst for creativity. Allow your kids to be bored sometimes, but have a plan in place so that their boredom does not become your problem. I do have to be honest that “I’m bored” is a phrase that really pushes my buttons! I don’t like my kids to use it and I used to feel like I had to provide constant entert...

Episode 065: The 7 Step Process Therapist’s Use to Help Couples Parent the Same May 28, 2018

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Research shows that consistency between parents is critical to parenting success. If parents differ in their parenting approach, they unintentionally undermine each other's good parenting efforts and cause friction in their marriage. That being said, different parenting approaches are an extremely common issue in families. Parents come from different backgrounds, have different personalities, and are even neurologically wired differently from one another. So to help you get on the same page and eliminate disagreements over parenting, we have teamed up with marriage and family therapist, Jeff Tesch, LMFT to create this guide for you. It will walk you through the exact steps Jeff uses with his clients. LISTEN ABOVE OR READ THE SUMMARY BELOW Jeff Tesch, LMFT Why It's Important for Parents to Be on the Same Page 1. Kids won't develop as well if they're getting mixed messages from their parents 2. It can lead to marital conflict. Even extreme enough to destroy a marriage The Top 3 Reasons Parents Parent Differently Than One Another Parents grow up differently- You and your spouse/partner grew up in different homes and that has a huge effect on how you parent! Even if you grew up in similar kinds of homes, there's enough difference from how your parents were vs. how your spouse's parents were that it effects you in your parenting. Different genders are wired to parent differently- In general, females tend to be softer parents and more nurturing, whereas males tend to be firmer. Males also try to push their children out of their comfort zones and expect progression, while moms tend to want to provide comfort, security, and safety.The natural differences in the wiring between males and females is SO good for our kids. Dad's natural tendency to be firm and push their kids out of the comfort zone provides structure and progression for their kids. The mom's natural softness creates a home environment where kids can feel safe and loved.Note: the best kind of parenting is a blend of both the natural tendencies of the male and the female. BOTH parents need to be firm AND soft. BOTH parents need to provide safety but push their kids to grow. Learn from each other's strengths and try to adapt each other's strengths rather than fighting against each other. Warning: Parents can get into a TERRIBLE cycle of trying to compensate for the other's parents weaknesses, becoming more and more extreme everyday. For example: Say your spouse is very firm and strict. You may try to compensate by being very soft and permissive. This makes your spouse feel like they have to become even more firm and strict, which make you feel like you need to become more soft and permissive.This creates tension and kids learn how to use this to their advantage. ONCE AGAIN, IT IS BEST IF BOTH PARENTS BECOME A BLEND OF FIRM AND SOFT, STRICT AND LOVING! To learn more about being a balanced parent, a blend of firm and soft, go here. Parents "team up" with one child rather than with their spouse- In some situations, one parent can feel particularly close to one child and "go easy" on them. This can make the other parent feel like they need to be firmer with that particular child. It can also make the other parent feel like their spouse's relationship with that one child is more important than the marriage relationship.It is very important to remember that the marriage comes first and that you need to have an equal relationship with each of your children. How to Get Onto the Same Page as Your Partner/Spouse We HIGHLY recommend you download this worksheet to do with your spouse/partner. It will walk you through each of the steps we're about to teach you. STEP 1: TWEAK HOW YOU APPROACH YOUR PARTNER If you approach your parenting partner saying, "I've got it all figured out. I know how to parent the right way now and I just need to teach you." your partner is very likely going to be resistant.

