Show notes
Stacey Hanke dives into the journey of gaining and maintaining influence throughout your life. Do you have it? Are you sure? Explore "Influence" and how respect plays a role. * You are invited to join our community and conversations about each episode on FaceBook at https://www.facebook.com/MutuallyAmazingPodcast and join us on Twitter @CenterRespect or visit our website at http://www.MutuallyAmazingPodcast.com** BIO of Stacy Hanke (pronounced Hun-key): Stacey Hanke is author of the book; Influence Redefined…Be the Leader You Were Meant to Be, Monday to Monday®. She is also co-author of the book;Yes You Can! Everything You Need From A To Z To Influence Others To Take Action. Stacey is founder of Stacey Hanke Inc. She has trained and presented to thousands to rid business leaders of bad body language habits and to choose words wisely in the financial industry to the healthcare industry to government and everyone in between. Her client list is vast from Coca-Cola, FedEx, Kohl's, United States Army, Navy and Air Force, McDonald's, Publicis Media, Nationwide, US Cellular, Pfizer, GE, General Mills and Abbvie. Her team works with Directors up to the C-Suite. In addition to her client list, she has been the Emcee for Tedx. She has inspired thousands as a featured guest on media outlets including; The New York Times, Forbes, Entrepreneur, Thrive, SmartMoney magazine, The Economist and Business Week. She is a Certified Speaking Professional—a valuable accreditation earned by less than 10% of speakers worldwide. LINKS: https://www.facebook.com/StaceyHankeInc?ref=hl https://twitter.com/StaceyHankeInc http://www.youtube.com/staceyhanke http//www.linkedin.com/in/staceyhanke Books Stacey Recommends: Real Leadership by John Addison Talk Like Ted by Carmine Gallo Mastering the Complex Sale by Jeff Thull READ THE FULL TRANSCRIPTION of the EPISODE HERE (or download the pdf): **IMPORTANT: This podcast episode was transcribed by a 3rd party service and so errors can occur throughout the following pages: Mike: Welcome to The RESPECT Podcast. I'm your host, Mike Domitrz, from mikespeaks.com, where we help organizations of all sizes, educational institutions and the US military create a culture of respect, and respect is exactly what we discuss in this show. So, let's get started. And welcome to this episode. We have a friend of mine, a very close friend, a really special, amazing person with a ... with just a brilliant mind and a cool energy source around her all the time. Stacey [inaudible 00:00:29] is the author of the book, Influence Redefined: Be the Leader You Were Meant to Be Monday to Monday, which ... such a brilliant statement, by the way. I love the "Monday to Monday" 'cause most people think Monday to Friday. Her team works with directors up to the C Suite for companies, including FedEx, General Mills, [inaudible 00:00:45], Nationwide, and Kohl's. Mike: Stacey, thank you so much for joining us. Stacey: Welcome. Thank you for the introduction. I don't know how I can top that. Mike: Well, let's dive into that introduction for a second. Stacey: Yeah. Mike: Some people listening are going, "What's a C Suite?" So, will you explain what you mean by when you're working with a C Suite? Stacey: Yeah. So, it's anyone from the CEO and their executive team. Mike: Okay. So, the highest level of the organization. That's where you're working with people, and you deal a lot in influence. That's your expertise. That is your subject matter. How does influence and respect ... how do they ... do they have a role together? And, if so, what's that role? Stacey: I was thinking about this before you and I hopped on this call because there's so many, to me, so many layers. So, I'm gonna just make it super simple to start, and then we can see how far we want to dive into it. When I look at influence, influence means, to me, is someone who really cares, puts in the work, the discipline, to make sure that their messages are clear, to make sure how, when they interact with someone, no matter if that's over the phone or in-person, they truly are designing a message that is important to what that listener's experience level is and knowledge level is with their topic. That's the message inside. The other side of influence, to me ... and this is ... I'm gonna get to where this respect ties to it. Is someone who really thinks through, "How does everyone experience me?" And that's all delivery. "Do I come across as I truly care, that I care about what is important to them, that I can build trust with them?" Stacey: And when those two are not consistent and they start to collide, I think we start really not thinking about respecting people's time, respecting people's choices. I always say to our participants, "Even if you host a meeting, whatever that meeting looks like, that doesn't mean people have to listen to you." I think you have to do the work to respect that, A, they showed up, and, B, they cared enough to be there in your presence. You've got to respect their