On Attachment

Latest Episodes:

#132: Cultivating Secure Love with Julie Menanno (@thesecurerelationship) Feb 21, 2024

Show notes

In today's episode, I'm delighted to be joined by Julie Menanno. Julie is a couples therapist, best known for her hugely popular instagram account @thesecurerelationship where she offers nuanced and insightful takes on attachment dynamics and how couples can overcome negative cycles to build secure relationships. She has just released her first book, Secure Love, which offers couples a roadmap for building thriving relationships that last.
Our conversation covers a lot of ground, including:

a deeper look at the fear of abandonment in anxious attachment
key challenges of avoidant attachment
negative cycles in anxious-avoidant relationships
what to do when one partner doesn't want to go to therapy
the importance of validating your partner's emotions (even if you disagree with their position)
Julie's tips (as a mum of 6!) for raising secure kids

Buy Julie's book Secure Love on Amazon
Follow Julie on Instagram @thesecurerelationship
Visit Julie's website

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Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
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Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#131: On Getting Back Together with an Ex Feb 14, 2024

Show notes

In today's episode, we're talking all about getting back together with an ex. Facing the prospect of rekindling after a relationship has ended can bring up so many conflicting feelings - longing, optimism and hope, together with fear, worry, self-doubt and anxiety.
In helping you navigate the messiness of these situations, I'll be sharing some good reasons and some not-so-good reasons why you might consider getting back together with an ex, and how you can best approach that decision to support yourself and your relationship going forward.
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Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#130: The Pillars of a Healthy Relationship with Self Feb 07, 2024

Show notes

✨ Last chance to join the 28-day Secure Self Challenge ✨

If you've ever come across standard "self-love" advice and it hasn't really landed for you, you're not alone. As great as it would be if we could all click our heels and achieve self-love, the simple reality is that for most of us, that's a far cry from where we're at - and if anything, the pressure to love ourselves can leave us feeling even more broken and hopeless.
In today's episode, I'm sharing four pillars of a healthy relationship with self, that go beyond "self-love". These are more concrete, actionable focus areas that you can explore as you build a stronger and more resilient sense of self, and in so doing, reap the rewards in your relationship with others. We'll cover:

self-compassion
self-care
self-respect
self-trust

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#129: Building Self-Worth & a Secure Dating Mindset with Dr. Morgan Anderson Jan 31, 2024

Show notes

In today's episode, I'm joined by Dr. Morgan Anderson and we're talking all about building self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence in the context of dating. Dr. Morgan is a licensed clinical psychologist, attachment theory expert, relationship coach, and author of the relationship self-help book, Love Magnet. She is also the host of the Let's Get Vulnerable podcast.
In our conversation, we cover:

how insecure attachment styles fuel unhealthy dating patterns
how low self-worth and a lack of self-trust impact our dating mindset
common shifts that occur as you rewire old patterns and move towards secure attachment
practical tools and tips for shifting your dating mindset and building a secure dating persona

To connect with Dr. Morgan:

Listen to her podcast: Let's Get Vulnerable
Find her on Instagram: @drmorgancoaching
Visit her website: drmorgancoaching.com

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#128: Why Avoidant People Tend to Struggle with Defensiveness Jan 23, 2024

Show notes

In today's episode, we're talking all about why avoidant partners tend to struggle with defensiveness. While defensiveness is far from being the exclusive domain of avoidant attachment, many people will attest to the fact that avoidant folks are often quick to become defensive in response to relational tension or ruptures - and that this can form a key piece in the negative cycle of many anxious-avoidant relationships.
We'll cover:

why defensiveness is a natural response to feeling attacked
how avoidant partners can perceive relational needs and concerns as personal failings
avoidant attachment and emotional expressiveness
how you can start to relate to a partner's defensiveness with greater compassion rather than judgment and blame

✨ Click here to join the 28-day Secure Self Challenge ✨

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#127: How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others Jan 16, 2024

Show notes

In today's episode, we're talking all about comparison. Comparison is one of those things that we're all susceptible to at some point or another: we compare ourselves based on appearance, personality, success, relationships. It can sometimes seem like there's a neverending list of reasons to feel dissatisfied or inadequate when we look at our lives relative to someone else's.
And yet, while comparison is arguably a universal human experience, it's undeniable that some of us struggle with the comparison trap more than others - sometimes to the point where it feels debilitating and destructive to our sense of self.
We'll cover:

why some people are more susceptible to the comparison trap than others
how this tendency interfaces with other struggles like unworthiness, jealousy, anxious attachment, and fear of abandonment
how building our self-worth can help us to shift focus away from others and build more genuine self-confidence

⭐️ SIGN UP FOR THE 28-DAY SECURE SELF CHALLENGE ⭐️

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#126: 5 Hard (But Liberating) Truths About Break-Ups Jan 10, 2024

Show notes

In today's episode, we're talking all about break-ups. Break-ups are one of the most challenging and sometimes destabilising emotional experiences we can go through, and there is so much conflicting advice and information on how best to approach the ending of a relationship.
In this episode, I'm providing you with some hard (but hopefully liberating) truths about the break-up process, so that you can make the most of the opportunity that your break-up offers to deepen in your self-awareness and your relationship with yourself.
DOWNLOAD THE FREE CLOSURE MEDITATION HERE

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Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#125: How to Live Courageously in 2024 Dec 31, 2023

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For our last episode of the year, I'm sharing my own story about the power of choosing courage over comfort and making bold, scary, uncomfortable choices in the direction of the life that you desire. So many of us cling to familiarity and the known thing, even when it feels draining and deeply at odds with who we want to be and how we want our lives to look and feel.
As we say goodbye to 2023 and enter the new year, let us reflect on where we are still hiding or avoiding in our lives, and what might be possible if we embrace a bigger, bolder, braver life that we can truly be proud of.

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#124: On Trust, Risk & Vulnerability Dec 22, 2023

Show notes

In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts about trust, risk and vulnerability. Many of us would prefer to trust only when we've completely de-risked or have some semblance of certainty that we won't get hurt, but unfortunately this is entirely at odds with the inherent vulnerability of trust.
We'll cover:

why our fear will always keep us on the lookout for ways in which we might get hurt
how trust and vulnerability interface with fear and risk-aversion
why we need to let go of trying to control the future
how we can start to view trust as a choice rather than a feeling

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#123: 3 Relationship Superpowers Dec 14, 2023

Show notes

In today's episode, we're unpacking three relationship superpowers (which frankly are also life superpowers!). These are the skills and mindset pieces that I wish for everyone to be cultivating as they walk the path of becoming more secure in themselves and in their partnerships.
We talk about:

discernment and self-trust
the importance of humility and curiosity
keeping things in perspective

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

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