Episode 064: 3 Ways You Can Help Your Kids Be Friends For Life May 21, 2018

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This month we’ve been talking about how the strong-willed child can affect the relationships in our own home. One of the relationships that can be affected is the sibling relationship. Today we talk with Child and Family Studies major, Laura Tesch to learn how she helps her six kids develop friendships that will last a lifetime. LISTEN ABOVE OR READ THE SUMMARY BELOW Laura Tesch Why it’s important for siblings to be close It helps the home feel more peaceful-I think every parent wants their home to be a peaceful and happy place. If you can help foster close sibling relationships, that will help decrease the tension between your kids. It is important to remember, that siblings will only get along about 50% of the time. That is normal and healthy. The sibling relationship is one of the longest lasting human relationships each of us will have- Friends will come and go, even cousins will come and go. One day parents will pass away. But siblings, are there from the minute you are born and throughout most of you life. Wouldn’t it be great if the people you knew the longest were also close friends? Siblings can offer love and support that kids need- Life can be harsh and very challenging. We all need people who will believe in us, cheer us on, see the best in us, and support us in hard times. Siblings can be some of the best people to do this for us. Tips for fostering positive sibling relationships Tip #1 Talk about your sibling relationships A really great, non-lecturing way to teach your kids about the value of sibling relationships is to talk about how important your sibling relationships are to you. Some ways you can do this are: Share happy memories you made with your siblings If your sibling called you, tell your child and tell them what that meant to you Schedule times to be with your siblings Let your family know if one of your siblings is struggling and ask them to keep that sibling in their thoughts Show your kids pictures of you and your siblings Call your siblings on their birthdays, have the kids be involved in the phone call Help your siblings when they need help, take the kids along to teach them that family supports each other Attend your siblings events if they participate in any What if you don’t have close sibling relationships? Talk to your children about how sad you are that you don’t have a close friendship with your siblings. Let them know what it would mean to you to be close to your brothers or sisters. Tip #2 Help your children be aware of each other’s feelings One of the most important roles we have as parents is something called “Emotional Coaching”. Emotional Coaching “Emotional Coaching is a term coined by researcher and marriage therapist Jon Gottman. His research shows that kids need their parents to teach them how to be aware of their own emotions and the emotions of others. This is done by simply stating what emotions you see your kids experiencing when they are experiencing them. For example: If your child looks sad, say “You are looking sad.” If your child made a mistake and is disappointed, say “You’re disappointed that you made that mistake.” If your child is laughing, say “You thought that was funny. You look so happy!” This process helps children begin to identify what they are feeling and attach the feeling to a specific emotion. When children become more aware of their own emotions, they can start to learn to manage them and they can become more aware of other’s emotions. The home is the perfect place to practice We want our children to be aware of and sensitive to the feelings of those around them at work, at school, and in relationships. The perfect place to practice is at home. But they will need your help at first. How to start teaching your child to recognize and be sensitive to their siblings emotions Whenever there is an altercation of some sort bet...

Episode 063: How to Support the Siblings of Your Strong-Willed Child May 14, 2018

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This month we've been talking about our strong-willed kids and how they affect other relationships in the family. This week we get to talk about something that I feel is really, really important. If you have a strong willed child and other kids that are easier going in your home, you might see that there can be a negative effect on the other kids. This isn’t because a strong-willed child is bad or they are the root cause of all the problems. But a strong-willed child can be challenging to live with and can take a lot of their parent’s attention. Today we're with clinical mental health counselor, Mike Fitch to talk about some of the big concerns that he is seeing. Then he's going to guide us through some things we can do to resolve those concerns. If you are looking for some ways to “Childproof Your Marriage” go here. LISTEN ABOVE OR READ THE SUMMARY BELOW Mike Fitch, CMHC Unfortunately,this topic is not addressed enough. I think parents are so focused on dealing with their strong-willed child that they have a hard time focusing on their other kids. They’re so busy putting out the fire in front of them that they aren’t aware of who's dying because of smoke inhalation. We know that it is A LOT, but it is so important to make sure your other kids have what they need to be healthy as well. I not only deal with this professionally, but I also deal with it personally. I have a child with high-functioning autism and one with cerebral palsy. It is so hard to make sure ALL of my kids are having their needs met. What issues do I see and what do I recommend? Issue #1 Your other kids aren’t getting as much time and attention as your strong-willed child I see this a lot with my clients. One child takes an enormous amount of time, energy, and attention so the parents don’t have any left for the other kids. I know that as a parent of a strong-willed child, your time is limited. So I want to share how to use what time you have in a really effective way. Solution Idea Years ago, a man named Gary Chapman found that humans “speak” love and “hear” love in five different ways. He calls these the “Five Love Languages”. You can learn all about the Five Languages here. But the main idea is that you need to find out what how your children speak love and hear love. Some kids really feel loved when they get a hug and other kids hate hugs! Some kids really feel love when they’re parent says nice things about them and other kids don’t care so much about compliments. You need to discover what love language your child speaks, then use that “love language” often. If your child REALLY feels love through physical affection, you’re not going to buy them a gift to show them that you love them. Rather, you are going to find a time to snuggle. If you learn your child’s love language and use it, it can help them feel deeply loved in a shorter amount of time. This can help you compensate for how much time your strong-willed child is taking. When you have little snippets of time, use it wisely by speaking your child’s love language. To take a quiz to find out your child’s love language, go here. Solution Idea Another thing that I recommend to my clients is for each parent to find a little bit of time to be one-on-one with each child each week. Meaning, if you have two kids, both parents take time to be one-on-one once a week with each child. Parents eyes always get big when I say this. I know that you are all busy and that it is asking a lot. But the little bit of one-on-one time, when used well, can make a HUGE difference for your child. They can feel really important and loved. Solution Idea Make the most out of your one-on-one time by doing something called “Play Therapy”. Play therapy is a well-researched type of therapy where the child gets to be in charge of the activity and the grown ups get to just play along with the child.