time, and that's where I see there's a lot of correlation with your topic and my topic on influence. Mike: Yeah. And I think it's a struggle for people because influence is also ... authenticity's really important to it, right? Stacey: Yeah. I think the authenticity ties to the delivery piece that you don't just turn on your personality, your energy level, that you're suddenly different than what you are day in and day out. That, to me, is where the authenticity comes into play. Mike: And that's respecting your true expression. Stacey: Yeah. Mike: Your true self is the most authentic expression you can give to the world. If you're not giving that, you're holding back. You're not respecting your brilliance. You're not respecting your voice. You're not respecting what you have to give to the world. Stacey: Yeah. So, you're taking it from a different angle, where, really, it is first about your own respect and then taking it to who you're trying to convince, who you're trying to influence, who you're trying to build trust, connect, and engage. I think there's the other piece to this, and this ties to the consistency. I've seen it many times with my clients, where I'll see them as a leader, them interacting with their team, and it seems that they're really putting in a lot of thought and care to that group. And then I'll overhear them in another conversation with someone who might be higher up than they are or the same level that they are, and suddenly, the conversation is different than what they just told their peers. Mike: Do you think that happens because of fear? Do you think I talk to people differently out of fear? In other words, I talk to the same horizontal level in an organization and below as me- Stacey: Yeah. Mike: -'cause I don't have fear at that level, and I- Stacey: I think- Mike: Or maybe only below, right, in a hierarchy. Stacey: Yeah. Mike: But somebody at my level or above, I fear their judgment 'cause of how that can impact me getting back, higher up that ladder, so I'm not truly authentic [inaudible 00:04:32] myself out of a fear. Is that possible there? Stacey: Yeah. And then I think it ties exactly what you were just starting to say. Then you start disrespecting your authenticity, which, to me, is the same thing as disrespecting your consistency, that people are guessing who shows up from conversation to conversation to conversation. And, to me, that ties all to respect. I mean, you and I both know. We ask ... we always work with our participants, asking them, "How do you want to come across every day of the week, no matter who it is? What are some adjectives that come to mind?" And believe it or not, as they're throwing out "credibility," "confidence," "knowledge," "authenticity" and I'm waiting for "trust ..." I'm waiting for it, waiting for it. And maybe one person will throw it out, and if they don't, I give it to them. And I always turn to them and say, "Every one of you should write that down because, let's face it, if people like you, they'll listen. That has no influence around it. When people start trusting you, they start respecting you." And that, to me, is where influence comes into play. Mike: That's really powerful, and I've fallen guilty of it because I think, "Oh, I don't want to say the wrong thing," right. And so, I'm very aware of language because, in my line of work, the wrong word can actually do harm- Stacey: Yeah. Mike: -to survivors and to others, but what you can make the mistake of doing, then, is thinking, "I need to sensor all my language" versus "I just need to be me. I know that this over here could do harm. I'm not gonna say that. So, stop censoring everything I'm saying." And I think a lot of us in society do that. We censor ourselves because we're afraid the true us won't be accepted, and in doing that, we lose trust. To me, it's amazing. There are people that we will disagree with, vehemently, their values, but millions will follow them because they're consistent. They know that they're getting with that person. Politically, this is so true. There are people that follow certain politicians- Stacey: Yeah. Mike: -because they're so consistent. They can trust them even if they don't agree with all lot of what that person ... they'll ... "I can trust them. I can trust that person." And so, I think what you're saying is so true, and we all forget about, one, the consistency. And those people are willing to say what needs to be said in their mind. I'm not saying it's the right thing to say, at all- Stacey: Right. Mike: -but what they believe needs to be said, they say it, and they're consistent about that. Stacey: And this is the part ... if anyone right now is watching this and they're thinking, "Oh, come on. It's common sense. I know that." Isn't that what is, in life, the most difficult? It's the common sense. It's not the common practice, and, to me, when ... what really wanted me to get on this podcast with you is when you think about respect, it's a word that's been around forever. But as