Episode 062: What To Do When You’re Having a Hard Time Liking Your Strong-Willed Child May 07, 2018

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This month, we're talking about how having a strong-willed child can affect other family relationships. Today we're going to talk about something that I've seen brought up several times but not really ever addressed in a in a helpful way. The reality that sometimes we don't like our strong-willed child. We love our children passionately and we would do anything for them! But sometimes our strong-willed children are so challenging that we can start to foster some negative feelings towards our child. We have Laura Tesch with us today to talk about what to do when we’re having a hard time liking our strong-willed child. As a reminder, Laura not only has her degree in Child and Family Studies, but she also has six kids of her own. Two of her six kids are strong-willed children. Here’s what she has to say: LISTEN ABOVE OR READ THE SUMMARY BELOW Have you ever had a hard time liking your strong-willed children? I have. I really have. We're not always going to like our children and they're not always going to like us. That's something we just have to acknowledge. Once you acknowledge that, then you can start to figure out why. Do you ever feel shame that you have a hard time liking your strong-willed child? Absolutely! But the first thing I want to get across to people is we don't need to feel shame. The more you can let go of the shame, the better you are going to feel. Believe it or not, when we're feeling bad about ourselves, we may redirect that shame back at our child. We may think “If it weren't for you, I wouldn't feel this shameful feeling. It’s your fault I feel like a bad parent.” Not liking your child from time to time is a normal part of life. Do not add to the challenge of that experience by throwing shame on top of it. Let go of the guilt. What should you do after you let go of the shame? Now that you’ve let go of the shame, it’s time to start investigating WHY you are having a hard time liking your child. Is it because of their behavior? Is it because you feel it’s their fault you’re losing your patience? Is it because you wish they were an easier child? Really dig deep and start to understand what’s at the root of your negative feelings? Realize that it’s not your child you don’t like, it’s their negative behavior. This is hard when your child’s behavior feels so intentional and personal. I understand, I have to fight this constantly myself. However, when you start to separate the two, you can see things differently. You can see that your child’s behavior is the problem, not your child. You can start to see what is good and enjoyable about your child. Ask yourself if you blame your child for your unhappiness. I don’t know about you, but I noticed a lot of changes in myself after adding a strong-willed child to my family. I noticed that I was: Less patient More irritable Tired Angry Spending more energy on my strong-willed child than anyone else in my family Without even realizing it, I found that I didn’t like my strong-willed child because it seemed that she brought out the WORST in me. When that happened, I felt like a horrible person and a crappy mom. Pretty soon, I was subconsciously thinking some really negative thoughts towards my strong-willed child. Do you relate to any of the following thoughts? “Before you, I was a good mom” “Before you, I wasn’t tired” “Before you, I had patience” “Before you, I wasn’t judged by other parents” “Before you, I didn’t dread getting up every morning” Parenting a strong-willed child can get your mind stuck in this kind of negative thinking. It can even make us start to resent our strong-willed child or blame them for what we are feeling. I call this a negative thinking trap. This particular trap is called the “blame” trap. I was essentially blaming my child for my emotions. I was saying that my child had CONTROL over my happiness and that it was her fault I was miserable.

Episode 061: How to Get Your Child to Stay In Their Own Bed All Night Apr 30, 2018

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LISTEN HERE OR READ THE POST BELOW One concern that comes up over and over again in our private facebook group, is “How do I get my kids to sleep through the night?” We get to talk to Jeff Tesch, LMFT today, all about getting our kids to sleep through the night. Jeff Tesch, LMFT Is it normal for kids to have issues with sleeping? Both normal and very common. It's understandable that kids have to kind of learn how to soothe themselves at night and how to stay in their beds. The phase where they are learning is a hard time for parents. It’s also really common for a child to be sleeping well, the to experience some regression. We experience the same kind of cycles as adults. I think one of the things that's really, really hard about a child not sleeping is it’s negative effect on everyone’s mood. When we’re sleep deprived, we’re more emotional and have less control over our behavior. The same is true for our kids. Tips for getting your child to sleep and keeping them asleep. Tip #1: Take time to unwind before bed We can’t expect a child to go from chaos to calm in two minutes. It’s important to start telling your child’s body that it’s bedtime at least an hour before bed. Try keeping the lights low, the music quiet, and doing to calmer activities. Slowing things down tells your child’s body that it’s about time to sleep. Tip #2: Have a consistent bedtime routine. Using a consistent bedtime routine is another way to tell your child’s brain that it’s sleeping time. I recommend starting the routine close to the same time every night. Include some activities that are positive for your child i.e., reading books, singing songs, etc. Note: You’ll need to try to eat early enough to accommodate your bedtime routine. Tip #3: No screens at least an hour before bed. There’s so much good research indicating that the blue light from screens mimics the blue light of daytime sky. The blue light tells your child’s brain that it’s daytime. In addition to the blue light issue, screens also stimulate the brain. It’s hard to go to sleep if your brain feels overstimulated. So commit to turning screens off at least an hour before bed. Tip #4: Evaluate if their nap schedule is getting in the way of their sleeping at night If you have a child who seems to not be sleepy at night, look at their naptime schedule. Are they taking a really long nap during the day? Are they taking naps late in the day? Are they sleeping in until 8 or 9 am? All of these factors can affect how sleepy your child is at night. If you answered “yes” to any of the questions above, you may want to adjust so your child can be sleepy at night. What do you do when all of the above isn’t working? If you have a good routine, don’t use screens, your kids aren’t napping and the STILL won’t go to sleep at night-go talk to your doctor. How do I get my child to stay in their room all night? Tip #1: Start young Try to have your child sleep in their own beds as young as possible. I’m a huge proponent of adults having their own TIME and SPACE. I think that parents need a break from being a parent. In my experience, it really is best to have kids sleeping in their own rooms. Tip #2: Don’t let them crawl into bed with you This is SO hard to do because you’re exhausted. In the middle of the night, you just want to do whatever it takes to get sleep. However, if you want your kids to stay in their own beds you HAVE to put them back into their own beds. They need to learn that it’s not worth their time to try to crawl in with you. Will this interrupt your sleep? Yes. Will some of you have to take your child back to their beds over and over and over again? Yes. Will it be worth it eventually? Yes. Does this mean you can’t ever let your kids snuggle with you in bed? No. You can find times, during waking hours, that can be your snuggle time. Our kids were allowed to come into our bed in the morning to snuggle.