we live in this world of noise and there's tons of messages coming to our plate, we're all ... I think we all fall into that fear of saying the right thing, doing the right thing, that, suddenly, we lost the 101, the basic 101, that I'm guessing most of our parents have taught us, and that's just "Be true to yourself. Respect others, no matter who it is. And make sure that 'To be true to yourself' means you're consistent." No one is ever guessing who shows up, and the minute you start affecting that, people start doubting. Stacey: But if you're consistent, you will eliminate all doubt in your listener's mind. Mike: Yeah. And what I loved ... this weekend, I was at an event where we were hearing some speakers, and the person was talking about personal branding. And it was so interesting because what the expert said was that personal branding was personal self-expression. And what most- Mike: -people make the mistake of thinking is personal branding is "this brand I have to create that sells" versus understanding that personal branding is actually the ultimate example of personal self-expression, that you fully express and that you are you, so I know what I'm gonna get with you. I know your brand. Then I'm gonna align with the you that I know is always gonna be true, and I want that. I want that. So, yeah, you might lose some friends over here. You might lose them, but you're gonna gain the friends that align with you. And I think that's the fear that, if we truly are self-expressive and consistent in that, we're gonna lose some people, but you're gonna gain. Like, in the world of business, you're gonna gain clients that are so in-tuned with you, you're gonna be with each other forever. Stacey: It's so true. You're starting to ... and I think this applies to our personal life and our professional life. I'm just going to throw out Facebook for a moment, only because there was a conversation with one of my clients about it the other day. And he was saying ... he was like, "I can't stand Facebook. I don't like being on it," he goes, "because everyone's life is so great. Everyone is just having such a great day." He goes, "Are you kidding me? Who would ever put on Facebook 'I'm just not feeling well today?'" And we all have it, right? So, that's one example of we now live in this culture, where, I said earlier, there's a lot of noise, and we're always trying to fit in with that next group, with that next crowd. And does it tie in with we're afraid of what to say or are we losing that authenticity or sitting back or trying to watch everyone because now we can see people more often through social media? Get back to the basics. Get back to ... [inaudible 00:09:31] you know I love country music a lot, and there's that Tim McGraw song that is "Humble and Kind." Stacey: And if you listen to the lyrics, they're so simple, but we just have forgotten it. And a lot of those lyrics tie to "Respect the people that are around you." I come in from an angle, "Respect their time." Every time they come to listen to you, make it the best 10, five, 20 minutes that they always feel like you don't waste their time. You always give them an action step because that's the purpose of the conversation, and there's always some value. There's always some value proposition that's ties to it. If you could do those three things, I bet people look at your name, when it appears on their Outlook calendar in the morning, a little differently, meaning, "Okay. I don't even have to bring my technical gadget. Mike will make all use of time that is my value, and he'll be done in 20 minutes, as he promised." Mike: And I love that 'cause that's all about respecting their time, and before, we were talking about making sure we're being ourselves in that moment of respecting their time, that we're truly saying what needs to be said. And that reminded me of a quote I heard this weekend. It was from Jason Gold, but he said, "Authenticity is what is left over when you stop trying to manage impressions." Isn't that powerful? Which is what you were just talking about. We're all over social media trying to manage impressions, which means we're not ourselves. Stacey: We're not, and we're just ... we're losing that. We always use the line with our clients, the ones that are ... we have a lot of clients that are virtual. I'm sure our listeners understand that, and I had a conversation this morning with a client. And she said, "We've relied too much on it that we're starting to get lazy when we really could have a live webcam conversation or not." I said to her, "Maybe it's something as simple as telling your folks, your team, to hang up the email and pick up the phone." I know it seems like such an ancient concept. Or, turn on your webcam. That, to me, is another way for them to see your authenticity, another way to respect their time. You're just ... you're putting that extra effort versus anyone else out there that sends a qu…
Full show notes at the publisher 
Our TOPPODCAST Picks 
Stay Connected