Episode 060: How to Handle Meltdowns Apr 23, 2018

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Strong-willed kids have a lot of frustrating behaviors. For me though, meltdowns are one of the most challenging behaviors. I want to cry in a corner because my child's totally out of control with emotions. I am usually left with a lot of questions; “What do I need to do to help my child manage their emotions better?”, “What can I do to weather the storm of their emotions in a healthier way?”, and “What's even going on? Why are they doing this?” So we're here with marriage and family therapist, Jeff Tesch to talk about all things meltdown. LISTEN ABOVE OR READ THE SUMMARY BELOW Jeff Tesch, LMFT What causes a meltdown? What's going on in the child's brain during meltdown? Meltdowns are really a flood of emotions. So many emotions that your brain starts to be overstimulated and stops thinking rationally. But where do all those emotions come from? All emotions are driven by thoughts. Emotions are really a response to what you’re thinking. For example: when you are afraid of something, you don’t feel fear first. Rather, you think a fearful thought THEN you feel fear. What happens next? After you have a thought, followed by an emotion, the emotion builds unless you change your thinking. As the emotions build, some unfortunate things happen in your brain: Your brain shifts into the fight or flight response/a panic response. Your ability to think clearly and rationally diminishes. You start to believe things that aren't accurate You become difficult to reason with You have to calm down before you can think rationally again So when our child is in the middle of a meltdown, you can assume that their emotions have flooded the brain. Their brain isn't able to rationalize or reason or do any problem solving. They truly are just in the fight or flight part of their brain that doesn't do any of that higher functioning. That is a significant thing to remember. In the middle of a meltdown is NOT the time to talk, explain, or to act different. In fact, engaging with a child who is melting down usually leads to further escalation. What can you do to help prevent a meltdown? Think about the Hulk. As you might know, he has some warning signs that he’s going to turn into the Big Green Guy. He goes through a process where he's fighting against his emotions. If he’s not successful he turns into the green guy and he's gone. Here’s some tips for preventing a meltdown: Be aware of what triggers a meltdown in your child. What signs do they give you that they are headed into a meltdown? The earlier you can intervene, the better. Distract their thinking. Since emotions are a result of thoughts, try changing what they’re thinking about. If you see a meltdown coming on you could start asking them questions about something completely unrelated, start playing a game, etc. Use “Emotional Coaching” A lot of times, meltdowns occur when a child isn't feeling understood, heard, or like their feelings are valid. Using emotional coaching can help your child feel like somebody understands them.Researches conducted a study where they wired kids up and monitored them throughout their day. The researchers wanted to learn about physiological response to everyday struggles. The researchers taught parents to simply notice their child’s feelings and to label their child’s feelings out loud. Example: “You look upset” or “You are frustrated”. The research showed that if parents made that kind of a statement, their kids were much less likely to begin to escalate emotionally. Most humans begin to feel calmer when they feel validated and understood.So what is emotional coaching?Emotional coaching was developed by researcher John Gottman. You can read about it more in his book Raising and Emotionally Intelligent Child. Here are the basic principles taught in the book. Emotions are part of being human. There is nothing wrong with them.

Episode 059: How to Handle Misbehavior When You’re Not at Home. Apr 16, 2018

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Do you ever feel apprehensive to go into public with your kids? Are you nervous they’re going to misbehave at the store or during a play date? I have been there. That’s why we’re talking to Child & Family Studies major AND mom of six, Laura Tesch today. Laura has had a lot of experience being in public with misbehaving kids. She’s also learned a lot over the years. Here are her favorite tips and tricks! LISTEN ABOVE OR READ THE SUMMARY BELOW Laura Tesch Parent the same no matter where you are I know that this is one of the most difficult things to do. When you’re in public and your child starts throwing a tantrum your gut reaction can be… “Oh my goodness! Please no tantrum today, please. I’ll give you whatever you want if you’ll just stop screaming!” I've been there thousands of times. However, it’s important to show your child that you're going to parent the same no matter where you are. Embrace the Embarrassment One of the biggest struggles that parents have in feeling embarrassed if their child's throwing a fit. This embarrassment may cause a parent to give into a fit. Just know that you are going to be embarrassed and it's OK, but you have to be consistent. You have to let them tantrum sometimes. It’s more important to be consistent than to not be embarrassed. Everyone should know that a child tantrums from time to time. That doesn't mean you're a bad parent. That's just how your child is trying to show what they want. That's how they can talk to you. That's how they react. Make a Plan BEFORE You Leave the House Before you ever go into public, plan and prepare. There’s some questions you can ask yourself to make things easier. Here’s just a few: Is my child hungry? Is my child tired? Is this really the best time to go out? When would be a time we could go that would work best for my child? Do I have snacks or activities for my child? Have I taught my child what the rules and expectations are for the place we are going? Have I been clear with my child about what consequences will occur if they choose to break a rule? Use Some Creativity to Make the Outing Fun You can make outings fun. You can make them a game. My sister, has a little rope that she clips on to her cart. The rule is that everyone has to hold onto the rope. Whoever holds on the longest, will get a surprise when they get back to the car. I'm at the stage where I have teenagers, so I'm teaching them how to buy different things. We’ll have a “find the best price” game. I actually wish I would have started this game when my kids were younger. Some other ideas: Get your kids to help you pick produce Give your kids coins to sort or count Bring activities for them My husband worked full time. I had to go into public with six kids. I had to come up with fun ways to get them to behave while we were out. It took some work, but it paid off in the end. Be Clear With Your Kids About Rules And Consequences I touched on this a little in the “Plan Before You Leave” section, but it’s important enough that I wanted to go into more detail. We sometimes make the assumption that our kids are clear on what behavior is or isn’t OK when we’re in public. We need to assume they DON’T know and take some time to get really clear with them. Have a little meeting to discuss how you feel about going into public with them. Have them help make rules for behavior when you’re in public. Let them know what the consequence will be for breaking the rules. Then role play. Make believe that you’re in public. You be the kid and they be the parent. You pretend to misbehave in public and have them pretend to give you the consequence. Role playing is a really fun way to help your kids know what is expected and what will happen when they break the rules. If you have toddlers who can’t talk, a family meeting won’t help. What will help is your consistent response to misbehavior.

Episode 058: Doing Chores. 3 Ways to Get Your Kids to Help Apr 09, 2018

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Raise your hand if you feel like you are the only one trying to keep your house clean! That feeling can be so frustrating! It is time to get our kids to help around the house. In today's episode, child and family studies major Laura Tesch is going to teach us not only why chores are critical to our children's development but also positive ways to get kids to help. The tips Laura teaches are what she has used with her own six children over the last two decades. You won't want to miss this one. LISTEN ABOVE OR READ THE SUMMARY BELOW The Upside to Expecting Kids to Help Around the House They learn how to work hard They learn about delayed gratification It teaches them how to contribute to the world around them When it's time to move out, they will be very capable of caring for their own home It helps them develop Independence They feel a sense of accomplishment It helps develop fine and gross motor skills It teaches them that they have responsibility for the cleanliness of the home It spreads the load of taking care of the house among all family members Helps with abstract thinking and brain development Helps them be a better guest at other people's homes because they will be more likely to clean up behind themselves And much more The Downside to Expecting Kids to Help Around the House It takes SO much time to teach them how to do it properly! It really feels like it would be SO much easier to just do it on your own. I have to CONSTANTLY remind myself of the many benefits of getting kids to help. They motivate me to push through the tough times. The Pointers MODEL, TEACH, AND BE CLEAR WITH EXPECTATIONS Show them how you would like a chore to be done, then show them and show them and show them some more. Next, have them do it with you by their side, then coach them and coach them and coach them. Be really clear about how you want it done and help them until they are able to do it. This does take so much time, but in the end, they'll be able to do it on their own really well. It is a lengthy training process. However, you're investing time now so they will confident and be capable when they're older.Parenting Tip: You're consistency will pay off with time. Laura no longer has to remind her kids to do their chores and they are done the way she trained her kids to do them. BREAK TASKS DOWN INTO BITE-SIZED PIECES My garage is kind of crazy. Every time I want to fix that, I get completely overwhelmed by the magnitude of the job. Our kids can feel the same way with the chores they are given. It can help to break their bigger jobs up into several little tasks.Take cleaning a room for example. If you put a four year in old their room and tell them to clean it, chances are, it's not going to work. Now if you made a list of smaller tasks that need to be done to clean a room, that might feel more manageable. That list could look something like this: [clickToTweet tweet="'Parenting Tip: Be aware of your child's level of ability and match their chore to that level of ability. This will help both you and your child avoid some frustration.' -parentwithapro.com " quote="'Parenting Tip: Be aware of your child's level of ability and match their chore to that level of ability. This will help both you and your child avoid some frustration.' -parentwithapro.com " theme="style1"] TRY TO BE POSITIVE & FUNDoing chores is a chore! If we are angry and impatient, it will make chore time worse. Use some creativity to make chore time a little more fun.Here's some ideas: Wear silly aprons or hats that are just for cleaning Listen to upbeat music Listen to stories Play make believe "Have a Cinderella party" Play "21 thing pick up" where everyone picks up 21 things Play "Room to Room" where everyone in the family works together moving through the house room by room BONUS: KEEP THEIR CHORES TO ABOUT 20 MINUTES A DAY ON THE WEEK DAYS

Episode 057: Picky Eaters. The Do’s and the Don’ts Apr 02, 2018

Show notes

It's a new month and that means a new monthly topic. This monthly we are going to talk about Tough Times of the Day and solutions to better handle those. We start the discussion with mealtime. I think that EVERY parent out there has a picky eater in their house, a child that exclusively wants pizza or mac-n-cheese. If you are one of those parents, you are in for a treat (pun intended) CMHC Mike Fitch teaches us his do's and don'ts with picky eaters. Here's the thing, Mike has a child with cerebral palsy, which makes eating very difficult. He has had to receive extensive training on the do's and don'ts for picky eaters and is truly an expert on this topic. LISTEN ABOVE OR READ THE SUMMARY BELOW I really appreciate Mike taking the time to teach us the do's and don'ts of picky eating. Here's what he has to share: DO be aware that there are two categories of picky eaters: A child that has an underlying medical issue that genuinely affects their feelings towards foods. Some examples are: A child with OCD A child with sensory processing disorder A child with a physical issue such as cerebral palsy A child with food anxieities A "typical" child that just doesn't want to try new foods They next do's and don'ts are for the typical child that doesn't want to try new foods. To learn more about the child that might have a medical disorder, scroll to the end of the article. DO cook only one meal: It can be tempting to cook several meals, one for each of your children and then one for the adults. That is unnecessary work and will reinforce the picky eater. They will learn that if they cry enough, whine enough, or act hungry enough, you will continue to feed them their favorite foods for every meal. Instead, establish a FIRM rule that you will only make one meal. They can choose to eat it or not. DO let them experience the natural consequences of not eating that one meal: Once you've cooked that one meal, that's what's for dinner. They can choose to eat or go without. This is where is gets tough. Let's say they choose to go without then are hungry later. That tugs on our heart strings and makes us want to swoop in and make something for them to eat. However, that once again reinforces picky eating. Instead, you get to say something like "Bummer, you're hungry. Meal time is over, you can try again at the next meal." Then walk away. They will quickly learn that if they don't want to be hungry, they need to make what mama cooks. DO have a FIRM expectation that they TRY foods: We use the word FIRM a lot at Parent with a Pro. Firm is the opposite of flexible. Research shows that being a firm parent is healthy for your kids (if you balance that firmness out with lots of love, connection, and fun). So what will the firm expectation be in your home? That they try the ONE meal that you cook? That they take one bite for each year of age they are? i.e. an eight year old takes eight bites. That they eat one veggie and one protein? You decide, then you stick to it. DO occasionally let them miss out on dessert if they choose not to eat dinner: If you're at a meal where there is a dessert after, it is OK to say "Dessert is for kids who eat a little protein and one vegetable." It's OK to have that rule and it's OK to let your child miss out if they choose not to eat a little protein and a vegetable (or whatever expectation you set). The child may be OK with this when they are refusing to eat, but it most likely won't be pretty when dessert comes out and they don't get it. Which leads to... DON'T give in to tantrums, fits, crying, whining, etc. about food: Not giving into negative behavior is one parenting rule we CANNOT emphasize enough! Giving in and giving a child the dessert THEY CHOOSE to miss out on will teach the child that they don't have to listen to you next time. AND that if they don't like what you said, all they have to do is escalate their negative behavior ...

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